31. Sigh

◎Sacrifice◎

On the way home, the leaves of the trees were patchy with yellow and brown leaves, hanging limply on the branches, seemingly about to fall.

There is a lake nearby, with reeds growing along its shore. The reeds, with their hastily whitened plumes, sway in the bleak wind, looking rather haphazard.

Liang Chuling felt that her situation was much the same at this moment. Chaotic, unexpected, and filled with a sense of powerlessness and comical haste.

Li Xun took Liang Chuling home and, seeing that she still looked unwell, went inside to check on Chestnut. Li Xun stayed with her and Chestnut for a while, and only after confirming that Liang Chuling's emotions had stabilized did he get up to leave. He had a second rehearsal that evening, and he was going to perform on a music program the next day.

After leaving home, Li Xun didn't go straight home. Instead, he went to the hospital and inquired at the nurses' station about the pregnant woman who had been brought in that afternoon. He learned that both mother and child were safe. The mother had only suffered from anxiety and signs of premature labor, but had been stabilized after treatment. The baby's condition was also acceptable and they were under observation. Only then did Li Xun truly breathe a sigh of relief.

--

As night fell, Zhou Xu waited for Liang Chuling to come out of the building downstairs.

He's leaving for Sichuan tomorrow to prepare for the performance, and he said he came to say goodbye to Liang Chuling before he left.

“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning. With things going on like this at your family, it wouldn’t be very considerate of me to leave now.”

Zhou Xu spoke to himself with great emotion.

Liang Chuling shook her head: "It's nothing. This is my own family matter, you don't need to worry. I wish you a successful performance."

Seeing her distant expression, Zhou Xu felt a surge of desperate impulse. He closed the distance between them, his gaze intense: "Liang Chuling, I like you."

It was so sudden... completely illogical. Liang Chuling was clearly unprepared, had no idea what was happening, and couldn't believe he would say such a thing in this situation.

But she responded quickly: "I'm sorry, I already have an appointment with Li Xun."

She used the agreement.

This word carries more weight than "like," encompassing the past, present, and future; it represents a shared journey of mutual affirmation.

Zhou Xu chuckled, then pressed on, "So what? What can he give you?"

Liang Chuling ignored him and prepared to go home, but Zhou Xu stopped her from leaving. He was also embarrassed by her gesture and wanted to stab her even more.

"I see. So he went to all this trouble to take the Curtis test because of his promise to you, right?"

Liang Chuling still ignored it, this time because what she said was essentially correct.

“We both make a living from this. Don’t you know how much talent classical music requires? Even if someone without talent gives their all for you, how far can they go together? You’re simply not on the same path!” Zhou Xu’s tone became increasingly sharp when he saw that she didn’t respond after several attempts.

Liang Chuling's face darkened: "Zhou Xu, I've told you many times, don't say things like that again!"

"Why can't I say it? Did I say something wrong?" Zhou Xu was provoked again by her resistance. "Or do you just love seeing Li Xun sacrifice and persevere for you? Seeing him push forward even when there's no way out makes you feel important and special, right?"

"That's not how it is!" Liang Chuling denied categorically, her voice rising due to the misunderstanding, and becoming weak as a result.

"What is that? If all you need is someone to sacrifice for you, then I can do that too." His words were forceful, naive, and crazy. "Can't sacrifice be compared to sacrifice? What Li Xun can give, I can also give up for you, persevere for you, and even do it more thoroughly than him. Is that okay?"

Only sacrifice can rival sacrifice...

People can feel excited when they are about to sacrifice themselves. So Zhou Xu was so excited that he became somewhat distorted, saying, "I can go to Curtis for you, I can go back to China for you, wherever you go, I will go. I can, I can always be your second voice, supporting you, following you, whenever you need me!"

He became more and more excited as he spoke, almost to the point of dancing with joy.

Liang Chuling was puzzled. How could you be so pleased with yourself after making such a sacrifice?

It wasn't the bitterness of bearing a heavy burden, but rather the excitement and trepidation of an actor about to step onto the stage before a performance. His sacrifice wasn't a gift to her, but a hymn to himself.

He showed her his determination, the weight of his love, and looked forward to her amazement, her emotion, her acceptance, her guilt, and her remembrance.

She remembered Li Xun's words: Zhou Xu sacrificed himself for his own benefit.

If Liang Chuling agrees, it will fulfill his current dream of being a hero, but one day in the future he will hate Liang Chuling for making him lose himself.

If Liang Chuling refuses, he will hate her at this moment and will endlessly relive this moment in the future, deepening his regret for not getting what he wanted. In each pilgrimage of memories, he will be defeated by the deep affection he had back then.

Liang Chuling shook her head: "I don't need it."

"Why?!"

Liang Chuling fell silent.

A cold wind swept by, leaving only a silent standoff between the two.

--

After her unpleasant confession with Zhou Xu, Liang Chuling was depressed for several days. She didn't tell Li Xun about it because, for some reason, she felt it was sticky and unclean, and couldn't bring herself to say it.

I never expected to hear news about Zhou Xu again, but it would be from Jin Xi on the phone. The moment I answered, all I heard was Jin Xi's suppressed sobs.

"Chu Ling, Chu Ling, Zhou Xu... Zhou Xu is being treated in the hospital..."

The pen in Liang Chuling's hand fell to the ground.

Jinxi sobbed, her words incoherent: "She's...she's out of danger. The doctor said they'll arrange for her to be transferred back to Beijing tomorrow. I...I was so scared..."

Liang Chuling stammered, "W-what happened? What's wrong with him? Aren't you...aren't you performing in Sichuan?"

How could a perfectly healthy person suddenly end up in the emergency room?

Jinxi took a moment to catch her breath before recounting what had happened, her voice trembling: "Didn't I tell you I'd take pictures of freshwater jellyfish for you when I got back? After the performance that day, Zhou Xu heard about it and asked me what it was. I explained it to him and said I was planning to go and see if I could find some to take pictures of for you."

"After hearing that, he said he would come with me."

Jinxi went looking for freshwater jellyfish because she had heard from a local birdwatcher the day before that he had spotted them in a secluded river bend. She decided to try her luck and give Liang Chuling a surprise.

The place was more remote than I had imagined, hidden by trees, and the river water in the depths of winter had a metallic sheen.

Jinxi wrapped herself tightly in her down jacket, yet still felt the chill seep into her bones. Zhou Xu, on the other hand, was only wearing a performance suit jacket.

The two searched for a long time, from afternoon until almost dark, but they still couldn't find a trace of it.

Jinxi looked at Zhou Xu's lips, which were turning slightly blue from the cold... She had originally planned to wait a little longer, but now she had to consider Zhou Xu's feelings.

"Zhou Xu, it's too cold in here. You're wearing so little. Why don't we go back first?"

Jinxi reluctantly made the suggestion, feeling a little annoyed because she felt that her feelings were less pure and unique because of the involvement of another person.

If this person hadn't joined, he could have continued searching, but at this moment he had to take Zhou Xu into consideration, so he had to take the initiative to suggest going back first.

She was furious with Zhou Xu! She blamed him for insisting on coming! She blamed him for dressing so scantily! She blamed him for his blond hair! She blamed him for his blue eyes! He scared the jellyfish away!

Zhou Xu waved his hand and said, "It's alright, let's look again. Liang Chuling will be happy if she sees it."

Jinxi was overjoyed... and felt that this person was not entirely without merit.

The two continued walking to explore, but a rock became unstable, and Zhou Xu lost his footing and fell in. No one expected the water to be so deep there, and he sank straight down.

Jinxi's mind went blank. She first cried out, "God help me!"

The chaos of the rescue, the hustle and bustle of the hospital, the anxiety of waiting for emergency treatment... all these emotions were mixed with unspeakable self-reproach in Jinxi.

Jinxi kept thinking back, wondering if this accident would have been avoided if she had been more resolute at the time, directly refused to let him accompany her, or insisted on leaving immediately regardless of his coldness.

She blamed herself for blaming Zhou Xu back then.

As Liang Chuling listened, she felt as if she had fallen into deep water and was having trouble breathing.

Absurdity, fear, and burden weighed her down, leaving her momentarily at a loss. All she could do was offer dry words of comfort to Jinxi over the phone: "It's good that she's alright, it's good that she's alright, don't worry too much..."

Jinxi regretted: "I shouldn't have told him, otherwise he wouldn't have gone with me. When he was rescued, he was already unconscious and had a high fever. The doctor rushed him into the emergency room. I really thought..."

Unable to continue speaking, only choked sobs remained.

--

Zhou Xu was successfully transferred back to a hospital in Beijing.

Before going to visit Li Xun, Liang Chuling hesitated for a long time about whether to tell him, but in the end she locked the screen.

She didn't know how to explain the complicated cause and effect, and she was even more afraid that Li Xun would see through her chaotic state of mind.

Liang Chuling walked to the entrance of the hospital's inpatient department with a heavy heart, and happened to run into Jinxi who was coming out of there.

Jinxi's complexion looked no different from that of a patient.

Jinxi's voice was nasal: "Chuling, you've come, I..."

Before she could finish speaking, her eyes welled up with tears.

Liang Chuling immediately grabbed Jinxi's hand: "This is not your fault."

"He failed to protect himself; he insisted on going to a dangerous place. You bear no responsibility."

"It wasn't you who pushed him down."

Jinxi burst into tears. She wiped them away and said, "The doctor said his high fever triggered myocarditis. Although it's not the most serious one, he was advised to rest and avoid strenuous activity, especially long-haul flights. So, he can't go to Curtis's exam."

Liang Chuling felt as if she had been hit on the head.

For a moment, I didn't know how to react; my mind was a complete mess.

With these mixed feelings, Liang Chuling pushed open the door to Zhou Xu's ward.

Zhou Xu lay on the hospital bed, his lips pale, an IV drip in the back of his hand. His eyes flickered when he saw Liang Chuling enter.

Liang Chuling placed the fruit she had brought on the bedside table and asked, "How are you feeling?"

Zhou Xu looked at her; her usually flamboyant eyes were now calm.

Liang Chuling felt a little uneasy, unsure how to comfort him, and not knowing anyone who could offer comfort. She struggled to find the right words in her mind for a long time, but Zhou Xu brought up something else entirely.

His voice was still a little hoarse: "I said I could sacrifice myself for you. It's not just Li Xun who can. You see, I haven't broken my promise."

This phrase is like a DoT effect in a game. It started piling up on Liang Chuling's head when Zhou Xu first said it not long ago, and now it has countless layers.

Finally, it was Liang Chuling's turn again, and the scoring began. She was almost killed in one blow.

"You call this a sacrifice? You call something that almost killed you a sacrifice?" Liang Chuling was so exhausted from the ordeal that she could barely speak.

Zhou Xu couldn't quite grasp the concept; wasn't sacrifice simply death?

He spoke again: "Yes, I'm willing to sacrifice myself for you!"

"I don't want you to sacrifice for me, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to!" In her final moments, Liang Chuling's anger was the first thing that came to her.

Zhou Xu was stunned by her intense reaction, but then anger surged up as well: "I just wanted to make you happy, was I wrong? Don't you like it? Or are you angry because I didn't get a good shot? Then I can go again after I'm discharged from the hospital."

Good heavens, it's more than just dislike!

"I find it terrifying, don't you understand? You almost died, don't you understand? Don't you understand!"

Zhou Xu was even angrier: "Li Xun can change the course of your life, so why can't I give up my life for you?! Isn't my sacrifice greater than his?! Why is it that what he did is right, but what I did is terrible?!"

"Because it's completely different!" Liang Chuling's tears welled up unexpectedly, not from sadness, "You just scare me!"

"I'm just scared, Zhou Xu, I'm really scared! Can you please stop acting like this?"

The calm on Zhou Xu's face shattered, replaced by confusion and hurt.

His emotions plummeted from the peak of anger into confusion. He looked at Liang Chuling with a bewildered expression, unable to find a way out.

He was genuinely confused as to why his actions, which he considered the most extreme, only resulted in her fear and rejection.

"Why?" His eyes were filled with stubborn confusion.

Liang Chuling shook her head while shedding tears, wanting to grab a tissue and run away at the same time. For a moment, her hands and feet were moving, and even her facial features were moving.

Her desire to leave was so obvious that Zhou Xu found it unbearable.

Looking at Liang Chuling's resistant expression, Zhou Xu didn't want to lose her, but he was losing her irrevocably. That familiar feeling returned. How could he keep her?

He didn't like it, but he decided to try, his voice thick with emotion: "I'm sorry, don't be afraid, it was all a misunderstanding. Chuling, I know I acted impulsively. When I fell in, the water was so dark and cold, I really thought I would never see you again..."

"The doctor said this is very dangerous. He has myocarditis and needs to take good care of himself. He can't play the piano too hard for the next few months, and Curtis won't be able to go either."

He raised his hand, the one without the IV drip, and rubbed his forehead, his voice dejected: "Here, I don't have any other friends, and my family only scolds me..."

A series of horrific scenes were presented, coupled with his frail appearance, and dot began to assess Liang Chuling again. Remembering that he had been injured because he wanted to do something for her, his defenses began to crumble, and that damned guilt returned.

"Don't think too much about it. Taking good care of yourself is the most important thing." Her posture improved, and at least she was able to sit up.

Zhou Xu pressed his advantage: "Will you come to see me again in the next few days? It's quite boring for me to be here alone."

Although Liang Chuling had seen through Zhou Xu's idea that the core of sacrifice was self-satisfaction, and had drawn a clear line between them.

However, when sacrifice suddenly crashes into reality from a passionate declaration, it becomes an emergency room.

No matter how complicated Zhou Xu's original intentions were, or how reckless his actions were, the cause-and-effect line was clear: he went there because he wanted to find freshwater jellyfish for her, and that's when he encountered the accident.

Rationally, she can analyze things logically, but emotionally, the rusty pain and moral pressure will still overwhelm her forcefully.

It kept reminding Liang Chuling: "Look, someone paid such a price for you."

You could say the fruit was deformed, or that there was a problem with the soil, but the seeds were indeed sown by her.

Moreover, when Zhou Xu was truly on the verge of death, those analyses of his motives had to take a backseat in the face of the heavy reality.

Looking at the expectation in his eyes, Liang Chuling said, "I will come to see you."

Zhou Xu gave a grateful yet vulnerable smile: "Thank you."