026｜(Twenty-five) Feigning Pity

Deep in the courtyard, the meal was tasteless and unbearable, the mouth chewing mechanically. Why was Su Xingmao so bored? How could she possibly eat with such a dull person?

Xie Qingyan only regretted that every second was too long, and the dishes were not as delicious as she had imagined.

She looked around listlessly. The courtyard was filled with red maple leaves, dead trees, stones, moss, and white sand, exuding a Zen-like elegance. A stream flowed gently, and a startled deer splashed against the rocks, making a continuous pattering sound.

Waiters in wooden clogs and brightly colored kimonos carried white porcelain plates through the winding corridor. The group of figures gradually disappeared into the distance, with only a few bright colors faintly visible in the night, much like a frame of an empty scene from a Japanese art film.

Xie Qingyan snapped a picture with her phone, using it as aesthetic material.

The food was terrible, the service was okay, but I guess its main appeal lies in the decor and location, which is why it keeps attracting so many customers.

Damn it, this is the 10086th time I've been fooled by a certain kangaroo platform's positive reviews! Adhering to the principle of not coming for nothing, Xie Qingyan took a bunch of pictures of Shijinghe Sand, pouting and making V signs.

It took her a while to put down her phone and find that Su Xingmao had already put down his chopsticks and was quietly watching her with a calm, unrevealed gaze, though some emotion was faintly visible.

Xie Qingyan had no time to argue: "Have you finished eating?"

"Um."

After finishing her meal, Xie Qingyan breathed a sigh of relief and called the waiter to settle the bill. She was surprised to learn that Su Xingmao had already paid while she was in the restroom.

He still has money? Xie Qingyan was surprised, but didn't show it on his face. He casually asked, "Give me your bank card, how much do you have left?"

On a moonlit night with a gentle breeze, the two stepped into the courtyard and headed outside.

She walked on the stone path covered with a layer of fine white gravel. The path was not wide enough for two people to walk side by side. She walked in front, and Su Xingmao followed behind at a leisurely pace.

His gaze fell on the top of her head. Xie Qingyan was a picky eater when she was a child, and her hair was yellowish and sparse.

Xie Jinyu was very anxious. She tried all sorts of dietary supplements, calcium tablets, and bottled vitamin drinks. She also ate black sesame paste for several years, which actually helped a little. After entering puberty, her hair grew thick and lush, like grass being blown by the spring breeze. It was thick and glossy, with a misty, cloud-like appearance that she couldn't hold in her hand.

She didn't like to tie her hair up; it was all left to the wind, spreading out like a soft mist. Because of this, the disciplinary committee had her name marked many times as "disheveled," and she repeatedly appeared in the negative examples.

Even now, my hair is blowing in the evening breeze, carrying a refreshing fragrance—the familiar scent of sweet oranges.

Su Xingmao subconsciously held his breath. A strand of hair was particularly unruly, brushing against his arm. The soft hair playfully burrowed into his heart, spreading like blood vessels, intricately wrapping, entwining, and gathering his heart.

Scratching it produces tiny, unbearable itch.

A chattering voice came from ahead: "...I'm asking you, answer me!"

Xie Qingyan raised the melody at the end of her sentence. Her voice was already beautiful, clear and crisp, and when she raised the melody, it sounded even more like she was being coquettish.

Su Xingmao's mind was disturbed by the strands of hair, and he didn't hear what she had just said. He looked blank for a moment.

Seeing that Su Xingmao remained silent, Xie Qingyan turned to look at him. The low light from the stone lantern did not illuminate his face, and he could only make out half of the outline of his jaw, which was soft and smooth like jade.

"Could you say that again?" he asked.

"Are you deaf?" Xie Qingyan was speechless and repeated the question again in an annoyed tone.

Not many.

"Not much is nothing."

She hates people who beat around the bush and insist on getting to the bottom of things.

“I used my father’s supplementary card,” Su Xingmao answered in a low voice.

"So you mean you don't have a single penny left?" Xie Qingyan roughly understood, and in light of this, she decided to give him a nicer look from now on.

The constellation Mao remained silent, essentially acknowledging the situation.

He has all the daily necessities he needs, and his clothes, shoes, and socks are delivered to his door by a dedicated person, so his personal expenses are pitifully low.

The two returned to Lingquan Mountain by car. Xie Qingyan played some games all the way in the car, and as soon as he got out of the car, he went straight into the house.

Su Xingmao followed closely behind, calling out to her before she entered the room: "Xie Qingyan."

Xie Qingyan stopped and stood under the eaves, turning to look at him.

As dusk deepened, the night grew quiet and serene. The moonlight shone like silver, and a few small stars hung in the sky, like tiny diamonds scattered by someone, twinkling and blinking brightly.

Su Xingmao stood by the fence, his figure slender, bathed in a layer of silvery moonlight. His clothes fluttered in the wind, billowing his shirt like a sail.

The lamplight was dim and yellow, a hazy glow that illuminated his eyes clearly.

Lost in thought, Xie Qingyan stood rooted to the spot, his tongue twitching as he asked, "What?"

"I don't want to go home."

She thought to herself, "What business is it of mine if you don't want to go home?" Before she could finish her sentence, she thought to herself, "I'm beholden to you because I've received a gift," and asked politely, "Why?"

Su Xingmao didn't speak again, just stood there, like a straight-growing green bamboo, upright and lonely. The light in the corners of his eyes and brows disappeared, turning gray. Only his gaze remained on her face, as if he were lost in thought, motionless.

Xie Qingyan sighed inwardly, now he probably knew why.

If she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, she wouldn't have believed it either; it was incredible—Su Xingmao was afraid of the dark, and he needed to keep the lights on even when he slept, at least a nightlight.

It has been like this for a long time.

He never said the reason, but it's easy to guess: when he was a child, he didn't do well in school and was often physically punished by Su Zhizhou, who locked him in a dark and gloomy room and made him reflect on his actions.

I only remember one summer vacation, around junior high school, when Jincheng was hit by a once-in-a-decade rainstorm. The heavens were furious, tearing a hole in the sky and pouring water down bucket after bucket, causing widespread flooding. The overcast skies lasted for more than half a month. Due to the heavy rain, Lingquan Mountain suddenly lost power.

Although Su Xingmao's parents were stationed abroad, he still lived in her house.

The two lived across from each other. She was lying in bed playing on her phone when she heard a loud bang, followed by a thunderclap. A loud bang also came from his room.

Xie Qingyan was startled, her phone slipped from her hand and rolled off the bed. When she frantically picked it up, the screen was shattered into pieces, covered with a spider web. Enraged, she opened the door and went to confront him.

She pounded on the door a few times, but before she could utter a single curse, the door suddenly opened, and the culprit grabbed her wrist, his cold body pressing down on her like a collapsing mountain.

Xie Qingyan staggered, lost her balance, and fell backward, but was tightly embraced by a pair of arms like vines and pulled into a hug.

She was shocked and pale. Normally, when Xie Qingyan was in a bad mood, he would find fault with her in everything. When he was in a good mood, the two of them would keep to themselves. But ever since he said "Don't come looking for me," he wouldn't even touch her finger, let alone hug her.

She had never seen anything like this before. Su Xingmao seemed to have fallen out of the darkness of the room, and he collapsed towards her.

Xie Qingyan was stunned on the spot, even forgetting her shyness.

When she came to her senses, she kicked and pushed him with both hands and feet, almost baring her teeth and biting him... Oh no, she did bite him in the end, her two rows of small teeth fiercely biting into the web of his right hand, using all her strength, drawing blood immediately and leaving deep teeth marks. Due to improper wound care, even today, when Su Xingmao lowers his eyes to write, the shallow teeth marks on the web of his hand can still be seen.

No matter how much she kicked and thrashed, Su Xingmao remained completely still.

His body was stiff as a stone, still trembling slightly, his hands and feet were very cold, and he was holding a block of ice in his arms, which made people shiver in the middle of summer.

Xie Qingyan sensed something was wrong, stopped what she was doing, and panicked, asking him, "What's wrong?"

He didn't speak.

Until she kept asking.

He whispered, "Could you... not go?"

The words were extremely difficult to utter, as if they were being forced out of the trembling lips and teeth, and from the throat, forming a complete sentence in fits and starts.

Hearing that hoarse, low, trembling voice, she almost thought he was about to cry.

Her emotions were a jumbled mess, and even now she couldn't explain why she hadn't left that night. It puzzled her.

Perhaps it was the shared pity stemming from their similar experiences of being raised by their parents that caused Xie Qingyan's rock-solid heart to crack slightly, and she couldn't bear to do it.

She took a step back, leaving a crack in the door, hesitated for a moment, and then blurted out, "Come in."

Taking advantage of his long legs, he took very long strides and came close in just a few steps.

Xie Qingyan watched helplessly as a mountain of people collapsed, a shadow completely enveloping his figure.

Every time he stood in front of her, she felt that he was excessively tall.

With a sliver of moonlight, his vision was excellent, and he could clearly see her snow-white face looking up, and her slightly parted lips, red and full, like a blooming wild rose, beautiful yet thorny, covered in thorns.

If you're not careful, you'll end up bleeding profusely.

Su Xingmao knew how radiant the face that was coldly looking at him now could be when it smiled, its eyes curving into crescents, like stars shimmering in a pool of water.

When she looks around with a radiant gaze, she can steal everyone's attention.

But he didn't like others looking at her.

If only I could hide it.

He couldn't help but lean closer, the boy's strong and agile body bending down, his thin and moist lips slowly brushing against her ear.

The voice was deep and resonant, blowing hot air into my ears.

He asked gently and with restraint, "I want to kiss the kitten."

Xie Qingyan had a small mole on the back edge of her earlobe, which even she had never noticed.

The first time I saw this mole was one day when she fell asleep holding a pen, lying on her homework, her pen strokes crooked and messy, with ink still wet on her nose and cheeks.

Behind the white jade earlobe, a small brown mole the size of a grain of rice is very noticeable.

He stroked it with his delicate, loving fingers, until his rough fingers turned it red.

Xie Qingyan didn't like others passing her when she walked, and she always walked in front of him with a proud and arrogant air, which would make him stare at the mole.

It looks like it's been around for many years.

I want to kiss it, to hold it in my mouth, to suck its redness with my tongue.

"May I?"

Xie Qingyan's face flushed crimson in an instant, like a pomegranate blossoming with fiery red, the color spreading all the way down to the back of her neck. She jumped up and down, as if a single word had flipped a switch: "Didn't we agree that you weren't allowed to call me by my name outside?"

"There's no one else here," he said sullenly.

“This is right at my doorstep!” Xie Qingyan emphasized.

"Go to the room."

Xie Qingyan frowned warily, her eyes showing suspicion.

There are perfectly reasonable reasons to suspect that Su Xingmao was deliberately feigning helplessness.

Xie Qingyan blocked the doorway, pressing his hand against the door frame to prevent him from going forward.

Are you faking it?