Chapter 15 When she falls and bleeds from her head, then…

Chapter 15

The weather had turned gloomy without anyone noticing; large raindrops pounded against the window, and a sharp wind howled, as if it were a harbinger of the end of the world.

Wisps of bluish-white smoke rose, making Jiang Zhiyan's features appear even more cold and hard. He crushed the cigarette butt in the ashtray, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Do you feel like you've lost your agency in our relationship?"

"But whether you stay in Beicheng or become a lawyer, it was your own choice."

Xia Zhiyu: "Yes, I made the wrong choice. Haven't I paid the price for this wrong decision for five years? Now I want to break up with him to correct my mistake."

"Correction?"

Jiang Zhiyan's expression hardened with anger. "Are you implying that the past five years with me were also a mistake?"

"More than that?" Every word Xia Zhiyu uttered was like a cold arrow, whistling and piercing Jiang Zhiyan's soft spot. "I now feel that knowing you was a mistake. How could a nobody like me be worthy of you?"

"I shouldn't have bothered with you in the first place. I don't like you anymore. You're the person I hate the most now! Are you satisfied with this answer?"

Jiang Zhiyan gasped, staggered back a step, and braced himself against the table. It felt as if a huge hole had been torn in his chest, letting in a blast of cold air.

He knew Xia Zhiyu was just saying it out of anger, but every wound ripped open by the sharp arrow hurt terribly, and a salty, bloody taste spread through his mouth.

The atmosphere froze.

After a long while, Jiang Zhiyan looked up at Xia Zhiyu and suddenly spoke, his voice unusually hoarse, "You don't like me? You've fallen for someone else? That brat Bian Lin?"

"You still have the nerve to ask me that?"

Xia Zhiyu seemed to smell the pungent, nauseating scent emanating from the back of Jiang Zhiyan's neck again. She sneered, "You know perfectly well who's having an affair between us."

Jiang Zhiyan raised her voice, "I have someone else outside? Xia Zhiyu, you really dare to smear me like this. Who exactly is having an affair with Bian Lin? From class reunions to new jobs, don't you feel disgusted?"

Xia Zhiyu trembled with anger, her eyes reddening. "Bian Lin and I are completely innocent! And you? You come home from work smelling like you're being choked by perfume. Is that working overtime or flirting with other women?!"

The rain outside grew louder and louder, with raindrops the size of a thumb hitting the windowpane with a crackling sound like glass beads.

The room grew increasingly stuffy and humid, the oppressive heat clinging to the skin. Anxiety flared up in the air like a raging fire, burning the body.

Jiang Zhiyan found it utterly incomprehensible. He almost wanted to dismantle Xia Zhiyu's head to see what was inside. The usually calm and composed man questioned her almost uncontrollably:

"Banquets and dinners, what occasion can be without women? What's wrong with me smelling a little perfume?"

What on earth are you thinking about all day long?

"And why should I go to those boring, stupid social events? I'm doing this to pave the way for you, to make others respect you!"

The more he spoke, the angrier and more aggrieved he became. The bitterness that welled up in his mouth turned into poisoned arrows aimed at Xia Zhiyu.

"Think about your job. Who is responsible for your current achievements? Without me, you'd probably be stuck in some poor, remote mountain village as a junior reporter!"

"Did I beg you to go? Did I want it? Did you even ask me a single question?"

Xia Zhiyu suddenly stood up straight, ignoring the sharp pain from her knee hitting the edge of the table.

The veins on her fair neck bulged, and her face was flushed with anger. She gritted her teeth, as if that could help her endure the excruciating pain.

"Who cares if you bunch of people with a few stinking bucks look up to you?"

"So what if I'm poor? Just because my family is poor and I'm not good enough, does that mean I should be looked down upon by someone like you? Didn't your mother teach you to respect others?"

After those words were uttered, Jiang Zhiyan's expression visibly froze.

Xia Zhiyu curled her lips, her white teeth pressed against her lips, "It's true, with a mother like that, how normal can you be?"

"Jiang Zhiyan, go look in the mirror! How is your self-righteous attitude any different from your mother's?"

"Arrogant and conceited big idiot!"

The atmosphere froze instantly, a chill filled the air, and Jiang Zhiyan's face went blank for a moment.

The whirling blade of fate, delivered swiftly and accurately by Xia Zhiyu, pierced Jiang Zhiyan's heart, causing him to gasp in pain.

Jiang Zhiyan wouldn't be hurt if anyone else said these words, but it was Xia Zhiyu who said them. Xia Zhiyu was the one he thought understood him best, cared for him the most, and held an important place in his life.

Jiang Zhiyan asked in a strained tone, "Is that how you think of me?"

"Aren't you that kind of person?" Xia Zhiyu's voice grew sharper, her fingers gripping the edge of the table tightly until her knuckles turned white. "You keep saying it's for me, but when have you ever actually asked me what I want!"

"Then what do you want?"

"All I want to do right now is break up with you."

Arguing is exhausting, especially with someone like Jiang Zhiyan who always seems calm. Xia Zhiyu felt so suffocated she could hardly breathe.

Don't cry.

At least I can't cry in front of Jiang Zhiyan.

She didn't do anything wrong, and she didn't try to control other people's lives or choices.

Xia Zhiyu stubbornly pursed her lips, her beautiful, slightly reddened eyes fixed on Jiang Zhiyan.

Jiang Zhiyan forced himself to calm down. Arguing was pointless, and it was pointless for the two of them to stab each other in the back. Especially when Xia Zhiyu was emotional, he, as the elder, should be more tolerant and understanding of her.

It's one thing for Xia Zhiyu to be immature, but can he be immature like her?

Jiang Zhiyan squeezed his eyes shut and said in a deep voice:

"But I don't think this is a matter of principle. It can be resolved. There's no need to break up. If you think I did something wrong, I'll change it."

Listen, Xia Zhiyu gave a bitter smile.

Even at this point, Jiang Zhiyan was still unaware of his arrogance. He always acted superior and indulgent towards her, as if he was the one who had been wronged in the relationship.

"Solve what? Solve my subjectivity?"

Xia Zhiyu was like a hedgehog, her sharp quills pointed at Jiang Zhiyan.

Haven't she been disappointed enough times? She and Jiang Zhiyan have argued about this kind of thing so many times before, and they're still the same.

"Xia Zhiyu, can't you speak properly?"

Jiang Zhiyan coldly raised her eyes, and her voice rose a few decibels.

"What good would it do you to break up with me? Ask yourself honestly, have I been bad to you these past few years? Apart from disagreeing with your decision to pursue a career in social media, what haven't I done for you in every way? I even overcame my cat allergy. What more could you possibly want? Haven't I loved you enough?"

Xia Zhiyu sneered, "Completely obedient? Who is completely obedient to whom? You know better than anyone whether you are doing this for me or for your own desire for control. Don't put any labels on me. I can't handle your 'love'."

A palpable tension and resentment filled the air, and Jiang Zhiyan was nearly driven mad by Xia Zhiyu's anger.

"Control? Buying a house for your commute is control? Hiring a housekeeper for your health is control? Have you lost your conscience, Xia Zhiyu?"

"You know perfectly well that's not what I meant!"

Xia Zhiyu couldn't contain her anger, as if the harsher and more hurtful her words were, the less the malice in her heart would backfire on her.

Do you think I'm happy being with you?

"I'm doing a job that doesn't give me any sense of accomplishment, and I'm also being manipulated by my mom, subjected to sarcastic remarks from my colleagues, and targeted by my mother."

"Where were you when I was working overtime until 3 a.m. every day? Where were you when I was having breast nodule surgery at the hospital? You had time to take Liu Miaoqi to the hospital but no time to clarify the rumors at the company. What am I to you, just a decorative vase?"

"Is this love? Isn't this just torture? Why should I listen to your condescending way of telling me what to do? Am I some kind of despicable person?"

A surge of resentment coursing through her veins, with no outlet for her anger, made Xia Zhiyu tremble with rage. She wished she could sweep all the seashells in the display case in front of her onto the floor.

She'd had enough, she'd really had enough. What kind of love was this? Even a kid who hadn't grown any hairs knew to give chocolates to woo a girl.

So, does Jiang Zhiyan's affection for her mean lecturing her, criticizing her, and exploiting her like a father figure?

Xia Zhiyu raised her hand, intending to smash the seashell necklaces made by the two people in the display case on the ground.

The clock on the wall ticked away, one tick after another.

His arm was raised high, frozen in mid-air for a moment, then fell limply down, his palm clenched into a fist, his rounded fingertips digging into his palm.

Tears streamed down her face like long-dead pearls inside a seashell.

Xia Zhiyu cried like a child who had lost a treasure.

"I don't want to date you anymore!"

"I'm quitting my job! I'm going to become a full-time self-media blogger. I can do whatever I want, and it's none of your business."

"I'll get out of your esteemed home right now!"

With that, Xia Zhiyu picked up her bag and stormed toward the door.

The thought of Xia Zhiyu giving up her promising job to become some so-called hiking blogger in some remote mountain village made Jiang Zhiyan so angry she almost fainted. She wished she could crack open Xia Zhiyu's skull to see what kind of virus had invaded her mind, making her so stubborn.

Jiang Zhiyan grabbed her arm and sneered:

"You'd better do self-media full-time, feeding mosquitoes, getting allergies and fevers every day, and wasting your hard-earned top degree and three years of work experience."

"If you love the self-media industry so much, why didn't you go into it right after graduating from university? Did you work as a lawyer for three years after completing your law master's degree before realizing that your true love is self-media?"

Xia Zhiyu looked at him stubbornly, her tone stiff, "Yes, that's right, I'm only just realizing what happened."

Jiang Zhiyan laughed in anger, her words becoming increasingly sarcastic.

"You're really something. You were the one who said you were going to come to Beicheng and make a name for yourself, and now you're the one who's disappointed in lawyers. You keep making so many excuses, why don't you ever think about whether it's because you're not hardworking or ambitious enough that you've accomplished nothing?"

Don't you think it's stupid and childish to always make excuses for others?

-

As soon as the words were spoken, the two remained frozen in place. Xia Zhiyu did not struggle, and Jiang Zhiyan did not let go, like two statues standing in the entrance hall.

Xia Zhiyu remained silent for a long time, her tears drying on her face, her skin taut and aching. She turned around and broke free from Jiang Zhiyan's loose arms.

The door slammed shut, and the room returned to silence, burying the last argument.

In Jiang Zhiyan's eyes, Xia Zhiyu was merely his appendage, his pet, and he possessed all ownership rights over her.

Therefore, he doesn't listen to Xia Zhiyu at all, nor does he care about Xia Zhiyu's feelings.

Xia Zhiyu loves him, and she becomes vulnerable, confused, and even fearful and doubtful of herself because of Jiang Zhiyan's doubts.

She craved Jiang Zhiyan's approval, and in order to maintain their love, she was willing to let her self-awareness be swallowed up, sinking into a quagmire of self-doubt.

She told herself over and over again that Jiang Zhiyan's advice must be correct, and that she could do what Jiang Zhiyan could do so easily.

Jiang Zhiyan is her boss, and she hopes to gain his favor.

Jiang Zhiyan is her lover, and she hopes to win his love.

So it's okay to be unhappy, it's okay to be so anxious that you have a serious stomach problem, she doesn't want to lose Jiang Zhiyan.

Therefore, Xia Zhiyu did her best to help Jiang Zhiyan dismantle herself and establish complete sovereignty over her.

Lost in this relationship, Xia Zhiyu is like a lonely boat adrift in the Atlantic Ocean, disheveled, miserable, and alone. The steering wheel of her life is in Jiang Zhiyan's hands, yet she will never gain his approval.

Xia Zhiyu almost lost faith in her own abilities.

Going downstairs, the sound of rain outside the luxurious lobby was like the sky had been ripped open, pouring down in a torrent. The dampness seeped into my heart, making my internal organs feel like they were about to mold.

Tears streamed down her face as she sang on her phone screen. The moment her mother's gentle and kind voice rang in her ears, Xia Zhiyu almost burst into tears, startling the receptionist in the lobby.

She hung up the phone, sobbing.

The young girl at the front desk handed her a pack of scented tissues and asked with a smile, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Xia Zhiyu's tears welled up again.

Even a stranger cared about her more than Jiang Zhiyan did; she ran downstairs in such heavy rain, and Jiang Zhiyan didn't even chase after her.

The wind howled outside the window, and Xia Zhiyu felt a chill in her heart.

...

"How could we really break up?" Jiang Zhiyan scoffed, his eyes cold. "Can't you see how much Xia Zhiyu likes me?"

When they first started dating, Jiang Zhiyan was extremely busy and could only try his best to fly to see Xia Zhiyu every month. The time they could spend together was only a short weekend. Every time they parted, Xia Zhiyu would hug his waist and cry for a long time with tears in her eyes.

Xia Zhiyu was not used to being apart and was reluctant to see Jiang Zhiyan go through all that trouble.

When she graduated from university, she received an offer from Haicheng TV Station during the spring recruitment season because of her good looks and her well-performing social media account.

But Xia Zhiyu gave up. She refused the reporter job at Haicheng's largest TV station and came to Beicheng alone with her suitcase.

That morning, Jiang Zhiyan had just finished working overtime for almost a month and was catching up on sleep when the doorbell rang incessantly. He angrily yanked open the door.

The first thing that came into view was Xia Zhiyu carrying two huge suitcases. As soon as she saw him, the little girl's watery almond eyes lit up instantly, and she sprang into his arms like a little cannonball, jumping up and down to wrap her legs around his lower back.

She buried her face in his neck, the wet streaks spreading down his neck.

"I almost thought I remembered the address wrong, sob sob sob."

He heard Xia Zhiyu's fragile voice, tinged with tears, repeating stubbornly yet firmly:

"We will never be apart again."

Xia Zhiyu sniffed, buried her face in his neck with a wronged expression, and complained pitifully, "I only realized that my wallet and phone were missing when I paid the fare. I talked to the driver for a long time before he didn't take me directly to the police station. So I gave him my student ID and national ID as collateral."

"Why am I so unlucky? I ran into thieves as soon as I arrived in Beicheng," Xia Zhiyu said, her eyes brimming with tears. "You have to treat me to a big meal to make up for it."

"I have to redeem my documents, sob sob sob."

Jiang Zhiyan cradled Xia Zhiyu's plump buttocks, and for the first time in his life, this usually eloquent man had lost the ability to speak.

Jiang Zhiyan has never been firmly chosen by anyone, except for Xia Zhiyu.

It was as if Xia Zhiyu would always stand behind him, gentle yet firm, whenever he turned around.

No one loved him more than Xia Zhiyu, and no one loved Xia Zhiyu more than he did.

Jiang Zhiyan was absolutely certain of this.

When Jiang Zhiyan first met Xia Zhiyu, he was at a low point in his life. His father was embroiled in a scandal involving buying an island for his mistress and illegitimate child, which triggered a series of crises, from economic disputes to tax issues. His stock price plummeted, and the board of directors was already preparing to elect a new leader.

Even though his parents divorced at lightning speed, Huawan was still affected a lot. Several major clients canceled their cooperation, and the breach of contract penalties were a considerable amount.

Jiang Zhiyan, who had just graduated from the London School of Economics, was besieged on all sides, with wolves in front and tigers behind.

He accepted the invitation to give a lecture at Xia Zhiyu's school in an attempt to salvage some of the company's image.

But it was during this lecture that he met Xia Zhiyu for the first time.

In the noisy school auditorium, a girl wearing an ill-fitting champagne-colored formal uniform stood before him, her waist slender and her smile soft and sweet. She presented him with a bouquet of vibrant flowers.

Champagne gardenias are elegant and delicate, roses are passionate, but compared to the vibrant Xia Zhiyu, they hardly seem beautiful.

The girl looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, her cheeks flushed, like a pretty little calico flower warmed by the sun. She stood there delicately, maintaining a certain distance from him with great restraint.

But her inability to resist leaning slightly closer to his bushy tail and her undisguised admiration in her eyes betrayed her girlish feelings.

A delicate, beautiful, lively, confident, and gracefully adorable kitten.

This was Jiang Zhiyan's first impression of Xia Zhiyu.

"This must be his cat," Jiang Zhiyan thought as he took the bouquet from her.

Besides him, who else could take good care of this little calico?

A genuine, faint smile appeared on Jiang Zhiyan's lips. His gaze swept over Xia Zhiyu's name tag, and his magnetic voice lowered slightly, a hint of amusement in it.

"The flowers are beautiful, thank you Xia."

It wasn't a kitten, it was a lazy fish.

Then it should definitely be his.

He's born with water in his destiny, so he's meant to raise small fish.

-

Sweet memories, bleak reality.

Chen Yue glanced at the three or four bottles of foreign liquor scattered around the table and sighed silently.

A message popped up on his phone screen. He opened it, and his brow relaxed slightly.

"The car has picked up Xia. The driver sounded her out and said she wanted to wait for the rain to stop before heading back to Beicheng. We're going to the hotel now, and I've already reserved a room for her, so don't worry."

He and Jiang Zhiyan are business partners. They were supposed to go to Gangcheng together on a business trip today, as they have a meeting to attend tomorrow.

To everyone's surprise, Jiang Zhiyan's expression changed as soon as he got off the plane and glanced at his phone. He first called Xia Zhiyu seven or eight times, but she didn't answer. Finally, he learned from the administrative secretary that Xia Zhiyu had taken a long vacation.

This was the first time Chen Yue had seen Jiang Zhiyan's face look so grim.

That kid from the Bian family is really insensible; how could he dare to steal someone else's place?

Chen Yue shook his head and let out a long sigh.

This building belongs to Chen Yue's family. When Jiang Zhiyan and Xia Zhiyu were arguing, Chen Yue was in the next room. As soon as Xia Zhiyu rushed downstairs, Jiang Zhiyan told him to call the front desk.

He really couldn't understand how two people who clearly liked each other could end up in such a mess.

Chen Yue couldn't help but advise, "While Xia is still here, go and say a few kind words to her, and everything will be fine. You two have a five-year relationship to build on."

"There's no need."

Jiang Zhiyan's voice turned cold again, and all the brief confusion he had just felt was suppressed.

“Let her go back to her hometown in that remote mountain village and suffer a bit, then go back to being a full-time self-media creator and stumble a few times, then she’ll know how good it is to be by my side.”

"I've spoiled her too much these past few years, and now Xia Zhiyu is so arrogant and ignorant."

"She should be shown what the law of the jungle is all about. Once she's fallen and gotten hurt, she'll come crawling back on her own."

-

Raindrops pounded on the car window, spreading and crisscrossing water streaks like tears, cutting across the Xia Zhiyu's profile reflected in the glass.

Her hair was messy and hung down beside her ears. Her skin around her eyes was red, swollen, and dry, covered with small red dots where capillaries had been broken open from excessive force.

He looked as pathetic as a stray dog.

Xia Zhiyu had imagined countless times how she should break up with Jiang Zhiyan.

She wanted to imitate Jiang Zhiyan's usual way of speaking, attacking his weaknesses with sharp and sarcastic remarks, so that Jiang Zhiyan would know that knowing him and falling in love with him was the worst luck she, Xia Zhiyu, had ever had in her life.

She would never shed a single tear in front of Jiang Zhiyan.

But when the moment of breaking up actually arrived, all the prepared words in her mind were useless. Her mind went blank, and she cried uncontrollably, as if she had lost control of her bladder.

He would only repeatedly and pathetically lament his suffering, and even the most vicious words he uttered were attacks on Jiang Zhiyan for being just as mean as his mother.

He even regretted saying it now.

Xia Zhiyu hated herself for not being able to face all the disputes with the same calm and indifference as Jiang Zhiyan. Even though she had been a lawyer for so long, she still easily lost control of her tears in front of Jiang Zhiyan.

A bitter smile appeared on the haggard face reflected in the car window, and Xia Zhiyu's eyes welled up with tears again, veiled by a layer of misty moisture.

After her tears dried, her cheeks felt tight and painful. The sharp words the two men had just uttered now pierced her flesh like knives, slowly and cruelly cutting away at her heart.

'...Am I not loving you enough?'

'...Don't you think you're being foolish and childish?'

My lips were bitten until they bled, and the smell of blood filled the air.

It felt like sinking to the bottom of the ocean a hundred meters deep, with the seawater pressing heavily on my chest, making it impossible to move.

The tears have all dried up, but not a trace of bitterness remains in my heart.

Would Jiang Zhiyan do the same?

The idea was quickly rejected by Xia Zhiyu as soon as it came to mind.

Jiang Zhiyan, a cold-hearted and indifferent person, would never be sad for her; she was the only one trapped in her romantic fantasies.

Arguing is like an atomic bomb explosion. Not only does it instantly turn years of hard work into ashes, but the lingering pain afterward can last for a long time, until it completely melts away your flesh and bones.

The streetlights cast a dim yellow glow, and the roadside was littered with thin branches broken off by the typhoon. The freshly broken stubble was white and blocked the large red plastic bags blown by the wind.

As soon as I got off the bus, pedestrians hurried by, my shoes were covered in mud, and the air felt like it was glued on, making it extremely difficult to breathe.

Xia Zhiyu held her breath and stiffly said goodbye to the kind driver.

Without even thinking, the curve of her lips must be uglier than a ghost.

She didn't even know how she checked in. She swiped her room card, heard a ding, went inside, closed the door, locked the security chain, kicked off her shoes which were splattered with mud, and went barefoot into the bathroom.

Even with a constant 38-degree Celsius hot water poured over my head, it was still terribly cold; chills seemed to seep into my very bones.

The arrogant look in Jiang Zhiyan's eyes as he looked down at her before she rushed into the room flashed through her mind again.

Does Jiang Zhiyan love her?

Of course I love it.

But Jiang Zhiyan's love is conditional; he even genuinely feels that he is saving Xia Zhiyu, rescuing her from her so-called idleness.

In the early stages of their relationship, Xia Zhiyu mistakenly believed that this was Jiang Zhiyan's way of showing his love for her. However, as her sense of self was gradually eroded, Xia Zhiyu felt only confusion, frustration, and anxiety.

She worked herself to the bone and worked hard to develop a side business; everything she did was simply to gain Jiang Zhiyan's approval.

But that's not right.

Hot water was poured over my head, washing away the chill that was shivering on my skin.

She cannot judge herself by Jiang Zhiyan's standards of value.

...

Completely dispelling her desire to travel, Xia Zhiyu stayed in the hotel for two days. After the rain stopped, she booked the earliest flight back to Beicheng.

Fang Xinle picked her up at the airport.

Fang Xinle was startled when they met. Xia Zhiyu was dragging her suitcase, her eyes were red and swollen, and she had lost a lot of weight in just a few days. She looked like a paper doll and could be blown away by the wind.

But when Xia Zhiyu saw her, a slightly bitter, relieved smile appeared on her face.

"We've broken up for good."

"I waited in Shanghai for two days, and Jiang Zhiyan didn't even try to salvage the situation."

"We have no future."

-----------------------

Author's Note: Fishy: Who exactly wants to leave? (smiling face)

Bag King: (Lights a cigarette) Some people shouldn't be so stubborn. If you say one thing but mean another, your wife won't love you.