Chapter 42. Only Xia Zhiyu was happy and content; he…

Chapter 41

After finishing her consultation with the doctor, it was only a little past nine o'clock. Xia Zhiyu was thinking of calling her father and asking him to come directly to the hospital after class so that he wouldn't have to make a wasted trip home.

Jiang Zhiyan stopped her, "If you tell your uncle now, he'll be very worried. It's not even safe to ride a bike. Do you have his class schedule? I'll drive to the school gate to pick him up when he's about to finish class, and then you can tell him about your aunt."

Xia Zhiyu thought he made sense, so she quickly put away her phone. Her father was indeed a bit overly cautious. The route from the school to the hospital passed through the busiest part of the city center, which was indeed unsafe.

"That's true, I didn't even realize that when I was in a hurry."

After the conversation ended, the two sat in the corridor outside the ward. Their eyes met, and Xia Zhiyu suddenly didn't know what to say. It took her a while to process what she was saying before she finally spoke:

"Thanks so much for you today, I definitely couldn't have done it on my own."

Jiang Zhiyan had indeed done many things to hurt her before, but if he hadn't been there today, even if Xia Zhiyu could have gotten her mother to the hospital in time, she might not have been able to find a skilled doctor immediately. The fact that her mother received such timely and effective help was mostly due to Jiang Zhiyan's connections.

Xia Zhiyu was especially grateful to him for this.

Jiang Zhiyan's brows relaxed slightly. "It's nothing, it's what I should do."

Just then, Assistant Song hurriedly brought over a lunchbox. Xia Zhiyu had been busy all morning and hadn't eaten anything. Jiang Zhiyan was worried that her low blood sugar would flare up again, so he had his assistant buy it while she was chatting with the doctor.

The crab roe and shrimp dumplings, each about the size of a thumb tip, were served with thick, sweet millet porridge and two or three refreshing side dishes.

Xia Zhiyu didn't stand on ceremony with him. She was aware of her own physical condition; her mother was already ill, and she couldn't afford to get sick too.

After a bowl of porridge, my stomach felt warm, and I felt like I had energy all over.

Xia Zhiyu took a bite of a shrimp dumpling and suddenly said, "Once my mom recovers, I plan to find a stable job again. I see that my friends who work as litigation lawyers in our hometown earn a pretty good income; it's not particularly low and it's quite stable."

Her tone was light and cheerful, but Jiang Zhiyan's brows furrowed slightly. He stared at her intently for a while before saying:

"Why do you want to be a lawyer again? I've noticed your account's recent data is quite good, and you're managing it very well."

"You still can't turn your hobby into a job."

Xia Zhiyu put the empty plate back into the lunchbox and tidied it up, her eyes slightly lowered. "I was too selfish before, only putting my own feelings first. I'm already 25 years old, and I didn't consider my parents and family before doing things. It was only after I went home this time that I realized that my parents are no longer the all-powerful adults I remember."

Old Xia has developed back and leg problems from standing for long periods of time while lecturing. Song Yue is even worse; on rainy days, her finger joints feel numb and itchy as if countless tiny ants are crawling all over her body. She buys her family's plasters and herbal remedies by the case.

Not to mention that I suddenly received a phone call this morning. When I rushed to the store, I saw my mother lying unconscious on the steps. Her thin and frail body was curled up in a small ball, her legs were twisted abnormally, and she looked pale and weak.

While signing the surgical risk disclosure form, Xia Zhiyu suddenly realized that she had now become her mother's guardian. Her once all-powerful mother had grown old and needed her care; this was her responsibility.

But she only had 60,000 yuan on her.

Fortunately, her parents are still relatively healthy. What if the doctor had discovered a more serious condition today, and she didn't even have the money she needed to pay in advance before the insurance could reimburse her?

Xia Zhiyu chewed on her panic and slowly said, "Now that I think about it, what you said before makes a lot of sense. Who doesn't work hard? Who doesn't get tired of working? Everyone is working hard to make a living. I was too naive. I had already left the ivory tower, but I was still thinking about dreams and pursuits."

Isn't it foolish to think about these things when we haven't even solved our survival problems?

There are always many things in life more important than vague dreams, such as a mother lying in a hospital bed.

She even said these words with a smile.

Jiang Zhiyan's deep eyes quietly watched Xia Zhiyu, observing the clarity and weariness that came from having her edges smoothed out as she spoke these words.

An indescribable feeling of heartache welled up in my heart.

Especially when it came to these hardships in life, he could have completely shielded Xia Zhiyu from them, but he failed to do so.

His little fish, unseen by him, was worn down by the hardships of life until it was exhausted.

“I don’t think you should transfer the pressure of your family onto yourself so quickly, nor should you be so pessimistic. From the moment the umbilical cord connecting you to your mother was cut, you have been living your own life. If you are not responsible for your own life and dreams, who will be responsible for you?”

"Work is certainly for making a living, but people live in this world not just to survive. Having aspirations and dreams is the fundamental reason why human beings can develop."

Xia Zhiyu opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Jiang Zhiyan interrupted her quickly and urgently, "And have you asked your parents? Do you think they would want you to give up your dreams and stay by their side?"

The hot air blowing from the central air conditioning still smelled of alcohol disinfectant. Xia Zhiyu sniffed hard, her eyes stinging.

Jiang Zhiyan's voice choked, and she hesitated for a long while before speaking again, her tone unusually strained.

"You enjoy writing scripts, recording beautiful moments, and traveling and hiking. Are you really willing to give up the choices that bring you happiness?"

During this time, he watched every video on Xia Zhiyu's account over and over again. He could clearly hear how happy Xia Zhiyu was when she was explaining, and he could also see how much effort Xia Zhiyu had put into those interestingly edited videos.

She has loved working in social media since college. Back then, Xia Zhiyu would be so happy if she gained just one more fan or one more comment that she would want to shoot a hundred videos the next day. She painstakingly researched new hiking routes and new editing techniques, and saved money to buy better filming equipment.

Jiang Zhiyan had seen all of these things.

Even though Xia Zhiyu does want to return to the legal profession as he once hoped, the process that led to this outcome was not what Jiang Zhiyan wanted to see.

He wanted Xia Zhiyu to live a happy and positive life, and even if she wasn't by his side, he couldn't bear to let Xia Zhiyu be worn down by life to the point of completely losing her spirit.

"Of course my parents wouldn't let me give up my dream, but just because they're reluctant, does that mean I can pretend I can't see their difficulties?"

Xia Zhiyu gritted her teeth, and the veins on her neck were faintly visible.

The dream is hers, and so is her life. Would she be willing to give up her dream unless absolutely necessary? She worked hard to negotiate with many self-media companies, and during this period, she stayed up all night every night editing and uploading videos. Every spare moment was spent thinking about new scripts.

But what was the result?

Her parents knew nothing, yet they understood everything. They never asked her why she suddenly started working in legal aid in Sichuan.

Dad secretly worked on compiling test papers and materials on weekends, and even applied to continue being a homeroom teacher next year, just for a little more pay. What about Mom? Mom had never taken on breakfast work at the factory before. The factory always had to pick up the goods before six o'clock, so she had to go to the store to work at two o'clock in the morning, just to earn an extra penny for each bun. Her mother even fell and ended up in the hospital.

"If the realization of my dreams depends on sucking blood from my parents, then I would rather I never have any dreams at all."

"Do you really think your one-sided devotion will make them happy? Why can't you talk to your parents?"

"What are we talking about? Are we trying to morally blackmail my parents? It's precisely because I know what they'll say that I won't ask them."

"What about me?" Jiang Zhiyan's voice was slightly hoarse. "If you really want to give up your dreams, then Yuyu, tell me, what's the point of us breaking up? What's the point of all the self-reflection, seeing a therapist, and trying to see things from your perspective every night after we broke up?"

"Just like how your parents work hard every day for you, what's the point of our efforts if you give up?"

“I know you don’t love me anymore, you don’t care anymore, my emotions are not important to you, but my love for you is real, and my desire for you to be well is real, so I can completely understand how your parents feel.”

"We really just want you to be healthy, happy and joyful every day, really."

Xia Zhiyu fell silent. It had been a long time since she had spoken so frankly with anyone.

She never mentioned these things, not even to her closest friends Ren Yu and Fang Xinle. Every family has its own troubles, and everyone's circumstances and atmosphere are different; she didn't want to complain to others.

But today, perhaps because her mother fell, or perhaps because she was talking to Jiang Zhiyan, the feelings of guilt she had been suppressing towards her parents all this time poured out like a flood. Jiang Zhiyan always managed to dredge up her deepest anxieties and force her to confront her predicaments.

Jiang Zhiyan watched as Xia Zhiyu's eyes gradually reddened.

But the images of Xia Zhiyu confiding her troubles to him when they were working involuntarily surfaced in his mind.

Xia Zhiyu has a gentle yet resilient personality, which are admirable virtues in life, but not in the workplace. Gentleness means she doesn't compete, and resilience means she has strong work abilities.

So Xia Zhiyu suffered a lot at work. Although she seems to have become more confrontational now, how can a person's nature be changed so easily? And is such a change necessarily a good thing?

Jiang Zhiyan knew better than anyone that even if Xia Zhiyu's salary increased, her abilities improved, and clients began to recognize her, it would still be a problem.

But Xia Zhiyu was still unhappy.

He always looked listless and unhappy, and he just went through the motions of life.

Then I think of how happy she was with her creative work, replying to comments about topics for the next video at three or four in the morning.

The nourishing effect of dreams on people is clearly visible.

Life is short, only a hundred years. Now, Jiang Zhiyan sincerely hopes that Xia Zhiyu can swim freely in the river she chooses, even if it's not him.

As long as she's happy.

His life only has meaning if Xia Zhiyu is happy and content.

A crystal-clear drop of liquid clung precariously to Xia Zhiyu's long, upturned eyelashes. In the blink of an eye, it fell onto the cold iron stool, creating a tiny splash.

Jiang Zhiyan wanted to hug her, but his arms froze as soon as he raised them, hanging limply at his sides. He almost clenched his fists to suppress his desire to hug Xia Zhiyu tightly.