Chapter 49. Let me go, and let yourself go too...

Chapter 49

"The money I donated to Fourth Master wasn't wasted."

Fallen leaves were swept up by the wind, tapping intermittently against the car window, and a layer of misty vapor had condensed inside the dark-colored window.

The warm glow of the streetlights shone through the car window onto Jiang Zhiyan's profile, casting a shadow on his high, straight nose. His eyes shimmered with a golden, lustful light, like molten lava.

He stared at her silently, his naked gaze burning hot, making her tremble involuntarily.

Xia Zhiyu suspected that she might have been deprived of sex for too long, otherwise why would her cheeks feel so hot and her limbs so weak in front of her ex-boyfriend? She couldn't help but think of her ex-boyfriend, who was not only physically imposing but also capable of lifting her up and slamming her against a window with one hand.

The temperature inside the carriage seemed a bit too high, as if all the moisture in my body was being evaporated.

Their gazes met and lingered. Jiang Zhiyan's Adam's apple visibly bobbed, and his brows furrowed slightly. An intense, overwhelming desire and possessiveness washed over Xia Zhiyu on the shore like wave after wave.

Her throat was so dry it hurt. She couldn't tell if it was because she had drunk too much or because of Jiang Zhiyan, who was radiating hormones right in front of her. Xia Zhiyu squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best to drive away the unpleasant images from her mind.

"Why have you started believing in feudal superstitions?"

Xia Zhiyu changed the subject, trying to cool down the atmosphere.

When people are at their wits' end, they have no choice but to find some new solutions.

Jiang Zhiyan suddenly hooked her little finger, caressing her full fingertip, sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily, inch by inch upwards.

"Newly established..."

Xia Zhiyu almost blurted out, "Could it be that this seductive act is also a new method he came up with?"

She hesitated for a moment, but ultimately didn't say it. Given her current relationship with Jiang Zhiyan, it would be too inappropriate to say such things.

Xia Zhiyu sighed deeply in her heart, lamenting how beauty can be so deceiving. When she looked up, Jiang Zhiyan was still quietly watching her, his eyes like a deep sea about to surge, radiating a bewitching magic.

Even after spending several years with Jiang Zhiyan, Xia Zhiyu still fell into his trap of beauty, as if she never learned her lesson.

Like a drop of sweet honey right in the middle of a spider web, even though you know the spider is quietly lurking in some corner, you still can't resist your instincts.

Her heart pounded against her eardrums, and Xia Zhiyu licked her dry lips, a strange and inappropriate longing rising in her heart.

Her phone vibrated twice in her bag. Her assistant told her she was safe and asked if she had arrived home safely.

Xia Zhiyu suddenly realized something, as if a warning bell had rung in her mind. The rosy thoughts that had taken root in her mind under the influence of alcohol vanished instantly. She declared righteously:

"Button up properly. You're a CEO, after all. What kind of image is it to have your collar all open every day?"

Xia Zhiyu's eyes cleared, and she subtly distanced herself from Jiang Zhiyan under the guise of a joke. She sat up straight, gripping her handbag tightly with both hands, and every move she made was aimed at Jiang Zhiyan.

Outside the window, towering, unidentified trees, hidden in the night, seemed to grovel in the air. Plants that appeared gentle and harmless during the day transformed at night. The streetlights slanted across the asphalt, their warm hues making the trees appear even more menacing under the cover of darkness.

Jiang Zhiyan is the same. He may appear gentle and harmless now, even with an alluring fragrance, but he is essentially a highly poisonous datura flower, with the entire plant, including the seeds, being poisonous.

Capitalists use layers of beautiful and attractive decorations to cover up their true intentions of exploiting people, thereby maximizing their profits.

She was all too familiar with the consumer traps of Singles' Day and 618, the complicated and cumbersome procedures of Women's Day and weddings—these were the tactics of capital. So much so that when she saw Jiang Zhiyan's gentle and affectionate demeanor, she instinctively felt a sense of wariness.

She had truly been hurt before, and had once lost sleep over a single cold and distant remark from Jiang Zhiyan. Therefore, even though she knew she was a bit like a frightened bird at this moment, Xia Zhiyu couldn't help but wonder what kind of sharp blade was hidden beneath this gentleness.

The complete loss of a sense of security comes from years of neglect.

During the period after her younger brother was born, Xia Zhiyu clearly felt that her nerves were becoming more and more prone to tension and fear. Whenever her parents could not take care of both children at the same time and, after weighing the options, always sent her to her aunt's house, this unease seemed particularly terrifying.

Jiang Zhiyan was the same.

Even though Xia Zhiyu now seems to understand Jiang Zhiyan's unavoidable reasons and choices rationally, it cannot bring back the sense of security that has already dissipated in the past.

Reason is reason, and emotion is emotion; she cannot forgive Jiang Zhiyan for the injustices she suffered in the past.

"We've already broken up, so it's only right and proper for us to keep our distance. This isn't appropriate."

The warm air continued to blow out, but the temperature inside the carriage was gradually cooling down. Xia Zhiyu looked aloof, but Jiang Zhiyan could still glimpse a hint of sadness and confusion in her aloofness.

It was like a sharp needle suddenly piercing a hydrogen balloon filled with disarray; the fragile rubber swung wildly through the air, leaving only a mess on the ground.

The ostentatious decorations used for embellishment, like Cinderella's pumpkin carriage and gown just past midnight, instantly turned back into their original dull and drab appearance.

Jiang Zhiyan suddenly felt that Xia Zhiyu in front of him was very, very far away, even more distant than during the time when they broke up and argued.

Even though he hadn't originally intended anything, Xia Zhiyu was timid and stubborn, and she would never easily give up on certain ideas she had made up her mind about. The reason she was willing to sit with him for a while today was probably because she had drunk too much and felt sorry for him.

He hadn't expected her to wake up so quickly, not even giving him a little more room for fantasy.

An intense sense of unease overwhelmed me.

Jiang Zhiyan stared at her for a while without saying a word. A slight smile played on his lips as he leaned back, seemingly obediently fastening his shirt button by button, before changing the subject:

How's work lately? Is everything going smoothly?

The tone was like a casual greeting between friends, a relaxed and comfortable feeling that could be faked.

But in Xia Zhiyu's heart, she didn't actually have a relationship with Jiang Zhiyan that allowed them to have a harmonious chat.

Xia Zhiyu's long, fine eyelashes trembled, as beautiful as fluttering butterfly wings, forming a light gray fan-shaped shadow under her eyes, a beautiful yet aloof beauty.

She paused for a moment, her gaze fixed on the simple pattern on her handbag. She bought this handbag when she traveled to Dunhuang during her university years. She liked the cultural and creative print on it and has been using it ever since. It is very lightweight, the handle is soft, and the price is within her control. Even if she loses it, she won't feel bad.

The only sunk cost she can afford is this bag. Her margin for error in life is much lower than Jiang Zhiyan's. She won't understand Jiang Zhiyan's troubles, nor will Jiang Zhiyan comprehend her pain.

Just like her pursuit of ideals, she also considers her parents, her future life, and worries about her parents' retirement. She is a very realistic person, and she can only pursue her ideals after the practical problems have been solved.

Although Jiang Zhiyan could understand her pain, he could not empathize with it. He had never experienced financial poverty, so he naturally wouldn't understand her true feelings.

So it was her father, not Jiang Zhiyan, who persuaded her to continue doing self-media.

She was very grateful to Jiang Zhiyan for helping her; no matter what, his intentions were good.

Just like this suit on the shoulder, it is tailored to fit perfectly, with a smooth silk surface, and the four cufflinks gleam with an expensive and luxurious shine.

But it doesn't keep you warm.

They are not a good match, not just in a conventional sense, but on every level.

Xia Zhiyu didn't respond. Jiang Zhiyan's heart pounded, and a bad premonition suddenly rose in his mind. He even began to regret bringing up these topics earlier.

"Zhiyan, you know I used to like you a lot."

Xia Zhiyu slowly but firmly pushed his hand away.

“Our breakup was not only your fault, but also mine. I prioritized your ideas over mine and ignored my own needs, which led to my breakdown layer by layer because of your thoughts. But now I’m finally starting to live the life I want.”

"My family has approved of my work in social media, and I have a direction for future development. Now many people like my videos, and I feel that I have been recognized."

Her voice fell softly to the ground. She finally looked up at him. Her eyes were no longer full of resistance and coldness as before, but peaceful, as if she had seen the light. When she looked at him, there was no more ripples. Jiang Zhiyan's face turned pale, as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head, and his whole body was covered with a layer of ice in the dead of winter.

“You can’t keep appearing in front of me like this. You’ll bring back all those painful and terrible memories of my past. If you really loved me, then stay away from me. I don’t want to relive those confused days. I can do all the things you’ve helped me with myself, even if they’re a little harder or more difficult. That doesn’t mean I need your help.”

"Loving you and liking you is a very tiring and painful thing. I have already been worn down once, and I can't be worn down a second time."

Xia Zhiyu looked at Jiang Zhiyan calmly, her eyes undisturbed.

She really doesn't care anymore.

The moment this thought crossed Jiang Zhiyan's mind, it felt as if her heart was being pierced by countless sharp needles, and her voice became hoarse.

I will never hurt you again.

Xia Zhiyu nodded. "I believe you. Of course I know you won't hurt me again."

"No," Xia Zhiyu interrupted Jiang Zhiyan with a rare firmness. "We're not suitable. I'm not angry with you anymore, Zhiyan. I understand your pain and position, but I still can't forgive you. I want to respect my own wishes and live according to my own ideas."

Jiang Zhiyan lowered his head heavily, a faint sense of dejection spreading from him.

Xia Zhiyu sighed, but she also knew that some things couldn't be solved by other people's comfort. When it came to matters of the heart, there was no other way but for Jiang Zhiyan to get through it himself.

An eerie silence spread between the two.

Outside the window, leaves fluttered and fell in the wind. After a long while, Jiang Zhiyan's voice was slightly hoarse as he asked, "What do I have to do for you to forgive me?"

The new car was parked at the intersection, its headlights on, reflecting the almost desperate sorrow in Jiang Zhiyan's eyes.

Xia Zhiyu's eyes stung slightly. She raised her hand and touched Jiang Zhiyan's pale cheek, her fingertips soft yet cold.

"Let me go, and let yourself go too. We loved each other so much, and when we part, we should peacefully watch each other's figures gradually fade into the distance."