Broken trust

The countdown clock on the back wall of the classroom had been changed to "90," with tiny rough edges pricked out by pen tips. The magnolias outside the window bloomed and faded, and in the wind of the senior year, besides the smell of chalk dust and exam paper ink, there was also a tense, countdown-like atmosphere.

Luo Yan's desk was even more crowded than last year. On the left were stacks of past three years' college entrance exam papers, on the right were notebooks of incorrect answers categorized by subject, and in the middle was just a small space to put the exam papers.

Her daily life was divided into precise fragments: early morning reading at six o'clock, quick practice questions during the ten-minute break between classes, a half-hour nap at the table during lunch break, and an extra set of science multiple-choice questions after evening self-study—busyness was like a transparent membrane, wrapping up all the extra emotions inside, leaving only clear goals.

Qi Sheng left after the Spring Festival. On the day his internship ended, he came to the classroom to say goodbye to everyone, carrying a bag of fruit candies, which he handed out to each student. When he got to Luo Yan's seat, he placed a lemon-flavored candy on her open notebook of wrong answers, and said in a gentle voice, "Good luck, and have a successful college entrance exam."

When Luo Yan looked up, she met his gaze. A month had passed; the youthful innocence in his eyes had faded, replaced by a more mature air. She held the candy, her fingertips slightly warm, and only managed to say "Thank you, Teacher Qi" before he turned and walked towards the next student.

The setting sun cast long shadows of the school building that day. Luo Yan watched Qi Sheng walk out of the school gate, and felt a slight sting in her heart. But she quickly lowered her head and wrote "Law of Conservation of Momentum" on her error notebook—parting is normal, especially in the senior year of high school, and no one has extra time to dwell on the sadness of parting.

Life went on like a clockwork toy, so steady it was almost monotonous. Lin Yi, her deskmate, would always come over during breaks to borrow Luo Yan's math notes to copy, occasionally complaining that "the last big problem is simply inhuman." Pan Yue would stuff her a collection of physics formulas into her hands. He Xiaoyou, busy preparing for the independent admissions exam, would occasionally run over from the humanities class to give Luo Yan a bag of cookies baked by her mother, saying, "Science is hard, take care."

Luo Yan thought this kind of life would continue until the end of the college entrance examination. Until that Thursday in mid-March, the peace was shattered.

The afternoon math quiz had just ended, and the classroom was filled with the final sound of pens scratching across scratch paper. Luo Yan was checking her answers when she suddenly heard a commotion in the front row, followed by Xu Ying's stern voice: "Lin Yi, come to my office with me."

Luo Yan suddenly looked up and saw Lin Yi standing beside her seat, her face as white as a sheet of paper, clutching a crumpled piece of draft paper tightly in her hand, her knuckles white. As she passed Luo Yan's seat, Lin Yi stumbled, her eyes filled with panic like a startled bird, but she said nothing.

"What happened?" After collecting the papers, Pan Yue leaned closer, her voice low. "The proctor seemed to have found something in Lin Yi's desk..."

Luo Yan's heart sank. The weekly math test was a mock exam organized by the school, with a difficulty level close to the college entrance exam, and the proctoring was always strict. She watched Lin Yi's figure disappear into the classroom door, and the pen in her hand fell to the ground with a "clatter".

The waiting time felt exceptionally long. Magnolia petals outside the window were blown down by the wind, falling onto the windowsill like someone gently tapping on the glass. Luo Yan stared at the function graphs on the exam paper; those familiar curves were now twisted into a tangled mess. Lin Yi's expression from just now kept replaying in her mind—fear, embarrassment, and a hint of despair that she couldn't understand.

Lin Yi returned to the classroom near the end of the fourth period. Her eyes were red, and there were still tear stains on her face. She walked to her seat and began packing her things without saying a word. Xu Ying followed behind her, her face serious. When she saw the glances from Luo Yan and Pan Yue, she simply shook her head and remained silent.

"Lin Yi, what's wrong?" Luo Yan couldn't help but walk over, her voice trembling.

Lin Yi looked up, tears welling up in her eyes again: "I was using my phone to search for exam questions, and the teacher found out."

"Cheating?" Pan Yue's voice was full of disbelief. "Why would you do that? Your math isn't bad."

Lin Yi's voice choked with sobs, tears falling onto the desk, leaving a small wet patch. "I dropped twenty places in the last weekly test, my mom keeps nagging me about it, and Han Yang... him..."

When she said the name "Han Yang," her voice suddenly stopped. Luo Yan remembered this person; Lin Yi had asked her to draw his portrait when they were in their second year of high school.

Last winter, Lin Yi blushed and told Luo Yan that he sent her the lyrics to "I only have feelings for you" on New Year's Eve and asked her to go to the movies after the college entrance exam.

"What's wrong with him?" Luo Yan asked softly.

Lin Yi bit her lip, her teeth almost digging into her flesh, and after a long while, she said in a hoarse voice, "I went to his house to deliver something, wanting to surprise him, but downstairs I saw him hugging a girl from the next class and kissing her on the cheek..."

Her voice trembled uncontrollably, and tears streamed down her face: "I hid behind him, listening to him talking and laughing with that girl. Then I locked myself in my room and cried until dawn. I couldn't concentrate on my studies at all. I just wanted to do well on this week's test so he could see how good I am. I really didn't expect to be found out..."

Luo Yan stood rooted to the spot, her blood seemingly frozen. She recalled Lin Yi's previous cautiousness: screenshotting Han Yang's messages and saving them in her album, meticulously analyzing every word he said, and even deciding to change her college application to be admitted to the same university in the same city as him. That affection hidden beneath the draft paper, like a piece of candy held too tightly, was ultimately crushed on the ground, along with her pride.

“Teacher Xu said,” Lin Yi wiped away her tears, her voice barely audible, “that she’ll receive a major demerit, be publicly reprimanded throughout the school, and might even have her recommendation for admission revoked…”

“How could this happen…” Pan Yue’s eyes also reddened. “Is there any way to explain this to the teacher? You were just confused for a moment.”

Lin Yi shook her head, shoved her books into her backpack with a loud zipper, and said, "What's there to explain? All the evidence has been taken away. I'm just stupid. I deserve to be played by him and fail the exam." As she spoke, she grabbed her backpack and ran out, tears falling onto the tiles in the corridor.

Luo Yan wanted to chase after her, but Xu Ying, who had just arrived, stopped her. "Let her calm down for a while." Xu Ying's voice was tired. "You are her friends, so please give her some guidance during this time. The college entrance examination does not allow for any luck. One wrong step can lead to many more."

That evening during self-study, Luo Yan stared blankly at a physics problem for the first time. Her pen hovered over the paper for a long time, but she couldn't write a single word. She remembered when she first met Lin Yi, the girl who had a big bruise on her arm from playing basketball but still smiled and said "it's okay"; she remembered that year in her second year of high school, Lin Yi hid the bookmark Han Yang had given her in her textbook and told her, "When I'm with him, I'll tell you first"; she remembered just last week, Lin Yi was leaning on her desk, smiling and saying, "After the college entrance exam, I'm going to wear a pretty dress and confess to Han Yang."

Those vivid, warm memories now seemed shrouded in a layer of dust. It wasn't that she couldn't understand Lin Yi's breakdown and self-abandonment, but trust was like a piece of drawing paper; once it was crumpled, no matter how hard she tried to smooth it out, it would leave indelible marks.

For the next few days, Lin Yi did not come to school. The school's bulletin board posted the disciplinary decision, which read in black and white: "Lin Yi of Class 3, Grade 12, cheated in the weekly math test and was given a demerit and disqualified from all awards this semester..." A crowd gathered in front of the notice, and the discussion surged like a tide.

"I never expected that someone who seemed so cheerful would cheat..."

"The pressure of senior year is already high, but you can't do this. It's just not worth it..."

"I heard she was upset because she got dumped by a guy? Sigh, girls' minds are so easily confused..."

Every time Luo Yan passed the bulletin board, she couldn't help but quicken her pace. Pan Yue became silent. When He Xiaoyou ran from the liberal arts class to deliver cookies, she sensed that something was wrong and quietly asked, "Didn't Lin Yi come?" Luo Yan nodded, and she didn't ask any more questions. She just stuffed the cookies into Luo Yan's hand and said, "Don't work too hard."

On Friday afternoon, Luo Yan went to a stationery store near Lin Yi's house to buy her a new notebook for correcting her mistakes. As soon as she stepped out of the store, she saw Lin Yi sitting on a bench on the street corner, holding a pink envelope in her arms—it was a love letter that she had written before the New Year but had never sent. Now it was torn to shreds, and the fragments were flying in the wind.

“My mom said,” Lin Yi saw her and forced a smile, but couldn’t manage it, “that if I don’t do well on the college entrance exam, I should repeat a year. I know she thinks I’ve embarrassed her.”

Luo Yan sat down next to her and handed her the newly bought notebook of wrong answers: "The punishment is temporary, the ability is yours. There are still more than eighty days left, let's make up for it together."

Lin Yi looked down at her notebook filled with mistakes; the cover featured her favorite starry sky design. Tears suddenly welled up again: "But when I think about how I've humiliated myself for someone like this, I feel so ridiculous..."

Luo Yan didn't say anything, but took out a piece of candy from her pocket, unwrapped it, and handed it to her—it was lemon-flavored, the same one Qi Sheng had given her before leaving. "Have a sweet treat first."

Lin Yi took the candy, put it in her mouth, and the sour and sweet taste spread, but her tears fell even more fiercely.

As they left the street corner that day, the setting sun cast long shadows of the two of them. Luo Yan suddenly remembered Qi Sheng's words of encouragement when he left: "Keep going!" She realized that "keep going" in growing up is not only an expectation of success, but also a test of whether one can get back up after falling down.

Back at school, the countdown clock showed "85." Looking at those two red numbers, Luo Yan suddenly realized that the train of senior year not only carries dreams and hopes, but also unexpected storms and landslides. And all they can do, besides running desperately forward, is perhaps learn how to leave a light for each other in the mud.

She picked up her pen again and wrote in her error notebook, "March 14, 2019, 85 days until the college entrance exam." The sound of the pen gliding across the paper was particularly clear in the quiet classroom.