Su Yi's Cat

Saturday afternoon sunlight streamed obliquely through the car window, casting shimmering spots of light on the floor mats. Luo Yan leaned back in the passenger seat, watching the street scenes flash by outside the window, her heart feeling like a crumpled piece of paper.

The hustle and bustle of the sports meet still lingered in her ears, and the announcement of the "National Day holiday begins" seemed to have just ended, but her mood at this moment was completely different from the jubilation she felt when the event ended. The phone she held in her hand was slightly warm, and the screen was dark, as if it were hiding a heavy secret.

She suddenly felt like a bird made of glass, seemingly strong but actually fragile enough to shatter at the slightest touch. The image of Xu Ying scolding her during last night's self-study session was still replaying in her mind. She knew the teacher was right, but the grievance in her heart still swelled up like a waterlogged sponge, aching painfully. She didn't even dare to touch the sticky note with the number written on it in her Chinese textbook, as if that string of numbers would burn through the paper, leaving a hole that made her feel utterly ashamed.

How pretentious.

Luo Yan pursed her lips at her reflection in the car window, her fingertips tracing the strap of her backpack on her knee. That's just how she is; the smallest thing can stir up a storm in her heart, she can't stand the slightest grievance, yet she always pretends to be nonchalant. Like a snail that has wrapped itself in a hard shell, it curls up into a ball at the slightest touch.

The sycamore leaves outside the car window were swirling in the wind. Luo Yan looked at the spinning leaves and suddenly thought of Song Tian.

It wasn't filled with resentment or unwillingness; it was more like the white breath exhaled in winter—it clearly existed, but the moment you touch upon the memory, it fades so much that you can't grasp its shape.

That winter night, a clear whistle rang out from the side door of the auditorium. Song Tian stood backlit, his chest rising and falling slightly with the whistle. When she secretly fixed her gaze on his back, her heart felt as if it had been gently hit by a snowflake. He pulled her towards the school gate, the warmth of his palm making her wrists numb. The wind rushed into her collar, but her heart was burning hot.

The warmth from the wonton stall at the school gate that night became a vivid and warm memory for her.

She once felt that Song Tian was light. It was him remembering the light and shadow in her still life paintings; it was him waiting at the studio door on a rainy night with a large black umbrella, tilting it halfway before rushing into the rain, his hair dripping wet as he turned back to wave; it was the resolute yet impulsive courage she felt when she gritted her teeth and told the homeroom teacher, "I want to choose the art class," after he had chosen it. In those days, his silhouette was hidden in her sketchbook, she longed for his gaze by the brush-washing basin, and even "just passing by" carried a carefully calculated joy.

But then, the beam of light seemed to move away on its own.

He continued to paint, but no longer discussed with her which lines were more dynamic; other girls began to surround him, and when he smiled, his gaze would pass over her and drift further away; when he looked at her paintings, he no longer had the same focused attention as when she explained the composition.

Luo Yan wasn't unaware. It's just that the passion for art that he had ignited within her, along with that affection, flickered like a candle flame blown by the autumn wind, eventually extinguishing completely. There were no arguments, no farewells; it was just that one day she suddenly realized that seeing his sketchbook again no longer stirred any emotion within her—it turns out that liking someone can be like a half-finished painting, where the desire to continue suddenly vanishes.

She was like a sunflower that turned to follow the sunlight. Song Tian was the light she once chased. Now that the light has moved away, it's time for her to find her own direction.

She suddenly realized that she was actually a very easygoing person.

I used to like Song Tian, ​​so I followed him wholeheartedly; later, when I stopped liking him, I turned away decisively. I felt the same way about the science class, and it seems I felt the same way about Qi Sheng as well.

The emotions churning inside me these past few days, the profiles I secretly sketched, the nervousness during those group photos… Was it really love? Or was it the loneliness after transferring classes, the emptiness in my heart after Song Tian left, which was just filled by Qi Sheng, this sudden light?

Luo Yan rubbed her temples, feeling like her brain was a tangled mess of yarn that had been scratched by a cat's claws, impossible to untangle.

When she got home, Ren Qin had already packed her luggage. "We're leaving first thing tomorrow morning, the tickets are all bought." Ren Qin handed her a glass of hot milk, "I've packed everything for your trip to Su Yi in your bag."

Luo Yan hummed in agreement and took her milk cup back to her room. Just as she sat down, her phone rang.

This is a notification that your friend request has been accepted.

She opened the chat window, but before she could even type anything, the other person sent a photo. It was a group photo taken on the playground that day. She stood next to Qi Sheng, her shoulders tense with nervousness, and her smile looked stiff and forced. Qi Sheng's expression was calm, his profile exceptionally clear in the sunlight.

Luo Yan stared at the photo for a few seconds, then typed two words on the screen: Thank you.

After sending the message, she put her phone back in her pocket and didn't look at it again. She didn't feel the expected excitement; instead, she felt a sense of calm as if everything had settled down.

Maybe this is enough.

She should move on from those fleeting emotions, which might just be filling a void.

On National Day, Luo Yan boarded the high-speed train to Suzhou. The scenery outside the window rushed past, much like her chaotic thoughts, which were stretched into blurry lines.

Ren Xiangzhou was waiting for her at the high-speed rail station exit, wearing a simple white T-shirt and jeans, and he had grown taller than when they met last year. "Wow, little one has grown up." He ruffled Luo Yan's hair and slung her backpack over his shoulder. "I'm going to school to drop off my things first, and I'll take you to Su Yi this afternoon."

Ren Xiangzhou's university was located in Suyi City. The sycamore leaves on campus were a brilliant yellow, and when the wind blew, the fallen leaves swirled down like butterflies. Luo Yan followed him across the basketball court, through the library, and past groups of students chatting and laughing while holding books. Suddenly, she felt a strange sense of envy.

"What are you thinking about?" Ren Xiangzhou turned to look at her.

"It's nothing," Luo Yan shook her head. "I just feel... university seems pretty good."

"Of course." Ren Xiangzhou raised an eyebrow. "It's much freer than high school. By the way, I'll take you somewhere tomorrow."

The next day, Ren Xiangzhou indeed took her to Yiyang Normal University.

This is Qi Sheng's alma mater.

Yishi University is larger and more beautiful than the school Ren Xiangzhou attended. The buildings with blue tiles and white walls are hidden in the dense shade of trees, students are sketching by the lake, and people are playing guitar and singing on the lawn. The air is filled with a sense of freedom and leisure.

"How is it? Isn't it prettier than your high school?" Ren Xiangzhou asked with a smile.

Luo Yan nodded, her gaze falling on a group of students playing ball not far away. Sunlight fell on their leaping figures, gilding them with a golden edge, like a vivid painting. She suddenly remembered how Qi Sheng taught them to pass the ball, and the tone of his voice when he said "keep your wrist straight," and her heart stirred slightly.

Looking at the radiant smiles on the faces of those college students, at their earnest discussions about their topics, and at the diverse recruitment posters for various clubs on the bulletin board, she suddenly felt that the troubles she had been experiencing in high school were really nothing.

It's like standing on a mountaintop and looking down; those obstacles that once seemed insurmountable are now just grains of sand beneath your feet.

Ren Xiangzhou spent four days in Suyi, taking Luo Yan to explore every street and alley. They went to the bustling pedestrian street, ate duck blood vermicelli soup from a supposedly century-old brand, and visited a quiet museum to see the dusty old objects.

On the night before they left, the two sat on a bench downstairs, looking at the moon in the sky.

“Brother,” Luo Yan suddenly spoke, her voice very soft, “I think I’ve fallen for someone.”

Ren Xiangzhou was taken aback for a moment, then smiled: "What kind of person?"

"He's quite unique. It's like he can do everything, and he stands out just by being there."

"That's good." Ren Xiangzhou's tone was very calm. "When you're young, you have to like a few people, otherwise it's no fun at all."

Luo Yan was taken aback by his reaction and paused for a moment: "Don't you think I should focus on my studies?"

“Focusing on your studies and liking someone are not mutually exclusive.” Ren Xiangzhou ruffled her hair. “The important thing is not to lose yourself because you like someone. Look at those flowers, they don’t stop blooming just because butterflies come, nor do they wither just because butterflies leave. They have their own rhythm.”

Luo Yan lowered her head and kicked at the pebbles at her feet, without saying a word.

“If you like someone, that’s fine, it’s no big deal.” Ren Xiangzhou’s voice was gentle. “But you need to know that your world is not just about him, but also about yourself, your paintbrush, the university you want to go to, and many, many things that are more important than liking someone.”

A gentle evening breeze carried the sweet fragrance of osmanthus blossoms. Suddenly, Luo Yan felt as if the tightness in her heart had been lifted.

Yeah, it's no big deal.

If you like something, you like it; it's as natural as flowers blooming in spring and leaves falling in autumn. But she can't forget that she still has a long way to go just because this flower has bloomed.

On the day she left Su Yi, Ren Xiangzhou went to see her off. Just before entering the station, he took a small cardboard box out of his bag.

"Here you go." He handed the cardboard box to Luo Yan. "I found it near the school yesterday. It's only a few months old and looks quite pitiful. Haven't you always wanted to have a cat?"

Luo Yan opened the cardboard box, and inside was a small black cat curled up, its eyes like two black pearls, looking at her timidly, its tail swaying gently.

"What's its name?" Luo Yan's voice was as soft as cotton.

"It's not up yet," Ren Xiangzhou laughed. "You can wake it up yourself."

Luo Yan hugged the cardboard box, gently touched the kitten's head with her fingertips, and whispered, "Let's call him Xiao Hei."

As the high-speed train started moving, Xiao Hei yawned inside the cardboard box, its little paws pawing at the side of the box as it nudged towards her. Luo Yan took out her phone, scrolled to her chat with Qi Sheng, and saw the photo of them together still on the screen. She didn't delete it or send another message; she just looked at it for a few seconds before putting her phone back in her pocket.

The scenery outside the window began to rush past again. Luo Yan held the cardboard box and looked at Xiao Hei curled up inside. Suddenly, a sense of clarity filled her heart.

It's true that I like it, but it's also true that I want to move forward.