Chapter 49 Pressure

Lin Yan seemed to be busy, but when he heard that my tone was wrong, he immediately put down what he was doing and contacted Lao Si directly.

After a while, Lin Yan sent me a message: "We chatted. The fourth brother is very persistent, even a little stubborn. He feels that his choice is responsible for the 'stability' of the two of them."

I showed Xiaoyou my phone. After reading it, Xiaoyou's tears silently flowed even harder, and she murmured, "Break up... forget it... it's meaningless..."

My heart felt like a huge rock was pressing down on me. Seeing Xiaoyou's desperate expression, I couldn't help but ask, "Xiaoyou, really...is there no compromise? For example, you could apply for a job with Lao Si?"

Xiaoyou wiped away her tears and smiled bitterly, "Brother Rui, for our major, taking the civil service exam is one option, but the competition is too fierce. The city where Lao Si lives... is too far from home, and the competition is even fiercer than the city I want to go to! I... I don't dare to take the risk."

She paused, her voice almost cold and sober. "Even in love, when it comes to the future, you still have to consider your own interests... No one wants to sacrifice their future, right?"

I was stunned and subconsciously looked at Lin Yan who had been silent beside me.

Lin Yan also happened to look at me with a complicated look in his eyes.

Xiaoyou's words were like a needle that pierced the bubble of my previous overly idealistic view of love.

Yes, in order to accommodate my possible future, Lin Yan gave up better opportunities for continued study and company offers... Wasn't what he gave up a part of the "benefits"?

Perhaps, at the crossroads of reality, most couples are simply "partners" weighing the pros and cons, seeking a win-win situation? Once the going gets tough, or the balance of interests becomes unbalanced, does breaking up seem inevitable?

This realization made me feel indescribably cold and uncomfortable.

Real love is far from as pure and selfless as described in novels.

Lin Yan took over the conversation and calmly analyzed it into his phone (with speakerphone on):

"Old Four, Xiaoyou, your problem right now is that you're both just optimizing for your own benefit, hoping the other person will compromise. Old Four, you said you were afraid you wouldn't pass the exam and asked Xiaoyou to wait, but have you ever asked Xiaoyou if she's willing to wait? Or, are you willing to choose a different path just to be together?"

He paused and proposed a solution that none of us had expected:

"For example, Lao Si, you can also take the civil service exam together with Xiao You. For our major, the pass rate for the civil service exam isn't necessarily much lower than the postgraduate entrance exam, right? Besides, we have the same goals, and we can also encourage each other."

The fourth brother on the other end of the phone was obviously stunned: "Take the civil service exam? I...but..." He instinctively resisted this proposal that disrupted his original plan.

"Stop making excuses." Lin Yan hit the nail on the head.

"How much of your obsession with the postgraduate entrance exam is due to a genuine desire for the degree, and how much is simply a way of shifting your anxiety about the difficulty of the exam onto the high-sounding excuse of 'taking responsibility for the future'? Think carefully about what you really want. Is it the halo of a higher degree, or a secure future with Xiaoyou as soon as possible?"

There was a long silence on the phone.

Xiaoyou also stopped crying and stared at the phone screen in a daze.

The final outcome is something they need to discuss and decide. All Lin Yan and I can do is provide a way of thinking.

Looking at them, the heaviness in my heart reached its peak.

What if... I don’t pass the exam?

Lin Yan has given up so much for me. If I fail in the end, will this relationship still be as stable as it is now?

Will his expectations of me become the last straw that breaks the camel's back?

This anxiety is like countless tiny ants, gnawing at my heart all the time.

Especially when I was sitting in the library and heard people next to me whispering about how they had already finished the second round of professional courses, or casually talking about a knowledge point that I couldn't understand no matter how hard I tried, the feeling of fear and inferiority almost suffocated me.

I desperately tried to extend my study time like a drowning man grabbing at driftwood.

The library's closing music played over and over again, and I was often the last one to dawdle and pack up my things.

Many times, Lin Yan waited at the door for a long time before seeing me walk out with heavy steps, as if my soul had been drained. The smile on my face became less and less, replaced by a thick and gloomy look.

Finally, on an afternoon that had been suppressed for too long, the taut string broke completely.

Recently I have been almost becoming self-abusive. Lin Yan sees it and feels pain in his heart.

He couldn't bear it, so he specially booked a table at my favorite restaurant, wanting to take me out for a big meal to relax my tense nerves.

It took me a long time to come out of the library, feeling extremely guilty - others were still studying late into the night, but I had to go out and enjoy myself?

This thought hit me like a whip.

Lin Yan drove me to the restaurant, which had a very nice environment.

He magically brought out a small, incredibly delicate cake in my favorite strawberry and cream flavor, topped with fresh strawberries and chocolate beads.

He handed it to me with a smile: "Here, reward our hard-working little soldier."

Seeing my beloved cake, my gloomy mood did brighten up a bit, and I subconsciously reached out to take it.

However, perhaps because of a trance, or perhaps because my hands were shaking from writing for so long, the moment my fingertips touched the bottom of the cake box -

The box slipped out of my hand, and the exquisite cake fell to the ground! The beautiful cream collapsed and deformed, and the strawberries rolled out, covered in dust, making a mess.

At that moment, the string called "reason" in my mind completely broke.

Looking at the ruins on the ground that symbolized "reward" and "sweetness", the anxiety, fatigue, self-doubt, fear of the future, guilt towards Lin Yan that had accumulated over the past few days... all the negative emotions surged out like a flood that broke through the dam!

"Wow!" I burst into tears without any warning, tears gushing out like a dam breaking, and my body shaking uncontrollably like a helpless child.

Lin Yan was horrified by my sudden breakdown! He hurriedly pulled me into his arms, quickly took me out of the restaurant, and stuffed me into the car.

"Baby! Baby, don't cry! It's okay! If the cakes are gone, we'll buy more! Buy ten!"

He hugged me tightly, his voice filled with unprecedented panic and heartache, and his hands kept patting my back.

"Buy whatever you want!"

I cried breathlessly, my words incoherent, "The cake... the cake is gone... I... I can't pass the exam... I definitely can't pass Lin Yan's exam... I can't learn... I'm too stupid... I don't deserve what you did for me... Wuuuuu..."

I finally screamed out the deepest fear in my heart.

Lin Yan's body stiffened for a moment, then he hugged me tighter. He understood everything now.

He understood why my smile had disappeared during this period, why I was so stubborn and stubborn sitting in the library until late at night, and why I was under such immense pressure hidden under the dark circles under my eyes...even the pressure that he himself had invisibly imposed on me due to "expectations."

"Silly..." His voice was hoarse, filled with heartache and self-blame, and his chin gently rubbed the top of my head. "If you can't pass the exam, then you can't pass it. It's no big deal."

"But……"

"No buts!" He interrupted me in a firm tone.

"Listen, Chen Rui. Taking the postgraduate entrance exam is just one option in life, not the only path! If you don't pass, the sky won't fall! If you don't want to take the exam anymore, let's work and I'll support you! If you still want to continue, let's keep taking the exam and I'll be with you! I'll be with you even if you take the exam for ten years! But, baby, don't cry, okay? Look at what you've done to yourself recently. Taking the postgraduate entrance exam has ruined your body and spirit. That's really not worth it!"

As he spoke, he gently wiped away the tears streaming down my face with his fingertips. His tone was more patient and gentle than ever before, and every word he said soothed my nerves that were on the verge of collapse.

I cried in his arms for a long time, crying out all the grievances, fears, and self-denial that had accumulated during this period.

My tears soaked his shirt on his chest, but he didn't care. He just kept stroking my back and coaxing me in a low voice.

Slowly, in his warm and solid embrace and his firm and tolerant words, the panic and despair that almost drowned me subsided bit by bit like the ebbing tide.

Although deep down in my heart, those anxious little ants about "what if I fail the exam" are still there, they are no longer as suffocating as a flood or a beast.

Finally, I was tired of crying, my eyes were swollen like peaches, and Lin Yan held my hand and went to buy an identical strawberry cake again and had a steaming hot pot.

The cake is sweet and the hot pot is warm.

Lin Yan's hands were clenched tightly.

The road ahead is still difficult and the anxiety has not completely disappeared.

But at least at this moment, I know that I am not fighting alone.

My keeper will always be by my side.