Chapter 55 Differences

In fact, Cen Yan's feelings were complicated.

Upon closer inspection, there is even a hint of unfamiliar fear mixed in.

There's no other reason than that he's simply not very lucky in this area.

But he never regretted it.

Whether it was questioning his mother at the beginning or going to find Consort Tao later.

None of those were pleasant memories.

But he never regretted it.

It's always better to live a painful but conscious life than to drift through life numbly and in a daze.

Therefore, once he asked that question, he wouldn't take it back.

Cen Yan just didn't know if the answer would hurt him again.

To this day, he still doesn't understand where Zhuang Dongqing's firm determination to leave the Prince's Mansion comes from, but that doesn't stop him from coming up with several possibilities, among which...

Cen Yan lowered his eyes for a moment, then looked at Zhuang Dongqing again, waiting for his answer.

Zhuang Dongqing... was somewhat bewildered.

"Why are you suddenly asking this?"

Cen Yan simply said, "I asked about it once before, but I didn't investigate it in detail."

"How early?"

He can't remember at all.

Cen Yan's expression turned solemn. "When you first came to the Prince's Mansion, and we first talked about raising this child..."

That was indeed a long time ago.

Back then, Zhuang Dongqing couldn't figure out Cen Yan's personality and was even a little afraid of him; it was nothing like today...

Feeling that a serious conversation would be too ambiguous, Zhuang Dongqing straightened up from Cen Yan's lap and sat up.

What exactly was said in that conversation?

Oh, we're talking about industry.

But now Cen Yan has already given it all, not only the properties in the capital, but also many properties in his fiefdom. Zhuang Dongqing already felt it was enough, but according to Liu Qi, it was only part of it. He was still sorting it out, and there was more to come.

Since they've already given away the industry, they certainly aren't concerned about the assets.

Thinking about this, Zhuang Dongqing found it somewhat amusing, realizing that she had been judging others by her own petty standards. Cen Yan had never said he was unwilling to give, and he was not a stingy person in their interactions; he had only ever cared about her.

Yes, it concerns our livelihood, so we can't ignore it!

Let go of that thought, and then go back to the beginning.

Oh, ask him if he can stay for the sake of the child. He has an identity, so the child's identity is also justified.

And his answer at the time was—

Since they are not mutually in love, there is no need to force them into marriage.

He has accepted the child and will raise him well, hoping that he will have his own life in the future.

Yes, if he's unhappy, the child won't be happy either.

Now……

Zhuang Dongqing looked at Cen Yan.

The man, having washed up, lay on his bed in only his nightgown. The book he had been reading was now set aside. He simply looked at himself quietly, as if gently awaiting his answer.

"..."

Suddenly, Zhuang Dongqing became less certain about whether the relationship was mutual.

He doesn't dislike Cen Yan.

like……

Oh no, no.

It shouldn't be related to that.

Stopping the unpleasant thoughts that were running wild because of Cen Yan's appearance, Zhuang Dongqing also became serious and slowly said, "Do you still remember our previous conversation?"

"I remember everything."

Zhuang Dongqing naturally had no doubt about Cen Yan's memory.

Even if he doesn't remember the details, he probably wouldn't forget them if they were Cen Yan's.

Zhuang Dongqing: "So, didn't I make it quite clear last time... um, wasn't it?"

"Is there anything else you want to ask?"

The same answer is applicable, even if there are some differences in the details.

For example, his relationship with Cen Yan seems to have become much closer.

But...in their time, having a bed partner was quite common, wasn't it?

"Tongfang" and the like, aren't they just bed partners that one would never admit to before marriage?

Zhuang Dongqing thought it made sense.

Not all people in ancient times were pedantic.

Besides, he's a man, not a young woman, so he doesn't need to be held back by empty things like reputation and status.

Thinking about it this way, Zhuang Dongqing became even more confused and tilted her head to look at Cen Yan.

Cen Yan: "There are quite a lot."

"Having known you for so long, I have a general understanding of your character. Let me first confirm a few points of doubt."

Zhuang Dongqing: "Go ahead."

Cen Yan: "First of all, it's not because you were dissatisfied with the identity I gave you back then, is it?"

Zhuang Dongqing shook her head.

Cen Yan sighed inwardly; he knew it.

"Secondly, it's not that you dislike the Prince's Mansion, is it?"

Zhuang Dongqing: "The Prince's Mansion is quite nice."

In detail, it's like a paradise for Zhuang Dongqing. He can stay there and do nothing, while someone takes care of all his needs, making it a very comfortable place to retire.

Cen Yan nodded in agreement, confirming his suspicions.

She lowered her eyes, concealing the complex emotions within: "But you still don't want to stay?"

Why?

There were no problems at all, and everyone was satisfied, so why did they still leave?

Oh, this.

Zhuang Dongqing scratched his head, realizing what Cen Yan wanted to ask.

Scratching her hands, Zhuang Dongqing whispered, "Do you think I... am ungrateful?"

Cen Yan glanced at Zhuang Dongqing in surprise and shook his head.

"I just don't understand what you're thinking... but I want to know."

"……oh."

actually……

Zhuang Dongqing: "My thoughts may be, how should I put it, different from those of normal people."

Cen Yan: "I've discovered it."

Reaching out to grasp Zhuang Dongqing's hand, stopping him from scratching himself, Cen Yan reassured him, "No rush, you can speak slowly."

She paused for a moment, then said, "It's nothing, I was just asking."

He said things he didn't even believe himself.

It is not comprehensive either.

Unfortunately, the person opposite him was Zhuang Dongqing.

As expected, Zhuang Dongqing didn't notice anything amiss and instead let out a soft sigh, "...Okay."

After sorting out her thoughts, Zhuang Dongqing said, "You want to ask why I still want to leave when the Prince's mansion has everything I need, and I've been offered a noble status and a high rank, so no matter what, I agreed and I won't have to worry about anything for the rest of my life? So, with such generous conditions, why do I still want to leave?"

Is that what you mean?

In modern terms, this would probably mean why someone would leave a state-owned enterprise during an economic downturn.

Cen Yan: "I do have this concern."

Zhuang Dongqing lowered her eyes, glanced at Cen Yan, and then lowered her head again.

She tried to scratch her hand again, but Cen Yan held it tightly. After struggling for a while, she closed her eyes and said, "When I was a child, or rather, during my growth, my elders told me that one has to rely on oneself in this life."

Relying on heaven or earth is not as good as relying on yourself.

His aunt often said this to him.

Zhuang Dongqing also deeply agreed.

"The Prince's Mansion is very nice."

"But the Prince's Mansion is not my home."

"and……"

Cen Yan: "And?"

Licking her lips, Zhuang Dongqing said without reservation, "Besides, this isn't the life I want."

Cen Yan's pupils contracted.

Zhuang Dongqing: "I know this is easy, but just think of me as ungrateful. I don't like such complicated environments."

“In the palace, in the prince’s mansion, and among the people coming and going, everyone seems to have something in their mouth, they are not simple. This is not what I want to face. I will not engage in scheming.”

"Actually, my request is very simple. I just hope to have a little money, support Liufu, find him a wife in the future, and live a peaceful and stable life..."

"In your eyes, you probably think I have no ambition."

"But it's very peaceful."

"I like this peaceful and uneventful life."

"I...can't fight like you, outwitting and outmaneuvering others in the midst of bloodshed. I don't like challenges, and besides, I can't beat anyone..."

Zhuang Dongqing lowered her head and said, "I'm sorry."

Cen Yan: "What?"

Zhuang Dongqing: "I know your suggestion was for my own good, I'm sorry, just pretend I'm not..."

His mouth was covered.

I didn't even have time to utter the words "ungrateful wretch".

Zhuang Dongqing looked up at Cen Yan and saw Cen Yan's complicated gaze.

Too complicated, I can't understand it.

However, he felt that his words were too challenging to the orthodox thinking of this era, and that Cen Yan probably wouldn't like them.

But... those were truly his thoughts.

He had no choice but to stay in the Prince's mansion to have a baby, otherwise he was afraid of complications during childbirth, as it would require surgery.

But after he was born, he really didn't want to stay in the power center of Beijing anymore.

I don't want to get involved in the plot at all.

He just wanted to stay somewhere, while the main characters continued their bloody battles, and he enjoyed a peaceful life.

"Stop talking, I never thought of you that way." Cen Yan said hoarsely, his throat bobbing.

Suddenly, he understood why the abbot of Daci Temple had compared him to his father and said those words to him.

No matter how unwilling you are, some things are still inevitable, and you end up following the same path.

Swallowing again, Cen Yan lowered his eyes and said, "I understand."

The voice was very soft, and sounded...sad.

Zhuang Dongqing suddenly panicked, wondering if she had gone too far.

Taking a deep breath, Cen Yan roused himself and smiled, but it was a forced smile: "This isn't the first time I've heard this argument."

I know what you're trying to say.

“It’s not that you don’t like the Prince’s Mansion, nor that you don’t know how good it is here.”

"You are just..."

"I don't want to live that kind of life."

Cen Yan's eyelashes trembled, and she wanted to laugh, but she couldn't laugh at all.

When Cen Yan went to see Zhuang Dongqing, he saw a deep unease in Zhuang Dongqing's eyes. He touched Zhuang Dongqing's hair and sighed, "Our Qingqing has her own life to live."

"Alright..."

I thought he was just grinning foolishly, but that's not entirely true.

But this is good too; being clear-headed is much better for you.

Zhuang Dongqing panicked, "Did I say something wrong?"

"You, you don't mind, I'm just bad with words, I..."

Cen Yan: "No."

Zhuang Dongqing: "..."

Zhuang Dongqing whispered, "But you look very unhappy."

Cen Yan smiled faintly, so faintly that Zhuang Dongqing couldn't even tell if it was a smile or not.

"I just..."

"I feel a bit emotional."

It's lamentable that his luck is truly bad; the situation he least wanted to encounter still happened to him.

Cen Yan was slightly lost in thought. After a moment, he felt Zhuang Dongqing squeezing his hand back and looking at him again.

Zhuang Dongqing: "I'm sorry, perhaps I shouldn't have said this today."

"You were clearly unhappy today."

His eyes were full of apology, which made Cen Yan feel inexplicably sorry for him.

Cen Yan patted the spot next to him and said, "Then let me hug you for a while."

"Huh? Oh, oh oh."

Zhuang Dongqing quickly slipped into the quilt, and Cen Yan also took the opportunity to extinguish two oil lamps, leaving only one lamp by the bedside to provide some light.

Zhuang Dongqing snuggled into his arms, still uncertain, and said, "You just want to hug me? I don't need to..."

"Shh, hug me."

Zhuang Dongqing stopped talking and behaved very well.

She nestled into Cen Yan's arms, glancing up at him every now and then, looking very worried about him, which made Cen Yan chuckle.

After the laughter came a wave of melancholy.

"Therefore, people should treat each other with sincerity and exchange sincerity for sincerity."

The words of the abbot of Daci Temple echoed in my ears once again.

Yes... it fits the current situation perfectly.

The fact that Daci Temple has maintained its incense offerings for over a century shows that it has some special abilities.

Although this situation has been discussed,

But it's not over yet.

At least for Cen Yan.

Zhuang Dongqing denied some things, but made him think clearly about others.

For example, according to Zhuang Dongqing's initial statement, what if they were mutually in love?

What if the Prince's Mansion became his home?

Would Zhuang Dongqing be willing to stay then?

Moreover, His Majesty is old, and at the latest, the new emperor will ascend the throne. Sooner or later, everyone in the Prince's Mansion will return to their fiefdom, which is not contrary to the life Zhuang Dongqing wants.

The only contradiction is in the present moment...

But he couldn't be sure if Zhuang Dongqing would be willing to endure it for him for a while.

During his time in the capital, he sometimes couldn't even stand it himself, so how could he possibly drag the person he loved into such a rotten life?

Is it about exchanging sincerity for sincerity...?

Cen Yan smiled, a helpless smile.

The conversation could have continued, but he had run out of courage and was afraid he wouldn't be able to withstand a second rejection anytime soon.

He didn't want to lose his composure in front of Zhuang Dongqing.

Cen Yan could only say, "With me here, you won't face any complicated situations in the Prince's Mansion."

Zhuang Dongqing: "But wouldn't that be very tiring?"

Cen Yan: "?"

Zhuang Dongqing's eyes were clear: "If I rely on you for everything, won't I be very tired? You're already protecting so many people from the wind and rain."

Cen Yanxin suddenly felt very tender.

Zhuang Dongqing always seems to have this ability.

Zhuang Dongqing continued, "So I can just lean on you for now, it won't be long."

Cen Yan couldn't resist kissing Zhuang Dongqing.

Zhuang Dongqing's face quickly turned red again; she was short of oxygen.

When his mind was hazy, he felt Cen Yan kissing his nose and cheeks, as if he really liked it.

Cen Yan said softly, "There are some things I should tell you."

About the Prince's Mansion, about him, about Consort Tao.

"But that's a long story."

"Not today, let's do it later, it's too late today..."

He simply had no energy left.

"In addition, there are some things that should have been said a long time ago."

"I'll tell you all at once when the time comes."

In the end, all the cards were played, and whether Zhuang Dongqing stayed or left was entirely up to him.

Cen Yan was actually a little unaccustomed to this unreserved attitude.

But it seems there's no other way.

Zhuang Dongqing hadn't realized it yet. When he said it was getting late, she rubbed her eyes and said, "It is late."

He was a little sleepy.

Worried about Cen Yan, she replied, "It's alright, do whatever is convenient for you."

"Okay. Go to sleep."

Cen Yan blew out the last lamp.

Zhuang Dongqing: Good night.

"What does that mean? Goodnight?" Cen Yan asked for the first time.

"Oh, it means you have a good night's sleep."

Cen Yan thought for a moment and replied, "Good night."

He kissed Zhuang Dongqing on the forehead.

They helped him settle down.

*

Two days later, Consort Tao's carriage finally arrived in the capital.