Chapter 1 Who is Christine?

Leng Cuizhu always felt that she had forgotten something.

A crystal-clear river, fluffy sheep, a blond-haired, blue-eyed oddball...

There were also raging fires, eyes swollen to the size of lychees, flesh and blood in pockets, and charred ribs hanging from a sickle. These things always flashed through her mind.

That's terrifying.

Perhaps it's what the official meant by "pregnancy makes you stupid for three years".

She stroked her swollen belly, stopped thinking about it, and let it go with a laugh.

He yawned, turned around, and went back to his room for a nap.

She slept until evening, when she felt hungry and her stomach started growling.

I tried to get out of bed, but my eyelids felt stuck together and I couldn't open them.

Someone wiped the sweat from her forehead, their calloused hands rubbing against her skin.

It has a very refreshing bamboo leaf scent with a faint earthy aroma.

She opened her eyes: "My lord!"

"Be careful of your stomach." Yin Yuan let her hug him, gently stroking her back, his fingertips parting her collar. "You're all sweaty."

He wiped the thin layer of sweat from her neck with the back of his hand.

Leng Cuizhu shyly released her hand and rolled up her sleeves.

The weather has been unpredictable these past few days, with torrential rain and blazing sun alternating. She was worried that her unborn child would catch a cold, so she wore a little too many layers.

"Has my lord eaten yet? I'll go and cook for him."

"No need, I'll only stay a little while, I need to go back to my residence for dinner."

The man stuffed a stack of silver notes into her hand.

"I haven't even finished using the ones my husband gave me last time." She finished speaking with a touch of sadness.

A few months ago, she worked as a prostitute, but later discovered she was pregnant and was redeemed by Yin Yuan, who brought her to this secluded cottage on the outskirts of the city.

After that, she never left the house or went out into the street again, living in complete isolation.

Life was not as extravagant as before, but it was peaceful, and her loved ones would visit her from time to time.

She was very content.

But does she really want to live like this for the rest of her life? To be a mistress for life... and her children will only be illegitimate.

The son of a sixth-rank compiler sounds much better than the illegitimate child of a prostitute.

She tentatively inquired, "My lord... how has your wife been these days?"

Yin Yuan glanced at her and said indifferently, "Don't worry, she doesn't know about your situation. Just stay here and rest during your pregnancy."

Leng Cuizhu lowered her eyes and shut her mouth.

I don't know how this can be done.

If she were to remain hidden away in a square room, she would be destined to be a mistress without any official status for the rest of her life.

The next day, she arrived at the gate of the Yin residence with her large pregnant belly.

As the pregnancy progressed, her movements became increasingly difficult, and she developed a habit of being easily frightened and constantly having negative thoughts.

For example, the lump of flesh inside her belly would not only compress her stomach and small intestine, but would also be covered in mucus and crawl up her throat, even while she was sleeping.

When she feels unwell and opens her eyes, she will see a warm, wet mass wriggling beside her pillow.

That's her child.

She's adorable no matter what.

She longed to hear her baby call her "Mom."

She's going to be a mother, that's wonderful.

The guard at the door asked, "Who are you looking for?"

She held her aching back and said, "Brother, could you please call your wife? I need to speak with her..."

The guard looked her up and down, grunted in response, and turned to go inside to find someone.

She stood on the steps waiting, gently stroking her belly with her hand.

"Hey, isn't this Little Candlestick?" The man stopped and moved closer to her, looking her up and down. "Long time no see. Your belly has gotten so big."

The man, with his large, protruding belly, asked, "Little Candle, whose child is this?"

He looked up.

The plaque reads "Yin Mansion" in neat handwriting.

"Yin Yuan redeemed you from the brothel? You actually went with him!" The man kicked the stone steps. "You good-for-nothing! I spent a fortune on you! And you, you little slut, ended up running off with someone else! You whore!"

He poked her shoulder, shoved her, and cursed at her as he did so.

Leng Cuizhu panicked: "My patron... please don't call me that."

If Madam Yin comes out later and knows about her past work, she will be even less likely to let her in.

It would be a miracle if they didn't beat her to death; how could they possibly let her become an official's concubine?

She supported her belly, her legs moving quickly, one in front of the other.

She walked into the alley next door, trying to shake off the man.

The man continued to follow her, shouting and cursing incessantly.

"You ungrateful little whore! I'm giving you a break, and instead of being grateful, you dare to go looking for other men! Why don't you just die in bed!"

She was about to cry: "Customer, please stop talking..." She tried to raise her hand to wipe her tears, but her arm was too sore to lift.

The man caught up with her, cornered her against the wall, and revealed his mouthful of stained teeth.

"I'm going to beat this bastard child of yours today!"

"don't want!"

She protected her stomach and inexplicably heard a soft call.

"Christine."

She stopped crying and looked up.

She was facing a man with a face full of fat, which rippled with his breath, his bronze skin tinged with a faint red, covered in a layer of sultry oil.

She suddenly bit off a piece of her cheek.

Holding it in your mouth, the salty, damp sweat from the skin is licked over by the tip of your tongue.

She stood there, blood oozing from her rotting flesh, dripping onto her clothes, and a few drops falling onto her pregnant belly.

What is she doing?

She didn't understand.

Leng Cuizhu lowered her head in deep thought.

The man covered his face, looked at her in horror, and ran out of the alley, gasping for breath.

He had a piece missing from his cheek.

She remained standing in the same spot.

What am I doing?

Leng Cuizhu, what are you doing?

Cold Green Candle...no, Christine, what are you doing?

Who is Christine?

My head hurts so much.

She spat out the meat in her mouth and leaned against the wall.

I'm so hungry.

A small piece of meat on the ground was covered in mud, red and white, and oozing bright red blood.

The bloodstains on her collar smelled strongly of blood.

She wiped away her tears: "...Baby, it's okay. Let's go home and have dinner. Don't cry, baby."

But it was clearly her who was crying.

She couldn't even bear to look at the suffering she was enduring.

Back in the cabin, she had just changed into clean clothes when Yin Yuan arrived, carrying a bag of pastries.

"My lord!" Her eyes lit up as she took the pastries. "Are you thirsty, my lord? I'll go and make you some tea."

Yin Yuan called out to her, "Cui Zhu, there's no need to brew tea. Sit down and rest."

His face had a pair of narrow, almond-shaped eyes, a high, straight nose, and thin lips... but he wasn't smiling.

Leng Cuizhu understood that the official simply did not like to smile.

She sat on the ground under the eaves, head down, unpacking pastries.

"You went to the Yin residence?"

Her hands froze, and she managed to utter the words with difficulty: "...Yes."

The cold green candlelight was lit; the gentleman's question meant he must know.

"You're dissatisfied with me?"

"no."

"Do you want to go out for a walk?"

"no."

Are you feeling unwell?

"no."

"You want to leave me?"

She looked up.

"My lord, no... how could I possibly leave you..."

Her attention was entirely focused on the throbbing, dark green veins on his neck, which, like water snakes, swam back and forth beneath his skin.

So cute.

"That's good."

He still had no feelings.

Leng Cuizhu snapped out of her reverie, realizing what she had been thinking. Frustrated, she took a piece of pastry from the oil paper and put it in her mouth to melt.

Could she have gone mad?

She's only seventeen this year, a beautiful age, has she gone mad?

Leng Cuizhu had always thought that only old women could be insane.

Yin Yuan stayed in the small house that night, and she was overjoyed, sitting in front of the dressing mirror combing her hair.

I opened a jar of cream and scooped out a dollop with my fingertip. Instead of applying it directly to my face, I used the dim candlelight to examine my hand.

It was utterly ugly.

My legs were swollen like two radishes.

She actually started to hate her own body.

She loves beauty and wants to look pretty, but her round, protruding belly constantly reminds her that she is a mother.

She is pregnant; she must be gentle, maternal, and sit quietly in the room, waiting for her lover to return.

Rouge and face powder must be thrown away, brightly colored nail polish must be removed, gold and silver jewelry should not be worn, and overeating is forbidden... All of this is for the sake of the children.

She not only had to be a saint for her children, but also a prostitute for her lover.

She is the perfect mother and the perfect wife.

Who exactly is she?

Leng Cuizhu looked at herself in the mirror and slowly applied cream to her face, caressing every inch of her skin.

Exhausted, listless... I seem to have aged ten years.

She actually started to hate herself.

If she stays beautiful, will her husband come to see her more often?

"...Really."

Looking at herself in the bronze mirror, tears welled up in her eyes like a burst dam.

She lowered her head and sobbed softly.

After she finished tidying up, Yin Yuan had already gone to bed and fallen asleep.

The canopy bed was narrow, so she took off her shoes and socks, supported her stomach, and tiptoed from the foot of the bed to the inside.

The whole process was long and silent; what might be simple for an ordinary person was torture for her. She was seven months pregnant, and had to be extremely careful and on edge in everything she did. And to make matters worse, the baby in her belly was restless.

Lying in bed, she was covered in sweat, and her temples were throbbing.

Christine.

She remembered that name again.

Who is Christine?

Why did I react so strongly when I heard that name... like I was going crazy?

“Christine…”

She turned her head to the side; the man beside her had his back to her, his dark hair scattered all over the pillow.

A section of his neck was exposed to the sun; it was hot in the summer, and he was sweating lightly.

She twirled a handkerchief to wipe his sweat, her hand resting on his warm neck, feeling the throbbing veins.

Intense, subtle; through a layer of gauze, she pressed her entire hand against it.

An urge to strangle him arose within me.

Just before she was about to exert force with her tiger's mouth, she withdrew her hand and nervously twisted the handkerchief between her hands.

If my husband knew she had such thoughts, he would definitely abandon her. No, no... she can't live without my husband, how could she have the heart to kill him?

She had no parents and was sold to a brothel when she was three years old. Over the years, her husband has been the only person who has been kind to her.

When the master came to the brothel, he only let her play the pipa, sing songs, and serve tea, or he would sleep with her. He never laid a hand on her, and even the first time he hung a lamp was her initiative.

Unlike her other patrons, the man didn't torment her; he was quick. Each session lasted less than half an hour. Because the time was too short to calculate the money, she would chat with him.

The official had a childhood sweetheart, a wife he married through proper channels. She was exceptionally talented, possessed a refined and scholarly air, and was also exceptionally beautiful.

His wife seems to be very tolerant; even if he takes eight concubines, it won't be a problem.

Leng Cuizhu wanted to become Yin Yuan's concubine at that time.

Perhaps because of her lowly status, she was simply redeemed by him and kept outside after she became pregnant.

She closed her eyes.

The official must have liked her, otherwise he wouldn't have redeemed her.

...Probably.

After that, Leng Cuizhu never left the house again until the day she gave birth. Unable to bear it any longer, she dragged her body, which was leaking amniotic fluid, to ask the aunt next door for help in finding a midwife.

Yin Yuan had come the day before and told her that he was going to accompany his wife to pay respects to their ancestors today, but it wasn't appropriate for him to come since she was giving birth today.

She can do it herself.

"Girl, push! How will the baby come out if you don't push!"

Her body seemed to belong to her; she strongly sensed something tearing at her flesh and blood, screaming incessantly.

The blood was burning hot.

The midwife stamped her foot anxiously: "Oh dear, quickly bring me scissors and boil more water. She's in such a state that we have no choice but to cut her open."

Cut it open?

don't want!

She braced her elbows on the sweaty bed, struggling to get up, trying to let out a scream.

The roar, which had just escaped from his swollen throat, was forced back down by a hot towel.

"Christine."

She heard that call again.

Her eyes widened.

Suddenly I realized.

She is Leng Cuizhu!

She is not anyone's wife!

She is not anyone's mother!

Not content with just gnawing on her flesh, they also wanted to chew on her bones and suck out her marrow.

On what grounds?

Without warning, she picked up the scissors on the table and plunged them into her stomach.

The room was filled with the stench of blood.

A note from the author:

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1. The original setting is just a setting. Everyone is essentially heterosexual, and all the male guests are even more so. Yin Yuan only has familial feelings for Leng Zhen.

2. Comments that ship BL (Boys' Love) or GL (Girls' Love) will be deleted.

3. Male who is completely virgin.