Chapter 202 Xu Zhixian's Autobiography

When "Youyou" was mentioned, Xu Zhixian's flawless smile finally cracked.

His eyes dimmed almost imperceptibly for a moment, but quickly regained their gentle, detached calm.

"Why?" Xu Zhixian repeated, as if asking himself, or as if recounting a story that had already been destined, "Probably because of... my wife."

He paused, seemingly organizing his thoughts, or perhaps simply lost in his own memories.

“She’s a very good person, really. Gentle, kind, and always smiling. We’ve been married for ten years, and our relationship has always been great. After Youyou was born, I felt like the happiest man in the world.” His voice remained steady, but if you listened carefully, you could sense a bottomless pain and emptiness beneath the calm.

"Later... because of a severe migraine, she mistakenly trusted an unreliable friend and tried some kind of 'miracle drug.' That stuff... once you're hooked, you can't get rid of it." Xu Zhixian's voice lowered. "She started becoming irritable and suspicious, secretly taking money from home, and even... stealing my police badge to trade for things. I tried everything to help her, sending her to a rehabilitation center, accompanying her to see a psychologist, and even... using some less-than-compliant methods to investigate those who sold her the drug. But nothing worked. That stuff completely ruined her."

“Three years ago, she and some ‘friends’ went on a trip to a lakeside scenic area in a neighboring province. She had a drug withdrawal episode and accidentally fell into the lake.” Xu Zhixian paused for a long time, so long that everyone thought he had finished speaking. He continued, his voice so soft it was almost inaudible, “There were many tourists by the lake. Some were taking pictures, some were exclaiming, some were shouting for the police… but no one jumped in to save her.”

"When I arrived, all I saw was her swollen and cold body."

“From then on, I understood.” Xu Zhixian raised his head and looked at everyone again, his smile becoming somewhat elusive. “In this world, neither the law nor morality can always protect the people you want to protect. They can’t punish real evil. They’re too slow, too powerless, and there are too many loopholes that allow those real maggots to slip through and live a carefree life.”

"So when the Sacred Heart Society found me and showed me some 'evidence' that was enough to ruin my reputation and even make me lose custody of Youyou, and promised to give me resources and power to 'clean up' the dregs that the law couldn't touch for the time being... I wavered."

"Later, I discovered they were doing much more than just 'cleaning up the dregs.' But by then, I was already in deep trouble. They used Youyou to threaten me. I've already lost my wife; I can't lose my daughter too." For the first time, a clear emotion flickered in Xu Zhixian's eyes—a father's instinct. "Li Ming, Li Yue, you investigated too deeply, almost touching their bottom line within the police station's internal network. So they ordered me to get rid of you. To lure you into a trap and fake your disappearances. Haoran… you were an accident. You were too perceptive, inadvertently noticing my unusual contact with an 'informant.' I had no choice but to strike first, using fabricated 'evidence of misconduct' to kick you out and prevent you from digging any deeper."

He spoke frankly and without reservation, his tone as calm as if he were giving a work report.

Zhao Liyue trembled with anger, tears welling up in her eyes, unsure whether it was from the rage of betrayal or the complex emotions she felt upon hearing about Xu Zhixian's ordeal.

Zhao Liming gripped his sister's hand tightly, his face ashen.

Qin Haoran turned his face away and wiped his eyes hard.

Lu Zheng listened in silence, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Lu Yuntian's expression was cold and his eyes were sharp as knives, but he did not interrupt Xu Zhixian.

After Xu Zhixian finished speaking, he seemed to have exhausted all his strength, but his back remained straight.

He looked at Lu Zheng one last time, the upright but somewhat stubborn junior whom he had once thought highly of.

“Lu Zheng,” his voice was unusually serious, even pleading, “I admit what I did. I’ll accept whatever sentence I’m given. There’s only one thing… I’d like to ask you.”

Lu Zheng looked up at him.

"Don't tell Youyou." Xu Zhixian's lips trembled slightly, but he tried his best to keep his voice steady. "She's still young, only eight years old. Let her remember the father who tells her stories, draws with her, and promises to bring her candy every time he solves a case. Okay?"

The interrogation room was deathly silent.

Only the sound of suppressed breathing and the faint urban clamor coming from outside the window.

Xu Zhixian was taken away. He left quietly, even nodding to his escorting colleagues, a habitual, gentle smile still lingering on his face.

But to everyone else, that smile only brought endless sorrow and irony.

Lu Zheng stood there for a long time, without moving.

Su Xiaonuan quietly walked to his side and gently tugged at his sleeve.

Lu Zheng snapped out of his daze and looked down at her.

Su Xiaonuan tilted her head back, her eyes clear and firm, her voice soft yet powerful: "What he said... may have some truth to it, regarding his daughter."

Lu Zheng pursed his lips.

“But,” Su Xiaonuan continued, grasping his cold hand and trying to offer some warmth, “you have the right to refuse. You have the right to choose whether to help him maintain this lie that may be ‘beautiful’ for the little girl for the time being, or to tell her a cruel but perhaps more beneficial truth for her long-term growth—even if it will hurt. Whichever you choose, you are right. As long as it is a choice you have carefully considered and believe you should make, a choice that you can be responsible for that child.”

She paused, looking at Lu Zheng's still furrowed brows, and said softly, "Then, just do what you're supposed to do, Officer Lu. Just like you've always done."

Lu Zheng took Su Xiaonuan's small hand in his own.

Her hands were warm and dry, with a few calluses from years of handling kitchen utensils, yet they strangely soothed the turbulent emotions churning within him.

He recalled Xu Zhixian's daughter Youyou's innocent and carefree face, her sweet smile that would call him "Uncle Lu" every time she saw him, her eyes sparkling as she waited for candy.

I recall Xu Zhixian's almost pleading look at the end.

He also recalled the responsibilities represented by the police badge on his shoulders, and the necessary pain that sometimes comes with revealing the truth.

After a long while, he nodded slowly and deeply.

“I will adopt her,” Lu Zheng said, his voice a little hoarse but unusually clear and firm. “I will be her guardian until she comes of age. As for her father… when she is older, strong enough, and able to understand the complexities and helplessness of the adult world, I will choose an appropriate way to tell her everything.”

This may not be the most perfect answer, but it is the balance that Lu Zheng has found between reason and law, between protection and honesty.