Chapter 30 The male wife is legal

"Hello, hello, welcome to our 'Who's Undercover' game. Here's the question: There's a straight man undercover among you three. The player who successfully identifies the straight man or hides his straight identity will receive two tickets to a luxury seaside resort sponsored by the livestream."

There were three contestants in the livestream, and Meng Weishen, having spent too long at the marriage registration office, was dragged in to make up the numbers. Standing right in the middle, he couldn't find where to look under the inky black lens, feeling as awkward as if he were visiting relatives during Chinese New Year.

The other two contestants exude the relaxed air of veteran actors. The little boy in makeup on his left, his head barely reaching his shoulders, is already wearing a midriff-baring leotard in the 10-degree weather, his red high heels clicking like oxen's hooves. The fitness guy on his right, half a head taller than him, must be breastfeeding. His bulbous pecs peek out from under his hurdles tank top, and his white socks and sneakers reinforce his safety-first approach.

Before the host finished reading the rules, the duo were already agitated, rolling their eyes at each other. The host announced the start of the game, and the two immediately took to the stage, dancing with hips, quipping about taste, and even walking the runway, mastering everything.

Meng Weishen acted as a telephone pole, allowing the two men to lean on him and dance on the pole, and he remained motionless.

The two were dancing happily, and somehow they united as one, pointing their fingers at Meng Weishen at the same time: "What kind of easy question is that? Contestant No. 2 must be the only one who is straight!"

Meng Weishen pointed to the boy in makeup on his left: "This guy is straight."

The host insisted on keeping the topic in suspense, pacing back and forth in front of the camera: "So, which contestant do you think is straight? You can type the number in the comment. Are you all picking number 2? Are you sure?"

The breastfeeding elder brother put his hands on his waist and said sweetly, "This is the most predictable issue. Hurry up and announce the results. My husband can't wait!"

"Okay, okay, now let me reveal the answer. Straight man, please step forward——"

The boy with makeup kicked his hooves and took a step forward reluctantly.

Question marks flooded the livestream room. Unable to maintain order, the host gestured for the camera to move to the back, framing a short-haired girl waving at everyone.

"Today, the host is going to help everyone break down stereotypes about various groups. Contestant #1 is straight, and this is Contestant #1's wife. They're here to get their marriage certificate today."

Meng Weishen easily won the victory and was waiting to receive the prize, but the camera turned to him again:

"Contestant No. 2, please stay. The people in the studio wanted me to interview you. Why are you so good at judging straight men? Do you have any tips? Tell us all. No one wants to be fooled by straight men anymore."

Meng Weishen answered honestly: "I don't have any tips, I just used the process of elimination. I just arrived at the marriage registration hall and contestant No. 3 came to ask for my contact information."

The breastfeeding brother said angrily, "Then why did you reject me? I thought you were straight!"

Meng Weishen was puzzled: "Dude, you are here to get married too, right? Your husband is standing next to you. Is this a good time to strike up a conversation?"

The other person rolled his eyes at him and raised his hand to the camera like a primary school student. "Contestant No. 2 has no idea about the rules of the industry. He's clearly an outsider! I'm reporting Contestant No. 2 for defiling the livestream. His crime is unforgivable!"

The anchor also echoed: "There are also many people in the live broadcast room who question the sexual orientation of contestant No. 2. Contestant No. 2, your family members all say that you look too much like the straight guy they had a crush on."

Before the game started, Meng Weishen had already told the host that he was actually straight and that there was a hidden reason for marrying a man. However, the host asked him to play a gay man, saying that it was for the show's effect and in line with the theme of breaking stereotypes.

Meng Weishen's eyes flickered between the camera and the anchor, unsure how to respond. Fortunately, the anchor received his distress signal and guided him:

"Contestant No. 2, you're here to get married today too, right? Where's your boyfriend? Prove it to the live stream."

There was less than half an hour left before the certificate processing window closed, and Jiang Ranxu had not yet arrived.

Meng Weishen was actually more anxious than the family members in the live broadcast room. But he had already called Jiang Ranxu, who said he was working and it would be rude to disturb him again.

He wasn't used to being in front of the camera, and his words stuttered nervously. "He's very busy at work, so he won't be here until later. Oh, and he's a pediatric dentist, very professional and patient. Parents all trust him, so he's very busy..."

The live broadcast room was filled with: Who asked you?

The host promptly returned the topic: "Contestant No. 2's relationship is very sweet. Families, please stop being jealous. Let's all wish the young couple a happy wedding. Where are they?"

Meng Weishen had already slipped out of the shot and ran towards the entrance. Looking back, he saw the group of people also chasing after him with cameras, so he had to take a breath to explain:

"Let's not talk about it for now. I'm anxious to get the certificate. Call me when you give out the prizes—"

The glass door opposite slowly opened, and Jiang Ranxu followed him into the marriage registration hall.

The moment Meng Weishen caught up with Jiang Ranxu, the camera also followed and framed the two of them firmly in the lens.

The anchor was responsible for providing narration for them: "Oh, this must be the family of contestant No. 2. Does anyone in the live broadcast room have any questions? The anchor will ask for you."

But Jiang Ranxu didn't seem interested in the interview. He didn't smile, didn't look at the camera, and simply walked towards the window in silence. Meng Weishen, like a celebrity agent playing big, quickly followed their lead, repeatedly signaling the camera to stop filming.

Most of those who can become anchors are shameless. They still laughed and said, "You guys are so annoying. You were just questioning No. 2's sexual orientation, and now that it's confirmed, you're calling him your husband? Moderate yourself, No. 2 will be someone else's husband soon!"

Jiang Ranxu suddenly stopped walking, looking unhappy. "Who's calling me husband in the comments? Gay men have no manners and should all be banned."

"Family members, please stay. We have a question for you." The host seized the opportunity and passed the dynamic microphone to Jiang Ranxu. "How did you two meet?"

Jiang Ranxu said, "We met through a blind date. If you need a blind date, you can contact my friend Teacher A at 137xxxx2369."

"Please don't advertise during the livestream! Then tell me how you fell in love with contestant number 2?"

"My mom said that I like men because I'm possessed by the devil. I thought about it and realized that some children with rotten teeth love to eat devilish spicy starch snacks. I think I'm possessed by that thing."

It's so funny to say such words with this face.

The host wanted to ask Meng Weishen, "Number 2, tell me why you like him."

Before Meng Weishen could form his words, Jiang Ranxu insisted on pushing him out of the camera: "Don't let No. 2 speak, his answer is incomprehensible."

"Contestant No. 2's family is so possessive. Let's interview their family. Did you encounter any opposition from your family when you came out?"

"Of course I'm against it." Jiang Ranxu replied calmly, without a trace of strangeness on his face. "It's all because the gay community is too uncultured. For example, those people who call me husband in the live broadcast room, they should reflect on themselves first."

"Family member No. 2, stop cursing! You've already scolded them enough. Admins, please clean up the comments. If this continues, the livestream will be shut down," the anchor urged. "Is there anything else wrong with the comments? How about a kiss to end the interview?"

He had clearly told the anchor that their marriage was fake! Meng Weishen's heart raced, and he asked in panic, "Where do you want to kiss? On the face?"

Before the host finished saying "Of course we have to kiss", Jiang Ranxu had already grabbed Meng Weishen's arm and walked quickly towards the window:

"There's no time left. This interview ends here."

——

Line up, get your number called, submit documents, sign, get the certificate, and take photos.

After completing the process, it was already closing time. The lights in the marriage registration hall gradually went out, and the people left. The smell of the cool metal seats filled his nose, making Meng Weishen shiver slightly.

Fortunately, the spring equinox had passed, the days lengthened, and a ray of crimson sunset lingered in the sky. Meng Weishen fled the icy marriage registration hall and stood under the setting sun, snapping his Polaroid film, hoping to speed up the imaging process.

This move had little effect. His arms were numb from the shock, and the film still only printed out the blurry silhouettes of the two people, with a very light purple-red coating behind them, making it impossible to recognize the original festive colors of the oath-taking hall.

He wanted to ask Jiang Ranxu to leave, only to find that he had been standing in the dark hall, looking at him.

Meng Weishen shouted, "Let's go, what do you want to eat tonight?"

Jiang Ranxu politely declined: "Thank you, I don't have much appetite. You go first."

"You'll get stomach problems if you skip dinner. Let's go together."

After a moment of silence, Jiang Ranxu said without reason, "I'm not clean today, you'd better stay away from me."

Meng Weishen was completely bewildered. He walked back to Jiang Ranxu and sniffed his collar carefully.

"You smell like you just took a shower, very clean." Meng Weishen asked the question in his heart, "Why are you acting weird today? Are you in a bad mood?"

"No."

Jiang Ranxu quickly rejected it.

As if to prove that he was not in a bad mood, Jiang Ranxu agreed to have dinner with him.

Meng Weishen shared a seafood yellow croaker noodle restaurant with the other person. He considered the taste to be quite authentic, and the hours were late enough that he often visited after work. The definition of "authentic" doesn't need to be too strict. It's extremely difficult for outsiders in Beijing to find the taste of home. Most of the dishes advertised as local specialties are crude replicas. Anything that even vaguely resembles a vague childhood memory is considered "authentic."

Restaurants near residential areas prioritized taste over decor. The two of them walked past the small aquarium bubbling with oxygen at the entrance and occupied a wooden table against the wall.

The table and chairs were a bit cramped, so Meng Weishen had to crouch down and scribble a few lines on the menu. Within half an hour, two bowls of golden noodle soup were served, each topped with three small yellow croakers. Heat gushed from the fish, simmering them with a rich, fresh aroma.

Meng Weishen had already eaten two small yellow croakers clean, and the other party's bowl still contained three complete brothers.

Jiang Ranxu looked like he had lost his appetite, repeatedly rubbing the greasy surface of the soup with a spoon. Only half a wooden table separated them, and Meng Weishen caught a glimpse of the other's overly pale hand, covered in several blood-red marks, seemingly from excessive wear and tear.

Before he could delve into the details, Jiang Ranxu suddenly asked, "Meng Weishen, what would your mother do to you if she knew you were married to a man?"

Meng Weishen felt awkward, but he still put down his chopsticks and thought for a moment: "She'll think I'm too embarrassed and tell me to keep it a secret and never tell anyone."

"Will you sever ties?"

"No. She wanted me to take the exams for the Ministry of Personnel Selection, the National and Provincial Examinations, and so on. I didn't even take a single written exam. She said she was extremely disappointed in me. But now we call each other every month, and our relationship is very stable."

Perhaps it was the first time that Jiang Ranxu heard someone use the word "stable" to describe the mother-son relationship. Meng Weishen finally caught a glimpse of a smile on his face.

Jiang Ranxu took a sip of the fish soup and said, "That's right. You're not really gay, and we're not really married. You can get a divorce soon."

The atmosphere was too strange. Meng Weishen picked up his chopsticks again, but his stomach was already full, and he didn't want to eat the remaining fish.

He dumped today's Polaroid photos on the table and was about to choose one when Jiang Ranxu asked him again, "If, I mean if. If I were a woman, would you voluntarily choose to marry me?"

Meng Weishen didn't understand the other party's intention: "The problem is that you are not a woman, how should you answer?"

"It's just a hypothesis."

"I am willing to marry you now. There is no need for assumptions."

Meng Weishen was no longer in the mood to choose photos.

Jiang Ranxu was strange today. He was cold, depressed, pessimistic, and filled with all sorts of negative emotions that shouldn't have appeared on a wedding day. This made Meng Weishen feel strange and confused.

Meng Weishen didn't like assumptions or speculation. He asked again, "Jiang Ranxu, what's wrong with you? Did anything happen today?"

"Nothing much happened, just a normal workday."

Jiang Ranxu denied it again. As if to prove he was fine, he swallowed a few more mouthfuls of the fish soup. His expression was as if he was swallowing Chinese medicine.

"I understand." Meng Weishen said.

"…What do you know?"

"You must be overworked. People get very tired from doing monotonous work all the time without seeing natural light. You need to change your mind." Meng Weishen said firmly, "It just so happens that the prize for today's live broadcast is resort tickets for two. Let's go out and have fun this weekend?"

Jiang Ranxu stared at him blankly and smiled slowly.

"You're right, let's go out and play."