Chapter Six

-Yu Shaohan-

Although I really wanted to scold Xiao Lan for her stupid habit of revealing jokes at crucial moments, I reluctantly decided to let her off the hook since the joke made me laugh.

Xiao Lan can be let off the hook, but that lousy man who calls me "monkey" can't be let off the hook—he actually called me "monkey"! He likes monkeys so much, huh? Then let's not call him weird bangs and small eyes or anything like that, let's just call him "Brother Monkey"!

Right, Monkey Bro?

Monkey, hehe, monkey.

Monkey King, you just wait, I'll get my revenge sooner or later!

A gentleman takes his revenge, even after ten years.

Perhaps because the resentment in his eyes was too deep, Monkey Bro stopped looking at me, but the two women next to him couldn't help themselves anymore.

"Huh? How dare a mere monkey stare at Lord Xia You like that? Gouge your eyes out and apologize!"

Alright, alright, you two, one Monkey Sister Number One, the other Monkey Sister Number Two—go live with your Monkey Brother! Even the hottest winter isn't as hot as you two! You two are the happiest family of three among monkeys!

If I hadn't been too busy drawing talismans these past few days, would you two be yelling at me like that? I would have taken out two Dark Crawling Talismans and stuck them on your faces, making you crawl in the shadows for a while—ideally, crawl from inside the amusement park to outside, crawl to the zoo, and go admire the monkeys you've been longing for!

"Alright, alright," Monkey Brother said with a smile, stopping them. "After all, they were brought out by Wu, so let's give them some face. Xia Xiazi and Mei Meizi."

Bah, hypocrite, Monkey Bro!

Anyone with eyes could see that Brother Monkey and Sister Monkey were playing the good cop/bad cop game, but Xiao Lan, that simple-minded girl, just couldn't see it. "Oh—" she nodded slowly, clenching her left fist into her right, looking as if she had just realized something, "At first I thought you were some kind of bad guy, but I didn't expect you to be such a nice person. Thank you for speaking up for us!"

"..."

“…”

I, Yu Shaohan, am verified online—that guy simply wanted to express his gratitude; there was absolutely no intention of being a two-faced person.

Although what she said really sounded sarcastic.

Monkey's expression froze. Clearly, no matter how cunning or shrewd a person is, they can't handle someone as naturally naive as him.

An inexplicable silence was broken by Gojo Satoru's laughter. I couldn't help but chuckle as well. Xiao Lan looked at me and Gojo Satoru with a puzzled expression: "What's wrong? Was there something strange about what I said?"

"No, no—not at all." I suppressed a laugh and said seriously, "Please continue to speak like this from now on. Okay, go play somewhere else!"

"OK! I will!"

In short, only Monkey Brother and Monkey Sister No. 1 and No. 2 were ultimately harmed at the amusement park entrance.

In the end, no one was interested in going to the amusement park and returned to school with little enthusiasm.

Throughout the journey, Gojo Satoru remained unusually silent.

His silence this time was truly unusual, so I made a bold guess—

He and Monkey Bro must be very good friends.

There are three reasons:

First, Monkey Brother directly calls him by his name, "Wu".

Second, Monkey King has a very bad impression of me and Xiao Lan, most likely because Xiao Lan and I occupied the positions next to Gojou Satoru.

Third, Gojo Satoru is now unusually silent.

For a moment, the car was unusually quiet. Xiao Lan and I exchanged a glance, still not quite used to Gojo Satoru's emo and negative mood. We've decided! We need to cheer Gojo Satoru up! After all, he's helped us so much [buying us accessories and clothes], so since he's so sad, shouldn't we comfort him?

Neither I, Yu Shaohan, nor Xiao Lan are the kind of people who are ungrateful.

"So what should we do?" Back at the Spellcasting Academy, I told Xiao Lan about my suggestion to cheer up Gojo Satoru. Xiao Lan agreed with my idea, but was still a little worried, "After all, we haven't spent much time with Gojo-sensei yet. We only know that he likes sweets, but we don't know anything else."

"Buy him some dessert... no no no." I quickly rejected the idea in my mind. "Right, we don't have any money."

If we were rich, we wouldn't have had to make Gojo Satoru pay for all our clothes and accessories.

Xiao Lan had a good suggestion: "Why don't we ask the students? They spend more time with Teacher Wu, so they're sure to have some good advice... right?"

Asking Gojo Satoru about his preferences—

"Wu? Wu likes to eat desserts and sometimes plays games. But he's very busy now and probably doesn't have time to play games."

This is a panda.

"What does that scumbag teacher like? Ha, who knows? If I had to say, maybe it's Maodou Shengjiufu?"

This is Maki.

Salmon roe.

This is a dog-headed thorn.

"..."

In the end, unsurprisingly, they didn't get any answers.

"How about we borrow some money and buy some Shengjiufu edamame for Teacher Wu?" Xiao Lan finally suggested. "Do you know how much Shengjiufu edamame costs?"

"How could we possibly know! Besides, we don't even know where to buy it!"

Xiao Lan and I looked at each other, and finally sighed in unison.

"Why--"

"Does Teacher Wu have any acquaintances or friends—besides that squinty-eyed guy?"

“That’s not the squinty-eyed guy,” I corrected. “Please call him Monkey Bro.”

"Okay, but this nickname feels a bit strange. I'll just stick with 'Squinty-Eyed Guy'. Squinty-Eyed Guy."

I already knew that talking to Xiao Lan was like talking to a brick wall, so I didn't correct him: "...Do I look like I know?"

"However, I can roughly guess who knows," I said thoughtfully.

Who is it?

"Are you stupid? It must be that sadist... no, Ye'e Zhengdao!"

"...Shaohan, although I know you may not listen, I still have to say it—giving others nicknames is bad behavior. And we can't call respected elders by their names directly, that's also bad behavior. We should call Ye'e Zhengdao—Principal Ye'e."

"...But you have no right to say that! We're both equally bad! Back in the sect, you gave the elders and senior brothers and sisters plenty of nicknames! What are you pretending to be now?"

………

I just said last time that I never want to go into the principal's office again in my life.

This time was no exception.

A gentleman's word is as good as his bond!

I will never go back into that dark office and relive the miserable experience of being beaten up by the doll!

“Here’s what we’ll do,” I suggested to Xiao Lan. “Let’s have a fight, preferably a really big one, so that the righteous path of Dou and Ye’e can be revealed.”

"It's possible," Xiao Lan said seriously, "but you don't have many talismans right now. Can you beat me?"

"..." Oh no, I forgot about that.

"However, I still think it would be better if we went to the principal's office to ask Principal Moth for advice. That way, we can show him our respect."

It would be best if I took a step back, and Xiao Lan took a step back as well—I went to the principal's office with Xiao Lan to ask for advice, but I stood at the door.

"A friend of Satoru?" As I expected, Muto and Yoru Masamichi knew about Satoru's other friends besides Monkey King—"What's wrong?"

"Well..." I fiddled with the doorframe, trying to come up with an excuse—of course, I couldn't just say that Gojo Satoru was in a bad mood and that we were good kids who knew how to repay kindness, and that we needed to cheer him up; that would be too embarrassing. "The main thing is..."

"We ran into a guy with squinty eyes at the amusement park, and Teacher Wu doesn't seem to be in a good mood right now. We want to cheer him up," Xiao Lan interrupted me.

"..."

“…”

"…………"

Xiao Lan!!!

The moment Dou and Ye'e Zhengdao heard "Squinty-eyed Brother," their expressions changed instantly. I frowned slightly, realizing that things were not so simple.

"You should go back first," Ye'e Zhengdao said, without directly answering our question.

"?"

After being kicked out of the principal's office, Xiao Lan and I exchanged a glance, both seeing the bewildered look in each other's eyes.

No, what? What happened?

In the end, Xiao Lan and I's "Five Insights to Save My Mood" came to nothing.

...But I discovered something even more interesting, and I started to have an idea.

"Investigate the squinty-eyed guy?"

In my dorm room, Xiao Lan sat on a chair, sipping iced juice: "Why?"

"Aren't you curious?" I asked excitedly. "There must be a story between those two—let me guess... Is it the kind of love story where you love me, I love you, and they can't escape each other no matter how hard they try?"

"Do you know what?" Xiao Lan looked at me with a dumbfounded expression, "If Teacher Wu finds out that you're spreading rumors about him and the squinty-eyed guy, you'll definitely get a severe beating."

"Don't you want to know?" Ignoring the other person's warning, I extended an olive branch. "Aren't you a big fan of that... you know... that melodramatic novelist... what's his name again?"

“Linglong Wattsakala Dream Moon”.

"Yes, yes, this exquisite snow skin mooncake. Think about it, you love reading storybooks so much, how could you refuse a live-action version?"

"...Actually, I don't really like live-action melodramatic storylines that are just too cheesy." After all, they're really awkward to watch!

"Come on, Xiao Lan—"

"No, no! Damn!"

"Xiao Lan—"

No!

It seems we have no choice but to resort to this last resort. I thought with a face full of grief.

"Xiao Lan, come with me to investigate Monkey Brother and Gotō Sō."

"I've already said no, no, why are you so stubborn? If you don't want to do it, you just don't want to..."

"I'll take you and the Instant Sword to a spa later."

"...Well, actually, I've been thinking about it, and I think it's okay to do it once. After all, I don't think Teacher Wu would have any objections."