Chapter 103 "Take care of yourself. A person lives only once, and should live for themselves..."

"Grandma, are you alright?!" Jiang Yueming had been waiting at the entrance of Shishi High School for a long time. When he saw Li Leshan from afar, he rushed over to greet him. Because he was too anxious, his voice was a little hoarse.

He found out relatively late, and didn't know the specifics because Li Leshan hadn't told him. He'd only heard a little about it from Han Jiang, but even Han Jiang didn't know the details. However, just that was enough for him to rush over in a panic.

Li Leshan frowned as he looked at the tip of his nose, which was red from the wind. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Then who am I?" Jiang Yueming, unaware of the seriousness of the matter, still had the time to play tricks. "I'm well-informed."

“It’s nothing,” Li Leshan said lightly, tucking Jiang Yueming’s collar in. “Don’t worry.”

“If you need anything, just send a text message. You don’t need to come all the way here. You’re going to be a senior in high school soon,” Li Leshan continued gesturing.

"I didn't even think to send a text message first, I was so anxious," Jiang Yueming said, finally relieved after realizing it wasn't anything serious. "You're wrong. Is your grandma more important than your senior year of high school?"

Li Leshan couldn't persuade him otherwise, so he let Jiang Yueming come.

In the second semester of the junior year, the Tsinghua-Peking University class finished their lessons ahead of schedule to make it easier for the next round of review. Their schedules were packed every day, and they wished they could stretch even the ten-minute breaks between classes into half an hour. They couldn't even run to the toilet.

Jiang Yueming hefted Li Leshan's backpack. "Damn, it's so heavy."

It's not an exaggeration; it really looks like it's filled with a bunch of iron.

“That’s because yours is too light.” Li Leshan refused Jiang Yueming’s offer to carry his schoolbag. It’s such a short distance, it shouldn’t be necessary.

“I’m worried about Grandma,” Jiang Yueming quickly caught up with him and ran a few steps. “I’ll go see her this weekend.”

Li Leshan nodded.

“Oh, wait a minute,” Jiang Yueming remembered something and immediately looked miserable again, “I can’t go this weekend. Um, my physics is really bad. Our teacher said I have to have tutoring this weekend.”

“Then you should go to tutoring,” Li Leshan reassured him. “Grandma, it’s really alright. If your grades improve, she’ll be happy.”

"I will definitely study hard." Jiang Yueming made a promise. Putting aside everything else, he couldn't let Li Leshan worry about his grades every day; he didn't have the time.

Winter is almost over, and the spring equinox will arrive at the end of March.

As the weather gradually warmed up, Li Leshan got some scraps from a nearby lumber mill with the permission of an aunt who worked there. He wanted to make a sturdier walking stick for his grandmother, as the old one was a bit worn out and not very useful.

Although he always advised his grandmother to rest at home and to tell him if she needed anything, such as grocery shopping, he could handle it. The vendors at the market would usually give her a discount, so she didn't need to go in the evenings anymore. Frankly, she wasn't in a good condition to walk far, and Li Leshan was even more worried about her without someone with her.

Spring is almost here, and good weather is just around the corner. Li Leshan wants to take her out for walks more often. She has a lot on her mind and no one to confide in, so going out for a walk might help her clear her head.

The old man at the lumber mill was a really nice guy; he'd watched Li Leshan grow up since he was a kid. After a flurry of activity, the basic structure was done for Li Leshan, and all that was left was some fine work.

So these past two weekends after school, he didn't do much. He'd just sprawl out on the stone bench, glancing at the blank problems when he had a spare moment. Even though he wouldn't write them down and couldn't calculate the exact answers, he could just mentally go through the general steps of solving the problem. He wasn't careless when doing problems; if he could get it right, he would never make a mistake. Things like getting calculations wrong, getting differentiation wrong, or forgetting to write the domain—Li Leshan wouldn't make any of those mistakes.

Li Leshan sat under the locust tree, holding the half-used sandpaper given to him by the old man. He first used coarse sandpaper, then fine sandpaper, and began to polish it over and over again.

The sandpaper rubbed against the wood, making a clear "shh" sound that was particularly distinct in the quiet night.

After finishing his physics tutoring class, Jiang Yueming went straight to the Third Alley. He didn't even have time to put down his schoolbag before he sat down on a stone bench to keep Li Leshan company.

"It's only nine o'clock," Li Leshan put down what he was holding, looked up at him, and asked, "Have you finished your class?"

Jiang Yueming felt a little guilty and didn't dare to speak. Of course, he hadn't finished; he ran away. Taking advantage of going to the toilet, he quickly grabbed his backpack and rushed outside. As for the consequences of starting school, who cared? That was something to consider in the future; he wasn't thinking about it now.

"I...did a good job today." Jiang Yueming lied; he probably wasn't the one who did a good job.

Li Leshan saw through it but didn't say anything. He just glanced at him silently and then stopped talking, continuing to sharpen his cane.

Jiang Yueming stopped joking. He looked at Li Leshan's fingertips, which were red from being rubbed by sandpaper, and after a while, asked softly, "Does it hurt?"

Li Leshan shook his head.

Jiang Yueming felt pain just watching. Her hands ached, and her heart ached too. She stood there for a long time, enduring the pain, really wanting to help Li Leshan. It's just sharpening a cane, right? He could do that! He could sharpen one too. He could handle that kind of work, as long as it didn't require much brainpower.

But Li Leshan would definitely not agree.

“Grandma will be so happy to get it,” Jiang Yueming said, propping her chin up and staring at Li Leshan. Her gaze darted back and forth between his face and his hands. After a while, she couldn’t help but ask, “Does it hurt? Your hands are all red from being rubbed.”

Seeing the worry on his face, Li Leshan had no choice but to stop what he was doing, wipe his hands on his clothes to remove the wood chips, and then hold out his hands to show him.

The meaning is clear: look, it's nothing serious, just a little red without any scratches.

"Damn, it's almost bleeding." Jiang Yueming realized this was a big problem and quickly grabbed Li Leshan's hand to check. Some parts were almost bleeding. As he spoke, he rubbed Li Leshan's palm and said, "Lele, let me do it. You rest for a while, just a little while, and then it'll be your turn."

Li Leshan withdrew his hand, looking somewhat helpless. "It's really nothing."

He touched Jiang Yueming's hand, "Don't do this for me."

Jiang Yueming had no choice; he couldn't just snatch it by force. All he could do was keep saying from the side, "Be careful, be careful."

Those who don't know better might think sandpaper is some kind of dangerous item, something that should be listed among China's top ten prohibited items. Sandpaper has really lived up to its reputation by receiving this much attention; it's definitely made the most of its life.

After sanding, it needs to be painted, which will keep him busy for a while. Li Leshan even considered taking the cane to the internet cafe to sand it, hoping that it would be finished sooner, but he immediately dismissed the idea.

Anyway, he'll definitely finish it when the weather gets better, and then Grandma will be able to get out of bed with this.

Lately, his grandmother has been keeping him busy talking, chatting about this and that, but Li Leshan really doesn't have any free time. Every day after school, he goes home briefly to see his grandmother, making sure she's asleep or about to fall asleep before he goes to work. He checks on her again around midnight before rushing off to school. His days are packed full.

School, Third Alley, Zhonghua Market, Third Alley, School—he went back and forth between these three points. He knew the whole area so well he could walk it with his eyes closed. He had walked this road countless times, but with such a hectic lifestyle, he had gradually become familiar with it.

Grandma had a dream recently, and she kept talking about Li Yong. She repeatedly told Li Leshan not to go looking for Li Yong. She knew her son's temperament well. Li Yong's gambling debts were a bottomless pit. If she went to pay them off for Li Yong, and he couldn't pay them off, then Li Leshan would have to pay them off for him.

"Leshan..." Grandma's voice came from inside the house. Li Leshan was about to go to work, but when he heard this voice, he turned back.

"What's wrong?" Li Leshan asked hurriedly.

"Grandma's savings book, and all the money, are kept there..."

Li Leshan only heard the first half of the story, but he understood immediately. His grandmother had said these words countless times these past few days, perhaps out of fear that she might forget them due to her age. But Li Leshan remembered them all for her. He sat down by his grandmother's bedside and nodded to indicate that he understood.

The bankbook was kept in the last drawer of his room, wrapped in layers of plastic bags and weighed down at the bottom. All the passwords were his birthday, the lunar calendar date. The money was scattered in many places, but Li Leshan knew the location of each one. His grandmother always said that he remembered everything perfectly, no matter what.

Grandma looked at Li Leshan carefully, again and again, and then she spoke in a trembling voice, "If Grandma isn't here anymore, you..."

“Grandma,” Li Leshan gently patted the back of her hand to comfort her, “Don’t say that. I still want to take you to live a good life.”

He wrote the words "good days" heavily on the paper, but felt it wasn't enough, so he circled them again and again. After leaving Li Yong and getting rid of Li Yong, he was determined to take his grandmother to experience what others considered a "good life." She hadn't enjoyed much happiness in her life, and Li Leshan lived so that she could enjoy it.

She gently pulled Li Leshan into her arms, stroked her grandson's hair, and closed her eyes briefly. "Grandma is living a good life with you. As long as you're alright, I'm at ease. If you're well, I'm well."

Her tone was relaxed, but Li Leshan's heart tightened. He desperately wanted to say that it wasn't enough, it simply wasn't enough. He had to get his grandmother out of this life of fear and anxiety.

He can go anywhere, he can do anything. Just give him a little more time; it won't be long, just a year and a half, just another year and a half...

"Leshan," Grandma brushed his bangs aside, "you have to live your life for yourself, you know?"

Li Leshan nodded somewhat blankly, unsure of what was going on. Hadn't he always lived for himself? He studied hard, worked hard to earn money, and was determined to forge a path for himself, to secure a future.

Hasn't he always been living for himself?

"Leshan, you must live well, live twice as well, live a life worthy of two or three people." Grandma said, gently patting Li Leshan's hand and smiling at him. "Let's go, Grandma is a little sleepy."

Li Leshan kept turning back to look at himself, a strange feeling stirring within him. He didn't understand what it meant to live for oneself. Did his grandmother not consider his life to be living for himself? If so, what exactly constituted living for oneself?

Watching his grandmother wave at him, Li Leshan silently counted in his heart, one and a half years. Another year and a half. After this period, he would truly live for himself.