Chapter 138 Is it wrong to be homosexual? Actually, I really don't have you...

This kind of dramatic scene where they cry their hearts out upon meeting is just too melodramatic. Nobody likes watching two people cry all the time, especially since it's not like it's a matter of life and death. Although it certainly did create a scene of a life-or-death situation.

But you really can't blame them. After not seeing each other for so long, they really needed to cry. Sometimes, tears are like a second mouth; those things that can't be said, or can't be expressed through words, seem to speak for you as soon as they fall.

"Ugh, why am I crying?" Jiang Yueming finished crying and started to regret it. He had spent ages choosing what to wear to see Li Leshan, all to look his best. Now, he wasn't exactly looking his best; he just looked a bit pretentious. Looking at himself in the mirror for a long time, at his face and bloodshot eyes, something just didn't look right. He wasn't usually that easily moved to tears; "It makes me look like a really dramatic person."

Li Leshan leaned against the door frame and looked at Jiang Yueming in the mirror. As someone who had personally experienced everything from beginning to end, seeing him like this, Li Leshan felt only heartache.

It's wrong to say that shedding tears is being dramatic.

Seeing that he had finished taking pictures, Li Leshan stepped forward, took Jiang Yueming's hand, and sat him on the bed. He squatted down and rubbed Jiang Yueming's calves, trying to relieve some of the soreness. He had noticed it when they got off the train; he guessed that the sleeper berths didn't allow for full legroom, and that the legs had been bent from being in one position for so long.

Jiang Yueming felt that the area Li Leshan was rubbing was hot. He wanted to say something, but seeing Li Leshan's focused expression, he didn't want to spoil the mood.

He rubbed for a long time, and Jiang Yueming felt that was enough. He pulled Li Leshan into his arms and looked at Li Leshan's eyelashes, nose, and mouth for a long time, becoming mesmerized.

He only snapped out of his daze when Li Leshan waved in front of him.

"What's wrong?" Jiang Yueming asked, a little embarrassed.

Li Leshan, unaware of what he was thinking, sat up and used sign language, saying, "I just asked how your aunt and the others are doing."

“Oh,” Jiang Yueming said again, “It’s good. Grandpa’s health has improved a lot, and she’s not as tired as before.”

"Stop worrying about things at home all the time, take care of yourself, okay?"

Jiang Yueming's words were ambiguous. It seemed that the person most concerned was right in front of him, compared to Li Leshan. He didn't understand why Jiang Yueming had such a broad mind, able to tolerate so much.

Li Leshan nodded, looking at Jiang Yueming, wanting to say, "You too." But looking at him, he also felt that even if he said something, the man wouldn't listen.

Jiang Yueming closed his eyes and leaned against Li Leshan's chest for a while. He hadn't slept much during the more than 20 hours on the hard seat of the train, and it was almost as if he hadn't slept at all. So now, lying in Li Leshan's arms and feeling the warmth of that person, he gradually felt a little sleepy.

Li Leshan looked at his sleeping face, his eyebrows, nose, and lips. He stared at Jiang Yueming's face for a long time, until his eyes were a little sore, but he still couldn't bear to close them.

What did Jiang Yueming say while crying just now?

You must...

Li Leshan frowned, trying hard to recall what Jiang Yueming had said. What had made him so sad and persistent? Was it merely the longing he mentioned, or was there something else he hadn't noticed?

He didn't know; he couldn't recall it or figure it out.

He didn't know how much time had passed when Jiang Yueming slowly opened his eyes, finally feeling that his head wasn't hurting so much anymore. Li Leshan wasn't beside him, and he instinctively looked for him, nearly falling to the floor as he tried to get out of bed.

The hotel door was slowly pushed open, and Li Leshan and Jiang Yueming stared directly at each other. He closed the door and placed the porridge and rice he had bought on the table.

"Are you awake?" Li Leshan put down his things and asked him, "Are you still sleepy?"

"I'm not sleepy anymore." Jiang Yueming looked at him expectantly.

"Eat something first. What do you want to eat tonight?" Li Leshan pulled him down to sit.

"Anything is fine," he said. Actually, he wasn't very hungry; he was probably just too hungry. "I'm not picky. How about we eat at your school cafeteria?"

Li Leshan smiled, nodded, and then rested his chin on his hand while watching Jiang Yueming eat.

Feeling a little embarrassed by his gaze, Jiang Yueming lowered his head to eat a mouthful of rice, then looked up at Li Leshan and asked, "Do I... have something on my face?"

He casually wiped his face with the back of his hand, and his cheek felt strangely hot.

“No,” Li Leshan shook his head, “I just want to see you more. You won’t let me?”

Jiang Yueming smiled at him, her lips parting to reveal a hint of her teeth, "How could I dare not show you?"

Could Li Leshan refuse to see him if he wanted to? He could look at him however he wanted—upright, backwards, whatever. His face wasn't some 4A or 5A scenic spot where you had to buy a ticket to see it.

Compared to Jiang Yueming, who was completely unfamiliar with the place, Li Leshan, who had been there for a month, seemed much more at ease.

He had explored almost the entire area around the school, although his purpose was to find a place where he could work. Regardless of his purpose, he had explored the area, and now he was bringing Jiang Yueming along for another look.

Jiang Yueming followed him to the school gate, feeling inexplicably nervous. The feeling of stepping into an unfamiliar place, knowing full well that you can't fit in, was truly unpleasant.

That place, which I used to read about in books and often talked about by parents, teachers and elders, is now truly in front of me. It's so close, yet it still feels unreal.

“This place is really…” Jiang Yueming couldn’t say anything, standing there like an illiterate man.

Li Leshan glanced back at him and smiled while signing, "This is my first time here, standing here, just like you."

There's so much I want to say, so much I want to express. But the words are on the tip of my tongue, and I don't know what to say. That feeling... I don't know how to express it. People like Li Leshan, one in a million, are everywhere in this place.

After walking around the campus with Li Leshan for a while, it gradually got dark.

When the library lights up at night, it looks like a large building from a distance. Can you describe it as magnificent? It's much better than the Shengping City Library.

“When I don’t have classes, I go to the library to study,” Li Leshan gestured to him. “Want to go in and take a look?”

Jiang Yueming quickly shook his head. He wasn't that curious. He'd barely been to a library in his life. This place was simply not suitable for him; if he went in, he shouldn't disturb the top students' studies.

"Hey, Leshan!"

Upon hearing the sound, Li Leshan and Jiang Yueming turned around almost simultaneously.

Xue Ang and Zhuang Jie were walking excitedly this way, with their backpacks slung over their shoulders, looking like they had just come out of the library.

“This is my roommate,” Li Leshan quickly explained to Jiang Yueming, who was standing to the side.

Jiang Yueming said "Oh" twice, then took a step back, "Then you guys talk, you guys..."

"Leshan, is this your friend? From another class?" Zhuang Jie asked. He was really curious. In the month since school started, he had almost always seen Li Leshan alone. It was quite strange to see him standing here with other people.

Jiang Yueming had just taken a step back when Li Leshan grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward with considerable force, so much so that Jiang Yueming didn't react for a moment.

“This is my…” Li Leshan glanced at the two people in front of him and used sign language. Zhuang Jie might not understand it, but he knew Xue Ang could, and of course Jiang Yueming could too. “Boyfriend.”

...

?

? !

Jiang Yueming's eyes widened instantly. Before he could even say anything, he hurriedly looked at the reactions of Li Leshan's two roommates, wondering what earth-shattering thing Li Leshan would say next. He could only brace himself and extend his hand, "Hello, I am his friend, my surname is Jiang."

"Oh, oh," Zhuang Jie was quite carefree. He didn't understand at all. Even a top student can't learn this stuff on their own. His major wasn't related to his studies. He could speak a few words of French, but he was really bad at sign language. "Hello, my name is Zhuang Jie, and this is Xue Ang. We are both his roommates from Leshan. There's another one who didn't come; he's sleeping in the dorm."

"Why didn't you translate that just now?" Zhuang Jie nudged Xue Ang with his elbow. "Didn't Li Leshan teach you?"

Xue Ang's expression was somewhat complicated. He could indeed understand it, and frankly, he hadn't expected Li Leshan to be so frank. If he had to introduce someone, he could have just introduced a "friend," since they wouldn't have been able to tell. Did Li Leshan think he couldn't understand?

Xue Ang pressed down on Zhuang Jie's shoulder, using a bit of force, "If there's nothing else, we'll head out. See you later..."

The two of them ran a long way in a flash, and the surroundings instantly became quiet.

Li Leshan kept his head down, lost in thought. He glanced at Jiang Yueming out of the corner of his eye and noticed that the man's hand was trembling slightly.

"So, can Xue Ang understand what you're saying?" After a long silence, Jiang Yueming finally spoke.

Li Leshan was silent for a moment, then said, "I know."

"You know?" Jiang Yueming reached out and pressed Li Leshan's shoulder. He looked into Li Leshan's eyes, eyes that always seemed calm, revealing no emotion. He said somewhat urgently, "What are you doing? Lele, are you serious? Homosexuality... what are you thinking?"

Li Leshan looked at him with some confusion. "Of course I'm serious. They asked what our relationship was, what was wrong with my answer?"

Was his answer wrong, or was there something wrong with their relationship?

Or... is it actually homosexuality that's wrong?

Looking at his unusually calm expression, Jiang Yueming suddenly smiled, but when she spoke again, her voice was a little light and unnatural, "Do you think I'm cowardly and dishonest?"

"Are you thinking to yourself, why is it that 'I,' who has lived here for four years, am not afraid, but you are so afraid that you don't even dare to admit our relationship?" Jiang Yueming looked at him with a smile, but the smile was different from usual, and it was a bit cold.

...

Receiving no response, Jiang Yueming's eyes darkened. He looked up at the vast expanse of land, at this place that seemed unreachable no matter how hard he tried, and a deep sense of powerlessness welled up inside him.

He took a deep breath and finally understood that sometimes, no answer is also an answer.

“Yes,” Jiang Yueming’s voice trembled slightly, “I admit that I’m always afraid of this and that. Sometimes I wonder why I become so timid when it comes to things related to you.”

Having lived for over ten years, been arrogant for over ten years, and been bold for over ten years, Jiang Yueming only then realized that he had this side to his personality.

“I just don’t want to put you in a difficult position,” Jiang Yueming didn’t understand what he had done wrong. Perhaps Li Leshan wanted to give him a proper title, but that wasn’t necessary. He didn’t need to do that. “I don’t want others to talk about you. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable…”

"Homosexual, do you think I'm afraid of that label? Do you think I'm afraid of what others think of me? I'm not afraid. If I were afraid of that, how could I have dared to kiss you when I was sixteen?"

I'm really not afraid, Lele.

His passion has not diminished in the slightest over the years. Even today, he can still recall the excitement he felt back then, and he has never regretted it.

Actually, I'm not as timid as you think... Jiang Yueming looked at Li Leshan and thought to herself.