Chapter 168 Will You Be Happy Too? "Do you think I'm pathetic...?"

Jiang Yueming struggled to open his eyes, his head throbbing violently. He felt like he'd had a very long and exhausting dream. He looked around, opened his mouth, and realized this wasn't his home.

Yet, this place felt so familiar, like his own home. Li Leshan's room hadn't changed in decades, and the wooden bed he was lying on was at least twenty years old. Without even checking what had been added or removed, he rubbed his sore eyes, wondering how he had gotten here.

His legs are attached to his body, he couldn't have run here on his own, could he? This, this is too... what is going on?

The door to the room was gently pushed open. Jiang Yueming looked up in surprise and met Li Leshan's gaze. He glanced away guiltily and was about to ask, "How did I get here?" when he suddenly realized that his voice was terribly hoarse.

This place was practically his second home, and this bed was practically his second bed. But some inexplicable feeling was nagging at him, making him feel...

"You've had too much to drink." Li Leshan placed the warm water on the table beside him and, instead of leaving as expected, sat down under Jiang Yueming's gaze.

Drunk? Jiang Yueming thought about it again, and it was true. His headache was so bad, it couldn't have been from being beaten. So, he must have met Li Leshan last night in a drunken state? He only remembered seeing Xiaobai, as for what happened afterward, as for what followed…

Jiang Yueming couldn't quite remember what she had said, or whether she had said anything irrelevant.

“I…” Jiang Yueming took a sip of water to moisten his throat. He hesitated for a moment, “I didn’t say anything else, and I didn’t do anything else either.”

Li Leshan remained silent for a while, and then finally raised his hand and moved it slightly. "Did you end up going to university?"

Jiang Yueming was stunned for a moment, unsure of what to say. She felt a little resentful that she had been so careless with her words. Since Li Leshan had asked this question, did it mean that she should have told him everything last night?

What did he say? I'm so curious. He hadn't brought up that experience to anyone, nor did he intend to. He wanted to keep it to himself for the rest of his life, because mentioning it seemed to bring him back to those two difficult years. How did he tell Li Leshan? Did he... say it while crying?

That's true; one couldn't possibly laugh about such an experience. To be able to talk about it with a smile would be incredibly carefree. That's something only a teenager like Jiang Yueming could do.

Jiang Yueming hadn't expected that after hearing so much, Li Leshan would only ask this one question. She chuckled, a bitter smile playing on her lips, whether self-deprecating or something else, a pang of sadness in her heart. So this was all he cared about? Didn't he have anything else he wanted to ask? Like, perhaps... was this all he cared about?

“I got in…” Jiang Yueming said in a hoarse voice. At that time, it didn’t matter where you got in or how you got in; he really wasn’t that obsessed with Beijing anymore.

Li Leshan nodded, and then neither of them spoke again.

Jiang Yueming held his cup, his gaze lingering on Li Leshan. Despite the sweltering heat of Shengping, he was still wearing long sleeves, his wrists completely covered as much as possible. Perhaps because he had been staring at him for too long, Li Leshan's gaze also shifted to him.

"Does your head hurt?" Li Leshan asked.

"...Am I stupid?" Jiang Yueming's Adam's apple bobbed. He didn't answer Li Leshan's question. He just remained silent for a long time before asking again, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

After listening to him talk for so long last night, whether he was crying and shouting or whatever, what were your feelings after listening? He might admit he's stupid. Because he really is stupid, he doesn't know his own limitations, and he's incredibly arrogant. But he still wants to ask Li Leshan if he thinks he's stupid or not.

Before Li Leshan could answer, Jiang Yueming continued, frowning, "I also think I'm being stupid. Why did I have to..."

He suddenly choked up. If he were to criticize himself from a few years ago now, wouldn't that be too heartless? Wouldn't it be too much to forget the pain once the wound had healed, even though the wound hadn't truly healed? Because back then, he clearly understood there was nothing he could do.

Li Leshan didn't answer his question about whether he was stupid or not, but after a long pause, he told him, "It's not worth it."

He stared at Jiang Yueming for a long time, then silently lowered his head, thinking to himself: So foolish. He had never seen such a foolish person. Why was he always so kind to others? Why did he always put himself last? Why was he so foolish? The torrent of time rushed by, everything changed, but he remained the same as in his memory, strangely foolish.

It's not worth it for him. Doing all this, turning myself into this, is really not worth it.

Jiang Yueming stared blankly, then suddenly looked up at the ceiling, feeling as if the tears welling up in her eyes were about to fall at any moment.

"Don't fall, don't fall." Jiang Yueming forced himself to stay upright. He didn't want Li Leshan to see him in such a disheveled state. Maybe he had seen it yesterday, but at least not while he was sober. He didn't want it to be like this.

"You said before, 'For you, anything is worth it,' I don't know if you've forgotten," Jiang Yueming's voice was light, but his words sent a shiver down Li Leshan's spine. "Back then, I was single-mindedly focused on returning those words to you."

When he was suffering, when he was enduring hardship, when he was going through those torments, or whenever he was in pain, confused, or doubting himself, he always thought about whether he could stand upright in front of Li Leshan after everything was over, after dawn, and say those words to him, saying, "For you, no matter what, it was all worth it."

Li Leshan was stunned. He felt that the sentence was so distant. For a moment, it seemed to have crossed a very long time and space to come to him.

"I...I'm not saying this so that you'll repay me." When he told Jiang Yueming this, he never thought he would expect Jiang Yueming to do anything in return.

“I know.” Jiang Yueming nodded; he understood better than anyone else.

What should the feeling of a long-awaited reunion be like? Would it be like them, hesitant to speak and unable to express their true feelings? This was also the first time Jiang Yueming had experienced a long-awaited reunion; he had always thought that he and Li Leshan would never meet again.

Perhaps the Lijiang Bridge used up its last bit of value to facilitate their reunion. Isn't that a bit too... too fantastical?

"Shengping...it's developed really fast." Jiang Yueming returned this time to find that the place had changed drastically. It was completely different from the place she remembered; even the skating rink had long since closed. The places she used to know so well were gradually fading from her memory.

“Actually, Shengping is very good.” Li Leshan didn’t know if saying this would make Jiang Yueming less concerned about why he came back, as if he should stay in Beijing, as if he had to… He thought of Jiang Yueming holding his hand last night, tears streaming down her face, asking him why he came back, and his heart ached again.

He touched his knuckles and added, "I'm here, I'm fine."

Although the pain Li Yong caused him is undeniable, it doesn't mean he should hate a place because of Li Yong, nor does he hate Chuanshan. On the contrary, he thinks Chuanshan is a good place. Li Yong doesn't deserve his hatred, but Jiang Yueming truly deserves his love.

Just like Jiang Yueming said, it was incredibly difficult for him to get to Beijing. He did indeed put in all his effort, but he didn't put in all his effort to escape this place; he just wanted to get rid of that incompetent and cowardly version of himself as soon as possible.

He now stays here, watching over his grandmother. Walking downstairs, he finds himself on the same path he and Jiang Yueming walked for over ten or twenty years. Wherever he passes, memories flood back; wherever he goes, those memories resurface before his eyes. If he continues to walk this path, will those memories, those feelings, those times, remain forever in his heart?

“Very…very…” Jiang Yueming suddenly looked into Li Leshan’s eyes, repeating the word somewhat incoherently, “Very good…?”

Li Leshan nodded, looked at him very seriously, and confirmed it again, "Very good."

“But you are so good…” Jiang Yueming really didn’t know how many times he had to say these things. Such a good school, so many opportunities in the big city. He finally got there. Wouldn’t it be too foolish for him to come back to this place? So many people are rushing to leave. Is it right for Li Leshan to come back?

Li Leshan looked at the corners of his eyes, which were gradually reddening, and couldn't help but want to lean forward and touch them. But he stopped as soon as he reached out. He looked up at Jiang Yueming and gave a helpless smile. "Do you think I'm a loser?"

He finally made it to the big city, thinking he could finally establish himself there, even if he didn't have a place to call his own, just a small piece of land would be fine. But after all that, he ended up back in this small town.

Jiang Yueming was taken aback, and quickly shook her head, almost blurting out, "No, that's not it."

Jiang Yueming took a deep breath, his head lowered, his voice growing softer and softer, "I just... I'm afraid of holding you back any longer. If it's because of me, then there's no need..."

Li Leshan's throat tightened. He was afraid... of what? Returning to Shengping was his own decision. He would always return, even if not now, in ten or twenty years. There was no question of regret, let alone any delay.

"If you insist on saying it's a delay, why don't you say I've dragged you down...?" Li Leshan asked.

“I’ve caused you so much suffering and pain, I…” Li Leshan thought of what he had said and what he had gone through, and felt as if something was blocking his throat, making it hard to breathe. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have had to go through any of this.”

Without him, Jiang Yueming could still be living a good and happy life, following her usual routine. None of this would have happened, and things wouldn't be like this today. So please, don't say it was a delay, at least he shouldn't say that anymore, because really, who delayed whom?

"Without you," Jiang Yueming's tears fell suddenly, without warning, "without you..."

“You will be very happy.” Li Leshan reached out and wiped away his tears, repeating, “You will be very happy.”

happiness……

Jiang Yueming's tears flowed uncontrollably. Was he happy? Would he be happy without Li Leshan? No, he didn't know; just thinking about it was unbearable. He had lived without Li Leshan before, but being alone in a foreign land, numb to everything, unresponsive to anything, living like a walking corpse—whether he was alive or not felt the same. Was that really happiness?

"And what about you?" Jiang Yueming looked at Li Leshan, at his equally reddened eyes, "Will you be happy too?"

If you are happy, as long as you are happy, Jiang Yueming thought, then it doesn't matter what, even without me... it doesn't matter.