Chapter 169 Home is where the heart is. That fool, he finally, finally...

Li Leshan was taken aback. He subconsciously shook his head, but what he meant wasn't "unhappy." Rather, it meant "don't talk about me," meaning don't worry about his feelings. He didn't care whether he was happy or not, and neither did Jiang Yueming.

"No..." Jiang Yueming held his hand tightly, so tightly that her bones ached, so tightly that it seemed she could never let go. Those hands were no longer the hands of her youth; they bore the marks of years of working and living.

How could he not care? This is the thing he cares about most: Will Li Leshan be happy? Will he live a good life? Everything he has done so far has been for Li Leshan's good. You could say that as long as he is good, then everything is good.

Jiang Yueming didn't know what happiness really meant. What did Li Leshan mean by saying "You will be happy"? Did it mean getting into a good university? Did it mean finding a good job? Did it mean making money? He didn't know. Only tears fell drop by drop onto Li Leshan's hand.

Jiang Yueming shook her head, "I've lived without you..."

He took a deep breath, so fast that it made him cough. His forehead pressed against his and Li Leshan's clasped hands, Jiang Yueming choked out, as if recalling some heartbreaking old memory, "Lele, actually...actually, without you...I'm not happy at all..."

He continued, seemingly trying to pour out all the grievances he had accumulated over the years. Living alone, drifting aimlessly, in an empty room, lying in bed was truly unbearable; the psychological torment was unimaginable. "I wanted to cry every day..."

I want to cry when I wake up in the morning because it's time to start a new day. I want to cry before I go to sleep at night because another day has passed. I want to cry when I walk down the street, when I see couples, when I see families of three, and even when I see a little dog with its owner on the street.

On his way home from work, he would cross an overpass, where he often stood watching the passing traffic. The red taillights formed a river, flowing into the distance, their destination unknown, just like himself. Didn't they say, "Home is where the heart is"? Why was nowhere his home?

He looked up at Li Leshan's reddened eyes and tear stains on his cheeks, and his heart felt like it was drowning in the sea. "You always say that I have suffered a lot since I met you... But, but when I'm with you, I don't feel bitter at all, I don't feel like I'm suffering at all."

"Besides," Jiang Yueming stammered, "am I, Jiang Yueming, someone who can't endure hardship? Am I someone who can't endure hardship? No, I'm not."

He endured all the hardship and toil. Li Leshan always felt that he had suffered so much and experienced so much that he shouldn't have had to because of him, but that wasn't true at all. His biggest feeling at that time was happiness, happiness that he could finally do something, that he could finally help Li Leshan. He couldn't bear to just stand by and do nothing.

“I just want you to be able to rely on me,” Jiang Yueming said, her eyes filled with tears. “I just want to be your support, I don’t care about anything else.”

Honestly, he didn't care about the future, the university, or Beijing... The only thing he cared about from beginning to end was Li Leshan, and he dreamed of becoming someone Li Leshan could rely on.

“But I failed, I couldn’t be your support…” His voice was a little hoarse, with a hint of apology and resentment. In the end, he didn’t get into the place he wanted to go, he didn’t become the person he wanted to be, and he ultimately failed to catch up with Li Leshan.

If I couldn't walk ahead of him, if I couldn't stand shoulder to shoulder with him, if I was destined to only walk behind him, then wouldn't he just be a burden...?

“You already are,” Li Leshan’s heart felt like it was shattering into pieces, his hands trembling uncontrollably, “You are my support…”

Jiang Yueming shook his head with tears streaming down his face. He didn't think so, but the next second he suddenly fell into Li Leshan's arms.

Li Leshan's heartbeat, through two layers of clothing, through the years, through all the misunderstandings and hurts, was heard, his heart beating powerfully in his ear.

He held Jiang Yueming tightly, so tightly that his ribs ached. Tears fell on his shoulder; if there were some things he couldn't say, he wondered if a hug and tears could replace them.

"You really are my support now," Li Leshan thought to himself. He knew best how he got to where he was today. Without Jiang Yueming, he might have... he might have died long ago. In short, he wouldn't be the person he is today.

"You really are my greatest support, you've long been my only support." Li Leshan gestured to him through tears. How could he say that he hadn't gotten to where he is today without Jiang Yueming's help? Could he have gotten this far on his own?

He truly didn't know how to express his feelings when he heard Jiang Yueming cry and say that he hadn't been able to support him. The pain, the heartache, were indescribable. What exactly made Jiang Yueming feel that despite everything she had done, she still hadn't been able to be his support?

"Am I really?" Jiang Yueming cried. "I...I really am not a burden to you, but your support?"

Li Leshan nodded vigorously, tears streaming down his face, mingling with Jiang Yueming's, making it impossible to tell whose tears were whose. He didn't know where the word "burden" came from, and he couldn't understand what Jiang Yueming was thinking, that she would think he was a burden... He only hated himself for always being a burden to Jiang Yueming.

"I finally..." Jiang Yueming choked up, unable to utter a complete sentence. He used all his strength to say, "Finally..."

Did you...see it? Did you...hear it? Jiang Yueming wanted to ask his younger self from a few years ago if he had seen what Li Leshan was saying. He remembered his seventeen-year-old self, who was ambitious and thought that hard work would get him everything. He remembered his twenty-year-old self, huddled in a rented room, asking himself over and over again: What did I do wrong?

He wanted to say to them: Did you all see that?

Li Leshan, who never relied on anyone, Li Leshan, who swallowed all the bitterness in silence, Li Leshan, who always shouldered everything on his own...

That fool, he's finally, finally willing to rely on us.

Jiang Yueming rushed forward and hugged Li Leshan with all her might, as if she wanted to meld this person into her very bones and never be separated from him again.

He buried his face in Li Leshan's shoulder and wept bitterly, wanting to cry out all the grievances, helplessness, pain, and self-doubt he had accumulated over the years, to cry out all the unspeakable pain, all the bitterness he couldn't swallow, and all the despair he had repeatedly chewed over in the dead of night.

Hearing the barely suppressed grievances in his voice, Li Leshan felt as if his heart was being torn apart. He gently patted Jiang Yueming's shoulder, unable to hold back his own tears.

Looking back on these years, a torrent of longing surged within him. Countless nights he silently wept, knowing only that he had to keep searching. Where to search? He didn't know. How long to search? He didn't know. What if he found him? He didn't know. What if he couldn't find him? He didn't know… He only knew to keep searching. South, North, Shengping—he couldn't find him anywhere. Countless nights, Li Leshan asked himself, where had he gone? Where was he…?

He tried to convince himself that perhaps he was doing well, living happily in a place where he wouldn't be disturbed. Just when he had finally managed to convince himself, he overheard Jiang Yueming recounting what had happened over the years.

Fortunately, he was no longer a burden to Jiang Yueming. Nothing and no one could threaten him anymore. He was no longer afraid, and he no longer had to hide. He was finally no longer a drag on Jiang Yueming.

Holding Jiang Yueming in his arms, Li Leshan thought over and over again that they would never have to live a hard life again...

“Look at me…” Li Leshan gestured for Jiang Yueming to look at him, his hand gesturing in the air with a firmness he had never shown before.

"I'm not hiding anymore, I'm not running away anymore..."

Moonlight filled the room, illuminating the two people embracing tightly. At the boundary between moonlight and lamplight, two hearts that had wandered for too long finally found their final resting place.

They didn't know what awaited them on the road ahead, how long it would take for their unhealed wounds to scab over, or how they could make up for the lost time.

But no matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, they will no longer, and finally will no longer, have to run away.

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Author's note: Let's congratulate Lele and Yueming on finally reaching this day after overcoming countless hardships! From now on, there will be no more hardship!

—Below is my personal journey—

Actually, my understanding of "reconciliation after a breakup" always seemed to be that it involved a very, very long process, so long that it felt like it required falling in love all over again for an even longer time. But as I've actually written this far, I've realized it's unnecessary. Because the love is still there, the love is still very deep. I often think about what exactly is standing in their way, but now, thinking about it again, it seems like there's no need to answer that question anymore. [Laughs]

In short, love should be honest and open, not hidden.

—The following are the follow-up arrangements—

To be honest, this chapter, which is also the reunion chapter, is actually very close to the final chapter. I have already finished all the drafts and edited and revised them, so there shouldn't be any major changes.

Actually, the ending was a little different from what I initially envisioned. For example, I initially wanted to write a super cool and amazing ending (haha, I always overthink things, hehe). But in the end, I just naturally stopped writing. I've actually explained everything I wanted to say. I wanted to continue writing, but it feels like the story is... not bad!

Now let's move on to the final leg of the journey. I'm very satisfied with this journey, and I hope you are too!