Chapter 32

On the afternoon of the seventh day of June, during the second semester of senior year, the final exam bell rang, echoing through the quiet school building before being quickly swallowed up by a huge, relieved clamor. Pens were put down, exam papers were collected, and even the stern faces of the proctors seemed to relax slightly. Fang Chi sat by the window, gazing at the sun-bleached white leaves of the sycamore trees outside, lost in thought for a few seconds. It was over. Three years, or rather, twelve years of preparation for this moment, had come to an end in an almost mundane way.

Unlike many of his classmates who immediately jumped up and cheered, or hugged each other and laughed, he simply packed his pencil case slowly, checked his desk drawer to make sure nothing was missing, then stood up and followed the crowd out of the exam hall. The corridor was already in an uproar, the air thick with a frenzied excitement mixed with tears and sweat. Some were pounding on the walls, some were shouting out answers, which immediately triggered even louder wails or expressions of relief, while many others just walked along blankly, their faces bearing tired, empty smiles.

Fang Chi walked down the stairs and out of the teaching building. The scorching sun instantly enveloped him, carrying the dusty scent unique to summer. The campus was bustling with people: parents, reporters, teachers, and security guards maintaining order. He avoided the most crowded main road and went around to a relatively quiet path behind the teaching building. The wisteria flowers on the trellis had long since faded, leaving only dense leaves that cast a cool shade.

He sat on the bench under the flower trellis for a while. It was quiet around him, with faint sounds of distant noise, as if muffled by a pane of glass. His heart was beating a little fast, but not from excitement; it was more like a feeling of exhaustion after a long period of tension. He wasn't thinking about anything, just watching the dappled light and shadow on the ground.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, then again. It was probably He Chen or Tan Si speaking in the group chat, or maybe his parents. He didn't check it right away. He sat for a few more minutes before standing up and walking towards the school gate.

His parents were indeed waiting at the usual spot. When they saw him, they immediately came to greet him. His mother's eyes were a little red, and his father patted his shoulder, not asking how the exam went, but simply saying, "Let's go home."

The next few days were a period of complete, almost weightless relaxation. Fang Chi slept his first full night's sleep in a long time, without an alarm clock or worries about unfinished problems. When he woke up, sunlight was already filling most of the room. Lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, he felt for the first time that time belonged to him, that he could squander it at will without feeling guilty.

He went shopping with his mother, watched several movies he'd always wanted to see, played basketball twice with He Chen and Tan Si, and ate several long meals where he no longer had to worry about going back to do his homework. He Chen kept talking about going on a graduation trip and created a small group chat to discuss the destination with great enthusiasm. Tan Si occasionally offered his opinion, while Fang Chi mostly just watched and said, "Anything is fine."

This completely off-track life was initially disorienting, like walking on cotton. But soon, a long-lost, light, and relaxed feeling spread. Only occasionally, when alone late at night, or when a familiar scene suddenly pops into his mind, he would feel a momentary emptiness, like stepping into an empty staircase. But he had learned to quickly shift his attention, or simply let the feeling flow by without resistance.

The days leading up to the release of the results slipped by in this state of apparent relaxation, yet underlying tension.

One evening in late June, Fang Chi was reading a book at home when his phone rang. It was Lao Xu calling.

"Fang Chi, are you home?" Old Xu's voice sounded somewhat unusual, neither serious nor excited, but rather a mixture of relief and a certain sentimentality. "There's something I need to discuss with you in person. If it's convenient, could you come to the school tomorrow morning? To my office."

Fang Chi's heart skipped a beat. The scores were out? So fast? But judging from Old Liu's tone, it didn't seem to be entirely about the scores. "Okay, Teacher Liu, I'll go tomorrow morning."

After hanging up the phone, he felt uneasy. When his parents asked, he only said that his teacher had called, probably to discuss his college application or other early admissions matters.

The next morning, Fang Chi rode his bicycle to school. The campus was much emptier during the summer vacation, with only a few first- and second-year high school students participating in summer activities. The teaching building was quiet, and his footsteps echoed in the corridor. He walked to the door of the teachers' office and knocked.

"Come in."

Old Xu sat behind his desk, some documents spread out in front of him. Seeing Fang Chi, he took off his glasses, rubbed his temples, and pointed to the chair opposite him: "Sit."

Fang Chi sat down, waiting for Lao Liu to speak. The office fan hummed, rustling the papers on the desk.

Old Xu looked at him, remained silent for a few seconds, and then spoke: "Fang Chi, first of all, congratulations. Although your college entrance examination scores haven't been officially released yet, feedback from internal channels has already arrived. You did very well, exceptionally well. With this score, you can freely choose any science and engineering major at any top university in the country."

Fang Chi felt a little more at ease, but not overly so. This seemed to be the outcome he had anticipated. "Thank you, teacher."

Old Xu waved his hand, but his expression didn't completely relax. He picked up a document from the table, then put it down, seemingly considering the wording. "I called you here mainly because of something else. This matter... is somewhat sudden, and it involves some past events, which I feel are necessary for you to know."

Fang Chi sat up straighter and looked at Lao Liu.

"It's about the guaranteed admission quota," Old Xu said slowly. "Do you remember that after the national physics competition finals last year, you and Xing Jiayan both achieved excellent results? According to the policies at the time and the special admissions policies for high-level sports teams, art troupes, and other special types of admissions, you two were actually within the scope of consideration for guaranteed admission to top universities. Especially Xing Jiayan, his overall ranking at the time and the specific needs of some universities almost secured him a very precious guaranteed admission qualification."

The fact that Xing Jiayan's name was mentioned so formally caused Fang Chi's fingers to twitch slightly. He nodded, indicating that he was listening.

"Later, Xing Jiayan suddenly went abroad due to family reasons, and the procedures were handled in a hurry." Old Liu's voice was a little lower. "He not only gave up his student status, but also contacted the admissions officer of the university that had initially confirmed his intention to recommend him for admission, and officially gave it up. The reason was very simple: he had already gone abroad to study and would no longer occupy a domestic quota."

Fang Chi's heart began to race. He had a vague idea of ​​what was going on.

"This spot that was given up did not disappear directly." Old Xu looked at him with complicated eyes. "According to the relevant procedures and substitution rules, after comprehensive evaluation and confirmation from the university, this spot was passed on to another student whose overall performance and competition results were second only to his and who met all the requirements."

The office was quiet for a few seconds, with only the sound of the fan.

“That person is you, Fang Chi,” Old Xu said, enunciating each word clearly. “In other words, in addition to your college entrance examination score, you have also obtained the qualification for admission to the Jiangnan University Science Experimental Class in advance. The relevant procedures and confirmation letter have been officially completed last week, and the documents have just been issued to the school.”

Fang Chi was stunned. A guaranteed admission? Jiang University? The spot Xing Jiayan gave up…?

A surge of emotions rushed through him: surprise, bewilderment, and a sharp, indescribable sting. This was no outcome he had anticipated. He had assumed his college entrance exam score would secure him a place at his dream university; he was prepared to compete on his own merit. But now, his teacher told him he had received a "gift," a gift that someone else had given up, a gift that wasn't originally part of his competitive path. And that person was Xing Jiayan.

"Teacher," Fang Chi heard his voice was a little dry, "is this... in accordance with the regulations? I mean..."

“Completely qualified,” Old Xu said confidently. “All procedures were open, transparent, and compliant. Your competition results, usual performance, and overall qualities are all more than sufficient. However, without Xing Jiayan’s withdrawal, the competition for this specific spot would have been extremely fierce, and the outcome would have been uncertain. His withdrawal objectively made the allocation of this spot clearer. The university was very satisfied with your comprehensive evaluation, which is why it finally confirmed your place.”

Old Xu paused, looking at the complex expression on Fang Chi's face, and his tone softened: "Fang Chi, I know what you're thinking. Do you feel like you've 'picked up' someone else's? Or is there some hurdle in your mind?"

Fang Chi remained silent, tacitly agreeing.

“Kid,” Old Xu rarely used such a gentle form of address, “this is a normal replacement within the rules. It’s like a running race; if someone drops out, the rankings of those behind them go up. Your ability already places you in that group. This isn’t charity; it’s the rules recognizing you. As for Xing Jiayan…” Old Liu sighed, “that was his own choice. We respect his choice, and the rules must continue to operate.”

Old Xu pushed the document in front of Fang Chi. "This is the relevant explanation and follow-up arrangements for the confirmation of admission. Take it back and discuss it with your parents. Of course, you can still choose any other university and major based on your college entrance examination score. The admission qualification is just an additional and earlier confirmed option. But Jiangda's science experimental class is indeed a platform that countless people dream of."

Fang Chi looked at the document: white paper, black lead type, and a red official seal in the lower right corner. It was very formal and authoritative. Yet, he felt the paper was burning hot to the touch.

"I... need some time to think about it," Fang Chi said.

"Of course." Old Xu nodded understandingly. "This is no small matter. Think it over carefully and discuss it with your parents. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me."

Fang Chi picked up the document, folded it, and put it in his bag. His steps were unsteady as he stood up.

"Fang Chi," Old Xu called out to him, looking at him with the concern and understanding of an elder, "Let bygones be bygones. Look forward. This opportunity is something you earned with three years of hard work, and that's why you can seize it. Don't overthink it."

"...Thank you, teacher."

Stepping out of the office, the corridor remained empty and quiet. Sunlight streamed in obliquely from the window at the far end, casting long streaks of light on the floor. Fang Chi walked slowly, the document in his bag feeling like a heavy stone.

He didn't go home immediately, but instead walked to the door of the empty Senior Three (Class 1) classroom. The door was locked, so he looked through the window. The desks and chairs were neatly arranged, the blackboard was spotless, and the countdown clock for the college entrance exam in the corner had been removed. The seat by the window was still empty.

He stood there, watching for a long time. Then he turned and left.

When he got home, his parents were there. He showed them what Lao Xu had said and the document. His parents were initially shocked, then delighted, but seeing that their son didn't seem particularly happy, they gradually calmed down.

"Xiao Chi, what do you think?" Dad asked.

Fang Chi was silent for a moment. "It's the school and major I wanted. The platform is also very good." He paused, "It's just that... I feel a little confused."

His mother held his hand: "Teacher Xu is right. This is the rule, and it also shows how good you are. If Xing Jiayan hadn't given up, wouldn't you have been able to get into a good school based on your college entrance exam score? You could have. Now you just have a more reliable option. Don't treat it as a burden."

He understood the logic. But emotionally, that hurdle remained. What he received bore the clear imprint of another person's "giving up." That person hadn't even offered an explanation, casually "giving away" what he might have fought so hard for. The feeling was too complex.

That night, he was alone in his room. He took out the document and read it again. He recognized every word, and understood the meaning when they were put together, but he just couldn't get a sense of reality from it.

He turned on his computer and clicked on the forum he hadn't logged into in ages. Almost inexplicably, he logged into his account. His private message list was empty. He opened the chat window with "Yan," and the cursor blinked in the blank space.

He wanted to type so many words. He wanted to ask him why he gave up. He wanted to tell him that he felt bad about getting what he had given up. He wanted to ask him how he was doing in Singapore. He wanted to ask him if he remembered.

But in the end, he only typed two words, then deleted them. He typed again, then deleted again. Over and over again.

Finally, he closed the window and left the forum.

He walked to the window and looked at the city's night view. Thousands of lights shone, each one likely holding its own story, its own joys and sorrows. His story with Xing Jiayan, abruptly ended on that New Year's Eve, was now echoing in such an unexpected way, creating a distant, one-sided resonance.

He recalled Lao Liu's words: "This is his own choice."

Perhaps this is the way Xing Jiayan chose to say goodbye completely. Cutting off all ties, even giving up things that could have been fought for together, drawing a clear line, and moving towards a completely new future, one that has nothing to do with the past.

But I was left on this side of the line, receiving this "gift" that carried the meaning of abandonment.

Fang Chi closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled.

A few days later, he replied to Lao Xu. He accepted Jiang University's offer of admission without examination. By the time he made this decision, he was much calmer. Just as his parents and teachers had said, this was one of the possibilities he deserved based on his own abilities, only it had come true earlier than expected. He didn't need to, and shouldn't, punish himself with pointless agonizing.

On the day they received their official acceptance letters, He Chen and Tan Si insisted on celebrating. The three of them gathered at that small restaurant again. He Chen already knew about the guaranteed admission and patted Fang Chi's shoulder hard: "Awesome, Fang Chi! Jiang University! You'll be a pillar of the nation from now on! You have to treat us!"

Tan Si also raised his glass and said earnestly, "Congratulations."

Fang Chi clinked glasses with them, a faint smile on his face. The complex emotions in his heart were somewhat diluted by his friends' sincere blessings.

“By the way,” He Chen took a sip of his drink and suddenly said, “I heard from a former junior high school classmate the other day that someone saw Xing Jiayan’s information on some overseas student forum. It said that he was in Singapore and participated in some international physics competition, and his results were pretty good. Indeed, gold shines wherever it is.”

Fang Chi tightened his grip on the cup. "Is that so?" he replied, without asking any further questions.

"Hmm." He Chen didn't say anything more and changed the subject to other things.

The celebration ended, and everyone went home. A gentle summer night breeze blew. Fang Chi walked along the familiar street, passing the basketball court by the roadside. Several teenagers were playing basketball on the court, their figures leaping and full of energy, using the streetlights as their light.

He stopped and looked around for a while. Then he continued walking.

Back in his room, he reopened the locked drawer and took out the hardcover notebook. He opened it and looked at the photograph. The smile in the photo appeared somewhat blurred under the lamplight.

He looked at it for a long time, then took out a pen and very lightly wrote two words on the blank space behind the photo:

Thanks.

The handwriting was faint. Then, he clipped the photo back together and put the notebook back in the drawer. This time, he didn't lock it.

He sat back down at his desk and opened the freshman orientation guide and summer reading list sent by Jiangnan University. It was a thick stack, full of new challenges and possibilities.