Chapter 83 Ke Yanchen's incredibly selfish and despicable love.

I am a person who has everything, yet has nothing.

***

My first impression of the mist was probably in the cafeteria during military training.

The air conditioning in the cafeteria was blowing out loudly, but it couldn't dispel the thick sweat from being exposed to the scorching sun all morning. Unlike the crowded, sweltering people, Ye Ren and I sat in the best seats in the cafeteria, finished our meals delivered from home, drank iced cola, and chatted lazily.

It was at this moment that the mist came into my view.

She was tall and slender with fair skin, wearing a pair of somewhat silly-looking black-rimmed glasses. She stood in line, beads of sweat glistening on her forehead, her bright red lips pursed, a few strands of hair clinging to her long neck, which she wiped occasionally. She turned to talk to the girl behind her, a faint smile playing on her lips.

I raised my chin and asked Ye Ren if the girl was a ballet dancer.

Ye Ren examined her carefully for a few moments and said he had never seen her at Song Man's dance studio.

I gave a nonchalant "oh," not taking it to heart, and left the cafeteria.

......

She was always secretly watching me.

I could feel the clear, timid yet passionate look in their eyes, like those of a fledgling bird.

But I never paid much attention. Occasionally, when I stumbled into her hurriedly averted gaze, I would find her endearingly silly.

That's all.

......

Later, someone in my class told me that a girl named Yu Wu liked me.

At the time, I had no idea who Yu Wu was.

Until one long break, when my classmate and I returned to the classroom, we were met with the intense, admiring gaze of a girl on the second floor.

Because of my companions' mockery, I made a bet.

Many years later, I often regret that incredibly cheap gamble that cost me so much.

......

From then on, I started to seriously follow Yu Wu.

To be honest, what I gave Yuwu was nothing more than a few bottles of drinks, a few boxes of imported chocolates, and some sweet promises.

Ironically, I later learned that Yuwu didn't like chocolate, and all of it had been eaten by her friends.

Yu Wu would buy me a bottle of milk every day without fail, but I was used to the fresh milk delivered daily and looked down on the boxed milk from the supermarket. Naturally, I ended up giving all the milk Yu Wu brought to my deskmate.

Later I learned that Yuwu's family was poor at the time. Because she bought milk for me, she had no pocket money left.

......

As you get to know her better, you'll find she's a shy and innocent girl.

I helped her deal with Zhou Jin only because it was my responsibility as her "boyfriend".

Zhou Jin was too arrogant and gloomy; a few words from him easily ignited my anger.

The real reason I fought with him wasn't because "he harassed Yuwu," but because of a youthful spirit, because Zhou Jin challenged my authority.

But when the little girl saw me the next day, she was so heartbroken that she just cried.

I knew she liked me a lot, and I enjoyed that liking. So much so that I became complacent and pushed her into another bottomless abyss.

......

I had just finished showering when Yu Wu asked me about my relationship with Song Man.

Driven by a strong and urgent passion, I ran out of the house in a very foolish way, only realizing what was happening when I encountered the driver in the courtyard. I jumped into the car and asked him to take me to the foot of Yuwu Tower.

After getting off the bus, I ran as fast as I could to see her from under the dilapidated, dimly lit old house.

So much so that when I held her in my arms, I couldn't control my violently panting chest.

She was shy and timid, her face filled with surprise and disbelief, her clear eyes brimming with laughter.

You silly boy.

I was laughing too, in a childish and silly way.

Her eyes were full of affection and love when she looked at me, soft and moist, making me inexplicably thirsty, empty, and hot, wishing I could be right next to her.

Without thinking, I reached out and touched her soft, pale red lips.

Just as I imagined, it was soft and moist.

Her eyelashes were wet, and she looked timid, with a hint of fear and helplessness, yet she still let me do as I pleased.

So cute.

Finally, I asked her out on Sunday. I said I was taking her out to get some extra nutrition, but really it was just to satisfy my own selfish desires.

......

I was actually happy when I first met her on Sunday.

But as I walked alongside her, I noticed that her collar was frayed, and it looked like it had been there for several years.

I know her family isn't well-off, but even if she's poor, she should at least throw away a yellowed, outdated T-shirt after wearing it for a year.

Throughout the rest of the trip, I remained a gentleman. However, when I discovered that she thought the food she ordered was too expensive and that her first reaction to offering her a gift was to refuse, I felt she was petty.

It doesn't seem very presentable.

......

I actually have a bit of a crush on her. She's unique, very different, both in appearance and in the pure emotion she exudes.

Her affection for me was intense and passionate, which satisfied my vanity. Even if her family was poor, it didn't matter; I could afford to support her.

I like gentle and harmless girls, and preferably girls who are completely devoted to me and want to be my constant companion.

Gradually I realized that she wasn't that kind of girl.

When she retaliates against others, she acts like a shrew, hysterical and violent. I don't like it; I even find it repulsive.

If we have a conflict, I only hope she feels wronged and sheds tears, rather than seeing her looking at me with hatred and throwing and hitting me.

When Song Man first learned of Yu Wu's existence, she only gave a disdainful snort. Later, seeing that I was less protective of Yu Wu, she slowly began to look down on Yu Wu in every way, making everyone in the circle treat her as a laughing stock.

"Who would wear such old-fashioned clothes? Oh, I think I know someone who does."

Who is it?

"That guy, of course."

They glanced at each other and smiled.

"How could anyone like that kind of person?"

"There will always be people who get fooled by sophisticated methods."

A burst of laughter erupted.

"Don't be ridiculous. What era are we living in? There are still people who can't afford new clothes?"

"Someone always wears the school uniform when leaving the school gate."

"Why?"

"Because I'm poor."

They burst into laughter.

"There are some girls who are clearly gold diggers, but they pretend to be high and mighty when they receive gifts. They're so shameless, but in the end they still accept them."

"He still wears that bracelet to swindle and cheat people, showing off everywhere. How petty."

Because of her, I am always surrounded by ambiguous sarcasm and ridicule.

At first, I was annoyed, but Song Man was a girl, and I couldn't take my anger out on her. She never named anyone, and privately she would constantly plead with me, saying that I was just being deceived by her. Gradually, I also began to accept her slander of Yu Wu.

This acceptance stems from two main reasons. First, one's own inner strength is insufficient to accept external criticism of their shortcomings. Second, it reflects a subtle desire to please within one's social circle.

......

I'm using passive-aggressive tactics on Yuwu, hoping she'll understand the subtlety of the situation and retreat into a corner so I won't have to be the bad guy.

There's a girl named Xia Tingxue in the next class who seems pretty good. She's my type. She expressed admiration and respect for me, and then started to play hard to get. At first, it was so irresistible to me.

I once thought he was my soulmate for the rest of my life.

Later, being with her became boring, extremely boring.

......

I never expected Yu Wu to come when we played basketball at the gym.

She was thrown onto the basketball court, and in front of hundreds of spectators, she was forced to wear an extremely ugly lipstick and her school uniform, and then she fell to the ground in a disheveled state.

The crowd roared, demanding she get off the stage. Yu Wu stood there alone, twisting the hem of her clothes in her hands, her eyes filled with a chilling helplessness.

I know it was Song Man and others who set this up.

I know she is an innocent victim.

But she looked so disheveled, and her lipstick was so ugly that standing next to her made me feel ashamed.

I coldly and ruthlessly rejected her, severing ties with her in public.

Before even returning, I quickly deleted her contact information.

I'm running away. It's as if getting away from her will allow me to escape the humiliation I can't control.

I also felt that she was really cheap.

She's easy to pursue, easy to leave out, and easy to get rid of.

She silently licked her wounds all by herself, never blaming, complaining, or harboring resentment towards me. With no family or friends by her side, I had absolutely no idea how she got through it.

......

......

Yu Wu was caught in a media storm and became a celebrity on campus.

I know how despicable a role I played in all of this. The moment I see her, I see my own selfishness and shamelessness starkly in the face.

So I can't face her.

Becoming officially in a relationship with Xia Tingxue actually made me feel bored. I thought I liked her.

She fulfilled all my requirements for a girl.

I never felt a certain spark for her. But I really enjoyed taking her out, and I loved the surprised and envious looks the boys gave me at parties; it greatly satisfied my vanity.

I transferred to the science class and later met Chengyi. In some ways, we are the same kind of people.

We often skipped classes to go out and have fun, and naturally became good buddies.

When Cheng Yi learned that my girlfriend was Xia Tingxue, he didn't show any envy. He just smiled faintly, patted my shoulder, and said that I had good taste.

That was the first time I felt frustrated.

Is it really possible for a guy to resist Xia Tingxue, who is the epitome of pure desire?

I initially thought he was hiding his jealousy, but later I realized he was genuinely uninterested.

...

I've noticed that he seems to be interested in Yuwu.

It wasn't until one rainy day, when he helped Yuwu pick up books in the downpour, that I realized it.

I was holding an umbrella, feeling utterly ashamed and wanting to run away. Yes, the sight of the mist made me feel like a mouse before a cat, a shameful and despicable dread.

So I urged Chengyi to leave several times, but he ignored me and just kept picking up his books.

He's never usually this kind.

He really does like the mist.

My heart was pounding, and my possessiveness was growing wildly, but I remained calm and teased him about his poor taste, asking if he knew about the rumors surrounding Yuwu.

I want him to give up on Yuwu on his own initiative.

This is a strange thought. Even though Yuwu and I are no longer related, I was the one who dragged her down into the mire. Yet I just can't tolerate someone treating something I've discarded as a treasure.

Cheng Yi didn't understand whether he liked Yu Wu.

So I despicably offered to help Chengyi gather information, creating an insurmountable chasm between them. I told Chengyi that Yuwu thought he was a scoundrel. Similarly, I portrayed Chengyi as a despicable character just like myself.

Sure enough, Cheng Yi reduced the number of times he visited Yu Wu after that.

I know what you're going to say. Yes, that's exactly who I am. On the surface, I'm a gentleman, polite and respectful of women and animals, but in reality, I do extremely dishonorable things, have no shame in achieving my goals, and am despicable, filthy, selfish, and vile.

I am very satisfied with the result.

......

Not long after she started hanging out with Cheng Yi, news came that he was transferring to a school in the United States.

I am a little sad, after all, we got along so well.

One peaceful morning, shortly after math class began, Chengyi still hadn't returned. The teacher briefly inquired before starting the lesson. Suddenly, Chengyi rushed to the classroom door, panting, his eyes bloodshot, his gaze passing over the students in the front row and shooting straight at me.

That overwhelming dominance and savagery drowned out the puzzled murmurs around the classroom.

As soon as he walked into the classroom, picked up a chair, and hurled it straight at my face, the classroom erupted in screams and gasps.

—He really wanted me dead back then.

I dodged the chair that was whistling through the air, and he pounced on me with a reckless abandon.

Chaos, noise, the sound of wind, and screams were all mixed together.

Even with so many people in the class, they couldn't stop him.

I didn't understand why he was so angry, and I asked him if he was crazy, until he asked me with a calm madness why I had spread rumors about her.

It suddenly dawned on me.

It turns out that Cheng Yi was after Yu Wu.

It's utterly ridiculous that she wants to break up with me for that ordinary girl.

We really broke off relations, and the subsequent matters were handled entirely by the parents of both sides.

I spent three months in the hospital, and when I returned to school, Chengyi was no longer there.

That's okay, it doesn't hinder my colorful campus life.

......

......

When I met Yuwu again, I truly didn't remember her.

After all, it's been almost ten years, and the actual time I've spent with her is less than 24 hours.

My life is so colorful. A group of us went skiing in Switzerland, watched fireworks in Singapore, and went to Africa to see the Great Migration... To me, she was just a passerby.

Who would remember a passerby?

Her family is very well-off, and her father chose her, hoping that we could get married.

I also put some effort into getting along with her.

Aside from her initially acting a bit strange, we gradually became more and more compatible.

She knows my favorite songs, my favorite travel destinations, my favorite basketball players...

Moreover, she is gentle and beautiful, always relying on me and understanding me. She can help me with both company matters and my personal affairs.

She is very charming.

Until Xia Tingxue appeared out of nowhere.

She just cried, cried and cried, her tears falling like raindrops, making her look pitiful. Each tear, dripping down, spoke of her burning heart, making it impossible for me to be cruel.

She said she would die if she left me. After much hesitation, and under her threat of death, I chose her.

......

Cheng Yi and Yu Wu seem to be getting closer and closer.

Every time I see the two of them together, it's an eyesore. I force myself to watch coldly. The burning jealousy makes me lose my mind, my chest is filled with impatient anger, and I wish I could snatch Yuwu away from him every time.

Every single time I went through this ordeal was one of agonizing torment.

The mist was meant to be mine.

Cheng Yi is the unloved, opportunistic, shameless mistress.

Being with Xia Tingxue every day has become torture, and yet she has started to cling to me, with an even stronger desire for me than before.

This longing is like an invisible giant net, suffocating me. Her messages, her phone calls, only make me feel inexplicably irritable.

If it were fog, it certainly wouldn't be like this.

I was the one who broke up with her. It was completely unexpected. Xia Tingxue begged me for a long time, but I didn't care at all.

Face your desires, face your human nature. I want the dazzling brilliance that's visible to the naked eye, and I only crave the softness that's in my hand.

I know I'm a short-sighted scoundrel. But that doesn't matter, Yu Wu and Cheng Yi aren't married yet anyway.

Planning that confession was rushed; it gambled with my entire reputation and revealed my most unbridled and urgent desires.

She struggled for a long time.

But it doesn't matter.

Finally, she walked towards me. She carried a fragrance, tears, and her soft, moist skin.

Holding her in his arms, all his twisted obsession and jealousy vanished, leaving only a warm and serene feeling.

......

My desire for her was intense and obsessive, and I suddenly realized that my previous relationships were not real relationships.

This relentless, obsessive jealousy finally subsided when she agreed to the engagement.

I truly love her.

Even just taking a walk with her and feeling the evening breeze makes me very happy.

She will eventually become my wife.

We will definitely be happy.

......

......

To this day, I don't want to recall that engagement party.

The Koo Group was plunged into an unprecedented crisis, and I became a pariah. Even today, rumors continue to circulate.

At the time, I thought Xia Tingxue was just getting revenge on me, until Yu Wu pretended to be a victim and told me herself that she was the one who started it all.

At that time, I didn't hate her.

Instead, I hate myself.

I hate myself for messing everything up.

That day I got caught in the rain, and when I got home, I hid in the bathroom to take my wretched shower. I was so desperate that I couldn't breathe.

I am numb, empty, and lifeless.

It's all my fault.

It's my fault for being haunted by my inner demons ten years ago, which led to a dead end from the very beginning of our reunion. I was foolish and unaware of my own situation, and by the time I finally came to my senses, it was already a hopeless situation with no way to bury me, a heart-wrenching pain like a leech.

Looking back now, there was a cause before the effect. All phenomena are empty, only cause and effect are not empty.

I deserve it.

......

......

The winter wind is biting cold. In my spare time, I often go to Tenggui Middle School and wander around aimlessly.

I walked through the bare schoolyard with my hands in my pockets inside my coat. It was during class time, and the children were all in their classrooms.

As I walked through the school's long corridors where light and shadow intertwined, across the red and white track and field, and past teaching buildings, memories flashed through my mind frame by frame.

I remember her in her school uniform, her face bright and cheerful in the sunlight; I remember her every attempt at a sneaky glance, only to frantically dodge away; I remember her desperate vulnerability, her stubborn refusal to let her tears fall; I remember her keeping me company late into the night as the Ke family faced a crisis, her unwavering promise to never leave me; and I remember her final, resolute indifference...

I have also touched her flowing, delicate hair, her moist eyes, her rosy lips, her slender neck, her soft fingertips, her slender waist, and her alluring calves.

In those chaotic times, we fought for each other with all our might and resolutely protected each other, yet we also hurt each other, causing heartbreak and leaving only devastation.

In my youth, I was impetuous and reckless, while she, resilient and gentle, wrapped my rough edges with tenderness. She silently endured for ten years, without fanfare or fuss, just silently bearing it all.

I lost someone very important to me.

......

......

After Ke's downfall, my father arranged a matchmaking event at the Lin family's place. My blind date was a woman from a wealthy family who had been divorced once. The reason for the divorce was that she had cheated on me.

This time, I can no longer afford to be arrogant; the burden of my family dictates that I cannot afford to act recklessly.

I accepted.

I think I'm incapable of loving anyone else.

Since that's the case, it doesn't matter who you marry.

Silently, he accepted the opportunity that could bring Koch back to life.

......

......

On Yu Wu's wedding day, I showed up uninvited and gave her a large sum of money as a wedding gift.

Morning light streamed through the stained-glass windows of the church, casting dappled patterns of color on the floor. I stood in a corner where the carved oak beams crisscrossed, following the gaze of the guests on the benches on either side.

She wore an ivory-white satin fishtail dress that shimmered softly in the morning light, making her appear slender and tall. Water-soluble lace embroidered with intertwined vines and pearls meandered from her shoulders to her waist, accentuating her delicate shoulders, neck, and collarbones. Her waist was exquisitely cinched, and the flowing ribbons swayed gently with each step, highlighting her perfect waist-to-hip ratio. From her hips down, the fishtail hem gracefully expanded outwards and then gradually narrowed, the edges of the skirt sewn with tiny diamonds that refracted a delicate sparkle with every step.

The guests murmured their admiration, and my throat bobbed uncontrollably.

A gentle breeze stirred, causing a few stray strands of her hair to fall. The tall, handsome man stepped forward and gently tucked a strand behind her ear with his fingertips. Their eyes met, and they smiled at each other. He held her waist, and together they faced the priest, beginning their vows.

With each word, tears welled in their eyes.

The two kissed, and the guests began to applaud.

I just watched quietly, my face already a mess of tears. My numb heart felt as if it were being immersed in a warm current, lying in a serene place.

I know they will be happy. She will give her heart wholeheartedly, just as she once did to me. And Chengyi will only give her more so that she will never shed another tear. Their destinies are deeply intertwined; they will give each other unique experiences, their bodies will be imbued with each other's essence. They will give each other the strongest support, raise children together, and step into each stage of life together, experiencing all the joys and fulfillments of life.

......

......

If time could rewind ten years, back to that cool, waning summer. If our beginnings hadn't been because of that pointless bet, if I were strong enough not to be swayed by others' words, if I weren't so dirty and selfish, only wanting to escape...

But I was sixteen at the time and didn't understand.

They lack a sense of responsibility, commitment, appreciation, and love.

......

Flowers may bloom again, but youth never returns.

Growing up amidst a long period of debauchery and extravagance, I became the kind of person I hated in that circle, failing to live up to her pure heart.

Time flies, and only when I truly became a man did I finally understand the burning sincerity I missed back then.

I can't even empathize with myself from ten years ago.

But upon closer reflection, I realized that boys mature later than girls, and I was only sixteen years old back then.

Once the arrow is released, there's no turning back; once you fall off a cliff, there's no turning back.

No one can accompany a boy as he grows up.

So much so that when I met her again, it was a dead end.

At that time, I still didn't understand her trembling fingertips, sore eyes, and trembling voice at the first blind date table.

Fate's gifts were handed to me time and time again, but they slipped through my fingers like quicksand, and in the end, I couldn't grasp anything.

We met again ten years later. In fact, I had countless opportunities to change my destiny.

I am not reconciled.

I met her first; we were each other's first love, and she even waited for me for ten years.

I am not reconciled.

......

......

One afternoon, I had a very long dream. In the dream, it was the late summer of my high school years, and the entire campus was shrouded in a hazy, warm light.

I wandered aimlessly around the campus, and looking in the direction of the sunlight, I saw you walking towards me with your black-rimmed glasses on. Your cheeks were like tender flower buds, with specks of gold reflected in your curved eyebrows.

My ears were filled with noise, and my heart was pounding like a broken wall. I took a few steps forward and hugged you tightly.

The feeling of losing and then regaining was like a flood bursting its banks, and the intense heat that burst forth from the earth completely overwhelmed me. I held you tightly to my body, my throat choked with emotion, unable to speak.

Only when you whispered that you were in pain did I finally separate my body, grab your arms, and show my white teeth.

"Yuko, I will never leave you again."

After you heard this, two blushes appeared on your cheeks, and you nodded with your lips pursed.

This time, I will give you all my honesty and sincerity without reservation, and have a love affair with you that will never end.

We will never be apart again.

......

......

In my entire life, I have never been loved by such a sincere and pure girl, who accompanied me through a period of time with warmth and beauty. I have no regrets.

......