Chapter Twelve

Xu Weiwei was shocked, her pupils dilating in disbelief. She exclaimed, "Is it really that outrageous? With so many people at the dinner, kneeling down in public like that, aren't you afraid of word getting out? And the waiters, with so many random people around, how could you dare to do that!"

Li Nan snorted and said, "He did it on purpose. In the entertainment industry, what's the point of worrying about face? You have to be willing to go all out. With so many people present, he even knelt down and begged for forgiveness. If any actor didn't forgive him, they would seem petty."

Afterwards, within the industry, he was in the right, and it was very difficult for the actor to find fault with him. Going back on one's word is unacceptable.

Besides, the people who attend the party are all smart; they wouldn't be so clueless as to go around saying things they shouldn't. As for the waiters, the hotels where the parties are held are the kind that cater specifically to celebrities; they're not just randomly hired. The confidentiality measures are very thorough, so the waiters wouldn't dare to say anything out of line.

Anyway, this host was clearly very clever; the timing and occasion were perfect. Besides, sometimes you might think kneeling is a big deal.

However, as actors perform more roles, there will inevitably be instances where one of their characters kneels down. The idea that kneeling hurts one's self-esteem is simply unfounded.

You might think that hosts and actors are different, but in reality, they are the same. Some hosts have encountered a lot of strange people and have been subjected to a lot of difficulties.

Some hosts, when bullied, choose to support younger generations and mentor newcomers to the entertainment industry, while others bully those weaker than themselves to vent their resentment and dissatisfaction.

He felt that since he was being bullied, why should others be able to get away with it? They had to be bullied just like him. His transformation from victim to perpetrator was executed with remarkable smoothness.

You might think that host must be a really bad person, but he has also done a lot of good deeds. What I know is that he has donated almost all the money he has earned to disabled people.

He is usually very frugal with himself and rarely buys new clothes or shoes. He has at most three sets of clothes and three pairs of shoes, which he wears in rotation. He won't buy new clothes unless they are completely broken.

He'd still wear clothes even if they had a small hole in them. He also didn't eat fancy meals because he thought they were too expensive, always opting for the cheapest option at the staff canteen.

I admire that. I think human nature is so complex; on one hand, it's hateful, and on the other hand, it's admirable. You can say someone is good, yet they've done bad things; you can say someone is bad, yet they've done good things.

Xu Weiwei frowned slightly and said, "This person is indeed hard to evaluate. It can only be said that good and bad cannot be offset. Sometimes he is kind, and sometimes he is bad."

Imagine someone who saved the lives of everyone in a city, yet killed three people without any justifiable reason. Do you think he should be praised or criticized? I think he should be criticized.

This kind of impure goodness cannot be considered good. No matter how many good deeds one has done, if it harms innocent people, it should be criticized.

Otherwise, where is justice? It's like you always think you're the one who's being saved, but in reality, you're more likely to be the one innocently killed.

I can choose to die, but you can't make that decision for me and take my life; that's wrong. I absolutely cannot accept anyone treating me like that.

I thought of an idol I used to like. He was in a relationship, and his girlfriend was very beautiful. I thought he had good taste and his partner was great.

But later, I still stopped being a fan. Because I felt that hiding his relationship was too weak; firstly, he was irresponsible to his girlfriend, and secondly, he was irresponsible to his fans.

I don't really like timid and fearful personalities. I prefer brave people who are bold enough to say yes when they're in a relationship, especially since it's a girlfriend they've agreed to date.

How can you think your partner is something to be ashamed of? Secondly, many fans may be using you as a sexual fantasy object. If you are in a relationship, you should tell the truth and not deceive your fans.

I don't necessarily need much feedback from my idols. As long as I feel that my idol hasn't fallen from grace, I can continue to support them.

The only thing I value about an idol is their character. As long as you're a good person, for example, even if you're an idol, you should bravely tell your fans about your relationship on the first day you get a girlfriend.

Then I will continue to like you. In my opinion, you haven't really fallen from grace. Of course, the premise is that your girlfriend is good-looking and has a good character; anyway, I find her pleasing to the eye.

If your girlfriend is terrible, I will unfollow you without hesitation. If you are willing to hang out with such a terrible person, you will inevitably be influenced over time and you will also become bad. Even if you are good now, you will definitely not be good in the future.

I need to leave early and cut my losses. Actually, I've been thinking about a guy I knew who started his own business, made a lot of money, and was willing to give half of it to his girlfriend unconditionally, if she agreed to marry him.

Later, after the woman got married, it became clear that she loved the man's money, not him as a person. If I were that man, would I regret it?

I probably wouldn't. I'm willing to accept this kind of marriage because I know that if I'm willing to give up half of my money, it must be someone I love very much.

She's after my money, which means as long as I stay wealthy, she won't leave me. And I'm confident I can earn a lot of money, so she'll never leave.

Essentially, I don't need positive feedback for anything I want to stick to. If I do get positive feedback, I'll be happy, but if I don't, it's okay. I'll still continue to do what I want to do.

Even if there seems to be no hope ahead, I don't care. Now that I've chosen to start, I won't turn back. I'm not the kind of person who needs a reward to keep playing a game.

Just like the level-based games I played when I was a kid, I played them for almost three years, and the best I ever got to was the third level. I always died in the first or second level, and only occasionally made it to the third level.

What will the later levels be like? I have no idea. I've never reached them, and I don't like reading game guides. I feel that even if I copy what others have written and follow their instructions, the success I achieve is meaningless and boring.

For me, this game truly only has three levels, because I can't get past the others. Even so, I've persisted in playing this game for three years.

Was my gaming experience really that good? No, it wasn't that good at all. On the contrary, I felt frustrated countless times, but I didn't care about the result.

I genuinely felt joy when I played this game countless times. It wasn't external feedback I received, but rather the pleasure that came from within myself.

People need to look inward, not outward. There are some things you have to do regardless of whether there's positive feedback or not. It's just a matter of doing them sooner or later.

The outcome of this event will differ depending on the time and place you choose. Human destiny may seem predetermined, but the process itself is something you must explore, and it can be long or short.

Even if you don't reach the finish line, you might encounter a treasure chest while walking along the way. Opening the chest might reveal something you're looking for.

It's truly pathetic when people only consider outcomes and prioritize personal gain. If I genuinely love someone, and they love money more than I do, and I have money, then I won't mind that.

If I didn't have money, then I would mind, but I still wouldn't blame him; that's just the kind of person he is. Didn't I already know that?

A person who is worldly and prioritizes self-interest, even willing to sacrifice their own love as a means to pursue their own gains, I believe that if you fall in love with such a person, you must accept them completely.

What are my shortcomings? I definitely have shortcomings, but one thing that seems to be particularly hypocritical is that I easily have high expectations of others while being very lenient with myself.

I don't yet know what my shortcomings are. I seem to be quite tolerant of most things in this world. How would I react if someone hit me for no reason?

Would I fight back? If it were at the company, I wouldn't fight back. I might quit. I don't want to become a laughing stock. Fighting with someone at the company is, in my opinion, extremely foolish. I would never do that.

But it's definitely not okay to not retaliate after being beaten. I might choose to ambush this person when they get off work, and then pay them back tenfold.

It seems I still have a lot of guts at heart. Of course, violence is the way to fight violence, but if this person attacked first, then it's their own fault for hitting me. I was acting in self-defense, and even if it was excessive, it was still excessive self-defense. In any case, I'm right.

I've found that when people encounter truly intolerable things, it's very difficult for them to be magnanimous and forgiving. It's easy to persuade someone to let go, but emotions are easily stirred up.

When someone treats me badly, it's hard for me to accept. I also find it very difficult to truly forgive that person. If you initiate a conflict with me, then you're bad, and no matter the reason, I won't forgive you.

I previously said I was very tolerant, but now I realize I'm not tolerant at all; it's a flawed self-perception I had. I certainly have many shortcomings, but my overconfidence led to this misperception, preventing me from recognizing my weaknesses.

Of course, I don't think being overconfident is a flaw. Confidence is a good thing. Even though being overconfident and arrogance are roughly the same thing, I don't think arrogance is a flaw.

I love myself, which is why I'm arrogant and confident. I'd rather be overly confident than a pathetic, self-pitying wretch.

The former can stand up on their own, while the latter needs others to motivate them to do so. I believe that relying on myself is the best approach; I will never betray myself.

Others might suddenly betray you one day, treating you badly after being so kind to you. But I will never experience such awful things because I have eliminated the possibility of such things happening to me from the outset.

Am I a very smart person? I think sometimes I am not. There are many things I can't figure out and can't find answers to. I try to get some information from books, but most of it is useless.

At least for me, it's completely useless. And seeing these words makes me lose all patience to read on. I just glance at them briefly to see if anything is helpful, and if not, I quickly skip it.

I've come to see reading as a game of seeking good results. If I don't get the results, I'm unhappy; if I do, I'm happy.

Speaking of these things, I realize that sometimes I do care about the outcome, but often the process is wonderful and the result is terrible, and I don't care because I have no choice but to accept the process.

This is a form of self-comfort, and also my mode of self-preservation. I know that most things I experience will end badly, so learning to accept the process is essential; otherwise, I might lose the courage to try again and again after each setback.

I was brainwashing myself, forcing myself to agree with this viewpoint. Over time, I got used to it and thought that this was really my opinion.

However, I now realize that I value the result more than the process. If it ends up being a failure, I really can't accept it.

I wish everything I experience would end well, but how could that possibly happen? It's wishful thinking, I know that.