Chapter 43: What she wanted was a love so pure it was almost violent to the point of death.

Motion sickness still took its toll on Jiang Yi. Normally, she could handle her work with great energy even after flying across hemispheres. But this time, watching Gu Lai's figure disappear into Huating No. 1, she immediately slumped into the back seat as if all her muscles had been pulled out, her temples throbbing with exhaustion.

The driver was another person surnamed Wu, and the car returned to its usual quiet, which Jiang Yi found a little unsettling. After thinking for a moment, she said to the driver, "Turn the music on, but keep it down."

The driver said okay, and a few seconds later, a gentle R&B-style melody flowed through the car.

Jiang Yi smiled upon hearing this; it was so familiar—it was a song from one of Gu Lai's albums from a few years ago.

This song wasn't a hit. When it was being produced, people said that this style wasn't very popular anymore. Gu Lai genuinely agreed with this assessment, but didn't adopt it.

The market response after its release was indeed lukewarm, but Jiang Yi really liked the album and often played it in his car.

Aside from instrumental music, her car music is mostly composed by Gu Lai, but she has listened to it less since the end of last year.

Strangely, at that time her emotion was not that she didn't want to listen or that the scene touched her heart, but rather that she "couldn't bear to listen."

Jiang Yi used to be completely captivated by Gu Lai's singing voice, and he didn't know why he was so addicted. Now, when he hears it again, he doesn't feel nostalgic or like he used to; instead, he feels a sense of peace.

The peace of mind that comes from a weary bird returning to its nest.

Jiang Yi looked down and sent a message to Gu Lai.

Jiang Yi: [Have we arrived? Have we arrived? [cat peeking out GIF]]

Gu Lai: [Arrived! [Selfie jpg] x3]

Jiang Yi: [I'm leaving.]

Gu Lai: [[A Lai waving GIF]]

Jiang Yi looked at the GIF sent by Gu Lai and laughed for a while by the window. It was an emoji he had made himself.

I don't even know how many years ago it was. The app has been updated several times, but the emojis still look the same innocent and naive ones from when I was young.

Jiang Yi used to send it to Gu Lai. She was gentle and tolerant, and at first she didn't even know that Jiang Yi hadn't sent it to anyone else, but she wasn't angry or even asked. It was only later that Jiang Yi remembered and told her.

After that, Jiang Yi and Gu Lai stopped texting much and only used other people's cats to express their own emotions.

Their relationship had the feel of a sugar daddy's lover from the beginning, with too many rumors and a big gap between them, so they had more sensitive points than other couples.

What might seem insignificant to other loving couples makes one wonder: Is it appropriate? Is it respectful?

Because of love, one becomes suspicious and fearful, even more afraid of hurting the other person. Fortunately, love is not all burden; it can even bring those who have gone astray back.

The phone screen lit up again.

Gu Lai: [Don't work when you get back, rest quickly, don't overwork yourself and get sick.]

Jiang Yi: [I still want to take a shower]

Gu Lai: [Go to sleep after showering and getting my hair dry]

Jiang Yi: [[A Lai nods GIF]]

Gu Lai: [You should send yours; this feels like I'm chatting with myself.]

Jiang Yi couldn't help but laugh for a while.

I don't know why my threshold for laughter is getting lower and lower these days; I laugh so easily now.

She went home and did indeed rest well as Gu Lai had advised, and when she woke up, almost ten hours had passed.

This would have been impossible before. Even if she were to rest, Jiang Yi would set an alarm and wouldn't be so reckless. However, the trauma from that trip to the hospital left too deep for Jiang Yi, so she decided to heed the advice her family doctor had given her before: respect the body's natural mechanisms.

Jiang Yi arrived at the hospital earlier than Gu Lai that day. Gu Lai still harbored resentment towards her parents and had no intention of asking about Luo Ou's condition, subconsciously relying on Jiang Yi. Jiang Yi, on the other hand, carefully inquired about the car accident and asked the attending physician, only then realizing how fragile human life was.

Even someone as strong-willed as Jiang Jueming had to let go when faced with illness.

Jiang Yi first looked at Gu Lai, but there were no messages or posts on her Moments, so it seemed like she was still sleeping. She then posted a "[hugging the sun jpg]" to indicate that she had woken up before getting out of bed to wash up and get to work.

There were pairs of toiletries in the bathroom. Jiang Yi paused for a moment when he opened the cabinet and saw them before taking out the toothbrush cup as usual.

When Gu Lai went to Huating No. 1, Jiang Yi didn't say anything about putting away her things, nor did he mention it when he brought up divorce. So the home decorator knew what was going on but didn't touch them, diligently keeping them in a ready-to-use state, as if another woman would open the door and use them at any moment.

Jiang Yi had become accustomed to these arrangements and felt no emotion upon seeing them. But suddenly, she paused, realizing she could see a sense of grievance in these inanimate objects.

The little bear on the orange-pink towel seemed to be staring at her and asking: Why are you all alone? Where is my owner?

Jiang Yi looked away and saw himself brushing his teeth in the mirror. After a few seconds, he couldn't resist turning the towel over.

When Jiang Yi picked up his phone again after leaving the bathroom, he glanced at Gu Lai, who was still silent. He made an appointment with the psychologist, thought for a moment, and then made an appointment for Gu Lai as well, sending her a screenshot.

On the flight back, Jiang Yi seemed indifferent to Gu Lai's words, but she had actually been thinking about them the whole time. However, Gu Lai's rejection didn't cause their warming relationship to suddenly cool down; they were still like lovers at the peak of their romance.

When Tian Miao came to see Jiang Yi, she watched as Jiang Yi and Gu Lai reluctantly ended their video call and remained silent for a long time.

"It's like your old house has caught fire," Tian Miao said speechlessly. "No wonder there's a saying, 'old flames rekindled.'"

Jiang Yi didn't even bother to look up: "We've never wiped it out."

After saying "okay, okay" for a long time, Tian Miao asked sincerely, "And what about your wife?"

Jiang Yi gave her a smile: "You missed me?"

Tian Miao looked at her with a look that seemed to hold a great terror, and unconsciously leaned back: "Haha, what are you saying?"

Jiang Yi ignored him.

Tian Miao was talking to her about work. Before, whether it was phone calls or emails, Jiang Yi hadn't replied much because she was busy with her relationship. However, Tian Miao wouldn't go so far as to travel all the way to Guizhou province to find her, or come to ambush her just because she knew she was back.

Furthermore, Tian Miao had seen Jiang Yi silently drinking one glass after another before, and she had never seen him like that in all the years she had known him, which truly shocked her.

When I visited today, I was only slightly surprised. Jiang Yi is probably the main character in some kind of romance, while Tian Miao is just an irrelevant NPC, passively fed dog food (a metaphor for witnessing a romantic relationship), and doesn't need to think too much about it.

Thinking this, Tian Miao knew that Jiang Yi's look just now was meant to shut her up, but she still reminded her: "Be careful someone takes pictures and then puts a 'de facto separation' news on the table. You can suppress it, but others can raise it. Sometimes you can't predict public opinion."

Jiang Yi said calmly, "Let him film it, release it as you please. A-Lai is about to join the crew, and it's also a concert. I admire how accurately he managed to find the time during his few breaks at home."

Tian Miao was taken aback: "Oh, you just made up and then let her go? Aren't you afraid some little vixen will come and rain down on your burning house, causing it to collapse?"

Jiang Yi: "Which little vixen?"

Tian Miao shrugged: "How would I know? There are so many temptations out there."

Jiang Yi chuckled very softly: "If you don't know, don't talk nonsense. Keep quiet."

After she finished speaking, she looked down and opened WeChat to send a message to Gu Lai.

Jiang Yi: [Tian Miao said you'll be seduced by that little vixen sooner or later.]

Tian Miao didn't look at her screen and was unaware of how quickly this person had complained. She continued her dangerous remarks: "I think that director surnamed Kong is quite good-looking. Didn't he even trend on social media before? It's clear that everyone thinks he's good-looking."

Jiang Yi continued sending messages.

Jiang Yi: [For example, Kong Kang'an]

Jiang Yi glanced at the screen with a calm expression, expecting a reply, and said, "Director Kong Kang'an. I know. She has a rather masculine appearance, is two-faced, and has a bold and unrestrained intellectual demeanor but is too calculating. She's not Gu Lai's type."

Tian Miao couldn't compete with her in this regard, and she was too lazy to argue.

The phone screen lit up, and a message from Gu Lai arrived.

Gu Lai: [I would never like someone like that.]

Gu Lai: [I generally like cute older sisters who have healthy lifestyles and don't get jealous easily.]

Tian Miao finally realized something was wrong: "Are you chatting? You can't even be bothered to look at me, but your eyes are so gentle when you look at the screen. Could it be Gu Lai?"

Jiang Yi looked at her and said, "I was just about to send some voice messages."

Tian Miao was too lazy to say anything more.

She then brought up serious matters: "Are you going to that discussion meeting about the new energy project, around the end of April or May?"

Jiang Yi didn't hesitate much: "It'll take another ten days or half a month to go abroad. Forget it, I can just send someone else."

Tian Miao hadn't expected her to refuse when she spoke; this woman was always a workaholic. Now, she was genuinely surprised and couldn't help but suspect, "You praised it highly last year, did you hear something from someone or something...?"

Jiang Yi interrupted her rambling doubts: "It's just that it takes too long, and I'm too lazy to go."

"...? Then what are you doing in Haicheng?"

"Do I really have to stay in Haicheng?"

"Oh, so you have other plans too..."

"For example, visiting the set or something."

Tian Miao sighed: "You're really head over heels in love. You're so clingy. If she's not going to move in, you might as well move in. From now on, I'll call you Mrs. Gu."

Jiang Yi: "You're asking me now and I haven't said I objected."

Tian Miao: "..."

Jiang Yi laughed for a while, the laughter ending with a sound that resembled a sigh. She paused for a moment and said, "You think I didn't say anything?"

Tian Miao raised an eyebrow and looked at her in surprise: "Oh, you refused."

Jiang Yi nodded, his gaze drifting away as the gray pigeon took flight. After a long pause, he said, "Actually, it's not that surprising. It requires a period of rebuilding trust, and two short weeks are not enough to completely salvage the situation."

She didn't say the second part, perhaps because Gu Lai still had an observer's mentality that she herself was unaware of.

Before they could reconcile, and with divorce looming ahead, Gu Lai was left bewildered by a series of events. Her choice was to go to the set of He Xiaoqing's "Full House of Spring".

Does signing an agreement mean she has no choice but to go? Since she's no longer acting and He Xiaoqing is basically just helping her friends make money, if she wants to become a director, she can hire someone to teach her directing. With her many years of experience and substantial assets, she can easily learn through trial and error.

Jiang Yi now understands clearly that Gu Lai simply wants to distance herself so she can slowly examine this marriage.

Tian Miao was silent for a moment, then suddenly asked her, "You give her whatever she wants, right?"

Jiang Yi looked up, somewhat puzzled.

Tian Miao continued, "So you agreed to her continuing to live separately after she returned to Haicheng, and you also gave her the consent when she wanted a divorce, right?"

Jiang Yi was speechless at her question.

“I really should start dating someone seriously. I’m starting to not understand what true love is for you guys anymore.” Tian Miao paused for a moment and said, “Sometimes I admire you. You can be all lovey-dovey and clingy at the same time, and still endure the pain of painful self-repair.”

Jiang Yi's tone was very flat, not her usual nonchalant tone, but she genuinely didn't think there was anything wrong with what she was saying: "It's precisely because I was serious, invested, deeply in love, and then it broke down that I'm willing to go through the pain of heartbreak when I have to start over. Emotions are the greatest luxury I've ever had in my life, and I really can't bear to go through all that chaos again."

She paused for a moment after saying this, then suddenly lowered her head and smiled softly.

Now she understood even better why Gu Lai had refused.

But Jiang Yi didn't say it aloud. Instead, he casually brushed it off, saying, "I wanted to let it go like this, but since it didn't work out, it's okay."

"I refused."

At the same time, after finishing filming for the day, Gu Lai, who was having her makeup removed with her eyes closed, responded to Tan Junming's question about "why they are still separated".

Tan Junming was puzzled, but she didn't want to discuss this in detail in front of a group of people—even though these people were her own employees who knew some inside information.

After everyone finished their work and left, leaving only Zhou Shanshan, Gu Lai, and herself, she asked again, "So aren't we still de facto separated now?"

As he said this, Tan Junming couldn't help but glance at the tablet that Gu Lai was holding.

The boss loved watching that video called "First Time" so much that he heard and saw it intermittently. Tan Junming, who works in the film and television industry, had roughly sketched out what the short film looked like in his mind.

She didn't ask and didn't know the cause and effect. At this moment, she couldn't help but think that Gu Lai was really a romantic. When did she record and edit the video? She went to so much trouble.

Gu Lai, unaware of Tan Junming's biased assumptions, replied, "I suppose so."

Tan Junming's eyes were filled with "What kind of overlap is that?"

Gu Lai lowered her eyes and looked at the screen. Half of it was a casual chat message with Jiang Yi, and the other half was a clip of her younger self with him.

“I… am a little scared, and it’s not her fault.” Gu Lai habitually made an excuse for Jiang Yi, although it wasn’t necessary. “From another perspective, if we had already gotten our marriage certificate, and now we were talking about getting a new one and just letting it go, I don’t think that’s very likely either. Since that’s the case, I can’t accept it… I’ll just say I didn’t want to start so hastily.”

Tan Junming sighed, feeling that the mindset of artists was indeed somewhat different from that of businessmen.

I don't know what President Jiang's opinion is, and I dare not ask.

Zhou Shanshan, however, seemed to disagree and said, "Sister, how is this rash?"

Because I know what she wants: a love so pure it's almost violent to the point of death, so that she, who is more prone to suspicion, can be intimate with me openly, and that's exactly what I want to give her.

If I don't have confidence, how can I dare to give her a definite answer so easily? Maybe she won't find out, maybe even if she does, it won't matter, but I don't want any maybes.

Her lover has suffered enough.

Gu Lai said softly with reminiscence, "She was the one who walked towards me when we first met, and she was the one who first proposed marriage, even though she brought a stack of public relations proposals instead of a ring."

She chuckled as she said this, and continued, "She was the one who first suggested getting back together, under the guise of pursuing me, while I brought up divorce with her."

"I also want to give her a beautiful memory."

————————

The text concludes with a paraphrase: "I long for someone to love me fiercely and unconditionally until death." — Janet Winterson, *Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit*

"Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit" is a great book, I recommend it. And there are multiple translations of the preceding line. However, the line that impressed me most when I read it wasn't that, but rather, "The dog was buried in clean soil, while what I buried dug its own grave."

good evening.

Thank you to all the sweethearts who irrigated with the nutrient solution:

Calorie cola, M, +1 to nutrient solution

Okino, Irrigation nutrient solution +23

At time 1, irrigate with nutrient solution +3