Chapter 28 Aftermath

As autumn deepened, the sycamore leaves in the Chen family courtyard fell to the ground. Chen Yanyun stood under the eaves, gazing at the golden leaves scattered on the ground, but his eyes were somewhat unfocused.

For more than a month, he felt like he was trapped between dreams and reality.

I wake up feeling empty inside, and my mind is becoming increasingly hazy.

“Father.” Gu Jinchao’s voice came from behind, with a gentle smile.

She carried a cup of freshly brewed chrysanthemum tea and walked over with light steps, her light blue dress brushing against the fallen leaves. "Grandmother said you've been working hard lately, so she asked me to bring you a cup of tea to help you relax."

Chen Yanyun turned around and his gaze fell on her. In a daze, he superimposed the figure in front of him with the bright and smiling woman in his dream.

He watched her reach out to hand him tea, and saw the stray hairs falling by her temples. His mind went blank, and he subconsciously reached out, wanting to put his arm around her waist and pull her closer, just like in his dream.

The moment his fingertips touched the fabric of her skirt, Gu Jinchao froze, his eyes wide with astonishment. He instinctively took a half-step back, the teacup in his hand trembling slightly, almost spilling the tea.

"Father!"

A cold, sharp shout suddenly rang out, and Chen Xuanqing strode out from the moon gate, his face frighteningly gloomy.

He had just returned from the Hanlin Academy when he saw his father making inappropriate advances towards Jin Chao from afar. His heart clenched instantly, and he rushed over almost immediately, pulling Gu Jin Chao behind him. He looked at Chen Yanyun warily, "Father, what are you doing?"

Chen Yanyun then seemed to wake from a dream, looking at his hand hanging in mid-air, then at Chen Xuanqing's cold eyes and Gu Jinchao's still-shaken appearance, he felt both shocked and panicked.

He actually behaved so disrespectfully towards his daughter-in-law while he was sober!

"I……"

He opened his mouth, but didn't know how to explain. He couldn't very well say that he had confused reality with illusion because of his dreams over the past few days.

He took a deep breath, suppressing the panic in his heart, and said in a somewhat unnatural, stiff voice, "I was momentarily confused and mistook you for someone else. It was my fault."

Gu Jinchao hid behind Chen Xuanqing, her fingertips still trembling slightly.

She could feel how tightly Chen Xuanqing was holding her hand, and she could see the panic and guilt in Chen Yanyun's eyes. Although she was frightened, she did not want to make a big fuss, so she said softly to Chen Xuanqing, "Xuanqing, perhaps Father is really just confused from exhaustion. Don't be angry."

Chen Xuanqing did not budge, his gaze still fixed on Chen Yanyun, his tone cold: "Father, Jinchao is your daughter-in-law and my wife. There is a difference between men and women. Please be mindful of your boundaries in the future."

Looking at his son's tense profile and the way he was protecting Jinzhao, Chen Yanyun felt both guilty and bitter.

Without another word, he left.

Chen Xuanqing watched his departing figure, his brows still furrowed.

He looked down at Gu Jinzhao beside him and saw that her face was pale. He quickly reached out to pat her back and softened his tone: "Jinzhao, did I scare you?"

Gu Jinchao shook her head, leaned on his shoulder, and said in a slightly trembling voice, "I'm fine, but... has Father really been too tired lately?"

Chen Xuanqing remained silent for a moment, a hint of doubt flashing in his eyes.

He was not unaware of his father's unusual behavior over the past month or so—sometimes he would be absent-minded, sometimes he would be lost in thought, and several times at the dinner table, his gaze would unconsciously fall on Jinzhao with complicated emotions.

Today's misbehavior is more like a loss of control after long-term repression.

He gently grasped Gu Jinchao's hand, his tone firm, as if saying to himself, "No matter why Father did this, I will be more careful in the future and will never let you suffer such a fright again."

Gu Jinchao nodded, gently pressed her cheek against Chen Xuanqing's clothes, wrapped her arms around his waist, as if she had found the most secure support, and slowly nestled into his embrace.

The autumn wind swept past the pillars, swirling up a few sycamore leaves that landed at their feet.

Chen Xuanqing tightened his grip on Gu Jinchao's arm slightly, and softly uttered the words that had been weighing on his heart for so long: "Jinchao, today I went to invite a renowned gynecologist from the Imperial Hospital for you..."

Gu Jinchao abruptly broke free from his embrace, her eyes filled with surprise. Her light blue dress swayed slightly with the movement: "Xuanqing, we've only been married for a little over a month, why the rush..."

She lowered her eyes, her fingertips gently twisting the hem of her clothes, her voice carrying a hint of barely perceptible grievance.

She hadn't even had a chance to fully enjoy his unique care, nor had she had a chance to see all the autumn scenery of the capital with him, so why was she in such a hurry to think about having a child?

Chen Xuanqing felt a pang of pain and panic as he looked at the disappointment in her eyes. He reached out to hold her hand again, but she gently avoided it.

His Adam's apple bobbed, his tone tinged with helplessness and a deep-seated fear: "Jinzhao, I know this is too much of a rush for you, but... but these days, I feel like it's not real."

He looked into her eyes, his gaze filled with an anxiety she couldn't understand. "It's like there's a veil between us. You're right beside me, but I'm always afraid that if I open my eyes, you'll be gone. This happiness can never truly be realized..."

Gu Jinchao was stunned; she had never seen Chen Xuanqing like this before.

He used to be calm and gentle, able to handle anything with ease, but now the unease in his eyes was like a child's fear of losing a beloved toy, straightforward and heartbreaking.

"If, if we had a child..."

Chen Xuanqing's voice softened further, tinged with a cautious expectation, "Having a child connecting us, wouldn't that make us feel more at ease? Jinzhao, I'm sorry, call me selfish if you want, I just want you to leave me with something to remember you by..."

What he didn't say was that the memories of his second life were like a thorn, constantly pricking his heart.

He feared that God might suddenly take back this blessing, that one day he would wake up and return to the past when he lost her; he was even more afraid that his father had really been reborn—his father's transgressions towards Jinzhao, and his unusual behavior these days, haunted him like a shadow, and he was even more afraid that the fate of the three of them would be like that of their previous life.

Only their children, only the children that belong to both of them, can make him feel that this happiness is truly in his hands and will never be taken away by anyone else.

Looking at the fear in his eyes, Gu Jinchao's grievances gradually dissipated, replaced by a deep sense of heartache.

She took his hand and gently stroked his cool fingertips: "Xuanqing, it's not that I don't want to, it's just... I just want to spend more time alone with you."

She looked up at him, her eyes full of tenderness. "I know you're afraid of losing me, but I won't leave. However... if you really want a child, we can take it slow, there's no need to rush, okay?"

Chen Xuanqing suddenly tightened his grip, enveloping her hand in his palm as if she were grasping a lifeline.

He looked into the understanding in her eyes, and his own eyes instantly welled up with tears. His voice trembled slightly as he said, "Okay, I'll listen to you. Take your time. Jinzhao, thank you..."

Gu Jinchao leaned gently on his shoulder, listening to the rapid heartbeat in his chest, and whispered, "We are husband and wife, we should be considerate of each other. Don't be afraid, there are still many days ahead, I will always be with you."

*

The sycamore leaves tumbled and rolled several times on the ground.

Chen Yanyun stood by the study window, his fingertips still bearing the traces of the panic he had just experienced when he lost his composure, and even his voice carried a hint of tension that was barely perceptible.

Seeing Chen Li walking quickly over, he lowered his voice and gave him a few instructions.

Chen Li, who had been standing with his hands at his sides obeying orders, froze instantly, his eyes widening as if he had almost misheard.

He looked at the solemn-looking Second Grand Secretary before him, his Adam's apple bobbing, his tone full of disbelief: "Third Master, are you saying that I should go and find Master Liaokong?"

As he said this, he couldn't help but glance around.

For a high-ranking official of the imperial court to seek out a hermit known for "tracing back to past and present lives" would likely lead to accusations from censors that he was "deluded by metaphysics and disregarded etiquette."

Moreover, Master Liaokong is known for his elusive whereabouts, traveling far and wide year-round. Not only is it impossible to find him, but no one even knows which prefecture he is currently in. This task is even more difficult than handling court disputes for the Third Master.

Chen Yanyun glanced at him sideways, his tone tinged with impatience, yet also concealing a hint of urgency he himself was unaware of: "What? Wasn't my instruction clear enough?"

His fingertips unconsciously rubbed against his sleeve pocket, and those lingering dreams flashed through his mind again.

The bright red wedding dress, Jin Chao's gentle smile, the baby's breathing in the swaddling clothes, and his inappropriate behavior towards his daughter-in-law in reality—all these chaotic things were like a net, trapping him in it. If he couldn't find the reason, he was afraid that he would completely lose control sooner or later.

“It’s not that it’s unclear, it’s just…” Chen Li said with a pained expression, cautiously advising, “Third Master, Master Liaokong is known for his love of traveling around and doesn’t even have a permanent monastery. Finding him will likely take a lot of effort. And… and if word gets out, it will damage your reputation…”

"reputation?"

Chen Yanyun gave a self-deprecating smile, his gaze fixed on the window, his eyes filled with complex emotions. "Now that I've even blurred the lines between public and private matters and behaved disrespectfully towards my daughter-in-law, what do I care about my reputation?"

He took a deep breath, his tone becoming firm again, "Just go and search, no matter how much effort it takes, no matter where he is in the world, you must find him. As for the reason, you don't need to worry about it, just tell him that he has 'a knot in his heart that is hard to untie, and he needs to ask about the cause and effect of his past life.'"

Seeing his resolute attitude, Chen Li knew further persuasion was useless, so he could only bow and agree: "Yes, I will arrange it immediately. But... Third Master, you sought out Master Kong, was it really for..."

He swallowed the words that were on the tip of his tongue—he had noticed the Third Master's recent unusual behavior, but dared not speculate.

Chen Yanyun did not answer, but simply waved his hand, signaling him to step back.

After Chen Li's figure disappeared, he leaned against the pillar, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples wearily.

He knew that seeking Master Kong was a risky move, even somewhat absurd, but apart from "tracing back to his past life," he couldn't think of any other reason that could make him feel such misplaced emotions towards his daughter-in-law, or make his dreams and reality so intertwined.

The autumn wind blew again, making a soft, rustling sound.

Chen Yanyun opened his eyes and looked at the twilight gradually sinking on the horizon. He had only one thought in his mind—no matter what the cost, he had to find out what kind of cause and effect was hidden between him and Gu Jinchao.

Are those recurring dreams mere illusions, or unresolved entanglements from a past life?