35 List

The camping plan did not materialize.

On Friday night, Zhuang Jia received a call from his boss, asking him to attend an extra meeting on Saturday morning. After hanging up, he stared at his phone in silence for a few seconds before turning to Yi Yi, who was packing her camping gear, and saying, "I can't go."

Yi Yi stuffed the sleeping bag back into the closet without stopping, saying, "It's okay, another day."

The calm tone only made Zhuang Jia feel more choked up. He opened his mouth, wanting to say "I'm sorry," but felt that those three words were too light, like throwing a pebble into a deep well, without even an echo.

"Definitely next weekend," he promised.

Yi Yi closed the cabinet door and dusted off her hands: "Okay."

On Saturday morning, Zhuang Jia went to a company meeting, while Yi Yi took Kai Kai to the library. In the children's reading area, Kai Kai quickly found a dinosaur picture book and lay on the carpet, engrossed in reading it. Yi Yi wandered around the adult section, finally stopping in front of the "Career Planning" bookshelf.

A very thin layer of dust covered the covers of several books. She pulled out a copy of "Career Change: A Middle-Aged Man's Breakthrough," opened it, and read in the preface:

"It's never too late to make a change; what's scary is never even starting."

The aroma of chicken soup filled the air. She smiled wryly, but still borrowed the book.

Back home, after watching cartoons, Yi Yi went into the study and actually started making a list.

A4 paper, black pen. She wrote slowly, line by line:

Matters that Zhuang Jia can share:

Pick up and drop off Kai Kai at least three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday).

I'm in charge of making breakfast on weekends (so Mom can sleep in).

Kaikai's math homework tutoring (Dad is better at it).

A thorough family cleaning once a month (to be done together).

You should pack, wash, and put away your own clothes.

Pay attention to household bills and plan monthly expenses together.

Set aside half a day each week for "family time," without bringing your phone.

Learn to cook three signature dishes (that Kai Kai loves to eat).

Remember important dates (birthdays, anniversaries, parent-teacher meetings).

Chat with your child for ten minutes every night before bed.

She paused, pen in hand. These were all ordinary things in daily family life, but for the past ten years, most of them had been assumed to be "Yi Yi's business." She listed them one by one, as if taking stock of the time and energy she had silently given away over the years.

She continued writing:

Yi Yi's required time/support:

Two mornings a week (9-12 pm) are completely my own, undisturbed.

Support me in trying new jobs/studies, even if the initial income is low or unstable.

When I'm feeling down, instead of asking "What's wrong?", I ask "What do you need me to do?"

Respect my health management plan (exercise, diet) and don't discourage me.

Allow me to have my own social life and friends, without questioning "Why are you going out again?"

Let's learn to communicate together, without the silent treatment, without holding grudges, and without bringing up past grievances.

We plan to take a short trip (even if it's only for two days) once a year, just the two of us.

If I want to start writing/creating again, give me space and encouragement.

I accept that I may not be able to return to being a "full-time housewife," and that our family dynamic needs to be adjusted.

Treat me as an equal partner, not as someone who is expected to "take care of everything at home".

After writing the last line, Yi Yi put down her pen and let out a long sigh. The handwriting on the paper was neat and well-organized, like a cooperation agreement. But how could a marriage be confined by an agreement? Those subtle feelings, unnoticed expectations, and accumulated disappointments could not be covered by a list.

But she needed this beginning. She needed to transform her vague grievances into concrete demands; to turn her inner expectations into clear expressions.

She folded the list in half and put it in the drawer. She hadn't decided when to show it to Zhuang Jia yet.

Zhuang Jia's meeting was depressing.

The boss slammed the cost-cutting plan on the table, demanding that each department "show the determination of a warrior cutting off his own arm." The meeting room was filled with smoke, with several heavy smokers chain-smoking. Zhuang Jia, who didn't smoke, felt his throat irritated by the smoke.

After the meeting, the boss kept him behind: "Old Zhuang, you're a veteran in the department. You need to take the lead in expressing your support for this optimization. Xiao Wang's project team has been at the bottom of the performance rankings for six months. It's time for a change."

Xiao Wang is the young man who gossiped with him yesterday. He's 26 years old, got married last year, and his wife is three months pregnant.

Zhuang Jia's throat went dry: "Boss, although Xiao Wang's performance is average, he's willing to learn. That recent project..."

“This company isn’t a school,” the boss interrupted him, his tone leaving no room for negotiation. “What I need is immediate cost control. If you don’t take action, I’ll have someone else take over your department.”

Having said all that, Zhuang Jia knew there was no room for negotiation. He nodded, his voice hoarse: "Understood."

As he left the company, a light drizzle began to fall. He didn't drive, but walked slowly along the sidewalk. He passed a real estate agency; the window displayed an advertisement for school district properties: "Haidian school district, the ultimate tool for obtaining residency, starting at 120,000 yuan per square meter." He gave a bitter smile; he didn't even have a household registration.

Standing under the eaves, he lit a cigarette. The acrid smoke filled his lungs, making him cough. Through the rain, he watched the hurried pedestrians on the street, some with umbrellas, some without, everyone rushing in some direction.

He suddenly felt very tired. Not physically tired, but the kind of tiredness that came from a part of his heart collapsing, a feeling that he could no longer support.

My phone vibrated. It was Yi Yi: "It's raining. Did you bring an umbrella? If not, find somewhere to shelter from the rain and don't get wet."

It was just an ordinary sentence. But he stared at the screen for a long time.

He replied, "I brought it. I'll be back in a bit."

He doesn't have an umbrella. But he'll buy one before he goes back.

Ding Xiaojuan spent her Saturday at the client's company.

The merger deal entered its final negotiations, with both legal teams sitting around a long table, scrutinizing every word of each clause. The opposing lawyer was a man in his fifties, his hair meticulously combed, speaking slowly and deliberately, yet every word was barbed.

When discussing employee resettlement plans, Ding Xiaojuan insisted on adding compensation clauses. The opposing lawyer laughed: "Attorney Ding, the business world is a battlefield, not a charity."

Ding Xiaojuan smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes: "Attorney Li, there are Geneva Conventions on the battlefield too. Employees aren't expendable materials, they're people. The compensation you save today might turn into labor arbitration and negative public opinion tomorrow. You know better than me which is more expensive."

The negotiations stalled, so a half-hour recess was set off. Ding Xiaojuan went to the window at the end of the corridor for some fresh air. Her phone had a missed call from Gao Sheng and a text message: "Haha, I had a bit of a cough this afternoon, I've given her medicine. Mom said her legs hurt after her rehabilitation session today, so we hired a cleaning lady to cook dinner tonight. What time are you coming home?"

She looked at the message, her brow furrowing slightly. Two months ago, her mother-in-law had fallen down the stairs, fracturing her hip. She had undergone surgery and was currently in rehabilitation, needing a walker to get around. The once well-organized household had suddenly become somewhat chaotic because of her mother-in-law's accident. The hired caregiver only handled daytime duties; the burden of care at night and on weekends naturally fell on her and Gao Sheng, who had just returned from abroad.

She called Gao Sheng back: "It'll take another two or three hours. If the food the hourly worker makes isn't good, just order takeout. Don't settle for it."

Gao Sheng paused on the other end of the phone: "Okay. You go ahead with your work."

"Mom, is your leg hurting badly? Should we take you to the hospital again tomorrow?"

"No need, it's an old problem, the rehabilitation intensity is a bit too high. Don't worry about it."

Ding Xiaojuan hung up the phone and leaned against the wall. Her assistant, Xiao Liu, came over and handed her a cup of coffee: "Sister Ding, that lawyer Li on the other end is too difficult to deal with."

Ding Xiaojuan took the coffee, took a sip, and frowned at the bitterness. "He's not difficult," she said calmly. "He's just doing his duty from his own perspective. So am I."

“But I feel you are warmer than him,” Xiao Liu said softly.

Temperature? Ding Xiaojuan wanted to laugh. Temperature was the most useless thing at the negotiating table. But she didn't say anything, just patted Xiao Liu on the shoulder: "Get ready, the second half will be tough."

In the second half, Ding Xiaojuan conceded a point, making a slight adjustment to the compensation ratio, but in return, she obtained a more favorable non-compete clause. When the opposing lawyer finally signed, he glanced at her and said, "Attorney Ding, you are a formidable young woman."

"Likewise." Ding Xiaojuan closed the folder with a polite smile.

It was already dark when she left the client's company. The rain had stopped, and the ground was wet, reflecting the neon lights. She drove home, but the traffic was terrible. An old song was playing on the radio, a woman's hoarse voice singing, "Where has the time gone? Before I could truly savor my youth, I'm already old..."

She turned off the radio, and the car fell silent.

It was almost nine o'clock when I got home. The living room light was on, and Gao Sheng was helping his mother-in-law slowly move back from the bathroom to the living room. Haha was already asleep. There were several takeout containers on the dining table, as well as a bowl of porridge that looked like it was homemade.

"You're back?" Gao Sheng helped his mother-in-law sit down on the sofa and covered her with a blanket before straightening up. "Let's eat. I saved some for you."

The mother-in-law leaned back on the sofa, looking somewhat tired. When she saw Ding Xiaojuan, she still managed a smile: "Xiaojuan, you're back. You've worked hard."

"Mom, does your leg still hurt?" Ding Xiaojuan put down her bag and went over.

"Much better, don't listen to Gao Sheng's nonsense." Her mother-in-law patted her hand. "Go eat, you've been busy all day."

Ding Xiaojuan walked to the dining table and sat down. The takeout was home-style cooking, which tasted alright, but was a bit oily. The porridge, on the other hand, was cooked until soft and sticky, and came with some pickles.

“Mom insisted on making the porridge, saying that you wouldn’t get good quality food from takeout.” Gao Sheng sat down opposite her. “I helped her with the cooking.”

Ding Xiaojuan picked up the bowl of warm porridge and took a sip. The aroma of rice was rich, and the warmth slid down her esophagus.

"How did today go?" Gao Sheng asked.

"It's alright, I signed it," Ding Xiaojuan said. "Haha, how's your cough?"

"She's asleep, and seems fine. We'll observe her again tomorrow." Gao Sheng paused. "Mom's rehabilitation needs to be intensified next week, so she might have to go to the hospital every day. I've taken my annual leave, and I'll go with her in the morning."

Ding Xiaojuan looked up at him. Under the light, the wrinkles at the corners of Gao Sheng's eyes were very obvious, but when he talked about these arrangements, his tone was calm, without complaint or boasting, as if he were talking about something that was taken for granted.

“Gaosheng,” she suddenly said, “when Mom recovers a bit better and Haha is on winter break, let’s take them out for a trip. Let’s find a warm place where Mom can soak up some sun.”

Gao Sheng paused for a moment, then nodded: "Okay. I'll check the location."

"Mmm." Ding Xiaojuan lowered her head and continued drinking her porridge.

The two fell silent. The mother-in-law was already snoring softly on the sofa. Only the hum of the air conditioner and the gentle clinking of dishes filled the living room.

At this moment, there is no smoke of gunpowder, no struggle, only weary people returning home and a bowl of porridge at just the right temperature.

Late at night, after Zhuang Jia had fallen asleep, Yi Yi quietly got up and went to the study.

She took the list out of the drawer and looked at it again. Then she turned on her computer, typed the list into an electronic version, formatted it neatly, and even added some simple table lines.

Print it out, two sheets of paper.

She took the list back to the bedroom, stood by the bed, and looked at Zhuang Jia's sleeping face. He wasn't sleeping soundly; his brows were slightly furrowed, as if he was still troubled by something in his dream.

Yi placed the list on his bedside table, covering one corner with his phone.

Then she lay back down on her side and closed her eyes.

He'll see it tomorrow. What will his reaction be? Angry? Confused? Or silent?

She didn't know.

But at least she spoke. In the most direct way, she said what she hadn't said all these years, and asked for the space she hadn't dared to ask for all these years.

Outside the window, the rain started to fall again, pattering softly. The sound of the rain was dense, like countless tiny stitches, stitching the night into a thick blanket.

Yi Yi slowly fell asleep to the sound of rain.

This time, she wasn't dreaming.

The list lay quietly on the bedside table, black and white on white paper, like a silent declaration, or like a door that had just been pushed open.

Inside and outside the door, everything is unknown.

But the hand that pushed the door open was no longer trembling.