48 I want you

I bought some really nice underwear.

Xue Lu felt that Song Qinggui was acting strangely today.

She was unusually silent when she got home today, only her eyes seemed to hold a thousand words, yet remained unspoken.

Because Song Qinggui had been working overtime recently, the two of them hadn't eaten together for almost half a month. Today, they were sitting at the table together, but no matter what Xue Lu said, Song Qinggui was absent-minded and only responded with perfunctory "uh-huh" and "ah".

Sensing that something was wrong with her, Xue Lu wanted to talk to her after dinner, but Song Qinggui locked herself in the bathroom after eating. When he tried to knock on the door, Song Qinggui only said, "Wait a minute."

Xue Lu and Song Qinggui had bathed together several times, but those were always mutual choices made when their feelings were intense. If she didn't want to, he wouldn't force her.

But Xue Lu felt uneasy. Even when Song Qinggui "didn't love" him, he was the type to speak his mind. This was the first time he had ever seen him so hesitant.

Song Qinggui took a full hour and a half to take a bath, while Xue Lu pretended to read a book on the sofa.

As soon as Song Qinggui came out of the bathroom, his gaze fell on her.

She was wearing a bathrobe, and her hair was half-dry. Perhaps because of the steam in the bathroom, Song Qinggui's cheeks and ears were flushed pink.

Song Qinggui was as beautiful as a painting, and her posture was very alluring. However, Xue Lu, who had been abstinent for many days, did not feel any desire.

He just wanted to know what had happened to Song Qinggui.

"Qinggui, you're acting very strangely today." Xue Lu cut to the chase: "Have you encountered some difficulties? Jingtian? Or the Xue family?"

Song Qinggui shook his head, his eyes slowly reddening.

Xue Lu panicked, got up and walked to her side, cupping her face in his hands: "Why are you crying? What happened?"

Song Qinggui took several deep breaths and finally swallowed back the sob in his throat.

“I…” Song Qinggui stammered, “I bought some nice new underwear.”

"Huh?" Xue Lu didn't react.

“I said…” Song Qinggui bit his lower lip: “I bought some nice underwear.”

Xue Lu understood what she was saying, and his pupils suddenly contracted.

"Men are inferior," Xue Lu thought. "With just one word from a woman, their primal animalistic instincts will awaken and spread like wildfire."

They had known each other for ten years, registered their marriage for two years and three months, and been newlyweds for two months. Song Qinggui had never taken the initiative to show him her desires.

Xue Lu knew that all her happiness on the soft mattress was real, but also passive, and subject to his control.

Many men enjoy this kind of marital life, which means guidance and conquest.

Xue Lu sometimes couldn't escape the common practice, but more often than not, he felt regret.

Unfortunately, Song Qinggui doesn't seem to linger on this kind of pleasure that stems from animal instinct, but his love for her is already related to instinct.

This is unfair.

It took Xue Lu a lot of time to understand that rather than being domineering and controlling, he preferred his wife to be able to ask him for whatever he wanted, because only in this way could it represent unreserved love and trust.

Song Qinggui had built high walls around her heart, and it was always Xue Lu who climbed up to explore what she was thinking.

At this moment, a crack seemed to finally appear in the wall, and Xue Lu would not let such an opportunity pass.

"So what?" Xue Lu's desire had already been aroused, but he still seduced Song Qinggui, making her break down her wall with her own hands.

“So…” Song Qinggui lowered her eyes, her face flushing even more. When she looked up again, her eyes were misty: “Do you want me?”

Xue Lu remained silent; his actions spoke volumes about his choice.

He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, gently unbuttoning her bathrobe.

Xue Lu abruptly stopped what he was doing. He looked at Song Qinggui under the bathrobe, his eyes trembling slightly, and his voice trembled as well.

"Very bold," he commented aptly.

Song Qinggui couldn't help but feel embarrassed, but she still bravely cupped Xue Lu's cheeks and kissed him.

This was the first time Song Qinggui had kissed Xue Lu like this. She imitated the way he had kissed her before, his lips, neck, Adam's apple, collarbone...

She kissed him earnestly, even with a touch of reverence.

As Xue Lu made these movements, his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, and he couldn't help but let out a soft moan.

His body responded to her before his reason; this was what he called instinct.

But while his body enjoyed Song Qinggui's enthusiasm, his reason sensed Song Qinggui's anxiety and clumsiness within that enthusiasm.

He could sense that something was wrong with her.

His brain issued a powerful command, pulling all his hormones back from the brink.

Just as Song Qinggui's hand lingered around his waist and was about to move downwards, Xue Lu grasped it.

He forced himself to stop, panting, and forced Song Qinggui to stop as well.

"Qinggui, what's wrong with you?" Xue Lu's voice was hoarse and low, revealing the difficult struggle between his reason and emotions.

Song Qinggui's hands were firmly held by him, and she had no choice but to stop moving, lowering her head in dejection.

Xue Lu leaned closer to her, gazing intently into her tearful eyes: "Qing Gui, don't make me worry, what happened?"

Song Qinggui finally spoke: "I went to Lancheng People's Hospital today and ran into Meng Yuxing."

After a moment's thought, Xue Lu understood the reason for Song Qinggui's unusual behavior: "She told you everything?"

“Hmm.” Song Qinggui looked up at Xue Lu: “I didn’t know… I didn’t know you had done so much for me.”

Xue Lu raised his hand to wipe away the tears from the corners of her eyes: "So you feel sorry for me, and you want to please me and make me happy?"

Song Qinggui nodded slowly, but quickly realized something was wrong and shook his head: "No, it's not that, we haven't had any in a long time...we should..."

Xue Lu sighed, his eyes filled with tender love: "There's no such thing as 'should' or 'shouldn't.' If you don't want to or don't like it, then it's not right. Qing Gui, I admit it. I really enjoy being intimate with you, I like it so much that I've been scratching my head and ears every day for the past few days, and I've even secretly relieved myself twice. But if my happiness is based on making you feel uncomfortable, then it's not true happiness for me."

"It's not that I'm unwilling, nor that I dislike it," Song Qinggui explained anxiously. "I like it. I just... I just..."

Xue Lu patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts, and Song Qinggui finally spoke her heart: "I... I'm not good at loving someone. I always feel like I won't do it well. But if I don't do it well, I'll hurt you. You're patiently dealing with this hurt now because you love me. But Xue Lu, we both understand that love is pulsating; it will eventually return to normalcy and silence over the long years. But I seem afraid to face that ending. Rather than ending like that, it would have been better to start from the beginning..."

Song Qinggui couldn't continue speaking, and Xue Lu broke the silence.

“It’s not that you’re incapable of loving.” Xue Lu looked earnestly at Song Qinggui: “You’ve just never been loved properly.”

Song Qinggui suddenly fell silent. She looked at Xue Lu with some shock. His words struck her heart like a thunderbolt. She could feel something very hard inside her crumbling, and a warm current flowed in, tightly enveloping her entire soul.

Tears streamed down her face, and she didn't even understand why.

Xue Lu kissed the corner of her eye and licked away her tears.

He kissed her as he sighed, "Qinggui, what can I do to make you believe me... What am I going to do with you..."

Song Qinggui cried bitterly under Xue Lu's gentle kiss.

She was abandoned by her family when she was five years old, and she had never cried like this in the more than twenty years since.

Poverty, illness, constant struggle, the fight for survival—none of these hardships could break her. Yet, at this moment, her rock-solid pride crumbled before Xue Lu's love.

After crying until the tears stopped, Song Qinggui was still sobbing.

Xue Lu pulled her into his arms and gently stroked her back.

Her sobs finally showed signs of stopping. Xue Lu had completely suppressed his animalistic desires. He looked at Song Qinggui gently and said, "You've been crying for so long and worked so many overtime days. You must be exhausted. Take a rest tomorrow and get a good night's sleep tonight. You go to sleep first. I'm sweating, so I'll go take a shower."

Just as Xue Lu was about to get up, Song Qinggui called his name.

Xue Lu turned around, and Song Qinggui's eyes were filled with determination: "I'm not tired. I...I want you."

Xue Lu was very familiar with this expression of hers, and her competitive spirit was ignited again: "Stop fooling around, today is not a good day."

“Why doesn’t it suit me?” Song Qinggui stubbornly said, “Do you know how expensive this outfit of mine is? It’s just two pieces of rags and a few ropes, and it cost me eight hundred yuan!”

Xue Lu was almost at the bedroom door when Song Qinggui's words made him laugh. Oh my god, how could she be so cute?

"Lawyer Xue," Song Qinggui said, his voice even pleading, "at least tonight, please don't refuse me..."

Song Qinggui was incredibly stubborn, and this humble attitude was unprecedented.

Xue Lu stopped in his tracks. He turned his back to Song Qinggui and pondered for a long time. Finally, desire overflowed from his voice again.

“Song Qinggui, how many times do I have to tell you before you understand that your husband is really not a gentleman.”

The next moment, Xue Lu turned around and kissed him almost "fiercely".

This time, Song Qinggui did not dodge or show fear. She stopped struggling and released all the desire within her, welcoming this long and beautiful moment of mutual affection.

...

Xue Lu had never imagined that there was a deeper kind of happiness beyond happiness itself.

The resonance between his spirit and flesh lasted a long time, and he was completely released, only waking up the next afternoon.

When he opened his eyes, Song Qinggui was looking at him tenderly, and he couldn't help but kiss the corner of her upturned lips.

Xue Lu: "How long have you been awake?"

Song Qinggui: "I just woke up, but I didn't want to wake you. I just wanted to take a good look at you."

Xue Lu smiled: "Am I good-looking?"

Song Qinggui reached out and gently stroked his face, as if trying to memorize the contours of his features: "You're handsome. You're the most handsome man I've ever seen."

Xue Lu was moved: "You've finally realized that, honey."

Song Qinggui laughed and said, "It's extremely rare for a man to look like this at thirty. You've really taken good care of yourself, my husband."

Xue Lu sat up abruptly, his voice trembling with excitement: "What did you call me?"

Song Qinggui remained silent.

"Say it again."

Song Qinggui remained silent.

Xue Lu tickled her: "Call out quickly."

Song Qinggui couldn't stand the tickling, so he had no choice but to beg for mercy and obediently called out "husband" a few times.

Xue Lu was satisfied and looked at her deeply, as if he wanted to see through her soul and witness the rest of their lives together.

Finally, his lips landed on hers once more.

Song Qinggui.

Xue Lu thought to himself.

My ten years of youthful vigor, ten years of unrequited love, ten years of struggling with resentment, jealousy, and even hatred.

After this night, it was all worth it.

I really want to prove my love to you, and I know it will be a long and challenging process.

I want you to understand that love may not be a pulse; love can be a continuous stream.

It rushes down from the mountains, and perhaps one day it will not be as turbulent as it once was. Its flow will become calm and gentle as we grow older.

But I know it won't stop; it will flow quietly and deeply, all the way to the end of our lives.