Chapter 58 This was an answer he had never thought of in the past.

Yun Tan was pushed back repeatedly by his kisses, her back resting against the edge of the kitchen counter, her breathing unstable.

"Um, Lu Wangshan—" She tilted her head with difficulty, "You said last time that we couldn't kiss in our relationship!"

The subtle sound of water during kissing makes the atmosphere particularly lingering and ambiguous.

Yun Tan was kissed so hard that he couldn't breathe. He was forced to raise his head and grab his shirt by the collar. His whole body was tense, so he didn't have time to notice that something was wrong with Lu Wangshan.

"Then let's get back together, okay?" Lu Wangshan's voice was hoarse and deep, and there was even a hint of indiscernible sob in the ending tone.

Yun Tan finally realized that something was wrong with him, so he leaned back a little and held Lu Wangshan's face.

Only then did I see him clearly. The corners of his eyes were flushed, and his eyebrows and cheeks were stained with rain from outside. Only his wet eyelashes revealed that the moisture was not all from the rain.

Yuntan was stunned.

She felt that Lu Wangshan was wet at this moment, his body, eyes, and heart were all wet.

"Okay, then I've succeeded."

She answered the first question first, her voice soft and gentle, her fingertips caressing the area under his moist eyes. "What's wrong with you, Lu Wangshan?"

He looked into her eyes and asked softly, "Why did you cry when I met you at the bar when you were 18?"

-

Yuntan liked Yuan Qinrong very much when she was a child, and she felt that Yuan Qinrong also liked her very much.

In public, Yuan Qinrong would always affectionately call her daughter, without any hesitation. She would take her to various occasions, hold her hand, hug her, and kiss her on the cheek.

Yuntan enjoyed the maternal love he had never experienced before from her.

At that time, she really liked Yuan Qinrong and quickly changed her words, calling her "Mom".

Yun Jin scoffed at this and mocked her for being ungrateful and heartless.

Two years later, Yuan Hongren was born.

Yuan Qinrong's entire attention was focused on this youngest son, so Yun Tan was naturally treated coldly.

But she could still understand it. After all, it was her mother's newborn child, still so young, and deserved more care and attention.

Even at night she secretly wiped away tears for the motherly love that she had gained and lost again.

That period was Yun Jin's rebellious period, and he often caused trouble at school. Yun Qihui was frequently distressed by this, and arguments between the father and son often broke out at home, causing Yuan Hongren to cry and scream.

Yun Tan once heard Yuan Qinrong crying to Yun Qihui about Yun Jin's ignorance, and lamented that she was unlucky to have such a stepson. She wished she could kick Yun Jin out of the house and never contact him again.

So from then on Yuntan became more and more sensible.

She studies hard at school and participates in various competitions and activities.

In junior high school, after winning the first prize in the English competition, she excitedly went home to find Yuan Qinrong with the certificate. She knew that her mother was very sad recently because of her brother's illness, and she hoped that this certificate would make her mother happy.

Unexpectedly, the upset Yuan Qinrong tore up the certificate and scattered it all over the floor. She yelled at Yun Tan, "Did you do this on purpose? You think you're smart and Hongren can't compare to you! Are you deliberately trying to hurt me?"

Yuan Hongren's illness made Yuan Qinrong more and more sensitive and irritable.

She loved Yuan Hongren, but she could not hide her shame for him in her heart and regarded him as a stain in her life.

She knew what the outside world was saying, that this was retribution for ruining someone else's marriage and marrying her teacher.

So from then on, Yun Tan no longer showed his transcript to Yuan Qinrong.

She just worked hard silently and studied seriously, not letting them worry about anything.

At that time, many boys liked her, but Yuntan ignored them all and was even ridiculed as a little nerd.

The following year, Yun Jin took the college entrance examination and performed normally, barely getting into a technical college.

Also that summer, Yuan Qinrong suddenly discovered a stomach tumor during a physical examination. She was very scared, but fortunately, subsequent tests confirmed that it was benign and only required a minor operation.

Yuntan vaguely felt that Yuan Qinrong's attitude towards her changed again during that period.

Yuan Qinrong started to treat her well again.

He took her shopping for clothes, hired famous teachers to tutor her, took care of her daily life, and took her and Yuan Hongren to the neighboring city to play on weekends.

At that time, Yuntan didn't know what caused these changes.

I thought my mother had finally gotten over my brother's illness and had become the mother she used to be.

Yuntan was particularly happy.

I dreamed several times that my mother woke up with a lingering smile on her face.

She started secretly holding her mother's hand when they went out to play again, started writing about her mother in her essays with a clear conscience, and started showing her excellent report cards to her mother again.

Of course, Yun Qihui finally discovered that his daughter was indeed a good student, and if she worked hard, she might even have the hope of being admitted to Peking University or Tsinghua University.

He was a scholar with a very high opinion of himself, so it was naturally a matter of great pride for him that his daughter was admitted to a top prestigious university.

In her senior year of high school, Yun Qihui paid special attention to her studies.

I even kept a booklet to record her test scores and analyzed the weaknesses she needed to overcome next.

At the dinner table, he often asked Yuntan which university he wanted to apply to and what major he wanted to study in the future.

Yun Tan told the truth that he wanted to go to Shanghai to study computer or product design, and Yun Qihui nodded in agreement.

Unexpectedly, Yuan Qinrong asked in shock, "You're going to Shanghai? Your parents are both in Beijing, why do you want to study somewhere else?"

"The popular majors at Peking University and Tsinghua University require very high scores, so I may not be able to get in. Besides, I've checked, and both majors at that university in Shanghai are ranked among the top three in the country." Yun Tan explained to her.

"Of course you should study in Beijing if you can. The resources your parents in Beijing can provide you are incomparable to what you can get in Shanghai!" Yuan Qinrong brought up Yuan Fang. "Isn't the purpose of studying for so many years to get a job in the future? When you graduate in Beijing, I'll ask Grandpa to find a good job for you."

Yun Tan smiled and agreed on the surface, but didn't take it to heart.

She knew that Yuan Fang never took her and Yun Qihui seriously.

Although Yuntan is well-behaved and sensible, he is also very proud. He refuses to accept charity and is not afraid of suffering in the future if he fights alone.

She planned like this, and soon the college entrance examination was approaching.

When the final results came out, she performed very well and applied for the colleges and majors as she had originally planned.

Yuan Qinrong held a graduation party for her, asked her to invite classmates and friends to attend, and also took her and Yuan Hongren to travel to the beach.

That was Yuntan’s happiest summer vacation, and he waited for the admission letter with great joy.

But when her classmates received their admission letters one after another, she had not received one yet. Yun Tan was a little worried, so she logged into the application website again, but was shocked to find that her application was not the one she had originally applied for, but an ordinary 211 university in Beijing, and her major was preschool education in the teacher training category.

Yun Tan stood there in a daze, as if all the blood in his body was flowing backwards.

She seemed to have a clue and went to Yuan Qinrong's bedroom, where she found the admission letter from the university.

In the middle of summer, there was a sudden downpour of rain. The strong wind blew through the branches on both sides of the road, and large pieces of leaves were blown down.

It was the first time that Yun Tan screamed at the top of his lungs in front of Yuan Qinrong.

She threw the admission letter in front of Yuan Qinrong and asked her why she did this.

Yun Qihui, unaware of this, stared at the university name on the notice in shock. He asked in disbelief, "Xiao Tan, what's going on? Why is it this university's admission notice?"

"Ask her!"

Tears welled up uncontrollably, "Mom, did you change my choice of major? Why did you do that?!"

Yun Qihui: "Arong? What's going on? Do you know?"

Yuan Qinrong suddenly stood up and pushed Yun Qihui hard. Her tears fell even more fiercely than Yun Tan's: "It's not you, it's not you! If it weren't for you...how could Hongren be like this now!"

She bent her back and covered her face in pain, "I will eventually go before Hongren, how can I leave him alone?"

"That's all so far in the future! What does it have to do with Xiao Tan's current aspirations?!"

"She is studying in Shanghai and will most likely work in Shanghai in the future!"

Yuan Qinrong glared at the man she had loved so deeply in her youth, her eyes red. "Besides, Hongren can't live without Xiaotan! He'll scream and lose control if he doesn't see her for even a day! How could you agree to let her go to Shanghai to study for four years? She might even never come back to Beijing!"

Yuntan almost felt dizzy and had tinnitus.

The words Yuan Qinrong said were extremely clear, but one word after another could not form a coherent sentence in her mind.

She looked at the woman she had considered her mother for ten years, swallowed hard, and spoke with difficulty: "So you can change my choice without my permission?"

Yuan Qinrong still said confidently: "Isn't the purpose of studying to make money? My family has money, we don't need you to make money!"

At this point, Yuntan finally understood the reason why Yuan Qinrong's attitude towards him changed.

It turns out that my hard work in studying and living has made me the bargaining chip for Yuan Qinrong to "choose" me to take care of Yuan Hongren.

On the contrary, Yuan Qinrong didn't like Yun Jin, but she never had the idea of ​​restricting his life.

…

Amid the heavy rain, the air was filled with the smell of excessive humidity, mixed with dust and mold, as if it was going to penetrate the body through the pores.

Yun Tan sat alone at the bar counter, tears seemed to be constantly flowing into her body, making her whole body wet.

She drank a lot of alcohol and met many people who approached her.

When a man tried to hold her in his arms, another pair of hands suddenly separated them and pushed the man away.

Yun Tan looked up and saw Lu Wangshan. He had a strong outline and a stern look. In the bar filled with the smell of alcohol and cigarettes, the smell on him was fresh and clean.

"Do you still recognize me?" The man in front of her bent down and spoke to her in a gentle voice.

Having not seen each other for many years, Yun Tan, who was drunk at the time, did not recognize him.

So she laughed: "You are so good-looking, is it so old-fashioned to pick up girls?"

Lu Wangshan also laughed: "Then if I say I'll take you home now, do you also think I have bad intentions?"

"Then you must have bad intentions. I don't want to go home." Yun Tan's words became bolder.

Usually men would continue flirting with the previous sentence, but the man in front of me just asked: "Why, did you have a fight with your mother?"

Yun Tan paused, and then suddenly spoke in a tearful voice: "She is not my mother."

At the same time, tears began to fall, in big drops.

Lu Wangshan subconsciously raised his hand to wipe it, but stopped because of a sense of propriety. Tears dripped down his chin and landed right on his palm, burning hot.

He was helpless in dealing with the girl's tears, nor could he just leave Yun Tan there. She had attracted too many burning male gazes just now.

So he leaned over slightly and asked softly, "Where do you want to go? I'll take you there."

But Yuntan just cried and immersed herself in her own sad world again.

"Let me take you to the hotel first, okay?"

Lu Wangshan didn't know what to say to make it seem like he didn't have any bad intentions.

It seemed that anything he said would be too ambiguous in this situation, so he added, "Or you decide where to go."

Yun Tan looked up and suddenly asked, "Can I come to your house?"

…

She had never done anything so bold in the past 18 years.

She has always been well-behaved and obedient, and she has been self-disciplined and respectful. She tries hard to live like "someone else's daughter" so that Yuan Qinrong will like her.

But now I realize that in the eyes of people who don’t love me, those obedient behaviors will become weaknesses that can be easily controlled and exploited.

She even wondered if she had been as uneducated, bad-tempered, and lazy as Yun Jin, she would not have ended up in such a miserable situation.

On that rainy night, 18-year-old Yun Tan pushed Lu Wangshan to the wall after entering Lu's house, stood on tiptoe and kissed him. The childish and decadent thoughts eventually turned into reckless courage.

If I destroy that pure self, can I also destroy the Yuntan who can be easily exploited in your eyes?

If I take a path in life that I never imagined, can I break free from your control over my life?

You want Yuan Hongren to tie up my life, so even if I destroy my own life, I will not let you get what you want.

She was eager to fill the empty black hole in her heart with indulgence and venting. Alcohol didn't work, so she could only hope in the man in front of her.

-

Seeing Lu Wangshan's tears rolling down his cheeks, Yun Tan was almost at a loss and couldn't help but laugh: "What are you doing? It's been so long."

He lowered his head and buried his burning eyes in her shoulder: "It's been so long, but you never told me this, and I never seriously asked you about it."

"Actually, if you asked me at that time, maybe I wouldn't tell you."

Yun Tan stroked his hair, which was a little hard and prickly. She tilted her head and kissed the skin behind his ear, then asked softly, "How do you know all this?"

"During the school anniversary, I met your former homeroom teacher."

Yun Tan uttered an "Ah," and after a few seconds, he sighed deeply, "Teacher Li...how is he now?"

"Very good. He was rehired after retirement. I'll give him my regards for you."

Lu Wangshan suddenly picked her up, held her legs facing each other, and walked towards the bed.

She had a very strong posture, but her crimson eyes looked particularly pitiful, like a poor puppy drenched in the rain who finally found his owner and hugged him tightly, refusing to let go.

He carried Yuntan to the bed and lay down, holding her tightly in his arms.

He kissed her lips and asked softly, "So, you came home with me to avenge Yuan Qinrong, and later went abroad to avenge her, right?"

"Um."

Yun Tan nodded in his arms and whispered, "I'm sorry."

At that time, Yuntan did not have such a complete plan.

She was just being rebellious - since you want me to stay in Beijing and don't even want me to go to Shanghai, then I'll go to a place where you can never find me again.

But when she really started to understand, she found that going abroad required so many things to prepare, including money, language qualification exams, and complicated applications.

During that year and a half, she often skipped classes and rarely went to school.

Lu Wangshan thought she was just being lazy, but he didn't know that during that time, she had set a goal, secretly learned English and Italian, and secretly worked part-time as a tutor to save money for her future plan of studying abroad.

"sorry."

Lu Wangshan also apologized again, his cheek against hers, tears rolling down her collarbone, "I'm sorry, Xiao Tan, I never knew that."

Yun Tan was warmed by the hot tears, and unexpectedly felt that the empty space in his heart seemed to be gradually filled.

Her nose suddenly felt sore, and the grievances that were buried deep inside and that she thought she had long forgotten came to life again, and after being washed by tears, they became shining diamonds.

Lu Wangshan felt very sad.

This was an answer he had never expected.

He would rather Yun Tan left just because she didn't love him, than have her suffer those choices out of necessity.

And today, the only question he wants to ask is just one.

"Is the university you attended in Milan your favorite university?"

Lu Wangshan knew that university. It had a very good QS ranking, especially its design major, which was top-notch in the world.

This may be the only consolation in this situation.

"Yes, it was the school I wanted to apply to the most at that time." Yun Tan said.

Lu Wangshan finally felt the stone in his heart dissipate a little: "Your homeroom teacher said that you wanted to study design and computer science in your senior year of high school. I never knew you wanted to study computer science."

Yun Tan put her arm around his waist and chuckled softly in his arms. "I don't know if I can learn it well, but I loved math in high school, so I thought computer science might be suitable for me. I actually learned a little bit when I was in Milan, but because I was too busy with the design major, I couldn't give it enough time. I only took it as a minor, not a second major. I still regret not studying it in depth back then."

"Why?"

"The interactive proposal I wrote a few days ago actually requires a lot of computer science background. I bought a lot of professional books myself, but it's still difficult to learn in depth."

Lu Wangshan paused for a moment, then asked softly, "Have you ever considered pursuing a master's degree in computer science?"

Yuntan paused, broke free from his arms and looked up at him.

"You can decide whether to study full-time or part-time. A systematic study will be better." He tilted his head and kissed her cheek, then continued, "If you had another chance, perhaps you could make up for some of the regrets you had back then."

…

The two of them squeezed on the narrow iron bed.

Yun Tan hugged Lu Wangshan and fell asleep quickly.

However, Lu Wangshan couldn't fall asleep for a long time. He looked at the moonlight outside the window, still feeling pain and regret for everything he learned today.

He had hated Yuntan for five years, hated her for leaving without saying goodbye, but he never knew that the answer to his hatred would be this.

He has never been a crybaby and believes that tears can't solve anything.

But at this moment, he was holding Yuntan, looking at the moon outside the window, with hot tears sliding down his cheeks from time to time, unconsciously.

He suddenly remembered that winter night, the night before Yun Tan left—

…

Even though Yuntan spent so much time preparing to study abroad, when she finally received the coveted offer, she still hesitated.

She couldn't bear to leave her grandmother, nor could she bear to leave Lu Wangshan.

She was wondering whether all she did was what she wanted or just a gamble.

The day before, she went to see her grandmother.

Grandma was the only person who had seen the offer.

She lay on her grandmother's lap, not knowing what to say, as if nothing she said could change her unfilial behavior.

Grandma gently stroked her long hair. The soft light from the floor lamp made her look particularly kind. Her voice was soft but firm as she said, "Xiao Tan, this is your life."

With just one sentence, Yun Tan's heart was shocked.

She suddenly became convinced that this was the life she wanted.

The next day, she returned to Lu's house and played on the lawn with Leo for a while.

Lu Wangshan came back from get off work. He was still a graduate student at the time and was busy writing his graduate thesis.

After dinner, they turned on the fireplace in the living room, and the fire flickered. Yun Tan and Lu Wangshan curled up on the sofa together, covered with a thin blanket, with Leo at their feet. Lu Wangshan put a notebook on his legs, with his arms around her, writing his paper in a comfortable and relaxed posture.

Yuntan fell into his arms, wiggling her bare toes beside the sofa, attracting Leo's attention and teasing her.

Lu Wangshan picked it up again, patted the instep of his foot lightly, and put his socks back on.

At the same time, his cell phone rang. It was Xiang Yin calling.

It was just some daily trivial matters, so he didn't avoid Yun Tan and answered the phone directly.

Unexpectedly, Xiang Yin suddenly asked when he would be free to have dinner with a girl of the same age from his friend's family.

Yun Tan didn't want anyone to know about their relationship, so Lu Wangshan didn't tell anyone, and Xiang Yin didn't know either.

He got up and went outside to answer the phone, and told Xiang Yin that he had no plans to fall in love at the moment and would not attend any similar dinner parties in the future.

When I returned to the living room, Yuntan was wrapped in a blanket and watching TV quietly.

He wanted to explain, but he didn't know where to start. He thought Yun Tan might not have heard it at all, so there was no need to worry about it.

Lu Wangshan always thought that they still had plenty of time to slowly enter each other's circles.

At that time, Yun Tan thought silently that maybe it was really time to leave.

Her relationship with Lu Wangshan was frivolous and casual, and it started out absurdly. Perhaps there was no need to wait for a solemn ending. One day he would marry a woman of equal social status who would satisfy his family and be a good match for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Lu Wangshan suddenly asked.

Yun Tan came back to her senses. She suddenly put her arms around Lu Wangshan's neck, sat astride him, held his face and kissed him.

Lu Wangshan had no time to think about why Yun Tan suddenly took the initiative, and he easily sank into it again.

After that passionate love affair, Lu Wangshan slept soundly and didn't notice Yun Tan getting up at all.

She went downstairs alone, squatted beside Leo and said goodbye to him quietly, then left pushing the suitcase that had been prepared long ago.

Board a flight to Milan.

-----------------------

The author has something to say: Although it was difficult, Xiao Tan still managed to turn the tide

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