Chapter 95 "If he dies, I will feel even more guilty..."

Smuggling salt and iron, colluding with foreign generals to embezzle military supplies—the Yan family's crimes were thoroughly proven, and they were executed a month later.

The fact that His Majesty did not reinstate Ji Jinghe is perplexing.

Zhang Yanche made a great contribution by uncovering the Shen family's smuggling operation. In addition, his child was 100 days old, and he was in high spirits. After finishing his shift, he insisted on taking Ji Jinghe to a restaurant for drinks.

Unfortunately, Ji Jinghe couldn't drink alcohol, so he drank a little by himself and was already slightly tipsy.

“I say, His Majesty has been sending imperial physicians to treat you every day, but your health has not improved for a long time. Half a month has passed. Could it be that His Majesty knows you are not going to make it and that's why he is hesitating?”

Zhang Yanche's words made sense, and Ji Jinghe did not refute them.

As long as the antidote is not found, the poison in his body cannot be neutralized.

Ji Jinghe: "Generally speaking."

Zhang Yanche sighed, "Look at you, you're willing to risk your life and career for Chu Yu'an. You didn't even get to see the old lady one last time when she passed away..." You really have unspeakable suffering, keeping it all bottled up inside.

Ji Jinghe pondered for a moment, then instructed, "You are not allowed to say such things in front of her, nor to anyone else."

“I know, I know,” Zhang Yanche teased. “If such a heroic deed happened to you, even if it were written in the history books, future generations would have to carefully examine it and think it was just unofficial history.”

This happened to Chu Yu'an. If it were before, Ji Jinghe would never have done such a "selfless" thing.

Zhang Yanche: "If you ask me, you should try again, try to get around more. If people don't bother with you, then give up. Don't keep hitting a wall and not turn back."

Hanging on one tree is not advisable, and as his brother, he wouldn't allow him to suffer like that.

The two rode their horses side by side down the street, without any particular direction.

It was the height of summer, and seeing Ji Jinghe beside him bundled up tightly, he found it hard to speak.

Looking at the street ahead, Zhang Yanche sighed and pretended to be angry: "Brother Ji, I think you did this on purpose. You can't just wander around like this, can you?"

This is the street where the Chu family mansion is located.

"I don't think I need to accompany you. I'll grant your wish and you can go."

Before Ji Jinghe could speak, Zhang Yanche pulled on the reins, turned his horse around, and rode away.

The mansion gates were wide open and unguarded. Ji Jinghe dismounted and went straight in. There was no one around. He walked to the backyard and followed the sound to the back garden.

It's time to eat now, and as is Yu-an's habit in the summer, she goes for a walk in the back garden to cool off.

Today, Hu cooked, and the food was delicious. Yu'an couldn't help but eat a lot. After her walk, she sat in the pavilion and watched Chu Zhuo'an practice his spear.

Chu Zhuo'an passed the provincial examination and will participate in the martial arts examination next year, so he cannot be careless.

He is still young, and even after passing the exam, he probably won't be able to find a reliable official position. In the end, he will likely have to join the army.

Since he had no connections in the court, he would have to rely on himself to make his way in the world. If possible, she really wanted to find a reliable person who could help him out.

Half a month has passed, and I don't know how Ji Jinghe is doing. Perhaps we should invite her to the palace again and let her get closer to the people in Shou Kang Palace?

Yu An leaned against the railing, her mind wandering elsewhere. Chu Zhuo An called her name several times, but she didn't respond.

He raised his voice and called out "Sister," which brought Yu'an back to her senses.

"What is my sister thinking?"

Yu An pursed her lips and smiled slightly, then shook her head without saying a word.

"Is Sister thinking of Ji Jinghe?" Ji Shu had come to plead for him for several days in a row, her voice choked with tears. Anyone with a soft heart would be moved.

Yu An shook her head: "I don't know."

"If I don't know, then so be it."

"Is that so?" Yu An smiled and explained, "I was thinking about your future, nothing else."

"What do I have to think about in the future? If I don't pass the exam, I'll join the army. If I can't join the army, I'll go into business. There's always a way out."

He's quite open-minded.

Yu An took a breath and, seeing how enthusiastically he was practicing, didn't say much, got up and went elsewhere.

She had just passed through the flower bushes and onto the covered walkway when she heard footsteps behind her. The fish in the pond darted freely in the water. She turned around and saw a reflection in the water.

She felt a void in her chest and her steps faltered. She turned around and saw Ji Jinghe.

She was so surprised she couldn't speak. She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, but her voice still betrayed her shock, "What are you doing here?"

Seeing that she was frightened, Ji Jinghe also felt that he had been a bit abrupt and said cautiously, "I scared you..."

Yu An did not reply, so I asked him what was wrong.

Ji Jinghe recalled what she had just said to Chu Zhuoan, and a sense of hope welled up in his heart. Perhaps it was Zhang Yanche's words that had the effect, giving him the courage to speak openly.

The first words are always hard to say. There are too many things to say, the mouth is dry, the heart is not at peace, and it seems that only the sound of one's own heartbeat can be heard.

This was the most nervous he had ever been in his life.

"...Yu'an, can you give me another chance, a chance to be forgiven? I love you."

A gentle breeze blew by, rippling the surface of the pond. Fish leaped out of the water and then gently plunged back in with a "plop," disappearing without a trace.

Everything felt so real that Yu'an's mind was completely blank except for the wind, grass, water, and fish around her.

"Why do you think I, Chu Yu'an, would accept a nameless and unrecognized man as my husband?"

As she watched the expectation in Yu'an's eyes gradually turn into the gloom of disappointment, an indescribable feeling welled up in her heart.

Ji Jinghe stared at her blankly, feeling as if a dagger had been plunged into his heart, causing him unbearable pain.

She, a man who never cared about official rank, said such things to him today.

He instinctively tried to explain, "That's not it, my official position..."

"It's been half a month, and His Majesty still hasn't reinstated you. You don't need to explain. I only believe what I've seen. Perhaps some of my recent actions have caused you to misunderstand. I hope you won't say such things in the future."

She turned to leave, but Ji Jinghe chased after her, saying, "I'll be going to the southwest in a few days. If you run into trouble, you can go to Zhang Yanche and Wang Jie."

Yu An paused, feeling speechless, and stopped, sighing.

“Ji Jinghe, I wasn’t helping you or Xu Jingshu a while ago. As I said in prison, the matter started because of me, and I will take responsibility. Now that the matter is resolved, we have nothing to do with each other. Do you understand?”

After a moment of silence, Ji Jinghe said, "I know."

"Then please leave. We won't see you off."

The slender figure hurried away, disappearing into the winding corridors. In my memory, countless figures overlapped, piecing together countless complete images of Chu Yu'an.

Every seemingly insignificant action of hers is the most vivid.

Ji Jinghe thought that if he could go back to the very past, he would definitely put down his ridiculously arrogant head, bend down, and hold her firmly in his hands.

It's fine if she disagrees, after all, he doesn't have much time left to live.

He couldn't possibly ask her to marry a short-lived man like himself.

The meeting between the two was so sudden that even after Yu An sat back on her couch, she was still not fully recovered and felt dizzy.

He clearly had a lot to say, but somehow he suddenly blurted out that suffocating remark.

That last sentence was like stabbing Ji Jinghe in the heart.

Thinking about their recent interactions, perhaps it stirred up some unnecessary feelings in her.

This is only human nature, she told herself.

Before they knew it, it was time for Ji Jinghe to leave. Ji Shu didn't say anything, and Yu An turned away and forgot about the matter.

When Yu'an returned from delivering something to Jiuwan Mountain, she happened to run into Pei Chengyu, who was on patrol, at the city gate. The carriage was stuffy, so Yu'an took the opportunity to get off and was led up the city wall by Pei Chengyu.

"I brought you up here because I have something to tell you," Pei Chengyu said.

Yu An chose a quiet spot, stopped, and waited for him to speak.

"That day, Ji Jinghe left the capital and only saw Madam Ji and Miss Ji, but not you."

Yu An joked, "We have no relationship, why do I have to see him off whenever he goes out?"

“No,” Pei Chengyu explained, “Ji Jinghe was secretly dispatched by the Emperor to quell the rebellion in the southwest. He won’t be back for more than a year, of course, that’s assuming everything goes smoothly… I thought he would tell you.”

If things go smoothly, then you'll return with credit and await rewards; if things don't go smoothly, then you'll lose your life.

Pei Chengyu didn't explain himself clearly, but she understood.

Her hands, which were hanging in her sleeves, clenched unconsciously. She met Pei Chengyu's gaze but did not speak.

Seeing that she didn't react for a long time and her expression wasn't exactly cheerful, Pei Chengyu mistakenly assumed that she didn't want to hear these words.

He had struggled with the truth for many days and finally made up his mind to tell it, but when he saw her expression, he had second thoughts.

Personal feelings and justice intertwined in his heart, and two ideas echoed in his mind at the same time. He knew that if he told her the truth, he might be pushing her to someone else.

"Yu'an, I want to talk to you about Ji Jinghe. Just tell me if you want to hear it or not."

Yu-An: "It depends on what you say. If it's just persuasion, then you don't need to say anything."

She looked closely into those eyes and slowly added, "If it weren't for persuasion, I'd like to hear... is there something you're hiding from me?"

Years have passed, but when he lies, his eyes still speak volumes, revealing the answer to others first.

Upon hearing this, Pei Chengyu deflated, realizing he couldn't hide it any longer.

"The medicine I brought you that day wasn't something I sent someone to get; it was given to me by Ji Jinghe."

"That day, I was patrolling the city gate as usual when I saw a familiar figure. I was a little suspicious, so I went up to ask him. But I didn't expect that the person would fall off his horse. That's when I realized that it was Ji Jinghe."

“He was covered in wounds and his clothes were tattered. I guess he had just returned from the northern frontier.”

“I wanted to take him back to his residence, but he refused. He only asked me to put him in a nearby inn and then handed me the medicine, telling me to deliver it to you as soon as possible.”

Yu An stood frozen in place. The sun overhead suddenly became dazzling, making her dizzy. Even the sweat dripping into her eyes tasted bitter and blurred her vision until she was unaware of it.

“I was going to tell you then, but I…I was afraid you would be soft-hearted.”

"You didn't say anything because you were afraid I'd be soft-hearted towards Ji Jinghe?" she asked softly.

Feeling guilty, Pei Chengyu stopped speaking and began to say, "As far as I know, the poison in his body has not been completely cured. His Majesty has been sending imperial physicians to the Ji residence to prolong his illness, so that he can hold on and resolve the rebellion in the southwest."

Ji Jinghe had clearly told her that the poison in his body had been cured.

Should we tell her now that it's fake?

Recalling their first meeting, his face was always deathly pale. That day in the Ministry of Justice prison, he even coughed with his back to her, just to prevent her from noticing anything amiss.

Ji Jinghe has really changed.

Yu An suppressed the bitterness in her heart and asked in a dry voice, "So the bad situation also includes the reason that he was poisoned, right?"

Almost a year has passed. He must have endured so much pain to get through this. Back then, her poisoning was so mild that the pain in her chest was unbearable.

“You should have told me sooner, because…” Yu An paused, “If he had died, my guilt would have been even deeper.”

When the truth was revealed, the pieces that had initially aroused her suspicions all connected, and everything made sense.

Ji Jinghe, you really have some clever tricks up your sleeve.