Farewell at Falling Leaves

The autumn of 2008 came particularly early.

Just after the National Day, the sycamore tree in front of the gate of Hanshi Primary School looked like it had been plucked by someone, and most of its leaves became bald overnight.

There was a thick layer of golden fallen leaves, which made a crisp sound when stepped on, like something breaking.

Cheng Yuan's parents are divorced.

This news was like a bombshell, and it exploded among us kids.

As far as I can remember, I don’t think I’ve seen Uncle Cheng very often.

He only appears during festivals and holidays, bringing rare candies bought from other places.

My mother used to say that Uncle Cheng was very capable and that he was studying in a big city outside, which was "further education". When he returned after completing his studies, he would take Aunt Han and Yu'an to the provincial capital to live a good life.

I envy Cheng Yu'an for this and think he will go to a big city in the future.

Now Uncle Cheng has returned from his studies and brought back a new aunt who is fashionable.

These things became the topic of conversation among the adults after dinner, and they talked about words such as infidelity, betrayal, and property division with relish.

We were the only ones carefully surrounding Cheng Yu'an.

I want to comfort you, but I don’t know where to start.

At that time, our world was really small, and it could only accommodate our parents. We couldn’t imagine being separated from either of them.

On the day Uncle Cheng came back, Aunt Han's heart-wrenching cries could be heard throughout the entire family compound.

The next morning, we crowded at the door of Cheng Yuan's house and looked inside between the adults' legs.

The house that was originally kept spotless by Aunt Han was now a mess.

Torn textbooks, broken dishes, and Cheng Yuan’s treasured toy box that had been turned upside down.

We once lay on the ground together and built castles countless times with the building blocks in the toy box.

————

The weather was gloomy on the day Uncle Cheng and Aunt Han took Cheng Yu'an away from Hanshi.

Cheng Yu'an was very quiet, so quiet that it made people uneasy.

He was dragging a suitcase that was a little too big for him, filled with his favorite toys and a few clothes.

He lowered his head, as if he had become a different little boy with long eyelashes and a crybaby overnight.

Two weeks later, Cheng Yuan came back.

The adults' discussions never stopped.

Some people said that Cheng Yu'an was awarded to Uncle Cheng by the court, some said that the woman outside did not want to be a stepmother, and some said that Aunt Han also had her own little thoughts.

What are they talking about?

I didn't understand anything at all, but a feeling of unease welled up in my heart.

We hurried to the door of Cheng Yu'an's house and saw Cheng Yu'an pulling at the corner of Aunt Han's clothes.

"Mom, I don't want to leave."

I heard Cheng Yuan crying.

The crying was not the kind of loud crying when I was a child, but a suppressed whimper squeezed out from the depths of my throat, which made people feel sad.

He pulled very hard, as if he was pulling at the last straw.

Aunt Han seemed to have aged several years in an instant. Her once bright eyes were sunken, and the dark circles under her eyes were shocking.

"Yuan, be obedient."

She bent Cheng Yu'an's fingers and said, "Follow Dad, you can go to a better school, live in a bigger house, and have a better life. Mom is doing this for your own good."

"I don't want a better school, I just want my mom."

Cheng Yu'an cried and pulled at Aunt Han's clothes even harder.

Aunt Han's eyes turned red.

She seemed to be stung by something, and suddenly raised her voice, sounding a little hysterical, "What future can you achieve by following me? You'll just be a burden to me!"

The air suddenly became very quiet. Although I was young, I could understand the meaning of these words.

Even we who were hiding outside the door held our breath.

Cheng Yu'an stopped crying, tears still hung on his face, and his long eyelashes were wet and stuck together.

We all saw his chest rise and fall, and then he straightened his back.

Aunt Han's lips trembled slightly, and she seemed to want to say something.

Cheng Yu'an took a step back and wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve.

"Do you think I need you?" His voice suddenly turned cold, like a different person. "I can live well without you."

Aunt Han's lips trembled even more violently, and tears finally rolled down her cheeks, but she still didn't say anything.

Cheng Yu'an turned and walked out. When he passed by us, I couldn't help but want to pull him, "Cheng Yu'an, where are you going?"

But he pushed me away, his movements rough and decisive.

His eyes were red, and he turned around and glared at us and Aunt Han who were stunned, "Leave me alone!"

At that moment, a sneer appeared on his face that was not suitable for someone of his age.

"No matter where I go, I will never come back here in my life."

How long is a lifetime?

We don't know.

But at an age when we had no idea about the future, that was the harshest and heaviest promise we could make.

Uncle Cheng's silver car stopped at the entrance of Hanshi University. Cheng Yu'an climbed into the back seat by himself without crying or making a fuss.

The car door slammed shut.

I still remember the sound of the car door closing.

Aunt Han's shoulders trembled slightly and she covered her face with her hands.

That day, I don’t remember how long we chased Uncle Cheng’s car.

It probably didn't take long, because we eventually let the car out of our sight.

I also don't remember how long that low mood lasted.

Probably not for long, because time eventually diluted the sadness of that year.

After crying and making a fuss, the sun was still hanging in the east the next morning.

The only thing I can’t forget is what he said before he left: “I will never come back.”

From childhood to adulthood, the honesty and trustworthiness taught to us by adults have become the best excuse for us to never see each other again.

Later, I heard some news about Cheng Yu'an from adults intermittently.

Just as Aunt Han expected, he lived in a high-rise building in the provincial capital and attended a key primary school.

But... I heard that his stepmother gave birth to another little brother soon.

Cheng Yu'an was treated like a ball and was fostered by several aunts in turn.

It is said that Aunt Han never visited him again.

When adults talk about this, they always sigh endlessly.

As for me, I just felt like there was a stone pressing on my heart, making me feel depressed and uneasy.

Later, when I met Cheng Yu'an again on the high school campus, I almost didn't recognize him.

He was leaning against the window in the corridor smoking, he was tall and thin, with a familiar outline between his eyebrows.

But he is no longer the boy with a warm smile in my memory.

"Cheng Yu'an, do you know me?" I mustered up the courage to greet him.

He raised his head and his eyes stayed on my face for a few seconds.

"I don't know him." His voice was flat and emotionless.

I stood there in a daze, my heart felt like it was hit hard by something, and a sour feeling instantly rushed into my nose.

I opened my mouth, but didn't know what to say.

I could only watch him put out his cigarette, turn around and leave, his back disappearing at the end of the corridor, as decisive as the car door that closed that year.

I stood there, the draft in the corridor was very cold.

I remembered the days when we played together in the sandbox when we were little.

Has he really forgotten those days that seem to have a halo and sparkle in his memory?

Maybe...what he forgot was not a person, but the last sunny days he had before his gloomy life came.

Adults always think that children are still young and cannot understand the expressions or the hidden meanings in words.

Actually, it is not.

We know everything, we really know everything.

In fact, the damage caused is particularly great because of the limited understanding.