Chapter Nine: Never Let Go

The opportunity came soon.

Two days before the start of the first semester of my junior year, the teacher sent a message saying that he would send a group chat at 8 pm that evening to choose seats. Everyone then chose their seats according to the order of the message.

After everyone has completed the relay, he will forward an online seating chart to the first student. Once the chart is filled out, it will be sent to the next student in order, so that everyone can choose their own seats.

You Suian usually plays video games and guitar, so his hand speed is naturally fast. He directly won the third prize, and Li Yunxing followed closely behind, winning the seventh prize.

You Sui'an once again chose a seat at the back by the window.

only……

Li Yunxing...

Li Yunxing was somewhat conflicted.

Back in the third year of junior high, Li Yunxing sat diagonally behind You Suian. It was actually a good diagonal position; she could see him with just a slight turn of her head.

In group discussions, there are usually four people in a group. She wouldn't turn her neck directly back; she would turn her body slightly so that Li Yunxing could see her clearly.

However, the desk behind is a rather ambiguous position, where there would be more interaction between the two, for example, homework is collected by group, so...

The two will also communicate more.

After hesitating for a while, he filled in You Suian's name in the blank space below.

He inexplicably thought of Duan Cheng. At that time, Duan Cheng was directly behind You Sui'an.

About an hour later, the homeroom teacher posted the final screenshot in the group chat.

You Sui'an was utterly incredulous. Why did Li Yunxing choose the seat after her? He clearly had many options.

You Sui'an is a person with a strong sense of morality. She finds it difficult to be self-centered and never thinks she has any ability to make others revolve around her. But Li Yunxing's behavior is too misleading.

He had been getting close to her intentionally or unintentionally last semester, and now he's doing it again. It's hard not to be suspicious.

You Sui'an closed his eyes.

What should we do?

In the dead of night, You Suian still kept his eyes open, staring blankly. Sure enough, people are always irrational when it's late at night and everyone is quiet.

She just sent Yanyuan a message. Yanyuan, who loves staying up late, must have seen it; even if she recalls it now, it's too late.

She felt a pang of regret and sighed.

Sure enough, Yan Yuan, who was also awake, had already made a voice call.

Her eyes stung when she answered the phone. It must be from staying up too late lately.

“Honey, go ahead, I’m listening.” You Suian chuckled, still so unreliable.

But her smile quickly faded, and she lay heavily on the bed: "I... I feel like I care about Li Yunxing a little. I know it's wrong."

Yan Yuan was puzzled: "I know you definitely won't have a relationship early, but liking someone is something that no one can control, so don't blame yourself too much."

Although she really wanted to gossip about why Li Yunxing had suddenly become so important to You Suian, You Suian was clearly not in a good mood right now.

You Sui'an subconsciously shook his head, only to realize that Yan Yuan couldn't see him. It took him a while to regain his senses: "But he was in a relationship before. Although... he might have broken up with his girlfriend before he started bothering me, but..."

You Sui'an was somewhat incoherent.

"Hey, hey, hey? What's going on? When did you talk about this? I didn't even know. Don't worry."

You Suian was stunned, and it took her a while to speak. "Then, that day you said you were playing games," her voice was so soft, as if a gentle breeze could blow it away, "...that he was bragging to you about his online girlfriend..."

Yan Yuan thought for a while but still couldn't remember. Just as he was about to say no, he suddenly exclaimed, "Li Yun, right? I only remember that kid secretly dating someone."

You Sui'an's heart stopped suddenly. The tears that had just gathered seemed to be frozen by the coldness in his heart, but in the next instant they burst forth.

She remained silent, tears streaming down her face like sand that could never be retrieved, gently brushing against her most tender spot, tickling yet painfully.

Like tiny thorns on the most inconspicuous vine, yet they cause a dense, persistent pain.

She smiled, but could only say in a hoarse voice, "I know, it was just a misunderstanding. My head is spinning, so let's leave it at that. Goodnight."

Before Yan Yuan could answer, she hung up, afraid that she would burst into tears later.

She's always been good at putting on an act, hasn't she? She can even make no one detect her trembling. How come she almost lost her voice when she opened her mouth, almost... almost gave herself away?

She's so annoying.

Whether it was a slip of the tongue by Yan Yuan or she herself was hard of hearing and misheard, she hated herself for it back then.

Why be so arrogant? Why refuse to believe him? Why refuse to ask him clearly?

How heartbroken he must be.

All those restless speculations just now turned into sharp blades, coldly and cleanly dissecting her soul, revealing glints of cold light.

Those vivid memories that occasionally jump around in her mind hurt her terribly.

Just as You Suian was unaware of Li Yunxing's hesitation and embarrassment, Li Yunxing would never know of You Suian's breakdown and regret.

They are always missing out.

This time, You Sui'an won't let go; they will be good friends. She never does anything she'll regret.

Even if this time it's Li Yunxing who's running away.

When school started again, You Suian looked at Li Yunxing walking towards him, his bright eyes staring straight at him, a mix of complex emotions swirling within him.

Perhaps it was because her gaze was too intense, Li Yunxing blushed. He looked straight back at her, then lowered his head and quickened his pace to walk past her.

He didn't see the corners of You Suian's mouth slowly turn up.

Li Yunxing felt a little guilty. Why was You Sui'an looking at him so directly? Had he been found out that he had secretly added her as a game friend? That shouldn't be the case.

There's an entrance exam at No. 1 Middle School, so everyone needs to study hard these next few days. You Suian comforted himself by thinking that he shouldn't bother Li Yunxing.

I've kept that apology letter that I wrote a long time ago.

No, it's not that... I'm a little afraid he'll dislike me. She encouraged herself.

Anyway, she won't give up.

A week later, school ended in the afternoon.

There were only a few scattered figures in the classroom. You Suian quietly placed the letter under Li Yunxing's Chinese textbook and gently pulled out a corner of it.

Will he see it? You Suian pulled out another corner, looked at it for a while, and then felt it was too obvious, so he pushed it back in.

After repeatedly adjusting the settings for a minute, she slowly returned to her dormitory.

Perhaps it was because climbing the stairs was too tiring, but her heart was pounding wildly.

Evening self-study.

She was absent-minded, lost in thought, and a sense of tension and guilt kept her mind highly active.

She didn't dare look at Li Yunxing. Fortunately, it was self-study time, and she quickly adjusted her mindset. Doing a few more math problems would keep her from overthinking.

Li Yunxing had just finished showering and returned to the classroom on time. He always walked quickly. After resting for a while in his seat, he suddenly realized that there seemed to be something under his Chinese textbook.

? ?

He moved the book aside and found an envelope, which looked like a love letter or something. Could someone have put it in the wrong place? After all, the school was very strict about early relationships, and he didn't have any close female classmates.

For some reason, her image appeared in Li Yunxing's mind. He shook his head. How could that be?

Ultimately, curiosity prevailed.

After hesitating for a moment, Li Yunxing opened it anyway. Even if someone had put it in the wrong envelope, he wouldn't know. He should at least check if it was for him. Besides, the envelope wasn't colorful; perhaps someone wanted to discuss something formal with him?

As soon as he opened it, he glanced at the beginning and saw that it was his name, which was nice. Then he looked at the end of the letter—You Sui'an.

Upon seeing those elegant and refreshing characters, he didn't have the courage to continue reading; a strange sense of unease welled up within him.

You Suian didn't dare to look back. He heard the sound of desks being turned over and tissues being pulled.

Is Li Yunxing crying?

Unbeknownst to You Suian, she tried her best to clarify her misunderstanding of him, concealing her own feelings of excitement and blurring the image of Yan Yuan as a person, making it seem as if she had simply overheard someone else's conversation and misunderstood him. Then she stopped paying attention to this seemingly questionable friend. Following this was a sincere apology.

Although saying this would make her look bad, like a brainless, thoughtless, arbitrary fool, You Suian couldn't think of a better way to put it.

You Suian didn't think about whether Li Yunxing would hate her even more. At least she was relieved now, and the dark cloud that had been hanging over her head was finally gradually dissipating.

It doesn't matter if Li Yunxing ignores her, because You Sui'an will persist. After all, she did something wrong, and she should be open and honest and accept any outcome without fear.

Li Yunxing felt so sad she almost laughed. It was just a misunderstanding, yet it had turned them... into this.

Although he was determined to take the initiative to get closer to You Suian, he really didn't know what to do now.

A week...a week later, he adjusted himself. He couldn't let You Suian stay sad and guilty forever. No matter what, he liked You Suian. Everyone makes mistakes; if he had asked more clearly back then, perhaps things wouldn't have turned out this way.

You Suian didn't know what he was thinking. She only knew that Li Yunxing had been avoiding him recently, and her expression was gloomy.

The two eventually met again by chance, and You Suian called out to him, "Li Yunxing..." Afterwards, she felt extremely regretful for her impulsiveness because she didn't know what to say.

Li Yunxing thought to herself, "To hell with a week."

He didn't speak, but just glanced at You Suian, as if he could see straight into the depths of her eyes, and then suddenly hummed: "I should be angry, so you have to coax me properly."

Actually, when You Suian called him over, his mind was completely blank, filled with thoughts of You Suian.

Li Yunxing was initially upset, but then he thought to himself, "Didn't I secretly play games with her too? We're even now." Hmph, but he couldn't forgive her so easily.

You Suian smiled, a very slight smile, but the smile grew wider and wider.

There are always some snacks on Li Yunxing's table. Sometimes they are dried fish, sometimes they are pretty gummy candies, and sometimes they are cute little cookies.

Li Yunxing just hid them secretly, thinking that once he had collected 10, he would forgive her.

By the way... he'd also sneak a cup of milk tea into the school. You Sui'an liked that.

You Suian looked at the milk tea on the table; it was her favorite flavor. Tang Qingyue hadn't taken leave recently either. She turned to look at Li Yunxing; his eyes were still so clear. How could she have missed that look back then?

When Li Yunxing saw her turn around, he felt a little uncomfortable and his face turned red, but he still looked back into You Suian's eyes and stopped trying to avoid her.

"You've made up?" the girl asked with a beaming smile.

"Mmm." The boy's eyelashes fluttered.

There couldn't be anything luckier; You Sui'an felt that Li Yunxing was simply an angel.

There is no one more lovable than him.

Li Yunxing was also incredulous that someone like You Sui'an would take the initiative to approach her and consider him a very good friend.

He has never seen anyone more perfect than her.

In fact, Li Yunxing had always wanted to ask if You Sui'an had ignored him because he was dating Duan Cheng, and he asked him this question now that the atmosphere was so nice.

You Suian was clearly surprised. "He talks about 'See you tomorrow' and 'corn kernels' every day. What decent person doesn't care about their image when they're in love?" Besides, You Suian likes shy and timid girls; they're so cute. But she didn't plan to tell Li Yunxing any of this.

Both of them couldn't help but laugh. Their laughter reddened the clouds on the horizon.

In the morning, You Suian looked very listless. Her roommate had gone to bed too early last night and had been snoring loudly. She had been preoccupied with something a few days ago and had been going to bed late, so she hadn't paid much attention to it.

But last night she was in a good mood and wanted to go to bed early, but she couldn't fall asleep at all. She drifted off to sleep around 2 a.m. and was woken up by noise. She was so grumpy when she woke up that she was about to get angry.

She secretly took a nap during the break between classes. Tang Qingyue draped a coat over her shoulders, and she felt the warmth on her back and smiled.

She was happy. Even in the stifling environment of school.

She suddenly wondered if she was glorifying suffering. But she quickly realized she wasn't. She smiled; she simply liked the people here.

Li Yunxing gently placed a cup of coffee on her table, clearly noticing that she hadn't slept well.

You Suian only noticed it during class, picked it up and shook it at Tang Qingyue to indicate it, but the other party shook her head.

Huh? You Suian's mind was still a bit fuzzy. Suddenly, the image of Li Yunxing popped into her mind, and she couldn't help but chuckle.