Chapter 58 The Spirit of Freedom "Aren't you leaving yet?"

Zhu Qing had to admit that in ancient times, men's clothing was more convenient.

Even though the Hu clothing could be worn by both men and women, her men's style was still more convenient. The sleeves were smaller and the trousers were narrower. When she crossed the Cloud Mountain, she clearly felt much more relaxed than when she came in a skirt last time.

Last time, Zhu Qing traveled with Feng Huaihe, but she was in a bad mood and slept the whole way. Apart from Du Fu's former residence and Cui Muyuan, she hardly appreciated the scenery elsewhere.

This trip was a solo journey for Zhu Qing, like a solo traveler. She had never had this opportunity before in society, and she cherished the time along the way.

In Yunzhong Mountain, Zhu Qing stopped and found an inn to stay for a day or two before continuing his journey.

Last time, Yunzhong Mountain was a winter scene, with snowflakes dancing, distant mountains covered in white, and shrouded in mist. Now, Zhu Qing sees a spring scene before her, with green mountains and trees, distant mountains standing proudly, and the air filled with the fragrance of flowers.

Zhu Qing felt more relaxed than ever before. She walked through the Yunzhong Mountains, crossed the Yellow River, and met many fellow travelers on the Yellow River boat. Some of them were going to Chang'an, some to Lingnan, and some to Kaifeng. They all chose this route, which was the furthest from the war.

The passengers came from all over the world, and various dialects mingled on the deck. Although none of them were familiar to Zhu Qing, they still stirred her heart and made her feel a deep respect for the majestic land beneath her feet.

In spring, when the Yellow River rises, Zhu Qing chooses a large boat with wide decks. At night, some men and women skilled in singing and dancing would gather together to sing and dance. As time went on, someone lit a bonfire. The red flames dispelled the chill of spring nights, and more people danced and sang around the bonfire.

Zhu Qing has always been socially awkward. She sat quietly in the corner, eating her homemade skewers while watching them.

The literary and artistic songs of this era have not been polluted by modern technology. They are the most traditional and Chinese melodies. At first listen, they may make you sleepy, but upon second listen, they will amaze you. Like a fleeting glimpse of a masterpiece, they stir up waves in people's hearts.

Zhu Qing felt more relaxed than ever before. Even in a dark era, if she looked closely, she could always find some beauty in the corners.

She forgot about her unhappy family from her previous life, and she also forgot about Feng Huaihe and Zhang Yin.

Zhu Qing could only see the vast Yellow River before her, its waves surging, and people dancing and singing around the bonfire. It was as if the sky was high and the earth was wide. She should have been free to come and go, instead of being dragged along and drowned, or used as a symbol by Feng Huaihe and Zhang Yin to determine the winner.

After crossing the Yellow River, Zhu Qing disembarked and, just as he had come, walked past Du Fu's former residence and Cui Muyuan, one stop at a time, finally arriving in Chang'an in early autumn.

It was late at night when she arrived in Chang'an. She drove to Qingxi Village, and just as she reached the small courtyard with its fence, an early autumn rain began to fall.

Zhu Qing didn't go to the city, so he doesn't know what it looks like now, but Qingxi Village probably hasn't changed much except for a few fewer people, probably because it's remote.

Zhu Qing pushed open the door and entered the room. In the dark, he picked up a candlestick from the square table in the main room and lit it with a tinderbox.

The candlelight instantly filled the narrow room, and the bright, warm yellow candlelight made Zhu Qing feel as if she had returned to the warmth of the time when she lived here with her family.

The house, which had been vacant for a long time, was surprisingly dust-free. Apart from some things that had been moved out of the house, everything else was almost exactly the same as before.

Zhu Qing held a candlestick in one hand to light the way, and with the other hand lifted the curtain to enter her room.

The candlelight dispelled the darkness in the room. The windows were open, and the autumn wind whistled past the window frames while the autumn rain slanted in.

A large, imposing figure sat at a small table by the window.

Zhu Qing looked at him calmly, the candlelight in her hand illuminating her face and highlighting the coldness in her eyes, just like the autumn rain falling on the back of her hand, chilling her to the bone.

Without any panic or fear, she remained calm and walked to the wardrobe, took out a clean and thick set of autumn clothes, and put them on right in front of Feng Huaihe.

Feng Huaihe stared intently at her, but his eyes held no lust. He asked in a deep voice, "Don't you have anything to say to me?"

"I have nothing to say to you."

After changing her clothes, Zhu Qing felt much of the weariness from the journey had dissipated. She picked up a candlestick and went out to the well to fetch water.

Feng Huaihe followed behind her and, seeing her carrying a heavy bucket, quickly stepped forward and took it from her.

There's nothing wrong with having someone do the work, so Zhu Qing simply let him do it, crossing his arms as he carried water into the kitchen, gathered firewood, started a fire, and boiled the water.

Feng Huaihe squatted down by the heated brick bed and said, "I arrived two days before you."

It wasn't surprising that Zhu Qing, who was traveling while having fun, would fall behind Feng Huaihe in Chang'an. She leaned against the door, playing with her nails, ignoring him.

"Qingqing," Feng Huaihe asked in a gentler tone, "do you like Chang'an?"

Zhu Qing did not answer.

She waited for the water on the stove to heat up before leaving.

Feng Huaihe picked up the fire stick, poked at the firewood in the stove a couple of times, then got up and walked toward Zhu Qing.

Zhu Qing frowned, giving him only a cold, indifferent glance, unmoved.

"If you like Chang'an and Qingxi Village, I will stay and live with you here."

Feng Huaihe moved closer, cupped her face in his hands, pressed his forehead against hers, and breathed hot air onto her face, making Zhu Qing's eyelashes itch.

Zhu Qing tried to pull her neck back to avoid him, but Feng Huaihe quickly pressed down on the back of her head, preventing her from moving an inch.

Zhu Qing could only look up and meet his gaze frankly, "You said you would grant any wish I make."

"I did say that, but I think I also said that you'd do anything except leave me."

"The wish I hung up was not to leave you."

"To me, there is no difference."

Feng Huaihe lowered his head to kiss Zhu Qing, but she turned her head away in time, and a wet kiss landed squarely on her ear.

Feng Huaihe paused for a moment, then went along with it and kissed Zhu Qing, licking her earlobe.

The slippery touch slowly swept over her, and even though Feng Huaihe had kissed her many times, Zhu Qing still couldn't get used to this sticky feeling.

She flinched and reached out to push him away, but Feng Huaihe grabbed her wrist instead.

Feng Huaihe stared intently at Zhu Qing, giving her a strange smile. Then, with a smile, he lowered his head and kissed her fingers, licking each one from her little finger to her thumb. Yet, his gaze never left Zhu Qing for even a moment.

Zhu Qing thought she could face Feng Huaihe calmly, after all, she had already witnessed his dark side, but she did not expect that those were not the bottom line of him.

What's in front of you isn't necessarily what it seems.

She felt locked in by his gaze, as if he were licking her entire body, not just her fingers.

When Zhu Qing felt Feng Huaihe even moving his teeth, nibbling very lightly on his fingertips, she could no longer hold back. She raised her other hand and slapped him across the face.

Feng Huaihe reacted quickly and grabbed her wrist, which was raised high in the air.

"Feng Zhijian!" Zhu Qing exclaimed angrily, "I left a wishing plaque and didn't hide my whereabouts from you; that's already respectable enough. What exactly do you want?"

“I don’t need to be respectable,” Feng Huaihe said, warming Zhu Qing’s two icy hands in his palms as the autumn chill set in. “I want you. Wherever you are, I will be there. Since you want to live in seclusion in Qingxi Village, I will accompany you.”

"But I don't need you."

Zhu Qing said earnestly, word by word, "When I came here, I saw the Yellow River rushing and the misty water, and I felt that I should be free. I want freedom, the freedom to choose whether or not I need you, whether or not I leave you. Instead of being trapped there by you, becoming a symbolic representation of your competition with Zhang Yin."

This was the first time Feng Huaihe had heard Zhu Qing speak to him in such a firm tone.

At first, as the head of the secretariat, she was cautious and meticulous because of his status. Later, when she remembered that life, her feelings turned into annoyance or angry shouting.

She had never been so calm, so indifferent, as she stubbornly and earnestly announced her innermost thoughts.

Feng Huaihe was somewhat stunned. Compared to her angry outbursts and irritability, he was more afraid of Zhu Qing's current state, which was too calm, as if she had thought things through and made some kind of decision.

Feng Huaihe felt a sense of unease.

He hurriedly reached out to hug Zhu Qing, who did not flinch but calmly accepted it.

The water in the stove was heating up, steaming, but no one paid any attention.

“This is the last time, Feng Zhijian,” Zhu Qing threatened. “If you stay here and abandon my brother and sister-in-law in Jinyang, you won’t be able to fulfill my wish. If anything happens to them, I won’t live either. You killed me in the last life, do you want to do it again in this life?”

Feng Zhijian stood there, stunned, thinking back to his previous life. Suddenly, he didn't even have the strength to hug Zhu Qing.

He released Zhu Qing.

He was furious when he arrived, disgusted by Zhu Qing's threat of death, and afraid of her dying.

But as the journey progressed, much of the anger dissipated, and all he wanted was to be with her.

Seeing Zhu Qing now, calm as a stagnant pool, Feng Zhijian suddenly lost his courage.

He realized a problem he had never considered before: he had become a burden to Zhu Qing.

Feng Zhijian cleared his throat and after a long pause said, "Have I become a burden to you?"

"yes."

Zhu Qing bluntly stated, "You're like a lunatic, always hovering around me. I'm always worried that you'll suddenly go crazy and I won't be able to handle you."

Zhu Qing felt that there was a reason why his surname was Feng; he was just crazy.

Feng Zhijian remained silent for a while, then turned and went to the stove to fetch hot water. "Take a bath first."

He carried the water to Zhu Qing's room, prepared a change of clothes for her, and then went out.

He arrived early and cleaned the small fenced yard so that Zhu Qing could feel that life could be the same as before when she came.

Feng Zhijian stood under the eaves in a daze. The autumn rain had stopped, and the autumn wind was blowing all around. Some candlelight shone from the house behind him, and the sound of water could be heard from time to time.

After a long while, the light went out, and Feng Zhijian turned around to see that the lights in Zhu Qing's room were already off.

He remained motionless for a long time, pondering Zhu Qing's words. He also remembered what Li Cunxu had told him before he came: affection cannot be forced; the stronger the pursuit, the less likely it is to end in tragedy.

But Feng Zhijian was unwilling to accept this. He had lived for Zhu Qing in this life, and without Zhu Qing, his life would lose its meaning.

-

Zhu Qing slept soundly until noon the next day.

The mornings and evenings are chilly in autumn, but the midday sun is warm, its rays climbing over the windowsill and falling on Zhu Qing's bed.

She woke up bathed in sunlight and saw that the pomegranate tree outside her window had borne fruits of moderate size, which were reaching into her window.

Zhu Qing stretched and got up. As soon as she stepped outside, she saw Feng Huaihe chopping firewood in the yard.

Her face immediately darkened: "Aren't you leaving?"