"I'm fine," he said, focusing intently on untying the firecrackers. "It'll be over soon."

Seeing the string of firecrackers exploding rapidly, Qingchen stepped forward to dissuade them, "Put them down quickly, don't hurt yourself."

He immediately turned his back and dodged, saying, "Don't move! Stand further away."

"Xu Silin!"

"It'll be ready soon." He was focused on what he was doing and didn't look at her.

The kitten, October, thrashed about in his arms.

Boom!

Suddenly, the last few firecrackers all exploded.

He had just untied the rope when October leaped down, before he could even throw the string of firecrackers. Red paper scraps and smoke burst forth instantly, scattering everywhere.

He instinctively leaned back, letting out an uncontrollable low growl, "Ugh!"

Qingchen was stunned by the scene. She rushed over to check on him and saw him hunched over, frowning as he clutched his right hand, his thin lips pressed tightly together. Crimson blood slid down his wrist and dripped onto the snow.

Vibrant as red plum blossoms.

Qingchen felt a sharp pang in her heart and hurriedly helped him back to the gate of the Song residence, onto the carriage, and to the nearest clinic.

"Doctor, doctor, open the door! Open the door!"

The doctor at the clinic was still immersed in the joy of family reunion when he was startled by Qingchen's loud knocking. He opened the door without even putting on his coat.

Xu Silin was still clutching his finger as Ren Qingchen helped him into the house. He turned to look at her; her face was full of worry, her delicate brows furrowed. He felt he had never seen her so closely from this angle before.

The doctor led them to the table and quickly began to treat Xu Silin.

In the candlelight, his right hand was covered in blood, the worst part being his little finger, where it looked like half a nail was missing. Qingchen was filled with guilt and turned his head away without daring to look closely.

The doctor soaked a cloth in hot water and wiped Xu Silin's wound, causing him to gasp in pain.

Qingchen couldn't help but look at him. He saw that his face was still handsome above the fur collar, the candlelight spilling over his high nose bridge, and his fine eyelashes fluttering slightly.

"Does it hurt a lot?" she asked nervously.

Xu Silin looked up at her, but didn't answer for a long time.

He had always been a stubborn person, and even if he was in pain, he would pretend that he wasn't. But seeing how worried she was about him, he suddenly felt that this feeling of being cared for wasn't so bad.

These days, he hasn't had much opportunity to see her. Since her promotion, he's rarely seen her, let alone been alone with her. He can only occasionally catch a glimpse of her from afar and learn about her from others. Even the slightest news about her can trigger endless daydreams in him; his mind is always in turmoil, something he can't understand or let go of, and he often tosses and turns at night, unable to fall asleep for a long time.

Having not seen her for so long, and with no fresh memories left, the recollections of their time together became increasingly vivid. He felt an inexplicable emptiness in his heart, a void that desperately needed to be filled by these memories.

The memories begin with teasing her out of boredom, then it progresses to their political debate in court where they discover their differences, followed by their argument in the tavern where she reveals her reservations about her background, then her disrobing in court to prove her innocence, their horseback ride through the city gates together, his jumping into the river for her while she embraces him to keep him warm, and their snowball fight like children...

He savored these scenes countless times, recalling every detail clearly: time, place, sunlight, breeze, joy, anger, sorrow, happiness...

Thinking back on it, I always feel that a lot happened between them, far more than what ordinary people would experience. But after thinking about it a few more times, it seems like there weren't that many things; it just comes down to a few things.

One of the questions—whether she was a man or a woman—was brought up and questioned by him again. In the end, he seemed to only be able to come up with one sentence: he loved her, not because she was a man or a woman, but simply because she was who she was.

If there were no distinction between men and women in this world, perhaps many things would be much simpler.

“Xu Silin…” Qingchen saw that he was silent and thought he was in too much pain to speak. Just as she was about to apologize, she saw him suddenly nod heavily. “It hurts, it hurts so much.”

She didn't know what to do for a moment, so she looked up and wiped the sweat from his forehead with her sleeve. "I'm sorry..."

Xu Silin was slightly taken aback, then a subtle smile crept onto his lips. She wiped his sweat... and a fragrance wafted from her sleeve. He took a gentle sniff; it smelled wonderful.

This trick really worked.

Having tasted the sweetness, Xu Silin continued to feign pitifulness, pulling on her sleeve with his uninjured hand and saying, "Qingchen, my hand... my hand is crippled, I can't write anymore, from today onwards I will become a crippled person. I'm afraid I won't be able to continue being an official for the rest of my life, and no girl will marry me."

She looked at him, then at the doctor, her brow furrowing even more deeply. Just now, when she saw his hand, though it was covered in blood, she hadn't thought it was so serious. His words weighed heavily on her heart. Could it be a broken bone…?

If he becomes disabled from now on, how will she repay him?

She feared that even if she spent her entire life, she would not be able to accompany Grand Secretary Xu Yan to have a complete son, a son for whom he had paved a bright future, but who was unable to embark on his official career because of her, with a finger cut off.

This feeling of owing someone something but being unable to repay it is like a darkness that will never see the light of day, leaving one feeling suffocated and utterly powerless...

Just then, the doctor spoke up: "Young master, your hand is only injured by the flesh, not by any broken bones. It will heal in ten days to half a month."

“Impossible,” Xu Silin said immediately.

"..." Qingchen listened, blinked, and after a moment let out a comfortable sigh of relief.

"Doctor, you must have misdiagnosed me. It hurts so much, how could it just be a superficial injury? Take a closer look and see if it's broken." As he spoke, he secretly glared at the doctor when she wasn't looking.

"Oh, oh!" The doctor was stunned for a moment, not understanding what he meant. In all his years of practicing medicine, he had never seen anyone so eager to cut off a finger.

Qingchen breathed a sigh of relief, went to change the hot water for the doctor, and poured a cup for Xu Silin, placing it on the table. "Are you thirsty? Have some water."

He shook his head, his dark eyes fixed on her, then naturally took her wrist after she put down her cup. "Qingchen, ah, it really hurts. Ah..."

“I know…” She knew his injuries weren’t as serious as he was pretending, but she knew he was in pain, so she couldn’t bear to pull her hand away.

This person is always like this; when something happens, he pretends nothing happens, and when nothing happens, he pretends something happens. He's shameless and so self-righteous.

"What if I really become disabled and no girl is willing to marry me? Wouldn't you feel sorry for me?" he asked, blinking his eyes.

Qingchen looked at him without saying a word. If that were the case, she would probably feel guilty for the rest of her life.

She'll probably spend the rest of her life wondering when she went wrong. Was it when she knew that disguising herself as a man meant she'd have a hard time getting married, yet still agreed to spend the New Year at the Song family's residence?

"Young master, your hand is really fine, it's just that half of your little fingernail is missing, but it will grow back in a while." The doctor was an honest man, and probably couldn't stand him blatantly trying to gain sympathy.

"I know! You, you don't say anything!" He turned his face to Qingchen, looking pitiful again, and held her warm hand, saying, "It hurts."

Like a child.

She looked at him, a little helpless, and after a while gently withdrew her hand. "Bear with it. I'll go get you some more hot water."

"Don't go. I haven't drunk what you poured for me yet..."

...

The next morning, Qingchen moved back to her own little house from the Song residence with her father and Shiyue.

Xu Silin's injury left her with mixed feelings. She didn't know how to tell Song Yue, and fearing he would worry about her, she left earlier than planned. Song Yue didn't press her for details, nor did he try to stop her. He simply saw her and her father to the door and instructed the driver to take them home.

Although Xu Silin's injuries weren't serious, it still made her think about it all night.

On one hand, she couldn't ignore his kindness towards her. In recent days, he had stormed the city gates for her, jumped into the river for her, and even injured his hand for one of her cats. On the other hand, he was Xu Yan's son. From birth, all the luxury he had enjoyed was obtained by Xu Yan through embezzling state funds and exploiting the people, and one day he would inherit it all.

In addition, she has an unforgettable memory from modern times. Her father's untimely death was also due to a second-generation official like him. How impoverished her family was after losing her father, how exhausted her mother was, and how lonely she was while still in junior high school—that feeling that permeated her entire adolescence is hard to forget.

The year is almost over.

Qingchen returned to the court to take up his duties and arrived at the Hanlin Academy early in the morning, while Xu Silin was still lying in bed in his room.

Although he had only suffered a minor injury, Xu Yan still asked for a few days off on his behalf at his mother Gu's insistence.

When he returned a few days ago, Gu Shi and Xu Yan kept asking him about the cause of his injury. He just told a small lie and brushed it off without mentioning Qingchen at all.

This morning before his shift, Xu Yan came over again, saying he had come up with a plan to expedite the marriage between Xu Yan and the Duke of Ying's family. Xu Silin was displeased upon hearing this.

Regardless of whether he liked Su Miaoyi or not, stealing a classmate's wife was inherently dishonest, and he was disgusted by it. Besides, Gu Shaoheng was Qingchen's good friend. From any perspective, if this marriage went through, he and Qingchen would have absolutely no hope left.

He will never let it happen!

While still lying in the hospital bed, Xu Silin started arguing with his father again, and the two parted on bad terms once more.

Before Xu Yan left, Xu Silin had the words "I am your son, returning your bargaining chip" on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't say them because his mother was present.

His father always planned his future according to his own preferences, but he didn't know what his son really wanted.

...

At the same time, Qingchen was summoned to the Eastern Palace by Crown Prince Zhu Yuluo.

Outside the Ciqing Palace, the first person she encountered was Wang Lishun.

"Greetings, Lord Shen." Wang Lishun, of lower rank, bowed first and said sarcastically, "On New Year's Day, I heard that Lord Shen was summoned to Cining Palace by the Crown Prince and even helped the Crown Prince solve a problem. I didn't realize before that Lord Shen had such a talent for flattery."

"Greetings, Lord Wang." Qingchen didn't want to answer such pointless nitpicking and stepped onto the stone steps.

Wang Lishun followed closely behind her, snorting, "Lord Shen, you have quite the airs of an official. You've only been in the Eastern Palace for a few days, and you're already looking down on everyone. I advise you not to be too proud of yourself. You might regret coming to the Eastern Palace before long."

Qingchen stopped, glanced back at him, and said calmly, "Then let's give it a try."