...

The wind was cold by Erhai Lake that night, and the air wasn't as fresh as usual; there seemed to be a dusty smell. Looking back, I noticed an excavator working in the distant farmland.

I'm tired of the metallic feel of machines, but I can't hate this night by Erhai Lake. On the contrary, I cherish it, because I always hide myself in the sound of the waves and the darkness of night to figure out many things. These are the revelations that Erhai Lake and the night give me.

I exhaled the smoke heavily and then took a picture of the scene in front of me with my phone. But I found that all the real objects on the screen turned into scattered, disordered noise. Just like the world, you may see its completely real side, but when you actually try to get to know it, it all turns into an illusion that you can't understand or comprehend, making you doubt everything and even life itself.

Or perhaps the world isn't so complicated; we've just made it complicated. For our long lives, what truly matters might only be birth and death.

With this realization in mind, I finally sent Ye Zhi a message: "Have you ever thought about the day when you will grow old and even die, and what is the purpose of our lives?"

"I've thought about it. I'm afraid of death, and even more afraid of growing old!"

“I especially hope that in a certain space, there is another me... who lives a more carefree life than me, and also a simpler life than me... I also hope that in this space, besides me, there is another you.”

"What do you think my other self would be like?"

"He's incredibly incompetent and incredibly ugly!"

Ye Zhi sent a speechless emoji...

I sent her another message: "But you are happier than anyone else in this space... because ordinary people also have many ordinary joys, like me... lighting a cigarette and sitting by Erhai Lake for a while, I feel that this is a kind of sublimation of life. I can subjectively separate my desires and material possessions, and then pursue spiritual enjoyment... Do you understand what I mean?"

"I understand, you're mocking me for being someone who has no spiritual enjoyment."

“I just want to find a sense of balance with you… I don’t want to be a barren person in front of you, and I also want to prove that I am actually a very thoughtful person.”

“You’re suited to be a philosopher… I think your thinking is different from normal people; you seem to be able to see a lot of things beyond everyday life.”

I squinted, took a deep drag on my cigarette, and then texted back: "But this isn't my luck either... Over the years, the pain I've endured hasn't been any less than others, and may even have been more... In the end, it's not about having a high level of moral character; it's just a little trick a frustrated man uses to numb himself... It's a second-best option after failing to achieve his ideal life."

This time, Ye Zhi took a long time to reply to the message: "Things will get better. I believe you are a capable man. At least you are more resilient than most people."

"Saying thank you feels a bit formal, but I still want to thank you for your encouragement... because it's very helpful to me!"

I waited for a long time, but Ye Zhi didn't reply to my message. It must have been as she said, that she fell asleep while we were chatting... Maybe she really couldn't understand my pain and struggle, just as I couldn't understand why she spent so long fulfilling a promise to wait.

I think there's still a gap between us. After all, we grew up in different environments, so it's hard to truly empathize with each other.

...

The wind made the surrounding air even colder, and it also brought out the loneliness in my heart. I felt like I had become a person waiting, standing by Erhai Lake, feeling this very real world, but not knowing what I was waiting for...

As I immersed myself in the dim night, I suddenly thought of Lu Jia and Wang Lei. One of them left me in life, and the other left me in death... So, what if they didn't do the same in another parallel world?

I'm getting a headache from thinking about it, and I'm feeling increasingly lonely.

If, at this moment, a woman were willing to hug me from behind, even if she couldn't warm my entire body, just my back... I would be willing to love her with all my heart... because she understands me best.