No, this is a choice I've made in life... But behind this impulsiveness, I'm still afraid of the huge gap between myself and Ye Zhi. I especially hope there can be some leeway between us, so I can bury this fear.

This feeling gradually evolved in my heart, and then turned into a desire for my career...

I seem to have become more clear-headed. I realize that what I need most right now is not a relationship with a significant gap in our abilities, but a career that can truly give me the confidence to face the world.

I've made a very clear choice in my heart. I can't just give up my relationship with Lu Jia and then quickly start a relationship with Ye Zhi... This isn't the best state for me, because there's a huge gap between Ye Zhi and me, and I can't just forget Lu Jia and this choice that has shaken my soul like I've become a Buddha.

I am not a pure version of myself, and all impurities are disrespectful and desecrating to Ye Zhi. I am even more worried that Ye Zhi's choice at this moment is also due to an immature impulse. One day, when she gets tired of it, she will regret her choice today and then break up with me. Rather than that day, why not give each other some space and room before it even begins?

...

I finally took out my phone and, respecting my own feelings, sent Ye Zhi a message: "I've thought it through and made my choice. Let's give each other some space and room... If a year from now, we still feel that we must be together, then it must be a mature and reliable love."

I thought Ye Zhi would understand what I meant and reply to my message soon, but this time, I waited for a long time without receiving a reply. As time went by, I became more and more anxious, and I lost all sleepiness.

I lit a cigarette and sat on the bed for a long time before finally receiving Ye Zhi's reply.

"Did you say the same thing to Lu Jia? You can keep us hanging for a year, enjoying the feeling of being loved while slowly weighing the pros and cons between us... If that's the case, then I'm sorry, I can't wait, and I can't play along... What I want is not a love full of weighing options. Rather than starting and then suffering, it's better not to start at all..."

Ye Zhi's message seemed to bombard my head. I felt like I had touched a nerve, and my previous judgment was correct. A woman as outstanding as her truly couldn't tolerate even a grain of sand in her eye, while I was just a pile of sand...

I suddenly felt very tired, and my mindset changed... It seems that I will never meet Ye Zhi's requirements in this lifetime, or that I need to carefully maintain this unequal love, and then be enslaved by love.

However, I forgot to examine myself and wonder if telling Ye Zhi this decision hurt her deep feelings for me. Although what I said was right, I chose the wrong time and used the wrong way of expressing it.

When it comes to love, people tend to overthink, and are sensitive and vulnerable. Ye Zhi and I, who both seem mature and stable, were no exception.

So, I didn't choose to explain, and instead replied very emotionally: "I don't like a love filled with doubt either... If you think I'm wrong, then let's never start... Anyway, we're not from the same world, and we can't assume we can eat the same rice and live the same life just because of a little bit of affection."