After leaving the resort hotel where Ye Zhi was staying, I sat alone by Erhai Lake. I couldn't find any way to get rid of the pain, which was like the waves in front of me, with no end in sight, and one wave after another.

A profound sense of defeat washed over me. It seemed I couldn't get along with any woman. What was even more tragic was that the moment they abandoned me, I didn't even know what I had done wrong or what I was not to their liking... I was like a round ball that anyone could kick, and I had absolutely no power to fight back.

The sea breeze made me feel even more alone, but I'd rather be alone than plunge into the turbulent world. I just want to be in this corner of my own world, slowly grieving, slowly suffering, slowly waiting for tomorrow's sunrise...

At one point, I even lost the will to live. I stopped thinking about those damn shops in Jiulongju, and I didn't want to dwell on what I had gained or lost in all these years of my life... I was like a soulless shell, taking a breath as each wave crashed over me...

I gradually forgot my name and what I had experienced these past few days. My soul was dead, and I dumped all the pain I was enduring onto this innocent body.

I suddenly felt an intense hatred for Ye Zhi, and then I woke up with a start; then, I experienced all the pain I had just gone through again.

In my desperate situation, I finally thought of Master Ma, who was preparing to convert to Buddhism. I called him and asked him to bring some wine to Erhai Lake to find me… I hoped he could comfort me. If he couldn't, then I would get drunk… I couldn't suffer like this anymore, especially when I thought about how she was willing to give herself to another man while drunk, instead of me. It made me even more miserable…

This is not the Ye Zhi I know... and what broke me was this stranger... but I could never bear to hurt her. I wish I could hold her in my warmest place and protect her carefully.

My mental state collapsed, and I lost my balance!

I slapped myself hard, and in the pain, I stared blankly at the endless Erhai Lake.

...

I don't know how long I waited, but Coach Ma finally arrived at the shore of Erhai Lake on his motorcycle. He came, but he didn't bring me any wine.

He sat down next to me and said, “You can’t treat alcohol as a solution to all problems… This world is a vast sea of ​​suffering, and whether you can cross it and reach the other side depends on this boat… So, don’t ruin this only boat that can take you across the sea of ​​suffering with alcohol.”

“I know drinking is bad for your health... but I just want to drink... and besides, my understanding is different from yours. I think ** is a prison, it traps the soul... You see, if we didn't have eyes, we wouldn't be able to see the dirtiest side of this world... Our suffering is all given to us by this **.”

As I spoke, I lit a cigarette for myself.

Coach Ma looked at me and replied, "Someone as eloquent as you is not suited to Buddhism. Buddhism emphasizes following fate... not right and wrong."

"I'll emphasize again, I've never thought about becoming a monk, no matter how painful it was!"

"Then you'll just have to suffer like this..."

"Please comfort me, please comfort me... I'm really in pain... I feel like I have no ability to handle my own feelings, so I'm always the one who gets abandoned first."

"Let it be... Your suffering stems from taking things too seriously..."

I finally turned to look at Coach Ma and replied, "Yes, I did go a little too far... I've never met such a perfect woman before... so..."

Coach Ma interrupted me, saying, "Is she perfect?... If she were truly perfect, she wouldn't have caused you so much pain... I don't think you two are destined to be together; your destinies clash... Just think about it, the seaside inn we ran in Longkan, and the project you did in Jiulongju... Weren't they all ruined because of her?"

I stared at Coach Ma in astonishment.

He then asked me, "Do you believe in fate?"

"Dubious."

Coach Ma glanced at me and replied, "Everything in a person is governed by fate... Just wait and see, your breakup may not be a bad thing... Because there is an element in human destiny called compensation... Whatever you lose, you will gain something in return... It will come sooner or later."

Can I trust you?

"If you don't believe me, then keep suffering... In this world, suffering is finite. The more you suffer, the less others will suffer... So-called suffering, from another perspective, is also a kind of merit."

I sighed deeply and didn't respond directly to what Coach Ma said... I felt extremely tired, so tired that I wanted to hide myself away and forget all the rights and wrongs in the emotional world.

Just then, Coach Ma suddenly pulled a bottle of the currently popular "Jiang Xiaobai" liquor from his pocket and handed it to me, then said, "Drink this. After you finish, quickly sober up. You have a heavy burden on your shoulders..."

"You didn't bring it... So monks can just lie all they want these days?"

"You are not considered a monk until the day you shave your head."

"have to……"

I sighed, then unscrewed the bottle cap of the baijiu, tilted my head back, and downed half the bottle in one gulp… My mouth felt spicy, but my heart felt empty… I don’t know if this state was brought about by Coach Ma’s Buddhist teachings, but my heart was definitely a little cold…

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