Returning to my rented room from the airport felt like stepping into another world. I lay on the bed, lit a cigarette, and stared intently at the few marguerite plants I had hung by the window.

I always take these potted plants with me when I move, and I take great care of them because Ye Zhi and I dug them up from the shore of Erhai Lake back then. At that time, we were just friends.

I can't help but wonder, if we had maintained this friendship until now, instead of revealing it, what kind of life would I be living now?

At least, it wouldn't be this painful now; I'm in so much pain.

I don’t want to keep emphasizing the word “pain”, but apart from pain, there are no other emotions in my mental world. Even the name Michael has become synonymous with pain. Everything I see is painful.

I stubbed out my cigarette and stood by the window again. The window was small, with only two panes, like my left and right eyes. Looking at the outside world through them, everything was gray. This grayness made me lose my appetite, my motivation to strive, and my desire to interact with others. I just wanted to stand there, not caring what scenery I saw, just wanting to turn myself into an emotionless stone.

Stones cannot feel pain, because stones cannot experience love, nor can they have lovers.

...

Perhaps no one will believe that I actually stood at this window from noon until dusk... I didn't answer a single phone call, didn't drink water, didn't eat anything, and didn't even go to the bathroom.

It wasn't until the setting sun changed its angle and pierced my face directly that I realized I was a person, not a tree or a stone. My heart may be dead, but my eyes still couldn't withstand the direct sunlight.

Then I suddenly thought of Ye Zhi. What is she doing right now?

Will you feel as bad as I do?

No, it can't be, otherwise she wouldn't have made the decision to break up.

I wish this were just a dream, or a script fabricated by someone, so that my suffering would be reversible. With just one stroke of genius from the person who created it, I could command the wind and rain in this world centered on me.

Unfortunately, none of those were true. My pain was no less, and I remained an ordinary person, suffering in ordinariness, gazing up at the woman I longed for but could not have.

This is absolutely outrageous!

...

As night fell, I suddenly felt a great sense of panic. I began to yearn for places with lights. I felt like a moth, fluttering its wings and wandering through the ancient city, stopping wherever the lights were brightest.

I had completely forgotten my original intention to go to Tina's bar and live a life of debauchery.

That's just how I am; I'm used to facing all the pain alone, and in a way, I deserve it. But Chen Jin is different. He failed in one relationship, so he filled the emotional void with countless relationships and countless women. I don't envy his approach to problem-solving, but he does seem to be doing better than before... At least since he came to Dali, he seems to have never lacked women around him.

...

Chen Jin arrived at Tina's bar in a daze. He was sitting by the window, and the woman with him had changed. The one in front of him looked more innocent and seemed to be still in school.

Chen Jin called me into the bar, and I sat down opposite him.

He smiled and said to the innocent-looking girl, "See this guy? This is the guy I told you about who's such a hottie... His girlfriend is really beautiful, and she comes from a good family too..."

Then he said to me, "Michael, show this naive girl a picture of your girlfriend... I always speak my mind and never beat around the bush."

The innocent-looking girl looked at me expectantly and then asked, "Brother, is there really such a perfect woman?... I even want to take her as my role model and work hard to achieve my goals!"

"Don't mention the words 'perfection' and 'struggle,' it makes me feel ashamed."

My unfriendly attitude made the innocent girl a little flustered. Chen Jin noticed that something was wrong with me and asked in a low voice, "What's going on? She's just a young girl who came to Dali for tourism. Don't let her feel that she's encountered a bad person as soon as she arrived here."

"Take her to another table, I want to have a drink by myself."

As I spoke, I waved to Tina, who was playing on her phone at the bar. When Tina came over with the drinks menu, I ordered ten very strong "self-exploding beers." I had no other intentions; since I was already at Tina's bar, I was determined not to leave sober that night.

After Tina left with the order slip, I spoke to the innocent-looking girl, "I ran into some trouble and was a little irritable, sorry..."

"Can you tell me more about your girlfriend? I really admire her kind of life."

I laughed: "Longing for her kind of life?... What's there to long for in a life where someone thinks love is insignificant?" Then, I lowered my voice, a deep sense of loss in my voice, and said, "Maybe I wasn't the man she truly loved... If it were true love, how could she just break up like that?... Aren't we often living for love?"

Chen Jin and the innocent-looking girl exchanged a glance, and Chen Jin asked, "You two broke up?"

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