On the endless national highway, various lights crisscrossed, and my and Lu Jia's wonderful and poignant youth disappeared little by little in these flashing lights... I couldn't help but ask myself: what do we have left now?

Memories, only memories can never disappear... And when these memories flood my mind, I suddenly begin to hate cause and effect again. What I hate even more is that I feel powerless and passive in the face of the consequences of my actions.

I have always tried my best to see everything around me with my own eyes, and I have thought a lot about it. But so many things related to me still happened outside my perspective. I couldn't control them, but I have borne half or even more of the consequences.

Sitting in the closed car, I suddenly lost my sense of security. I felt panicked and felt Lu Jia's pain.

...

I tried to calm myself down and finally spoke to Lu Jia: "I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. I thought that once I left Shanghai, I would be free and without burdens... but that's not how it is. In the end, nothing that was bound to happen to me could be avoided... Right now, I'm like a fish that can swim, living in the ocean. The ocean and the fish seem like a perfect match... but I never know when a fish that eats fish will appear in the boundless ocean, where there are rapids, and where there are hidden reefs... Have you ever experienced that feeling?... It's incredibly terrifying, incredibly helpless. This feeling makes me afraid of everything unknown..."

Lu Jia wiped away her tears with her hand, then replied softly, "This is not the answer I want."

"This is certainly not the answer you want. I'm just expressing myself... just like you're expressing your feelings. Maybe it's because we've always lived a very repressed life..."

"Is there really no way out for us anymore?..."

I looked at Lu Jia and replied, "Even if there is an exit, can you guarantee that there won't be any more life's traps after you exit?"

Why are you so pessimistic?

"If you weren't pessimistic, why did you listen to Wang Lei and make the decision to break up... It's hard to justify that."

“I have never shied away from the responsibilities of the past, so I have been trying, even if it means losing my self-respect in front of you, I have been hinting at it again and again, trying to get closer to you... And what about you…”

Lu Jia's face showed despair. After a long silence, she whispered, "It's not your fault. I didn't face our current situation... Ultimately, it's because I don't love you anymore. If you still loved me, I wouldn't need to say anything. Just standing in front of you would make you hug me without hesitation. Now that you don't love me, even if I humble myself to the dust, you'll have a thousand reasons to question me... I'm really sad. I know I no longer have the power to change anything!"

She paused briefly, then continued, "I used to think the biggest problem between us was Ye Zhi's appearance... So, after she left your world, I thought there were no more obstacles between us, and I mustered up the courage to return to your side. But the result was completely different from what I imagined... You can wait for her your whole life, but you won't allow me to make a single mistake in your world... Yet, I spent the best years of my youth with you for three whole years!... Is there anything more tragic than this in the world?... No, things are all done by people, so the truly tragic one is me!"

"What do you want me to do to be happy... I want to live a happier life too, but who can make me happy?"

"Yes, no matter what I do, you won't be happy... I should wake up. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore... After I accompany your father to his surgery tomorrow, I will disappear from your world completely. Some things, even if you get them by force, are still humiliating... I've been humiliated enough!"

Lu Jia covered her face with her hands, in extreme pain...

I couldn't help but think back to that night in the rented room. My feelings then were probably the same as hers now... So, the pain she caused me, I'm now returning to her exactly as it happened. But I don't know who turned our love into a war, where there were no winners or losers, only wounds all over our bodies.

Lu Jia didn't say anything more. After I finished my cigarette, I started the car again and drove towards Xiaguan...

Despite traveling such a long distance, Lu Jia only bought a bag of lychees. A year has passed, and she hasn't changed; she still loves lychees!

...

After sending Lu Jia back to Sanbao's inn, I returned to my own place in the mountains and waters... It was rare for Chen Jin to come back earlier than me. He was sitting on the sofa watching TV. There was no woman's scent in the room. Not only did he come back early, but he also came back alone.

I tossed my briefcase onto the coffee table and asked him, "Why are you home so early today?"

“Your dad is having surgery tomorrow, right? We agreed to go to the hospital to lend a hand. I remember that.”

"rare!"

As I spoke, I took out a cigarette from the pack and lit it, but my mind couldn't calm down... Just now, I pretended to be cold-blooded and ruthless in front of Lu Jia, but I felt terrible inside. I kept thinking about some of our past... I asked myself, why is it that after I have the ability to achieve the life I once dreamed of, my heart can't go back at all?

I asked myself again, if I could forget everything, start over with Lu Jia, and get married, would we be free from all this pain?

It's hard to say, but at least my parents can settle down, and so can I. Lu Jia is a woman who can manage a good family life. With her taking care of things at home, I don't need to worry too much and can focus all my energy on my career... After I've achieved success, I'll have children... From then on, I'll truly shoulder the responsibility of a family, and the pain that's troubling me now will probably fade away naturally by then...

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