I can't say what emotions I was feeling when I ended the call with Lu Jia. In that instant of hanging up, my view of the world suddenly changed. The children playing around were no longer so cute. In a cluster of flowers, all I could see was a broken flower branch and withered flowers on it.

I'm thinking: if two people whose values ​​don't align are forced to spend their lives together, what a punishment that is, and what an absurdity that is.

I was in a bad mood, so I stood in the middle of the square and lit a cigarette.

I don't know the name of this square, but my impression of it was really not good. The lighting was weak and yellowish, and there was road construction on both sides of the square, making it a mess. Tourists passing by either walked around it or hopped over it... Just like life, once there are cracks, there will inevitably be regrets and inconveniences.

After smoking only half a cigarette, my exposed hands were already frozen... So, I looked at the Lanzhou ramen shop across the square. The pot outside was steaming and looked very warm... I no longer wanted to eat yak hot pot; I just wanted to eat a bowl of ramen to fill my stomach.

...

Yang Sisi came to my side. She must have sensed my mood, so she asked me softly, "What did she say to you that made you so unhappy?"

"I don't know if she likes Michael... or if it depends on how much Michael's hands can help her grasp... We haven't seen each other this year, but I feel that she has changed more than ever before. Is it because she has aged another year?"

"What about you? Have you changed a bit this year?"

I looked at Yang Sisi, speechless.

She whispered again, "Life isn't about clinging to outdated methods... We all have to move forward... So, no matter what she becomes, I won't be surprised... But she's more perceptive and cares more than you, so she sensed your changes first and felt a sense of crisis..."

Yang Sisi didn't continue, but I knew what she wanted to say... because I had personally experienced these things, and my feelings were only deeper than hers. I had the answer in my heart, but I just didn't want to face it.

In my silence, Yang Sisi shook my arm and said with a smile, "You finally get to come out, cheer up..."

"I'm a little tired and want to rest early... Let's go get a bowl of ramen, there's one right across the street."

"We promised to go eat yak hotpot together... There's no place in all of Yunnan more authentic than Shangri-La!"

"I'm tired. If you really want to go, then go by yourself... I'm going to eat ramen."

"what ever."

Yang Sisi was genuinely angry that I hadn't kept my promise, so after saying that, she turned and walked away to the other side of the square without looking back. I asked her for her ID so I could get her a room, but she ignored me.

But was she really angry that I didn't keep my promise, or was she angry that my mood was affected by Lu Jia's phone call?

Whether it was the former or the latter, I didn't lie to her, nor did I brush her off...

I am truly exhausted. Perhaps the moment I lie down on the bed, the snow-capped mountain in my heart will collapse. But I can only save myself, because Yang Sisi is also a peak on this snow-capped mountain. If either of them falls, it will crush me.

Like the beauty of wind, flowers, snow, and moon, when pieced together, they create a breathtaking scene... But if separated, each of these elements symbolizes a woman in my life, then it becomes pain!

...

After eating a bowl of Lanzhou noodles at a Lanzhou noodle restaurant, I found a guesthouse nearby. Too lazy to wash up, I lay down on the bed, thinking I would fall asleep quickly. But in fact, I felt more anxious and uneasy than when I was outside.

I sat up in bed again, then stood by the window and lit a cigarette… Looking out over the city, I could hardly see any tall buildings; the whole city felt gloomy. It was hard to imagine what kind of revelry could take place under such dim lighting. I guess everyone was like me, both quiet and anxious…

In this state of mind, I thought of Yang Sisi, and I wondered if she was eating yak hotpot right now.

I was quite worried about her. Judging by the time, she should be back by now. About half an hour ago, I sent her the location of the guesthouse via WeChat.

I called her, but she didn't answer.

I sent her another message on WeChat. I knew she was still angry, so I didn't expect her to reply immediately. I exited the chat, and at the same time, I noticed that she had posted a status update on her Moments ten minutes earlier.

"A smoker will never smell the smoke on himself; just as a loved one will never know how much pain the person who loves him is in!"

I stared at it for a while before lowering my head and placing the phone on the coffee table next to me.

I rubbed my face hard with both hands. I was sleepy and wanted to go to bed; but I also wanted to go to that restaurant that served yak hot pot.

...

While I was struggling with this decision, my phone vibrated again on the coffee table. I thought it was a reply from Yang Sisi, but it turned out to be a text message from an unknown number.

"Brother, you're a man of your word, so you must have gone to the detention center to pick me up... But I disappointed you. I'm a coward to the core. I'm so desperate. There's no one in this world who cares about me. Everyone looks down on me and doesn't give me any self-respect... I want to die. This is the only time I've ever been brave, and it's the only time I've ever truly freed myself... I don't know why I sent you this message... Maybe I'm afraid of being forgotten... If there's a next life, I'll definitely be reborn as someone like you. You seem so confident in everything you do, everyone respects you, and no one dares to bully you..."

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