Bai Lu's words left me feeling uneasy. I stared at the raindrops falling from the eaves for a long time before lighting a cigarette and saying, "Even if I could live in your hypothetical scenario, having chosen to be with Sisi back then, and even gotten married... would things really be as perfect as you imagine after all these years? You all know what state I was in back then."

"Two people need to work on their relationship to make it work."

"Since it's a process of adjustment, there are bound to be two outcomes: a good adjustment and a bad one... If the adjustment doesn't go well, have you thought about what kind of harm Sisi will suffer?... You probably haven't thought about it, but I have... She's a woman who takes love very seriously. Such women are particularly prone to taking things seriously. Once she doesn't get what she wants from me, she will lose the ability to love... Not only that, she will become a divorced woman, and her self-worth will be completely destroyed... At that time, you guys will blame me for taking her before I was ready... I'm just an ordinary person. If there are too many things like this, I really can't bear it."

Bai Lu looked at me for a long while before replying, "Even if what you said makes sense, is it really appropriate for you to keep Sisi hanging on like this all these years?"

“I think you misunderstand the word ‘hanging her up’… By ‘hanging her up,’ I mean that while I didn’t want to be with her, I used ambiguous words and actions to maintain our relationship, giving her a glimmer of hope from time to time, so as not to give others a chance to develop a relationship with her… But put your hand on your heart and tell me, did I, Michael, ever do that?… Back then, Cao Bei was by her side, and I created opportunities for them, and then you all came to criticize me, saying that I betrayed her… After that, I went to Jimo in Qingdao and lost contact with the outside world for a whole year. If I really wanted to hang Sisi up, would I have done that?”

"Even if you didn't wrong Sisi, what about Lu Jia... Did you handle your relationship with her properly?"

“What could I do given my dad’s situation? ... I, Michael, have always been a man of my word. I can tell you that if Lu Jia hadn’t cheated on me abroad, I would have kept my promise and married her after she returned to China. Even if marriage was a mistake for us, I would accept it.”

"You...what did you say?...Lu Jia really did something to betray you abroad?!"

I took a deep drag on my cigarette, my heart pounding wildly.

After exhaling all the smoke from my mouth, I said to Bai Lu, "This isn't important. Lu Jia and I are a thing of the past..."

After a brief pause, I continued with great emotion, "Only after talking to you today did I finally understand why I've become like this... I've taken you all too seriously, to the point that I take everything you say to heart; and, to avoid hurting you, I never defend myself, so you habitually place all the blame on me... Like Tie Nan, when I persuaded him to come with me to Jiulongju to run a temporary inn..."

He not only rejected me, but also felt I was persecuting him. I didn't defend myself then. When he needed money, I even secretly gave Taozi some to help them through a difficult time... But why the hell did I deserve that? Was I really that indebted? ...I did nothing wrong, you were the ones who were wrong. You can't afford to mess with selfish people, you're afraid of vicious people, so even though Tie Nan is like this, you never say he's wrong, you only point fingers at me... If one day I, Michael, become vicious and cruel, it's either because human nature is inherently evil, or because you cowardly bullies have forced me into it!"

I burst into laughter amidst the pouring rain: "No wonder Coach Ma chose to become a monk at Jizu Mountain. Living in other people's world is fucking exhausting... Turns out, Old Ma is the most visionary and wise among us... This dazzling world, with its countless eyes, is truly something we can't afford to mess with... Haha!"

My words struck a nerve with Bai Lu, and tears immediately streamed down her face. She didn't retaliate verbally, and for the first time in my life, I had successfully played the villain and tasted the sweetness of victory.

But I wonder if, after telling so many truths, Bai Lu will finally think I've become more "sincere" and thus look at me with more respect?

...

Bai Lu was driven away by my anger; after listening to the rain for a while, I returned to my room... I felt a little unsatisfied and wanted to find someone else to attack; but in the end, I didn't actually do it, because being an aggressive person is also tiring... I have to keep an eye on someone at all times to find their weaknesses, but who are these people anyway? Are they worth me spending so much energy dealing with!

...

The next day, around noon, I met Coach Ma at a noodle shop that only served vegetarian noodles. I was busy smoking and looked very depressed.

Half a day passed, and Master Ma's Buddhist mind was unsettled. He first tapped the table and said to me, "Even I, a Buddhist, am not as sparing with words as you... You invited me out, so say something."

"I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads in my life, and whether I become a Buddha or a demon is just a matter of a moment."

"What's the meaning?"

"I feel like I can get more out of being a bad person than a good person... I'm a little tempted!"

"I still don't understand what you mean."

I moved closer to Coach Ma and replied in a very somber tone, "Lu Jia schemed against me, so I'll scheme against her with even more underhanded tricks. Sooner or later, I'll definitely get back all the houses she tricked out of. Not only will I get them back, but I'll also ruin her reputation, make her live with her tail between her legs for the rest of her life, and even her future children will look down on her. And Ye Zhi, she wronged me and let me down, so I'll attack her and make sure she can't get married either. Yang Sisi likes me, right? I'll use her. I'll take whatever she can give me. Why the hell should I bother working so hard to start a business? Being able to live off a woman is a skill in itself... right?"

This chapter is not finished yet. Please click on the next page to continue reading the exciting content!