The night grew deeper, and the tide grew stronger. The waves, illuminated by the streetlights, crashed onto the rocks like cheese, instantly disintegrating before rushing on again... I especially wanted to light the cigarette I had in my mouth, because its taste, like the sea, could carry my thoughts to faraway places.

I really didn't expect that after going around in circles, I would still make the decision to return to Shanghai. It's like returning to reality from a dream. The dream was bizarre and wonderful, while reality is crowded with people. I can't help but think of Shanghai's fast pace, high housing prices, and huge wealth gap...

I asked myself, when I entrusted my future to this city again, had I truly transformed myself?

Even though I have some assets compared to a few years ago, I still feel uncertain.

...

After thinking about it for a while, I finally asked Yang Sisi beside me, "When are you planning to go back?"

"I booked plane tickets with my dad for the day after tomorrow, and tomorrow I'm going with Brother Ping to handle the property transfer... Have you decided when you're going back?"

I thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'll wait until I've earned enough money, otherwise I won't have the confidence to face that city."

"That's not what I meant... Aren't you going back for your cousin's wedding?"

I paused for a moment before realizing I'd misunderstood Yang Sisi. I smiled awkwardly and replied, "I'll definitely go back before the Lunar New Year..."

"Then remember to take me with you... I'd like to visit your county too..."

After a brief pause, Yang Sisi asked me again, "Do you consider yourself someone with a strong sense of hometown attachment?"

"I don't think so. If I had that kind of attachment, I wouldn't have gone back for Chinese New Year for so many years!"

I didn't tell Yang Sisi the truth because I really missed home, but I was too ashamed to go back. I've always been a failure. In my mind, only those who have already succeeded have the right to talk about hometown sentiment, just like Dai Qiang insisted on holding his wedding in the county town. He already had a house and a car in Shanghai, and a respectable fiancée, so he could face the feudalistic views of the city in a grand manner.

Unexpectedly, Yang Sisi said to me, "I think it's not that you don't want to go home, it's that you feel ashamed to go back."

I looked at Yang Sisi, somewhat speechless. After all, it was quite embarrassing to have someone guess my feelings.

In my silence, Yang Sisi said with a half-smile, "Michael, haven't you realized yet? If you haven't, let me tell you, you're already far ahead of most people; I don't know how much money you made selling that villa to Vice President Wu, but you definitely got more than a million... Lu Jia returned the Chengdu house to you, which, given the current Chengdu property prices, is at least another three million in assets; I also heard from Chen Jin that the bar you and he invested in in Dali has a stable revenue, and you get at least fifty thousand in profit every month... and..."

"Your leg is recovering, which means you'll soon be a normal person again, so what are you worried about now?"

I stared blankly at Yang Sisi, feeling both incredulous and convinced that what she was saying was true.

"Actually, you're already much better off than Dai Qiang. He and his fiancée worked hard together to buy a house in Shanghai and live the life of an ordinary Shanghainese... But you've achieved everything on your own. You really don't need to feel inferior at all... What you should be thinking about now is getting your driver's license back and buying yourself a car... Don't be like before, buying a car just for fun and then reselling it... What you need to do now is to genuinely improve your quality of life... Once you have a different quality of life, you'll become more confident and won't be as anxious as you are now..."

I stared at her blankly.

She added, "I don't know what you really think, but this is how I see you... I've already decided that on the day Dai Qiang gets married, I'll drive my dad's best car and we'll go back to the county town together. That way, you'll have face..."

I finally spoke up and said, "I'm not that vain... I just want my parents to be at ease and not listen to so much gossip."

"Then there's absolutely no problem with me doing this... You'll have both the car and me, so no one can gossip about you... As long as you're not afraid of overshadowing your cousin, I can give you anything you want!"

"Are you trying to steal his thunder?... You're practically overshadowing him... Forget it, don't be so high-profile!"

"Then what do you suggest? I've already made a big promise to your dad. If you don't take me, where will I put my face? ... Don't think I'm someone who doesn't care about face!"

“That’s not what I meant. I meant I shouldn’t drive your dad’s car anymore… I want to buy my own, something that’s both practical and presentable. Once I buy it, I won’t sell it again. Anyway, I’ll need a means of transportation once I get to Shanghai.”

Yang Sisi's tightly furrowed brows finally relaxed, and she exclaimed, "I thought you were going to be the bastard who abandoned your teammates again!"

When Yang Sisi said that, I recalled the scenes that happened on the way to Dali. In order not to carry her as a burden, I did have the idea of ​​abandoning her when we were in Wuhan. Although many years have passed, I still feel that the memory is still vivid.

Yang Sisi then asked me, "What kind of car do you want to buy?"

"Let's buy a BMW 5 Series."

"...Selling a 7-series to buy a 5-series...Can you get any more bizarre?"

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