Chapter 70: Thoughts "Even if I brought you this pain, it's not...

Qiao Zhizheng suffered from severe separation anxiety. After Qiao Zheng was discharged from the hospital and returned home, Qiao Zhizheng followed Qiao Zheng closely.

When Xu Xunzhen came to visit, she saw Qiao Zhizheng sitting very close to her. When Xu Xunzhen was chatting with Qiao Zheng, Qiao Zhizheng stared at her with sharp eyes. Xu Xunzhen looked at Qiao Zheng helplessly, and the meaning in her eyes was very clear: Are you like this every day at home?

Qiao Zheng nodded and answered her with her eyes: Yes, that's right, that's it, I'm happy with it.

Under Qiao Zhizheng's fierce gaze, Xu Xunzhen felt like a beast invading someone else's territory. He was being driven away invisibly and became restless. Not long after, he said goodbye to the two of them.

At home, Qiao Zhizheng followed Qiao Zheng no matter what she did, whether it was eating, drinking, or changing clothes. Qiao Zheng thought this was fine, but looking at Qiao Zhizheng, who even held her hand and kept his gaze fixed on her when she went to the bathroom, Qiao Zheng said helplessly, "Don't you think it's disgusting?"

Qiao Zhizheng pursed her lips and shook her head vigorously.

Qiao Zheng thought to herself, I wasn't like this before.

Qiao Zheng wanted to say something, but she saw tears slowly gathering in Qiao Zhizheng's eyes. Qiao Zheng sighed inwardly and reached out to wipe away a small pearl hanging from the corner of her eye. "I'm not stopping you from following me."

What else can I do? I spoiled him myself.

Qiao Zhizheng said nothing and just looked at her quietly.

The light falling on her misty eyes was purer and more precious than the finest colored glass Qiao Zheng had ever seen.

"This is not a good place to talk, let's go out and talk."

After Huadu entered spring, the wind gradually changed from cold to warm with the fragrance of flowers.

The sunlight filtered through the gaps between the rustling green leaves and fell on Qiao Zhizheng's shoulders. Qiao Zhizheng was massaging the acupuncture points on her scalp as she lay on her legs. Qiao Zheng closed her eyes, enjoying the tranquility of the moment. Her hands groped around on the picnic mat beneath her and touched a fallen crabapple flower. She raised the corners of her mouth, opened her eyes to see that the flower was of good quality, and raised her hand to pin it to Qiao Zhizheng's ear.

Qiao Zhizheng lowered his eyes to look at Qiao Zheng's face, which had regained its vitality, and sighed softly, "Qiao Zheng, I seem to be sick."

Qiao Zheng said firmly, "It's because of me."

Qiao Zhizheng's eyes fell on Qiao Zheng's face, but they were empty, looking towards a distant and unknown place.

"I always feel that this scene in front of me is fake. I imagined it because I missed you too much. In fact, you haven't woken up yet. Or maybe you never appeared. I was too lonely alone, so I imagined you to accompany me. My mind is so confused. You are obviously awake. I shouldn't think about these things, but I always think about them uncontrollably. I am so scared. I am so scared that one day when I close my eyes and open them again, you will disappear from my world and return to your world."

Qiao Zheng wanted to sit up and hug her, but was held down by Qiao Zhizheng who noticed her movements. Qiao Zhizheng's eyes turned from distant melancholy to fierce, and he bit Qiao Zheng's lips hard.

Qiao Zheng tasted the rust in her mouth and let out a soft "hiss." Qiao Zhizheng said firmly, "Qiao Zheng, hurry! Bite it back! Bite me!"

The eagerness and longing in Qiao Zhizheng's eyes made her breathing tremble. Qiao Zheng understood that Qiao Zhizheng really needed something to confirm her existence at this moment.

If it was at the beginning, Qiao Zheng's equally sick heart would have accepted this proposal, but after a long sleep, Qiao Zheng's heart suddenly became clear and she began to examine herself. If she needed pain to feel at ease, no matter whether this pain fell on Qiao Zhizheng or Qiao Zheng, the numb soul enjoyed the reality of being alive brought by this morbid feeling, but her heart was marked by every unconscious imprint.

Qiao Zheng thought that the first half of her and my life was already full of pain. If even under the sweet appearance of love there were faint traces of pain, when we recall the road we have traveled in the future, we will finally see the light after the long darkness, but this light will always be covered with a thin shadow.

——Is this what I want?

--No!

——Is this what she wants?

——No, she just didn't realize it like I did before.

Qiao Zheng touched her face, which looked aggrieved because she had been waiting for no action from Qiao Zhizheng, and said under her urging gaze, "Let me tattoo you."

Qiao Zhizheng was stunned for a moment, then quickly turned to a curious question, "Tattoo? You can tattoo?"

"Yes. I studied and got the certification for the film." Qiao Zheng paused and explained the purpose of the tattoo to Qiao Zhizheng. "Look, you don't know how to tattoo, but I do. I'll use it to leave a mark of me on you. Whenever you doubt whether what you see is real, you can look at it. If you still don't believe it, let others see it. That way, you won't doubt that I'm fake anymore, right?"

Qiao Zhizheng fell into deep thought, inexplicably feeling that this suggestion was not bad. His heart started beating faster and faster because of these words.

——Qiao Zheng, my exclusive mark.

——Give me Qiao Zheng’s exclusive mark.

——This idea is great!

Qiao Zhizheng's eyes lit up, having already forgotten about the "bite me" he had just said. She said excitedly, "Let's go now?"

Qiao Zheng laughed, "I don't have the conditions or tools at home, I need to borrow a professional place."

Qiao Zhizheng stood up without saying a word, and while pulling Qiao Zheng along, he said, "Let's go! Let's go now."

Qiao Zheng was pulled by Qiao Zhizheng to the garage. Looking at her back, which was anxious but trying to slow down her pace in order to take care of Qiao Zheng's body that had just recovered from a serious illness, she thought, Qiao Zhizheng, you are so easy to satisfy.

——And I am satisfied because of your existence.

Qiao Zheng held Qiao Zhizheng's hand more tightly. Qiao Zhizheng looked back at her in confusion. Qiao Zheng smiled lightly and said nothing.

——You are mine.

The wind picked up, blowing the hem of Qiao Zheng's clothes toward Qiao Zhizheng's, and the crabapple blossoms fell to the ground following their footsteps. The pink and white petals covered the long path they had walked. And they would walk the rest of their lives hand in hand just like they were doing now.

There is a very romantic saying that the ring finger of the left hand is closest to the heart.

Qiao Zhizheng chose this place as the location for the tattoo, which has the pinyin of her name on it. It was designed independently by Qiao Zhizheng. If you don't look closely, you might think it's just a string of intricate and beautiful patterns.

Looking at Qiao Zheng who was carefully working on the tattoo with her head down, Qiao Zhizheng's eyebrows softened. Looking at her serious eyes, her brows wrinkled because of nervousness and fear of making mistakes, her occasional blinks, her long eyelashes flying up and down, Qiao Zhizheng could even recall the slight itch when it swept across her palms and lips.

The person in front of me, all her love and hate belong to me alone.

When the tattoo machine needle penetrated the dermis and caused a clear stinging sensation, Qiao Zhizheng belatedly came out of her immersion in tenderness and took a breath.

Qiao Zheng stared at the base of her ring finger, and her words, muffled, passed through the disposable mask and landed in Qiao Zhizheng's ears. "I'll only hurt you this once, and I won't let you feel pain again."

Qiao Zhizheng had a hunch that her words were not as simple as they appeared, but he could not find the motivation to explore the meaning behind her words.

Why? Why did Qiao Zheng say this?

Qiao Zhizheng decided to observe further.

At night, Qiao Zhizheng understood what Qiao Zheng had hidden in her words.

Sometimes the two of them would be alone together and play with toys. Sometimes they would play too much, and Qiao Zhizheng would wake up the next day with sore body. She would take a deep breath and slowly get out of bed, feeling the real pain in her body. She would let out a "hiss" and lower her head with a sweet smile.

"We'll play again next time~"

Qiao Zheng raised an eyebrow and said as she applied medicine to the red marks she had caused, "Next time it's your turn."

Qiao Zhizheng hesitated and said, "I'm afraid I can't control the strength well."

"I'll teach you."

After coming back from tattooing that day, Qiao Zhizheng asked Qiao Zheng to play with toys.

Qiao Zheng shook her head and refused.

Qiao Zhizheng pointed at herself and asked, "Shall I come?"

Qiao Zheng said nothing and looked at her calmly.

"You're in good health now, so why not forget it?"

Qiao Zheng still didn't say anything.

Qiao Zhizheng sighed regretfully.

Qiao Zheng suddenly said, "I won't play anymore."

Qiao Zhizheng paused as she was about to pick up something, as if she had pressed the pause button, and no one knew what she was thinking.

Qiao Zheng walked behind Qiao Zhizheng, squatted down and hugged her, his flexible body covering her back, and his smooth hair sticking to the side of her face.

Do you want to ask what Qiao Zhizheng is thinking about now?

She didn't think of anything.

My mind went blank.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a shadow on the ground—a large black mass, the shadows of Qiao Zheng and Qiao Zhizheng merged into one.

They are one.

Qiao Zhizheng finally asked, "Why? Haven't we always had a lot of fun?"

Qiao Zheng gave her an answer she had thought about many times in her mind. "At first, I did this because I was happy bullying you, and then it became the norm. Ever since... waking up, I started asking myself, if my happiness is built on your pain, even if neither of us feels anything, but... is this right?"

No one has ever taught them what kind of love is right and what kind of love is wrong, and the examples from their parents that are most likely to influence their views on love reveal cruelty and coldness from beginning to end.

They have never been loved properly, and when they are in love, they only love based on intuition. One is accommodating, and the other is being indulged.

Qiao Zhizheng said, "I hope you are happy."

Qiao Zheng was stunned, lowering her eyes to look at the soft top of Qiao Zhizheng's head. She had seen it many times, touched it many times, and lowered her head to kiss it as she had done many times before.

Qiao Zheng opened her mouth and bit a strand of hair. Her sensitive tongue pressed against the hair, feeling its distinct outline. Because it was connected to Qiao Zhizheng's body, it became special.

Qiao Zheng didn't understand why she did this, it was kind of perverted.

Probably... because this is Qiao Zhizheng.

Qiao Zhizheng was uneasy so she asked Qiao Zheng to eat her.

Qiao Zheng had a deeper sense of uneasiness in her heart than she did.

Suddenly coming back to the world of ten years ago, how can I not worry about leaving suddenly and uncontrollably one day?

They are the same person, so naturally they have the same idea, but one person just doesn't say it out loud.

Qiao Zheng let go of the strand of hair and gently pressed her face against Qiao Zhizheng's. "My happiness is that you live a healthy and peaceful life without any illness or pain."

"Even if I am the one who brought you this pain, you can't do that."

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