Chapter 125 Final Writing

To Yu Zhi:

Zhizhi, I'm sorry. I'm going to break my promises to you this time.

Because by the time you receive this letter, I will probably not be able to make it.

I have thought about the possibility of breaking the impasse countless times, but looking back I realized that I had blocked my own retreat too tightly from the very beginning.

There is no other choice but to gamble with your life.

This outcome, after all, is my own fault.

But you are different, Mrs. Pei, you are free from now on.

The trust in the lawyer's hands, all the shares and properties under my name will be transferred to your name.

Don't panic and don't feel like it's a burden.

It's not that I'm too cliché, but my heart, which is soaked in darkness, really can't think of a more practical way to leave you a safe way out.

In fact, you were already engraved in my heart long before you knew me.

At that time, I always hid in the dark and watched you, saw the light in your eyes when you smiled, and saw you jump for joy over the smallest things...

I was unwilling to be just a bystander, so I started to take every step carefully.

I carefully designed every encounter to make you think that our fate was destined, but I never dared to tell you that this fate was my long-planned selfish motive from the beginning to the end.

I have calculated too much in my life, done too many shameful things, my hands are stained with dust, and my heart has scars, but my love for you is completely true.

You always feel that you are not honest enough with me, but in comparison, how much better can I be?

If you want to know the truth that I have locked in the safe in my study, go and see for yourself.

The password is the date when you confessed to me. I guess you remember it.

There are some little things I want to tell you.

I asked my lawyer to transfer the names of several pharmaceutical companies that I recently acquired to your name. I have informed the board of directors and no one dares to make things difficult for you.

The house with a garden in the west of the city. You said you liked the plum blossoms in the yard. The key is in the third drawer of your dressing table.

As for those things I locked in the drawer of my study, they were just your random graffiti and the hair tie that fell in my car...

If you find it annoying, it’s okay to throw it away. I’ve been secretly keeping it for a long time.

Zhizhi, my life has been like a joke.

When facing you, calmness and composure are pretended, ease and comfort are acted, and even the gentle and polite appearance is practiced countless times in front of the mirror.

Only loving you is real, and the fear of losing you is also real.

I tied you up with my appearance and kept you with my schemes, but in the end I was still afraid that it would all be in vain.

I have practiced my gentle smile in front of the mirror countless times, for fear that you would find me cold; I have tried my best to maintain this appearance, for fear that you would leave after getting tired of it.

I always thought that you loved these, the appearance I carefully embellished, the perfection I deliberately created.

It wasn't until that night when you held my face, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Ayue, I love you very much and want to protect you," that I suddenly felt that maybe I was wrong from the beginning.

But the thorn of inferiority has been stuck in my heart for too long and can no longer be pulled out.

I am always afraid that I haven’t done well enough, and that one day you will wake up and no longer love me.

But you are so good to me, so good that I feel a strong sense of unworthiness.

You must be very tired after all these years of being pestered by someone as contradictory and sensitive as me.

So you must keep those properties.

Even if you see the truth I've been hiding and hate me in the future, you can live a peaceful life with these and don't have to have anything to do with someone like me.

If you don’t hate me...don’t think about me anymore.

If you really can’t help it, just think about yourself under the umbrella back then.

It's so good and so bright that even someone like me who hides in the gutter can be warmed by your light for a while.

A bright person like you shouldn't be held back by anyone.

Of course, I am telling you this now not to ask for forgiveness, nor to gain sympathy.

I just want you to know that there was once someone in this world who regarded you as the whole meaning of life.

So, Miss Yu Zhi, please continue to live a bright and happy life.

I think I've gained enough to meet you in this life.

Pei Yuezhou

Final Writing