Chapter 61, Sixty-One: Hopelessness

Now it seems that, compared to her previous impartial concern, Zhu Qingyan's current demeanor is one of feigned weakness and ingratiation.

Qin Sihai kept her here and saved her life, so he was grateful for her kindness. He tilted his head back, drank the soup in the bowl, and thanked her softly.

“You wouldn’t have been this polite before,” Zhu Qingyan said after stealing several glances at Qin Sihai. She reached out to wipe the water from Qin Sihai’s lips, but he turned his head slightly away.

Having figured it out, Zhu Qingyan awkwardly withdrew her hand and said, "Is it because of Atang?"

"No." Qin Sihai was no longer willing to talk to her. He stroked the token in his hand, his calm eyes looking directly at Zhu Qingyan. "Sister, you should know that you just think I don't know."

Zhu Qingyan's face was unusually grim. They had never openly discussed her betrayal of Qin Sihai, and he had even saved her later. It was impossible for him not to have feelings for her.

Feeling embarrassed and ashamed that her thoughts had been seen through, Zhu Qingyan said, "I had my reasons at the time."

Qin Sihai looked away and said, "I know, that's why I don't blame you. I disguised you as my concubine to protect you."

It seemed promising. After all these years together, it was hard for Zhu Qingyan not to be moved by someone so exceptional in every way, especially since she knew he already harbored feelings for her. Her eyes seemed to flicker with desire, trying to stir his heart.

But Qin Sihai suddenly said, "When I was recovering from the poisoning, I met a woman." Seeing Zhu Qingyan's face turn pale instantly, he chuckled and shook his head. "Don't misunderstand, she was a leader of an intelligence agency similar to that of an enemy country. I couldn't hide my identity, so I secretly learned their methods. She didn't guard against me at all and directly sent someone to teach me, letting me take over the internal affairs secrets of the Sui Kingdom."

"She would... tell you so easily?"

“Yes, I also thought she wouldn’t,” Qin Sihai’s somewhat dull gaze lingered on the token, like a lover’s tender affection, or a trapped beast’s desperate struggle. “But it wasn’t until I saw my junior brother alive and well in the Wu Kingdom’s palace that I realized she hadn’t lied to me a single word.”

Under the table, Zhu Qingyan clenched her hands. She didn't know what Qin Sihai truly felt for that woman. But she knew she was no longer young or from a wealthy family; she had little left to rely on to hold onto Qin Sihai.

Qin Sihai continued, "She wanted me to see clearly that even if we destroyed the Sui Kingdom, it would be useless. The number of Zhu Yanhua flowers would only increase, and those who smoked snuff bottles would become even more unrestrained. The Wu Kingdom would rot from the inside out." As he spoke, he threw his head back and laughed, tears streaming down his face. His demeanor was manic, a far cry from his usual cool and humble self.

His reaction startled Zhu Qingyan, and it took her a while to remember to cover his hand and comfort him.

Qin Sihai reached for the teacup, subtly avoiding Zhu Qingyan's hand once again. His eyes returned to their calm state as he said, "I did admire you when I was young because you took care of me like a mother. I couldn't distinguish between admiration and attachment. I don't blame you for using me."

As if afraid Zhu Qingyan wouldn't believe him, Qin Sihai said, "Don't worry, compared to her manipulation that shattered my entire belief, your manipulation is really... nothing to worry about." After saying that, Qin Sihai pointed to the bowl of hangover soup, his eyes instantly turning cold, "I don't like such petty tricks."

Ignoring Zhu Qingyan's pale face, Qin Sihai went back to his room and vomited up the spiked hangover soup. Having spent the last few years together, Qin Sihai knew Zhu Qingyan's thoughts very well, but he knew that if things dragged on, he would only annoy her; it was better to make things clear once and for all and let her give up.

After talking for so long, Qin Sihai had absorbed a lot of the Rejuvenating Powder from the soup, and his body began to feel hot, as if a pair of hands were teasing him, lingering and tender.

Even the most upright gentleman buried himself in the blankets at this moment, recalling the first time Zuo Qinghou kissed him.

It was an autumn day, after a feast held after the harvest, when Zuo Qinghou put his arm around Qin Sihai's neck, stood up, and kissed Qin Sihai's thin lips.

Qin Sihai paused for a moment, unsure whether it was the alcohol taking effect or something else, and responded softly, but he was too inexperienced and had no idea how to respond. His teeth bumped against hers, and he didn't know where to put his tongue, his mouth filled only with the sweet taste of yellow wine.

It's not the spicy taste of alcohol we have now.

Zuo Qinghou chuckled, loosened his grip slightly, and whispered, "Slurp it like you're eating malt candy. Try it again."

This time it was much better, Qin Sihai said, playing with Zuo Qinghou's cherry lips. Suddenly, Zuo Qinghou's tongue slipped in like a nimble little snake, and Qin Sihai was slightly startled, sticking out his own tongue to entwine with hers.

Suddenly, Qin Sihai pushed Zuo Qinghou away, breathing heavily.

Zuo Qinghou looked at Qin Sihai, whose cheeks were slightly flushed, as if he had been violated, and chuckled, "What's wrong?"

This was Qin Sihai's first time getting close to a woman. He was, after all, a young man full of vigor, and after abstaining from sex for twenty-six years, he couldn't control himself any longer. "I'm afraid I might be being presumptuous to Miss Zuo."

Zuo Qinghou chuckled, inwardly mocking Qin Sihai's naiveté. She stood up, stretched, and said, "It's more like I, a two-hundred-year-old woman, am being presumptuous with you."

Seeing Qin Sihai's astonished expression, Zuo Qinghou laughed and said, "I was just kidding, I'm not that old." She paused, then smiled slyly, "I'm only about a hundred years old."

Outside, it was pouring rain. Inside, Zuo Qinghou lay on her pillow, her long, black hair falling to the ground like a vast sea of ​​crimson flowers. She closed her eyes and listened to the torrential rain, feeling a sense of comfort.

At this moment, Qin Sihai hugged the quilt tightly, his hands moving non-stop, imitating the movements from his memory, as if Zuo Qinghou were right beside him.

Seemingly not satisfied, Zuo Qinghou raised her hand and opened the window, letting the wind and rain blow in, wetting the floor beside the window. She swung her legs and said, "Rainy days are so comfortable. I can stay in bed all day."

A gust of wind blew, causing the papers to flutter and rustle like birds chirping in the clear sky. The cold wind made Qin Sihai shiver, and he too flew away with the flock of birds.

He never intended to use himself as bait, yet he found himself deeply involved.

After a long silence, Zuo Qinghou said softly, "Do you still remember the favor you owe me?"

"I remember." The debt of gratitude for saving my life can never be enough.

What happened back then? His mind went blank, and Qin Sihai couldn't recall for a moment. Ah, right. Lu Huantang's identity was exposed, he was arrested and imprisoned, and there was no news of him for a year. Also, Zuo Qinghou returned after conquering Shu.

Zuo Qinghou gave him the guesthouse, Wanxianglou, and told him to leave.

His obsession with her was merely a ploy to gather information about Lu Huantang. At least, that's what he thought at the time.

Now that his mind is blank, he realizes that this reason is both the most trivial and the most high-sounding.

He sensed that he was going to leave, and he didn't want to leave.

Even now, he already knows from his master that Jiang Linzhi is Zuo Qinghou, the one who manipulated his junior brother.

Even in this decadent dream, Qin Sihai still didn't want to leave. He sealed it with a kiss, devouring all the sorrow. The wind and rain raged even more fiercely, and he felt countless birds seeking shelter from the rain flapping their colorful wings and flying away from his body.

When I woke up, all that was left was rain soaking the papers scattered all over the floor.

In recent years, the State of Sui has built water conservancy projects, official roads, and plank roads, doubling its land area and making its people wealthy and powerful. The two sides are now in a state of equilibrium, and neither dares to easily send troops.

Although Zhu Huantang advocated for war, there were indeed no battles to fight, so he focused on investigating spies and conducting daily troop training and inspections.

Of course, he didn't give up searching for Zuo Qinghou's whereabouts. He was just a little tired of it. Zhu Yanhua hadn't been burned to death in the fire, so Zuo Qinghou certainly wasn't dead either. She would reappear eventually; there was no need to keep dwelling on this.

It was Qixi Festival again, and Qi Lingjun, for the first time ever, invited Zhu Huantang to the temple fair. It was still the Junan River, still the Jiujiu Bridge. The owner of that noodle shop was probably already a mound of yellow earth, and Zhu Huantang's companions had changed.

Over the years, there have been constant attempts to assassinate Zhu Huantang, and he rarely eats at roadside stalls. He even tests the food for poison before eating.

The stall next to the bridge sells braised pork offal. Nowadays, the country has land to cultivate, so fewer people eat beef. Even Zhu Huantang can only afford to eat beef that has died of old age or from a fall.

This is a good thing. Zhu Huantang's face unconsciously softened a little, but even with that softening, he still looked like a demon.

Qi Lingjun, however, was quite carefree and went to buy one. Over the years, he had an accessory limb fixed to his leg, so his limp was not noticeable when he walked. Therefore, as soon as he approached, the young ladies who had previously looked down on offal swarmed around him, all wanting to buy one.

Qi Lingjun maintained his aloof demeanor, politely letting the young ladies from noble families buy first. These ladies, unaccustomed to such practices, promptly stuffed the money pouches handed to them by their maids into the stall owner's hands.

Zhu Huantang, being wealthy and powerful, simply paid to block off the road, monopolizing a bridge. He watched from afar as the stall owner's expression shifted from bewilderment to ecstatic joy, and he served Qi Lingjun twice the normal amount of pork offal. He couldn't hold back and burst out laughing.

Just then, Qi Lingjun, carrying a bag of pork offal wrapped in oiled paper and lotus leaves, walked over and saw Zhu Huantang beaming with delight. Qi Lingjun walked up to Zhu Huantang and said, "General Zhu, what brings you this joy? Tell me, let's share the fun!"

The guards stood watch at a distance, leaving only Zhu and Qi on the bridge. Zhu Huantang poured two cups of fine wine, which he had brought himself. Zhu Huantang didn't eat late-night snacks, much less food from outside. He smiled enigmatically and said, "Back then, the Jiang family's young lady you assisted also watched the lanterns with me like this, and also bought food from the stalls. I don't know why I suddenly remembered it."

"Actually, she almost gave herself away that day, but you didn't investigate further, and she escaped unscathed." After saying this, Qi Lingjun calmly tossed a piece of oily pig intestine into his mouth.

"You know all this?" Zhu Huantang narrowed his eyes slightly, clearly not from the effects of the alcohol.

“I know her identity and her purpose,” Qi Lingjun said frankly, meeting Zhu Huantang’s murderous intent. “But she didn’t tell me your identity. I thought you were the kind of person who had been eyeing her and trying to climb the social ladder through her.”

As his anger subsided, a lingering resentment remained. Zhu Huantang asked, seemingly casually, "So many people rose to power because of her?"

"Yes, there are plenty, but unfortunately not many are alive." After another piece of pig's stomach went into his mouth, Qi Lingjun changed the subject, saying, "If we add some chili dipping sauce, business will definitely be even better."

Whether it was the wine that eased their emotions or not, Zhu Huantang noticed a resemblance between Qi Lingjun and Zuo Qinghou at that moment.

Maybe……

But perhaps... those few who are still alive are different to Zuo Qinghou.

But the next moment, Qi Lingjun curled his lips into a smile, his tone casual, but his words ruthlessly shattered Zhu Huantang's self-deception over the years in order to avoid embarrassing himself: "I guess she told you she liked spicy food, told you that praying to God was not as good as praying to her, and said that if you believed in her, she would give you her life, right?"