Chapter 305 Yiheng... Help me

Narcissus listened quietly, her fingers tightening slightly as she held the teacup. A warm current quietly welled up from the depths of her heart, spreading to every part of her body...

This is not the pleasure derived from the power to manipulate events in the imperial court, nor the triumph of winning a power struggle in the harem.

This is a more grounded and deeper sense of satisfaction.

This was something she truly wanted to do for the world after struggling through two lifetimes, crawling out of the mud, and ascending to the position of empress.

To give those struggling in dire straits a glimmer of light, a way to stand up again through their own strength.

Even if the light is faint and the path is narrow, it is still hope.

Emperor Zhaoheng had been listening silently, but suddenly spoke up.

"Xian'er, what you've done is very good."

He turned his head, his gaze falling on Narcissus's face with an unusual solemnity.

"What you did was real and tangible, giving these specific people dignity and a chance to start over."

Narcissus was startled and suddenly looked up at him.

His eyes were deep, devoid of perfunctory praise or condescending approval, but genuinely recognizing the value of what she had done.

That gaze was like a ray of light, unexpectedly shining into the dark depths of her heart, which were filled with suspicion.

Narcissus quickly lowered her eyes to conceal the emotions surging within her, and said in a low voice, "Your Majesty flatters me. I... was just doing some insignificant little things within my power."

But her eyes were already a little moist.

Narcissus blinked slightly, unable to suppress her thoughts.

This pregnancy...has made her emotions fluctuate too much...

——

As Shui Xian left, she walked ahead and saw Yin Zhu whispering something to Zhou Yan. Zhou Yan looked down at her, his eyes and brows full of smiles.

He chuckled softly, "With my wife being so meticulous, I'll be reluctant to go out on errands tomorrow."

Yinzhu seemed amused by him, chuckled softly, and pretended to pat his arm, but her eyes were filled with a gentle smile.

Narcissus paused slightly, standing there for a moment.

She suddenly remembered the worries that Yinzhu had mentioned in the palace a few days ago, and spoke up at this moment, which surprised both Zhou Yan and Yinzhu.

"Zhou Yan, if... Yinzhu remains unable to conceive, what will you do?"

Zhou Yan was clearly not expected that the Empress would suddenly ask about such a private matter. He glanced at Yin Zhu, who blushed instantly beside him, hesitated for a moment, then looked at Shui Xian with a calm expression and sincere eyes.

"Your Majesty, it is the greatest fortune of my life that I have been able to marry Yinzhu."

“Having children is a blessing from heaven. It’s a wonderful thing if you have them, but it’s not a big deal if you don’t. Forcing it will only make you lose the essence of being husband and wife. Besides,” he looked at Yinzhu, his tone gentle but firm, “Yinzhu’s happiness and contentment are more important than anything else.”

Yinzhu's eyes were slightly red, and she held Zhou Yan's hand tightly, everything understood without words.

Narcissus remained silent for a moment, then nodded slightly, said nothing more, and turned to walk away.

Emperor Zhaoheng caught up and naturally took her hand, feeling that her fingertips were a little colder than before. He asked with concern, "Xian'er, what's wrong? Are you tired? Or are you feeling unwell somewhere?"

Narcissus shook her head, her face slightly blurred beneath the veil she had put on again, and her voice was as soft as a sigh.

"It's nothing. It's just... I feel a little envious when I see them."

Emperor Zhaoheng assumed she was simply envious of the natural intimacy and mutual support between ordinary couples, so he gently pulled her into his arms and said softly, "Isn't this good enough for us? I will always be with you."

Narcissus leaned against him, saying nothing, only closing her eyes.

What we envy is perhaps not just the intimacy, but also the cherishing of the idea that "having children is up to fate" and "your happiness is the most important thing."

This cherishing is like the last rays of sunset on the horizon at this moment.

Warmth, however, felt... out of reach to her.

——

Qinglan Courtyard is built by the water, and in the night, the shimmering waves shatter the moon's reflection.

The palace servants had long been dismissed, and even Tinglu waited quietly in the outer corridor.

The inner chamber was warmly lit by candlelight, and only the Emperor and Empress remained.

Emperor Zhaoheng stood behind Shui Xian, his focused expression reflected in the bronze mirror.

He carefully removed the last plain silver hairpin from her hair, letting her cascading black hair fall down. Then he picked up a warm jade comb and, mimicking Tinglu's usual manner, gently and slowly combed her hair from root to tip.

The comb teeth glide through her long hair, combing it all the way down, her dark hair as smooth as silk.

As Emperor Zhaoheng combed her hair, he gazed at her downcast eyes in the mirror, his voice filled with probing and undisguised expectation.

"Are you feeling happier today?"

Narcissus's gaze fell on the mirror, watching him comb her hair with such earnestness that it was almost pious, and then the scenes from the daytime floated before her eyes.

He squatted by the edge of the field, barefoot in the mud, patiently teaching his son.

He squatted in front of the sugar figurine stall, like an ordinary father haggling over prices for his children, his features vivid and expressive.

He lifted Yongning high, mud splattering onto the emperor's robes, yet he laughed so heartily, his eyes shining brightly...

Those scenes, so vivid and real, carrying the scent of earth and the hustle and bustle of the city, overlapped and blended wonderfully with the image of the emperor in her memory, who was always sitting high in the hall, majestic and awe-inspiring.

She nodded almost imperceptibly, her voice very soft.

"Um."

"The children... are very happy."

She didn't talk about herself, only about the child.

Emperor Zhaoheng seemed to have received great affirmation, and the corners of his lips couldn't help but turn up.

He put down the jade comb, gently embraced her from behind, and whispered softly, "I am very happy too... really."

"Seeing you finally smile a little, seeing Yongning licking sugar figurines with his face covered in sticky candy and still laughing like an idiot, seeing Qingyan and Qinghe rolling around in the mud like two little mud monkeys and still giggling... I feel that these days, with laughter and merriment, with the warmth of everyday life, are what truly make us feel alive."

He paused for a long time, then buried his face deep into her neck, which had a faint fragrance from her hair. His breath was hot, and his voice was muffled, yet carried a hint of barely perceptible confusion.

"But Xian'er... I always feel that you are hiding something in your heart."

"Tell me, please? Whatever it is, I want to hear it, I want to... share your burden."

Narcissus's body stiffened imperceptibly for a moment in his arms.

The warmth of his breath on her neck and the almost overflowing concern in his words were like an invisible hand that instantly seized her heart.

The question that had been lingering in my heart for so long, almost breaking through the barriers of reason, was about to burst forth—

Why are you secretly taking those potent drugs?

How much of your kindness and concern for me is due to me, Shui Xian, and how much... is simply because of the dragon's offspring in my womb?

His uneasy profile was reflected in the bronze mirror.

Those deep eyes were fixed on her, filled with expectation.

She recalled the clear approval he had shown her during the day at the Dengdi Inn, when he gazed at her intently and solemnly said, "What you've done is very good."

Thinking back on all this time, he remembered all the ways he had tried to make her happy, even though he didn't understand why...

The words that were about to come out were blocked back by an invisible force, and in the end, they turned into a bitter swallow.

Why ask?

What good will asking do?

There are essentially two answers.

If he denies it outright and speaks earnestly, will she be able to believe him completely?

Once that thorn is planted in your heart, it will always leave a bloody hole even after you pull it out.

If he... if he really admits that his anxiety is partly due to his desire for offspring, what should she do?

To tear off the mask of civility and leave in anger?

She can't leave.

Although her parents and relatives have been removed from the official register, her honor and disgrace still rest on her shoulders.

The power she had so painstakingly grasped, the female official system she promoted, the legal reforms she initiated—all these were for those who had just seen a glimmer of hope, like the young girls of today.

And there's Yongning, Qingyan, Qinghe, and the little life in her womb, connected to her by blood...

She was no longer the Narcissus of her past life who had nothing and was willing to face death.

She has too many ties and too many unfinished business.

Moreover, if she leaves this deep palace and leaves his side, where can she go?

This world ultimately belongs to him.

If I leave, can I truly leave?

She slowly closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, all the turbulent emotions in her eyes had been replaced by an almost cold clarity.

In the mirror, she remained the same stunningly beautiful and gentle empress.

She turned around, raised her hand, and gently stroked his angular profile with her fingertips, the movement carrying a slow and tender quality.

"Your Majesty is overthinking it."

"Your Majesty, I really am... It's just that pregnancy makes me prone to fatigue, and my thoughts are inevitably a bit complicated, which has caused Your Majesty some worry."

Shui Xian took the initiative to stand up. Her hair, which had been combed by Emperor Zhaoheng, was as smooth as silk, and she gently swept between the two of them.

As it brushed against Emperor Zhaoheng's fingertips, he couldn't help but gently hook it with his fingertip.

Emperor Zhaoheng wanted to determine whether what Shui Xian said was true, and just then, Shui Xian suddenly moved closer to him.

Even before she arrived, there was the faint scent of styrax on her body.

What followed was a kiss on his cheek.

"Yiheng".

"Help."

She wasn't referring to me, but rather... me.