The warmth on my body was fleeting, before the biting cold returned.

Ha Yue truly possesses a natural talent for manipulating Xue Jing's emotions.

Xue Jing's right hand, which was gripping the chopsticks, gradually tightened until his knuckles turned white from excessive pressure. In his line of sight, Ha Yue's thin, rough fingers had just touched the edge of the thermos when they were grasped by his left hand.

He held her hands, which were covered in blood, and also the hand that had killed the goose.

With his fingers interlocked, a subtle electric current surged through his peripheral nerves. Xue Jing swallowed the food in his mouth whole, then picked up another piece of goose meat with his right hand and put it in his mouth. While forcing himself to chew the food, he tried his best to maintain a gentle attitude.

Ha Yue guessed correctly; he did feel nauseous, his internal organs churning like a washing machine. However, he didn't want to be easily provoked by Ha Yue, led by the nose, and then say something he would immediately regret. So he pretended not to understand the proposition Ha Yue was trying to make.

"What does your plan to slaughter a pig next year have to do with my eating now?"

"Can't you speak plainly? This is all so vague and I don't understand it at all."

"What era are we living in? Why do people still categorize themselves into different classes? I really don't understand. Who are you? And who am I? Aren't we both primates, family Hominidae? You can stay here, but I can't? Why?"

"Why is that?"

This was the third time Xue Jing had asked her why in half an hour, but like the previous time, it wasn't because he genuinely didn't know the answer.

Now he is not only obfuscating his arguments, but also destroying evidence, stuffing more and more goose into his mouth, like a hamster storing food in its cheeks.

But could Ha Yue not see that he was forcing himself? The way he ate with his lips tightly pressed together made her even more uncomfortable. The heat from his grip on her right hand reached her heart, and Ha Yue's already calming heart started to ache again. The outer shell had shattered, so her heart could no longer be as solid as a rock, and she would feel helpless and flustered no matter what she did.

A silent sorrow washed her from the beach all the way into the Pacific Ocean, and her nose stung with tears.

Withdrawing her right hand, Ha Yue raised her voice to stop herself from crying.

"If you don't want to eat, then don't eat."

"Who said I don't want to eat?"

"Xue Jing!"

"what?"

During the argument, Ha Yue snatched Le Xuejing's chopsticks, and Xuejing accidentally knocked over the thermos while trying to dodge.

White rice porridge dripped down the corner of the table, while the braised goose meat, like marbles that had escaped from a child's hands, rolled and tumbled into every corner of the room.

Ha Yue changed into brand new slippers and entered his space with some trepidation, but still managed to dirty his perfect room.

The late-night snack she painstakingly prepared couldn't soothe his body properly.

She probably made his tired and hungry body, which was already exhausted from doing good deeds, even more distressed.

In this night filled with the bittersweet mix of loss and reunion, Ha Yue genuinely wanted to get along peacefully with Xue Jing. However, their opposing energies ultimately led to a messy argument, just like before.

Her food, her person, her breath—none of these belonged to his space.

She always seems to do bad things with good intentions, and she can never handle Xue Jing properly.

The tip of my tongue just pressed against the roof of my mouth a few times, and my teeth immediately became swollen and sore.

Ha Yue is used to cutting her losses quickly before being abandoned, and hasn't learned how to deal with long-term affection from others. The feeling of being constantly chosen doesn't make her happy; instead, it makes her feel insignificant, unbearable, and anxious.

Ha Yue lowered her arms, finally deflated. She didn't argue with him anymore, shoved the chopsticks back into his hand, and lowered her head to wipe the dampness off the table with kitchen paper. But her voice was as bitter as the torn tissue in her hand, "Stop pretending, okay? Don't you know why?"

Xue Jing knew, of course he knew.

Every spirited young man is willing to show off his best qualities in front of the person he likes. This is a courtship behavior under natural selection. Xue Jing did this during his first love. In order to manage this relationship well, he constantly displayed his charm to Ha Yue, like a peacock in heat, wildly releasing his captivating allure.

He desperately wanted to marry his first love and live that imagined urban fairytale, overcoming the curse of his birth.

This obsession reached a fever pitch, so he was meticulous and conscientious in every aspect, carefully considering every word and action before speaking. He had mentally planned and rehearsed almost every opportunity for their relationship to deepen, as if it were an eternity.

He never said anything wrong, nor did he ever do anything wrong, and he naturally assumed that his absolute excellence would surely earn him Ha Yue's unconditional favoritism.

Unexpectedly, this deliberate "glowing" effect resulted in such strong battery life that even now, Ha Yue still sees it as having a halo effect.

Things are different now. Ha Yue doesn't like perfect people. In order to achieve his goal again, he has no choice but to hide his gorgeous feathers and show her the backside of a peacock spreading its tail.

Ha Yue fears the aura surrounding him, so he can just turn off the light; it's no big deal.

He was never a gentleman to begin with.

With his brows relaxed, Xue Jing turned around, grabbed a disposable kitchen wipe, and shoved the tissues from Ha Yue's hand into the trash can. After wiping the table, he began cleaning the floor. When he looked up, Xue Jing's face still had a slightly pale, sickly look, but his voice was calm and had a firm honesty, "I know, but I'm not the kind of person you think I am."

"Didn't I mention it earlier? When Cao Xiaoyu was admitted to the emergency room, the hospital had already arranged for her to have a brain CT scan. The radiation could cause birth defects in the fetus. If I really cared about this, I would immediately advise the couple to choose abortion first and then focus on recovering. But I find it too troublesome."

Since reading Bertrand Russell in his youth, Xue Jing has been a staunch advocate of materialism. In his life, he has never prayed to any god or Buddha. Entrusting his fate to any "god" is, in his view, a sign of incompetence. Yet, just a few hours ago, he was on the phone with Jin Zi spouting the utter nonsense that good fortune will always befall you.

Where in this world are there truly blessed people with good fortune? What is there to be blessed by heaven or by divine intervention? It's all about principles and techniques.

If you really want to say it, he believes that good people don't live long, while evil people live for thousands of years.

Why do good people always go unrewarded? Isn't it because their hearts aren't hard enough?

He used to pretend to be magnanimous, saying he loved her and would let her go. Now, following his true nature, he's determined to force her to come back, wishing he could break her bones.

"Besides, talking about these things during a meal would definitely ruin the atmosphere of our conversation, so I didn't mention it to you."

Speaking one thing to one person and another to another, not wanting to be a bad person but letting things escalate to the worst, is tantamount to hypocrisy. So, which is worse, hypocrisy or a lack of compassion?

It is clearly a form of egoism that involves empathy but still chooses to avoid risks.

The people like us that Ha Yue talks about, and him, are actually the ones who are even more despicable.

From any perspective, he was never the one who suffered a loss when she was with him. His shining qualities were all just superficial; the junk inside had long since rusted away.

“You also think my inaction is quite terrible, right? Not only that, but I’ve done a lot of things that are unworthy of my position over the years. I sell no-name keyboards and unbranded massage devices on Weibo, things that I don’t need to know how to do in my daily life, but I still exaggerate the value of these overpriced products.”

He monetizes his online traffic, accepting both soft and hard advertising as long as the money is right. He only buys expensive things, spending hundreds of thousands of yuan on antiques to display at home, yet he urges others on social media to use the same cheap items as him.

He bought a large apartment in Jicheng by taking on these low-end business jobs. Because he only chose the most expensive ones, he bought the apartment in the most prime and scarce location. Not only did he enjoy the right to live there, but the property also appreciated rapidly.

He always says money isn't important, but he hasn't missed out on a single penny of what he should have earned; it all went into his pocket.

"Oh right, you didn't know I also started teaching courses in the past six months? I worked with my male friends to create paid knowledge courses, write lesson plans, and develop courses. I practically taught students how to write best-selling works step by step. But actually, I haven't written a book in over a year."

"I'm someone who's about to become outdated myself, how am I supposed to teach?"

He is quite "successful" now, but this success has nothing to do with the dream that Ha Yue is supporting for him.

The path of writing led him further and further astray. The boy who once pursued literary achievements had long been extinguished by worldly desires. If he had to categorize his own "success," he would now be almost a carbon copy of his father, a profit-driven puppet whom he once despised the most.

Anyone could make money through such deception and fraud; the only difference is that most people work diligently with their heads down their whole lives and never get a lucky break.

That's why he was so impotently furious when Ha Yue wished him to write his next global bestseller. Ultimately, he knew very well how inadequate he was and that he didn't deserve her blessing.

Ha Yue must be disappointed to hear this, right? The "Teacher Xue" she imagined, the one who walks the flower path, doesn't exist. In front of her, there is only a man whose heart is barren and who is all bark and no bite.

Even so, Xue Jing was unwilling to lose the chance to reveal his true feelings to her again. He wanted to lay himself bare like a book for her to scorn. Even ordinary bad people have the right to pursue someone they like, right? Feelings grow naturally and are uncontrollable; what's wrong with love?

Ha Yue isn't crowded around her, so having an ex-boyfriend around wouldn't cause any problems.

As he spoke, Xue Jing walked to the computer, stuffed the first draft, which had been annotated several times, into Ha Yue's arms, and then picked up the thermos and walked to the sink.

Standing by the pool, Xue Jing felt weak all over. Perhaps the emotional turmoil had accelerated the half-life of the painkiller. He felt a sharp pain between his eyebrows and suddenly shivered. But he hadn't finished speaking and didn't want to show his weakness to the person he liked, so he forced himself to endure it, rolled up his sleeves, and bent down to wash the dishes.

The chill enveloping him at this moment seemed not to have come from the outside, but rather from a continuous stream emanating from within his body.

The snow outside the window had melted, but he felt as if he were trapped in a blizzard, his limbs stiff.

He turned on the tap, and the stainless steel thermos was wiped with a scouring pad soaked in dish soap. Dense foam covered his fingertips, and the icy cold water poured over his wrists. He couldn't even feel the water on his skin; he was completely guided by sight.

He sped up his speech before his mouth went numb.

"You were faking it all along? What a coincidence, me too. You have no idea how selfish I am, so you don't need to feel guilty."

"I'm here because my new work is taking shape."

"I'm trying to get close to you now not because I'm kind and affectionate, nor because I feel pity for you and want to save you, but because I see a more valuable version of myself in you. Ultimately, everything I'm doing is for my own benefit."

When a romantic fanatic falls in love with someone, who does the person ultimately benefit? Of course, it's the one who initiates the romance. Love originates from the subject, and if the object of love feels happy, it's also a chain reaction of emotional projection.

Compared to the sense of fulfillment felt by the subject, it is utterly insignificant.

"So, Ha Yue, whether you approached me out of impulse, ambiguity, or some other reason, I don't mind. After all, I really am willing, but let's skip the guilt. It's unnecessary and worthless. I won't thank you for thinking of me."

The cards were already turned over and left to dry on the table; the strange thing is that someone still reached out to place a bet.

"Of course I know that being with me will be a burden for you, but even arguing like this feels good when I'm with you. So could you overcome your discomfort and accommodate my wishes?"

Xue Jing's point was that, regardless of whether they were together or not at this stage, someone would be upset, and he didn't want to be upset himself, so he thought it would be better for her to bear that pain.

Sure enough, he was selfishly demanding selfish affection. He personally removed his mask just to offer her a get-out-of-jail-free card. Its purpose was to coerce her.

After washing the dishes, there was no sound behind him. His clean, short nails dug into his palms, and no matter how hard he tried, it was difficult to cause pain. Xue Jing's lips were pale. He took a deep breath and finally loosened his clenched hands.

"And my family isn't exactly a model family either. I didn't live with my dad at all before I started school, and my mom wasn't his first wife..."

Water droplets dripped from his fingertips onto the floor, but when Xue Jing turned around, the seat next to Ha Yue at the dining table was already empty.

His gaze followed the entrance hall, where the door was slightly ajar, about half a person's width wide. Ha Yue must have slipped away through there. As for whether she had heard what he said, Xue Jing wasn't sure.

The only thing he could tell was that Ha Yue left in a hurry, without even taking the down jacket from the hanger.