Chapter 32 I like you, and I don’t want to burden you because of me

Li Wenjing rarely got up so early; she'd never seen Mombasa in the morning. But she often saw it at two or three in the evening. She donned a tracksuit and ran along the island's circular path. A shimmering light, like fish scales, washed onto the beach. On a clear day, a brilliant light illuminated everything: the lush green coconut trees, the people passing by, dark-skinned men in bright T-shirts, fishing or walking their dogs for morning exercise, their faces beaming with smiles.

Gu Weiyi sat on a bench under a coconut tree, his sports bag resting next to his white sweatshirt. He took out a book and was reading it intently. He only looked up when Li Wenjing ran up to him.

"Good morning," he greeted her with a smile, "Did you not sleep well last night?"

"Look at my dark circles. Don't you know that I am the reincarnation of a panda? I have lived a very hard life in this life. Maybe I have used up all the blessings in my previous life." Li Wenjing sat down next to him, raised her head and gulped down water. Gu Weiyi held her hand.

"Okay, Ms. Panda, you can't drink water like this right after exercising."

Li Wenjing still drank a large bottle, and he could only shake his head.

"What a coincidence today. I was just thinking about you and you came. Is it God's arrangement?" he said.

"No, I saw you posted it on Instagram. It's just a matter of running a few steps."

"If you don't cooperate with me, it will be more romantic."

"Yeah, I don't believe in heaven or earth. I'm just a boring and old-fashioned person. Is this your first day meeting me?"

"Why are you so fierce?"

Li Wenjing didn't answer, but just glared at him. He looked away, lowered his head, and closed the book. "Well... I made you angry. I'm sorry."

"I'm stupid because I always tell me I'm sorry. I'm willing to do that, that's why I always get mad at you."

"You don't have to be mad at me, and you can go out to eat with other boys, go on dates, if that makes you happy. I'm fine with that.

"I don't think you like me, not that much."

"Wen Jing, we're not in a particularly serious relationship right now. I don't want to restrict you in any way. Compared to our relationship, I hope you can be happy."

"Happiness, what is happiness? From childhood to adulthood, I have never been happy. Having no money and no partner is unreliable."

"I understand you want to find a stable relationship, but I..." He sighed, "I can't promise you anything right now. I'm sorry, but I like you and don't want to burden you because of me."

"Am I a burden to you then?"

"Absolutely not! You are beautiful, and I am very happy with you. Liking someone or not liking someone is just a feeling. The joy of being together at the moment, these moments are happiness."

His fingers touched the back of her hand, stroking her gently, like tiny ants, itching and biting her heart so that it hurt.

She had considered their future together: would he stay in Africa? Could he go to Europe? But after he said that, Li Wenjing felt no need to ask. Perhaps it was just a passing feeling for him. It was hard for her to have a place in his life, and Li Wenjing didn't want to force it.

"I don't believe in human nature. Emotions need to be restrained and self-aware so that two people can continue to be together. If two unsuitable people insist on being together, even if they are happy now, what about the pain in the future?"

"Do you tend to consider the consequences of everything you do?"

"I'm an engineering student. The most important thing is to predict the consequences and ensure safety!"

Li Wenjing made a joke, but her face was stiff and she couldn't laugh.

"According to the assessment results, is Dr. Chen safer than me?"

"The friend that Brother Chuan introduced us to think we were a good match. After getting to know each other, well..." Li Wenjing deliberately said stubbornly, "We are a good match. He is very patient and treats me very well."

Gu Weiyi was silent for a while. "He also said that many people are pursuing you and asked me to hurry up. I don't know what happened yesterday. I didn't finish talking to you. I missed you. I went to the restaurant with you and saw you smiling outside. Did you enjoy your date?"

"Everything is fine..." Li Wenjing was a little angry again, "Why do you care who I want to date?"

"It's up to you to decide. I'm really sorry that I'm not good enough right now and I can't be sure how to be with you. I will find a way, whether I'm in Kenya or in Congo."

He held her hand, the sweat from his palm sticking to the back of her hand. Li Wenjing trembled slightly and let him hold her hand. "Don't worry about it, just stay with me in Mombasa."

He held her hand tighter, but said to her, "Mombasa is a big city, and many places are more short of doctors than Mombasa."

Li Wenjing said, "Don't overthink it. I actually hope you go to Congo. Why do you always feel useless? You're clearly very capable. Seeing you make the most of your talents, I won't be sad to have such a great friend. It doesn't matter if you're not by my side."

"Honestly? Won't you miss me?"

"Yes." Li Wenjing answered quickly. "You still want to work somewhere else, right? I understand that you can't settle down, and neither can I. Our current situation isn't suitable for a relationship. I like you very much and value our relationship, so I want to take it seriously. I'm different from you. I've been in a relationship before. We were attracted to each other and got together right away. Then we graduated and had different career plans, so we broke up. I suffered for a year or two, burying myself in work and saving money. I even refused to meet anyone my friends introduced me to. Later, I realized that he just wasn't that into me. If he really liked me, it would be because I was included in his life plan."

"You're always so rational." Gu Weiyi smiled. "Do you know what I want to do now? I want to just let go of everything. I haven't been this happy with you in a long time. Wherever you go, I'll go. I'll make sure you don't get sick and cook delicious food for you. Is that okay with you?"

Li Wenjing smiled and shook her head. "At my age, I'm not as passionate anymore. I think about things more. We're not that close yet."

He nodded and put away the novel. Li Wenjing glanced at the time and saw that it was almost time to go to work, so she stood up from the chair and they walked together for a while. He went to the hospital and Li Wenjing went to work. The sun rose higher and Gu Weiyi said he wanted to treat her to breakfast. Li Wenjing said no, just go to the office and eat something. The bus was almost here. Gu Weiyi said he would be well soon and went to the bar on the way to buy bread and coffee. As Li Wenjing got on the bus, he waved at her from the front door and quickly gave her breakfast. She got on the bus and looked back. Gu Weiyi was still panting there. When she turned around, he smiled and waved to her.

The coffee was too bitter. Li Wenjing didn't like it, so she put it down after a few sips. Only foreigners like bitterness. She added a little sugar to make it drinkable, which was quite refreshing. Her eyes were fixed on the numbers, but her thoughts turned to Gu Weiyi, Gustav, his mother, love, marriage—was it even possible to evaluate the outcome? A cold-blooded father, a mentally ill mother, and a mentally unstable child—this was the result of their marriage, and she didn't have the ability to bear such a heavy burden. What she didn't say was that if Gu Weiyi didn't recover, his illness worsened, leaving only a foggy mind, that would be the moment when his love would be exhausted. She thought, her humanity couldn't stand the test.

People are very selfish.

At the same time, she thought of her own father and mother: two hot-tempered, selfish people who had left behind a selfish child. Gu Weiyi had said he could give up everything to be with her, but she didn't dare fully embrace him. After a morning of reflection, Li Wenjing finally understood—her tolerance for error in life was too low. She had to think for herself. There was nothing wrong with this matter, and that was why her relationship with Dr. Chen didn't work out.