Chapter 36

The setting sun, almost at the horizon, used its blinding sunlight as a deceptive weapon, bringing a stinging sensation without gentleness, while the tears welling up in my eyes brought amplified the bitterness, making it almost impossible for me to open my eyes.

The figures on the beach were blurry and indistinct, like a dream, only the sounds that reached my ears were so clear.

"Sanae, actually I..."

Amidst those jokes, some genuine, some feigned, in those thoughts that only occasionally linger in my mind, on the beach late at night and in the cabin at Christmas, in every thoughtless phone call I made, I thought we were inseparable friends, friends who could talk about anything, family members who were closely connected and would never be apart—

I've searched for countless definitions to define our relationship, but I never thought it would be love; I never knew what it was.

I don't know why everyone understands that love in movies is blue. I don't know why Niou asked me what bitter summer was at that time. I don't know why I, who said thank you to everyone for their blessings, said I wasn't doing well at this moment. I don't know why any of this happened.

But the next second I heard myself interrupt him before he could finish speaking. I put my phone away, leaned down so much that half of my body was hanging over the balcony, and tears fell one by one. I shouted at the indistinct figure, "Guoguang, I know, I understand everything."

As dusk fell and the setting sun gradually disappeared into the sea, the world before my eyes gradually became clearer, but I still couldn't find his figure at the end of my vision. I stood on tiptoe to look downstairs, and then looked into the distance.

How could this be? How could there be no one here? Am I really just dreaming?

Until someone wrapped their arms tightly around my waist from behind, the real and tangible warmth shattered my dream, and I fell into an embrace. Warm breath brushed against my ear, and short, prickly hair brushed against my cheek. I turned around, and there it was, a perfectly timed kiss.

I froze for half a second, staring wide-eyed at him, completely unprepared for Tezuka's sudden approach. His glasses slipped down a little, and our eyes met without any obstruction. I instinctively lowered my gaze, my eyes scanning his nose and slowly moving downwards, finally settling on his lips.

I noticed that the upward curve was becoming more and more obvious; he was smiling.

The belated heat finally crept onto my cheeks at this moment. I easily broke free, but he only stepped aside half a step, then placed his hands on the railing, trapping me in place as I turned around.

"Quiet." He interrupted me before I could speak, touching me again lightly, like a dragonfly skimming the water, and then a torrent of emotions surged forth. Our lips brushed together, exchanging breaths, and the bitterness of tears lingered on our tongues.

It's as if Tezuka is telling me that he has been waiting and looking forward to this for a long time, but the one who is crying all the time is me.

The long kiss ended as the last ray of light disappeared over the sea. I raised my hand to straighten his glasses, noticing the still-present curve, and then, as if taking a defensive measure, I covered his mouth with my hand.

"Listen to me carefully," I said, feigning a warning. "Nod if you agree."

He nodded twice in response, and only then did I let go of his hand.

"Why are you here? Don't you have a match tomorrow? Did no one come back with you? Or did you hurt your hand again?"

A barrage of questions immediately brought me back to my old self. Tezuka looked at me with a hint of helplessness. I didn't know if his gaze was suggesting that I genuinely lacked any romantic qualities, or if he simply had difficulty answering all my questions at once.

After all, given my limited understanding, I cannot explain to myself why he would make a special trip to Japan on the day the results were released.

—I wanted to see you because I was feeling really bad after losing the game.

—The match is tomorrow afternoon, and I will take a night flight back to Singapore.

—I came alone; Bass doesn't know yet.

—My hand is recovering very well and hasn't hurt since.

He answered every question, then paused for a moment before turning the tables and asking me, "And you, why did you say it wasn't very good?"

I said almost without hesitation: "Because I saw that a classmate who didn't do as well as me in the mock exam got into the science category. Okay, you can laugh at me now."

Tezuka smiled, pulled me into his arms again, rubbed his chin against my hairline, and gently stroked my back. His voice flowed slowly past my ear: "You must listen to what I have to say."

Then I heard him say, "I love you, from the past to the present and into the future, I will always love you."

At that moment, I suddenly realized that while I was searching for countless definitions, Tezuka Kunimitsu had already taken ninety-nine steps closer to me, and now this was his final step.

I still don't know when my moment will arrive. We can't answer the question "How did I fall in love with you?" as easily as ordinary lovers. It's as if from the moment our lives intersected, countless threads have been connecting us, weaving into a strong rope that tightly binds our wrists.

When it was time to send him away, I watched the taxi drive away from the coast, become a dot, and then disappear from sight. For the first time, I had the illusion deep in my heart that I "hoped he would stay."

Many years later, at Roland Garros Stadium, on a clear day, when I saw him raise the trophy above his head and smile at me in the stands, I could only recall how much I had hoped he would fly higher and farther than anyone else.

Then, I graduated.

That morning, it rained for half an hour, washing the air exceptionally fresh. When the sun finally broke free from the clouds, the whole class counted down in a less-than-coordinated manner, "three, two, one," as directed by the photographer. I looked up and squinted at the light, and with the click of the shutter, a bewildered expression was captured in the graduation photo.

Standing in front of me was the girl I'd been sitting next to for two years. She turned around, opened her phone's camera, and invited me to take a picture together. I walked over to her and bent down slightly to match her height. The girl on the screen, making a peace sign with her hand to the side of her face, had a liveliness I didn't usually notice, while I could only manage a stiff and formal smile.

We took a photo together under the cherry blossom tree that unexpectedly brought us closer. It was then that I realized we didn't have each other's contact information. She shook her head, looked at me, and said, "I think we probably won't see each other again." Then she looked at the other people around us, "Maybe this is the last time I'll see them too. Aren't we always growing up saying goodbye?"

"Okada-san," she pointed to the ends of my hair, "I'm actually quite envious of you. I've never had the chance to try any hairstyle other than shoulder-length hair. I've never used the hair clip you gave me before, but I realized how cute it could be when you put it on."

She paused for a few seconds, looked up at the sky, then shielded her eyes with her finger, and continued, "But I'm just envious, like when I see the sun I think it's so hot and dazzling."

Finally, we wished each other "all the best," and never met again after leaving school. I heard that she left Kanagawa without telling her parents, stayed at the national university at the southernmost tip of the country, studied, pursued further education, and then taught, never to return.

I sometimes think of her words: we always grow up saying goodbye.

Yagyu's flight takes off at 2 PM the day after graduation, Niou will be taking the Shinkansen to Sendai in a week, and I will be moving to Tokyo in ten days.

That was the plan, of course. However, after the ceremony, Yagyu and I avoided all the enthusiastic juniors and caught Niou, who was hiding away, on the rooftop. The three of us slipped out of the school and stayed at the beach all night. We lay on the beach and talked about everything except the future. Even when we were sleepy, we didn't dare to fall asleep. No one mentioned anything related to "goodbye" until Yagyu got into his family's car.

At that moment, Niou, who was leaning against the railing, suddenly asked me, "Do you have any pocket money?"

"What? Are you going to extort money from me for travel expenses to go to school?" My mind was a complete blank after staying up all night, and I replied without thinking.

"I remember he had a layover in Hong Kong, then flew to London that night." Renwang looked in the direction the car had left, then turned back to me. "Are you going or not?"

Even now, I can't help but laugh when I think about the expression on Liu Sheng's face when he saw the two of us at the airport. Anyone who didn't know better would think he had seen a ghost again, and he just stood there, too scared to move.

"I thought he'd be a little touched," I said.

"It seems more like they're scared," Niou said, putting his arm around my shoulder.

After a while, Yagyu took out his phone and quickly typed a long message. Then, he picked up his bag, walked between me and Niou, and put his arm around both of our shoulders: "Let's go."

Now it was our turn to be puzzled, but Liu Sheng, unusually, put on the airs of a young master: "Someone will help me with my luggage in London tomorrow, let's have an urban adventure now."

What was supposed to be a surprise farewell turned into an unexpected graduation trip. Ren and I spent all our pocket money on round-trip airfare, so Yagyu took out the supplementary credit card that he had mentioned to me before and generously booked a high-floor suite in a hotel overlooking the night view of Victoria Harbour.

Just like when we sneaked away from our class on school trips in middle school, it was us then, and it is us now.

Wandering aimlessly through unfamiliar streets, I embellished the ghost stories I told Yagyu as we passed Chungking Mansions. Then, Niou and I hid in a corner watching his panicked state, and I ended up getting a hard knock on the forehead.

It wasn't until the night before we parted, when we climbed to the top of Victoria Peak and gazed at the twinkling city lights, that I finally brought up the words we had been avoiding: "Until we meet again, my friend."

Yagyu took out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me, but I couldn't reach out to take it because Niou came over and opened his arms to hug me and Yagyu. I was forced between the two of them, and my snot and tears were all over Yagyu's shoulder.

"Thanks."

"goodbye."

They walked one after the other, leaving short words in my ear.

I think life is like turning the pages of a book. Before you can savor the content of the previous page, the next chapter is about to begin. Perhaps the most exciting part of my life has already become the past, and only the ever-turning pages remind me that reminiscing is pointless.

"Look ahead." Time said this as it tossed aside this boring novel about me, so I stopped chasing after it and opened it.

Hello, I am Sanae Okada.

-The End-