Yagyu IF Route: Perfect Partners, Zero-Point Lovers

03 ■ What do you think love is now?

"Good morning."

I was supposed to get up at 5:30 as usual, but this day I was woken up by a "good morning" from beside my ear. The warmth that wasn't mine came through the thin clothes, the palm of my hand pressed against my lower abdomen under the rolled-up T-shirt, and the sound of breathing gradually calming down behind my ear. It took me three seconds to fully wake up. I slowly turned over in my arms and raised my head to meet those eyes that weren't blocked by glasses.

"Did you sleep well?" This was the second greeting. I nodded and tried to get up to check the time, but I was held tightly in her arms.

The early spring morning still carried the chill of winter. I snuggled deeper into the covers, and he placed a kiss on my forehead, gently saying, "It's too cold, lie down a little longer."

Ah, last night was the first time I let him stay overnight.

After officially entering a relationship, I didn't feel caught off guard as I had imagined. Instead, it felt like something that happened naturally. Especially since Liu Sheng and I had a very deep friendship built on our past as classmates. However, it seems quite rare for friends to become lovers. For most people, getting to know each other usually comes after falling in love. If we had gone through getting to know each other beforehand and jumped straight into love, how far could we have gone?

Honestly, when people are in love, they unconsciously imagine a future scenario, which is to add the other person to the original future that only includes themselves. Even though they know that the possibility of it coming true is uncertain, they still can't help it. I thought I was different from others, but in the end, Okada Sanae in love was just an ordinary person.

I woke up an hour later than usual, which is unusual, but I'm used to running every morning, so I ended up getting up first by pinning Yagyu to the bed with my judo skills. It wasn't that I was trying to embarrass him, but with my fighting prowess, even three Yagyus might not be able to subdue me.

This morning, when I stood up, I had a slight backache. Seeing me rubbing my lower back and frowning, the culprit, still lying in bed, actually laughed out loud and lunged at me in protest. I pressed down on his shoulders and looked down at him: "You still know how to laugh, huh? Get up, let's go for a morning run together."

"Morning exercise can be something else, right?" Liu Sheng reached out and pressed my lower back. "It's so cold to go for a run in this weather." My body trembled uncontrollably. This very clever man seized my moment of vulnerability and successfully turned me from the initiator into the passive.

I'm truly defeated by him.

Shortly after the start of my senior year's first semester, I gave up my apartment near the University of Tokyo. Yagyu's research lab was located at the border of Kanagawa and Kohoku wards, not exactly close to my family's ramen shop. To avoid my father's nagging, I only told him that I had found a place near my internship company, which was why I wasn't going home. So, until now, they've only ever thought of Yagyu as a very close high school classmate. I don't know whether to call them oblivious or if I'm just not really like a girl in love.

I discussed the accommodation with Liu Sheng and we decided to move into his apartment temporarily. After all, it would be a few months of internship, and the transportation and rent expenses would not be a small amount. He originally didn't even charge rent, but I still insisted on giving him a sum of money based on the market price of the house and half of the monthly mortgage payment.

We are lovers, but before that I was Sanae Okada.

After my internship started, my work and work environment were very monotonous. I would arrive at the lab at nine o'clock sharp in the morning and leave at five o'clock in the evening. Unlike me, who lived a researcher's life of going back and forth between two points, Yagyu sometimes came back very late. I guess he had to entertain clients to discuss investments, so he always had a strange smell of smoke and alcohol on him. When I took his suit jacket, I couldn't help but sigh, "So Hiroshi is a businessman too."

"I'd rather you use the term 'socialite'." He loosened his tie and hugged me from behind. "I'm so tired today, I don't want to move."

"Seeing you like this, I really have no hope for my life after graduation," I said with a smile, raising my hand to pinch his cheek. "President Yagyu, you've worked hard. Would you like to take a shower first or eat first?"

"Of course, we should eat first." He said, pulling me towards the kitchen and kissing me.

I could go on and on about our sweet, everyday moments, but that's not the point of our story. Mentally speaking, I've never really felt that he was any different from the Yagyu I knew before. We always had that unspoken understanding that a single glance was enough for us to know each other, and that a single gesture was enough for us to communicate. He was definitely standing beside me, but we were far from being side by side.

Let me explain my reasons.

If we have free time on the weekend, we watch movies in the living room to pass the time. We have similar tastes, but in addition to being interested in mystery and suspense, I am also very keen on horror movies. Although Liu Sheng looks calm and collected even if the sky falls, he is actually a very timid person. This week it was my turn to choose a movie. In order not to scare my dear boyfriend to the point of losing consciousness, I compromised and chose a relatively mild movie by Hitchcock, at least it is classified as a romance movie, "Spellbound" [1].

After all, I think I could laugh for twenty years about the last time he was so scared by The Psycho [2] that he fell asleep.

The movie started playing, and I secretly glanced at the silent Yagyu, then turned my head back.

Actually, the atmosphere was quieter than usual today. I know it wasn't because I chose Hitchcock again, but because he overheard me talking to my mentor on the phone about the civil service exam.

On a side note, I had the idea of ​​becoming a professional Japanese police officer when I was very young. Especially after my master's grandson, Tezuka Kunimitsu, who is also my childhood friend of more than ten years, resolutely went to Germany to become a professional tennis player, he threw a task similar to succession onto my shoulders. Of course, I was happy to take on this task, because it was something I wanted to do in the first place. However, when I was envisioning this future, I did not include Yagyu in my mind.

When it comes to love, the twists and turns between Constance and John, and the natural progression of my relationship with Yagyu, I don't know why I found a strange resonance in them. Perhaps all love stories should begin like a sudden flash of lightning illuminating that person, but Constance's story wasn't like that, nor was mine.

My internship ended near the end of summer vacation. After returning to school, I discussed the report I had completed during the internship with Xinjin, and the two of us published another article under the guidance of our supervisor.

"Are you thinking of applying to Tamura's training program?" Niitsu asked me while I was typing up some documents in the printing room. "Or are you planning to get married right after graduation, like Nanami?"

"I don't want to study anymore, it's not for me." I shook my head and tidied up the printed papers. "And marriage? Why would I want to get married?"

"Aren't you and that man in the suit already living together?" Xinjin said expressionlessly.

"Aren't you meddling too much, Shinjin?" I said coldly, pressed the stapler twice, picked up the documents, and walked out the door.

If I had told Yagyu what kind of future I wanted before we fell in love, there probably wouldn't have been such a disappointment. We both believed too early that we would stay together for a long time, that things would remain the same, and that we would just keep going like this. But what we ended up with, I didn't know at the time.

Later, it seemed that Yagyu didn't notice my thoughts, and we continued to get along as usual, just like any other couple who were still in love.

Another year has come, and only I know that something is indeed different.

It's hard to believe, but during the time we were together, we never argued, not even once. Just like those six years from the first year of middle school to the third year of high school, we did things perfectly to make each other feel comfortable, so there was no possibility of any dissatisfaction.

"Incredible."

This was the first thing Niou Masaharu said when he accidentally stumbled into Yagyu's apartment during summer vacation and found me dressed in my pajamas.

I did ask him why he thought that way, but his answers were always unreliable. He said, "I'd rather believe that you two like the same person than that you two will end up together."

"Renwang-sensei, what's the meaning of this explanation?" I opened a can of beer and handed it to him.

"You should know that the tacit understanding between partners doesn't apply to lovers. Being completely transparent with each other is actually a weakness. You two know each other too well," Niou said, taking a big gulp of his drink. "Well, who can say for sure what will happen in the future, Puri."

I thought about his words for a long time. Was I myself in front of Yagyu, or did I unconsciously become the person who was suitable to be Yagyu's girlfriend? Just like we never discussed the matter of becoming a policeman. Everything was proceeding in tacit agreement. I was using my silence to make him believe that I would stay, even become a member of the company, a member of the group, and then naturally continue my life.

But that's not actually the case. I have things I want to do, but I don't tell the world about them by writing a resume like other soon-to-be graduates do.

On the day of the civil service exam, I lied to Yagyu for the first time, went out alone, and then ran into Sanada Genichiro, who was assigned to the same district as me, at the entrance of the exam hall.

After that, I received a notification that I had passed the interview and would be starting work soon.

Then came a kidnapping case that shocked all of Tokyo.

After that, came the first and final confession.[2]

That evening, in the same coffee shop, in the same spot, at the same time.

I looked up into his eyes and said, "Hiross, let's break up."

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

She always slept very well, and she would usually maintain the same position until morning, so even though the two of them were lying in the not-so-large bed, it didn't feel cramped. In Yagyu's memory, Okada was always very physically fit, because during the high school sports festival, she could not only run a women's 1000-meter and 3000-meter races without stopping, but she could even stay in the student council office to handle affairs. In fact, her physical strength could not be described simply as good.

What's it like to have a girlfriend who never gets tired of you? It's that you absolutely can't be the first to say no.

If Yagyu hadn't had the background of being a regular member of the tennis club, he probably would have been completely drained by her.

What are you thinking? He's talking about Okada's habit of getting up at 5:30 every morning for a run, not Sanada Genichiro. How can anyone really wake up without an alarm clock at the exact minute?

To tell you something that others might not know, she is very ticklish.

If you touch her when she's on guard, you can certainly hold back, after all, she's the captain of the judo club. But if you suddenly pinch her when she's not paying attention, Okada will act like a startled big cat, as if all the fur on his body stands on end.

This became the only weakness that Yagyu was able to exploit.

In late spring, she moved into our house carrying two suitcases. When asked why she had so little luggage, she simply said, "You'll definitely prepare everything, Hiroshi."

And indeed, that was the case. The day he heard she was moving in, he wanted to make two copies of all his household items. They had an unspoken understanding that didn't pose any problem at that time. Spending that spring and summer together was wonderful. The happiness of seeing each other as soon as he got home made Liu Sheng completely intoxicated.

It wasn't until she secretly passed the top-tier civil service exam and police academy training, and then appeared before him as a police inspector in the Metropolitan Police Department's Fourth Investigation Division, that he suddenly realized he had never existed.

Yagyu had considered the potential dangers of her job, but he didn't really feel it yet. After all, it wasn't a place with such bad security that he wouldn't dare go out at night. That day, he stayed at her apartment in Tokyo as usual. Before leaving in the morning, Okada had said that they would have dinner together after work. However, before 5 p.m., he received a call from Okada's supervisor in the same department while he was in a meeting.

"Hello, this is Muto. Are you Mr. Yagyu Hiroshi? Okada is currently at Tokyo Imperial Hospital. She was accidentally shot during this afternoon's operation."

"Hello... what did you say?" Liu Sheng's hand holding the phone began to tremble uncontrollably.

"She didn't want to inform her parents, so I informed you. The situation isn't too serious, but she needs someone to take care of her now," Muto said calmly.

"Okay, I'll be right there." He grabbed his car keys and rushed into the elevator almost before the other person hung up.

When they arrived at the ward, Okada was still asleep in bed after taking her medication. Her waist was wrapped in thick bandages. After asking the doctor, they learned that the bullet had grazed her side, but thankfully it hadn't hit any vital organs. As they sat down by the bed, her colleague brought her bag and phone to the ward. Before leaving, the colleague said something like, "I didn't expect her to rush in alone. There were more than a dozen people with guns."

She would do it; Yagyu knew better than anyone that she would.

Okada was discharged from the hospital the next day and went back to work after only three days of rest. She didn't mention her injury to her parents or tell herself why she was shot. The news didn't mention any details of the incident either, only that a vicious gang fight had occurred. Because a certain important person was involved, even the spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police Department spoke very cautiously.

"It's just rescuing hostages." That was Okada's explanation.

Her wounds gradually healed, but the scars left behind reminded Yagyu countless times of what the future held for her.

Not long after, the very thing that was expected still happened. Yagyu looked at Okada, who was as calm and rational as ever, and nodded very calmly.

He remembered that when they were together, she always liked to say to him, "Before becoming Hiroshi's girlfriend, I am first and foremost Okada Sanae." So when he found out that he was not in her future plans, Yagyu was not surprised. Instead, he thought to himself, "This is the real her."

To be honest, he still liked her very much. Even when he realized that the two of them should separate, Yagyu never denied the fact that Okada was still in his heart. It was because of this that he and she kept their relationship a secret, avoiding thinking about the future like ostriches, but Okada still woke him up.

Very good, Okada is still the same Captain who never admits defeat.

The moment he became her boyfriend, he could never go back to being the first mate. A captain without a sailor stands firm in the storm because she is brave, and no one else is needed to be braver. Thinking of this, an overwhelming sense of defeat welled up within him.

The back view I've been looking at for so long has always just been a back view; the vow to stand side by side now seems like nothing more than a joke.

Is it ironic? No, it's just a pity. It's a pity that I didn't ask her sooner before we became partners.

The time wasn't long, nor was it short. If he really wanted to try and salvage the relationship, perhaps forcing it wouldn't have been impossible. It wasn't that Yagyu disliked Okada becoming a policeman; rather, he had prematurely envisioned a future for them, only to suddenly realize that everything needed to be started anew, causing him panic. However, the more he understood Okada, the less he would try to hold her back.

That's why Niou said, "You two shouldn't have been together in the first place, okay? Being happy together doesn't mean you're in love."

The afternoon they spent snuggling together on the sofa watching "Spellbound" became a rare moment of sadness in their memories. It's something no one would believe if I told them. Every day with Okada was easy and pleasant, without any pressure, and therefore, I had no memories with negative emotions.

Black and white films are the best for concentrating the mind. Without the interference of color, only light and shadow tell the story. I can still remember the general plot framework, and a line from Ingrid Bergman's Constance became a scene that he could never forget.

She said: "The point is that people read about love as one thing and experience it as another. Well, they expect kisses to be like lyrical poems and embraces to be like Shakespearean dramas."[3]

Everyone has an idealized view of love; they yearn for every kiss to be poetic and every embrace to be dramatic. The key is that people can hardly avoid the fact that what they actually experience is completely different from that kind of love.

What is love? It is a complex product born from the intertwining of pain and happiness.

Yagyu considered himself an ordinary person, so he couldn't escape this predicament and couldn't find a way out at the best time. So letting go at this time might not be a bad thing.

After they parted ways, he would occasionally pass by Kagawa Ramen Shop, the ramen shop run by Okada's father. Since Niou had also returned to Yokohama to work after graduating, this place naturally became their meeting place. The shop was always doing good business. Uncle Teppei was a very enthusiastic middle-aged man with a loud voice. Sometimes, even after closing time, he would sit down and chat and drink with them. At this time, Yagyu's identity became that of Okada Sanae's best friend from high school.

"Have you put it down?" Niou asked, putting his arm around his shoulder, a little tipsy from drinking.

"I've let it go," he said, tilting his head back and downing the glass of iced shochu in one gulp. "I've let it go completely."

Sanae Okada was not an ideal lover, but she was the partner that Hiroshi Yagyu cherished most in his life.

Goodbye, zero-point lover.

Hello, perfect partner.

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1. Released in 1945, the black-and-white mystery film "Spellbound," directed by Alfred Hitchcock and starring Ingrid Bergman and Gregory Peck, tells a story closely intertwined with psychoanalysis.

2. Here, "confession" refers to a self-declaration.

3. This dialogue is from Constance and John's conversation, appearing roughly in the first third of the film. The translation is my own and differs from the Shanghai Film Dubbing Studio version, so you don't need to refer to it.