My name is Zhao Xiuyong, and I come from a poor family. My father was a scholar, and I followed in his footsteps and chose to take the imperial examination.

Since I was a child, my father told me that when he went to Lin'an Prefecture to participate in the provincial examination, he received help from a wealthy businessman. In order to thank him, he arranged a marriage for me.

When I was thirteen, my father caught typhoid fever and passed away within a month. Not long after that, my mother also left me.

At that time, I was desperate and thought of going to Lin'an City to find the Gu family. After I arrived at the Gu family, Mr. Gu learned about my identity and heard that I had passed the examination at a young age. He immediately showed his joy and agreed to the marriage.

In fact, I knew that he was willing to take me in simply because he saw profit in me.

It just so happens that I was thinking the same thing. I will wait until I pass the imperial examination before getting married. Once I really pass the imperial examination, I will ask to cancel the engagement.

If he really passes the imperial examination, breaking off the engagement would be just a matter of a word.

So with the help of Mr. Gu, I passed the examination to become a scholar at the age of fifteen, and finally passed the examination to become a juren at the age of seventeen.

I admit that Mr. Gu spent a lot of money to find a famous teacher for me, and also spent a lot of money to let me enter the academy, as well as daily paper, pens, ink, books, etc.

I remember all of this very clearly. At worst, I can return it exactly when I become successful. I never like to owe others anything.

Later, my luck got better and better. When I went to the capital to take the examination, I was appreciated by a fifth-rank official, who even said that he would marry his daughter to me.

I nodded in agreement. This was a fifth-rank official! He also promised that even if I didn't pass the imperial examination, he would find me a good job in the capital.

So even before the examination results came out, I sent out the letter to cancel the engagement.

Things went smoothly afterwards. Although I only ranked in the top 200, I was still considered a proper Gongshi.

But my father-in-law seemed to be impatient and asked me to get married before the palace examination. He also said that his daughter was very popular and asked me to hurry up. So I nodded and agreed.

On the wedding day, they made me drink a lot of wine, especially my father-in-law, Mr. He, and several of his colleagues, who kept pouring me wine.

I don't even know how I got to my new home. I only remember that when I woke up the next day, there was an extremely ugly woman sitting next to me, calling me "husband".

I was so shocked at the time. Later I learned that this woman who looked like a man was my new wife, and the apple of my father-in-law's eye.

As time went by, I felt that this was not a bad thing. My father-in-law and mother-in-law seemed to owe me something, so they were especially nice to me. There were servants serving me in front of and outside the house, and my father-in-law covered all the household expenses. Except that they liked to beat me when I was in a bad mood, there was nothing wrong with them in other aspects.

Afterwards, the palace examination was over and I became a minor official in the capital. But my wife, He Lianhua, heard from somewhere that Ji Yu was my classmate and begged me to take her to meet him.

I also know that Ji Yu was a favorite in the eyes of the noble ladies in the capital, and he even married a woman from a merchant family. Even when the emperor, who ranked second in the imperial examination, intended to marry his daughter to him, he could have refused with a righteous expression.

It was precisely because he was young, handsome, good at writing love poems, and was in love that he became a sixth-rank official at the age of 15, and was directly assigned to the Ministry of Personnel after graduating from the Hanlin Academy.

How dare I ask him out? Would it be embarrassing to ask him out? Moreover, his current position is to manage the examinations, promotions and demotions of civil servants. Even his father-in-law doesn't dare to ask him out, so how dare I ask him out?

But I didn't expect that I would meet him again when I was playing in the suburbs of the city the next day after I rejected my wife's request.

But what surprised me was the person standing next to him. It was my ex-fiancée. They were talking and laughing happily, looking very loving and sweet. They were really a couple who respected each other as equals.

I licked my face and took He Lianhua to say hello. When I didn't find her, I turned around and left with a gloomy face. I could still hear the voices of the two people talking from a distance.

"Shouldn't you say hello? There's no need for me..."

"I am a sixth-rank official and I have to greet a mere eighth-rank official. What's more, he was the one who harmed you..."

I couldn't hear what they said next. Looking at their intimacy, I even thought maliciously in my heart.

She is just a daughter of a merchant. She can only be favored temporarily. After all, using beauty to serve a man will not last long. If she is willing to come back and beg me, I can take her in...

It wasn't until He Lianhua beat and scolded me that I came to my senses.

…

Since the day I accidentally met the two people, I have often had a very strange dream.

In my dream, I passed the imperial examination and married a princess, and in order to avoid being labeled as ungrateful, I cruelly hired a few beggars to defile her, causing her to commit suicide.

Is this a dream or the evil in my heart?

None of this matters anymore. Gu Qingqing is out of my reach now. Ji Yunian was only 22 years old when he was promoted to the third rank official, and she also became a third rank imperial lady.

But I have been working at the eighth rank for several years and am still at the eighth rank.

But she was, after all, an official wife who was out of my reach. Ji Yu even became a model for husbands in the capital, not taking concubines but respecting women and loving his wife...

These have nothing to do with me, except that He Lianhua has been beating me harder recently. She also heard from somewhere that it was because of me that Ji Yu broke off the engagement that he was able to marry his beloved wife.

He Lianhua beat me and scolded me at the same time, as if if I married Gu Qingqing, she could marry Ji Yu.

How is that possible!

When I was young, I thought that she and I were from two different worlds. I was a scholar and was superior, while she was the daughter of a merchant and was disgraceful.

It was only after many years that I realized that he and I were from two different worlds. She and her husband were in great love and had a high status, while I and my husband were separated and lived our lives in seclusion.

If I had to do it again, would I regret it? I don't think so! After all, I am not Ji Yu, I don't have his talent. I can't be together forever.