11.001 The contradiction between reason and emotion

When Su Yu got home at noon that day, she first washed the rice and put it in the pot to cook. When she scooped out the rice, she glanced at the rice that was almost empty and her hand trembled. Originally, there was only half a bowl of rice left. But thinking of the fatty meat she had cut that morning, she didn't want to waste good food, so she scooped out another half bowl of rice from the rice bag.

The fat, about the length of an index finger and the thickness of a palm, was soaked in a bucket. It was then cut into pieces and rendered into oil in a pot. Once the fat slices were browned, cowpeas were added. The cowpeas absorbed the oil and salt, changing color. The drained rice was then added, and a wooden lid was placed on top. The pot was kept warm over a low flame, and soon the aroma of the food wafted out.

She lifted the pot lid, stirred the food evenly, and continued to simmer it. She took out the unburnt firewood and threw it into the slop bucket. Through the rising white smoke, she went out to find her child to come back for dinner.

The scorching midday sun turned people's skin red. Su Yu circled around twice but couldn't find anyone, so she had no choice but to imitate the woman in the memory and stand in the alley to shout loudly: "Xiao Yuan, Ping An, come back for dinner."

"Xu Yuan, Ning Ping'an, are you going to eat?"

"Eat." The voice came from the right side of the alley, and then a black boy ran back, covered in sweat. Ignoring Su Yu's furrowed brows, he pulled her hand and led her home.

"Where's your brother?" Su Yu asked.

"His grandma called him to come home for dinner, saying that his aunt was coming today and there was meat stewed at home."

"Mom, what are we having for lunch today?" he asked expectantly.

“We’ll eat meat too.” Su Yu shook off his sweaty hand, ruffled his damp hair, and instructed, “Come back by yourself at noon from now on, don’t wait for me to call you.”

"Okay." Upon hearing that they would also eat meat, Xu Yuan nodded vigorously, agreeing to everything, and even skipped around as he walked.

Lifting the lid, the rice at the bottom had already turned into a golden-brown crust. Xu Yuan washed his hands and face and came in, exclaiming, "Wow! Pork lard and green bean rice! It wasn't brought back from the cafeteria!"

"Here, take it out to eat." Su Yu shared half of the greasy rice crust with him, and also picked out several slices of pork and put them in his bowl. There wasn't a single piece of meat in her own bowl, though. What she was craving was rice cooked on a wood-fired stove. As long as there was enough oil and salt, she didn't care whether there was meat or not.

"Mom, your cooking has gotten better." Xu Yuan praised her, chewing on the crispy rice crust, making a crunching sound, his face full of satisfaction.

As long as you're willing to add oil and salt, along with ginger, garlic, and chili peppers, plus pesticide-free rice and vegetables and grass-fed pork, the taste won't be bad once it's cooked properly. Su Yu gladly accepted the praise.

Suddenly, a pair of chopsticks were poked at her, and two more pieces of meat appeared in her bowl. Su Yu looked up and saw that the little boy looked very uncomfortable.

"Mom, you should eat meat too." After saying that, he lowered his head and ate his rice, almost burying his head in the bowl.

"My son is so thoughtful." This is a child who doesn't know how to say "I love you" and feels awkward about expressing his care.

For the first time, Su Yu didn't mind the child's saliva being dirty and fed the meat, which still had bits of rice stuck to it, into his mouth.

She cooled the leftover cowpea rice, put it in a bowl, placed it in a basin of cold water, and put it in the cupboard. "This is for your brother. He didn't eat lunch, so this will be his dinner tonight," she said to Xu Yuan.

Xu Yuan nodded and asked, "If I also go to my grandma's house for dinner, will they save some of the good food for me?"

“You can stay for one day, otherwise the food will spoil overnight, so I won’t save any for you.” She pushed him out to wash his hair and instructed him, “If someone comes to pick you up from your maternal or paternal grandparents’ house, you must tell me first. If you run away with someone, I won’t know. If I can’t find you, I can only call the police and say that someone has kidnapped my child.” She was afraid that he would be like Ning Ping’an, running away with someone without saying a word.

"Okay, I won't follow Ping An's example." He stuck out his butt, lowered his head and squinted, burying his head in the basin of water. He felt his mother's hand stroking his hair and smiled happily. His mother washed his hair but not Ping An's.

Su Yu didn't have the habit of taking a nap, and it was early before she had to go to work. She told Xiao Yuan to lock the door from the outside, and then went out for a stroll alone with her money and coupons in her pocket. She had already used up her meat coupons, and it was only the middle of the month. There was only a small half-can of oil left at home. If she didn't find a way soon, she would have to eat at the cafeteria.

Everyone was taking a nap at this time, and it was quiet all around. Su Yu, wearing a straw hat, strolled over to the slaughterhouse. Before she even got close, she could hear the buzzing of flies. The gate was tightly closed, and there was no sound from inside. That's understandable; if you want fresh pork, you have to slaughter pigs at three or four in the morning and send them to the supply and marketing cooperative and the canteens of various factories at dawn.

Su Yu waited for a while but still didn't see anyone, so she had to go back empty-handed, thinking that she should get up early the next morning to look for the black market.

As she entered the alley, she encountered a little girl who was barely taller than her waist, carrying a basket filled with wet clothes. Seeing that she was struggling, Su Yu quickly walked a few steps to catch up with her and took the basket from her. "Is that Er Ya? Did you go to the river to wash your clothes? Go at a different time next time. Everyone is sleeping at this time. If you slip into the water, no one will answer your cries for help."

Er Ya was the second daughter of the man with the throat problem, who lived next door to the Ning family on the right. Her mother was a saleswoman at the supply and marketing cooperative. Thinking of the man who kept coughing, Su Yu suddenly remembered that she no longer heard the sound of rats gnawing on bricks inside the wall.

"I have to go out to collect firewood at other times, so I only have time at noon." Er Ya rubbed her arm, which was covered in blood marks, and felt numb and painful.

"Tell your mom to go wash the clothes after get off work this afternoon. The water is deep where you wash clothes; if you slip, you'll drown. I'm not kidding." As she spoke, they arrived at the door. Just as Su Yu stepped out of her house, the door opened, and a woman stood inside, her face looking rather unpleasant.

Su Yu hesitated for a moment, but still chimed in, "Sister Du, could you tell Er Ya to go to the river to wash clothes at a different time? Right now, everyone is sleeping inside, the river is deep, and Er Ya is short and thin. If she slips into the river, she'll be in big trouble. Go when there are more people around, and the adults can help keep an eye on her."

"This brat is slacking off again, isn't she? How can I let you carry the basket?" Du Xiaojuan took the basket of clothes and continued, "Our girl isn't as delicate as you say. She's used to doing chores. Her sister has been washing clothes for years and hasn't drowned."

She didn't care about or feel sorry for other people's children, so Su Yu couldn't do anything about it. After being ridiculed, she could only turn around and walk towards her own door with a stern face. When she opened the door, she heard Du Xiaojuan asking, "What did she say to you?"

"Crazy." Su Yu cursed inwardly, thinking that she, a woman, was ruining her daughter.

Xu Yuan was still asleep, so Su Yu went to wake him up. Kids are sleepy, and if you don't wake them, they can sleep until sunset, but then they can't fall asleep at night.

Xu Yuan was still in a daze when he was woken up. He sat on the threshold staring blankly at the gate until Su Yu dug in the dirt for a while before he came to his senses and ran over to ask, "Mom, why are you digging in the yard?"

"Grow vegetables." Su Yu planned to start a small vegetable garden along the wall, plant some scallions and garlic, and sow some radish and cabbage seeds. That way, she wouldn't have to buy vegetables every meal, and she couldn't bring vegetables back every time she went to her parents' house, lest her sister-in-law have a problem with it.

Around 2:30, the alley started to get lively. Su Yu put down her shovel and prepared to go to work. Before leaving, she told Xu Yuan: "Remember to lock the door when you go out. Hang the key around your neck so you don't lose it. Don't go into the water. You absolutely mustn't go into the water. The river in town is deep. If you fall in, you won't be able to find anyone. If you fall in, you won't see me again."

"Okay." He agreed, and after his mother left, he dragged the shovel over and continued digging. He was not even as tall as the shovel, so he stood on the shovel and jumped around, letting the shovel stick into the soil. He pressed his body down on the wooden handle, and his hair was sweaty from all the fuss, but he was still full of energy.

When Su Yu came back from get off work, the dirt dug at the base of the wall was an arm's length longer than when she left. She put the cornbread she brought back from the canteen into the kitchen, along with two potatoes. She had taken these because she saw others taking them; after all, if she didn't take them, others would benefit anyway. They were all workers, so why would she be stupid enough to deliberately take a loss?

For dinner, she cooked cornmeal porridge, sliced ​​cornbread and baked it, stir-fried hot and sour shredded potatoes and leftover cowpea rice from lunch. She called out to the two children digging in the dirt outside, "Dinner's ready, set the table and chairs."

"Here, this is the rice with cowpeas you didn't eat at noon. It has slices of meat in it." Su Yu handed the fried rice to Ning Ping'an. Seeing his happy face, she said to him, "From now on, whether you go to your grandma's house, your aunt's house, or your maternal grandma's house for a meal, you must tell me first. Otherwise, we won't save any more delicious food for you."

"I had Xu Yuan tell him," he argued.

“Am I cooking for you or Xiao Yuan? This is called respect, you know? If you don’t give me a heads-up, I won’t tell you if there’s meat or chicken stew at home in the future. I’ll only tell Xiao Yuan, and whether he tells you or not is entirely up to him.”

"Unless you steal it, you won't cook meat or chicken, and you're not afraid of shit sticking out in your face when you brag." He curled his lip in disdain.

Su Yu chewed on the crumbly cornbread, so dry it made her throat choke and had no other flavor, just like Ping An's words, which left her feeling suffocated and listless. She had previously seen him helping to dig the soil and clear the vegetable garden, and thought the boy was just stubborn, and had even considered giving him a proper lesson. But now, after his rebuke, she had no more thoughts and decided to let him be.

Su Yu ignored him after that, but he still ran in and out without a care in the world, leading the children in the alley to play hide-and-seek in the yard. Su Yu sighed. Children this age are annoying to cats and dogs, and they are very destructive. She was helpless because she could not patiently teach them.

If she had been given two babies when she transmigrated, holding, coaxing, and taking care of them would have been just physical labor. But a one-year-old child is at the most adorable and endearing age, and she would have developed an emotional bond with the baby, perhaps even awakening her maternal instincts. She probably wouldn't have been so quick to want to let the child run wild like she is now.

She found a temporary reason to be discouraged, and following the system's advice, she broke up the clods of soil she had turned over and sprinkled water on them. She also sprinkled half a basket of wood ash from the stove hole, saying it would kill insects.

The next day, she got up before dawn, put on her patched clothes, and tiptoed out. Just as dawn was breaking, she finally found the legendary black market, but it seemed to have closed down. She went in and saw that there weren't many things for sale.

She hurriedly bought two jin of cucumbers that didn't require ration coupons, and then bought five fried dough sticks when she passed by a state-run restaurant. She went back, boiled three bowls of water, and had a quick and easy meal. She was too lazy to go back and cook after running around all morning.

On her way to work, she asked herself, "Shumanpo, how did your former owner make money off you?"

"I can only treat trees. If you ask me whether the trees or vegetables I planted are alive or dead, I know. But I really don't know anything about making money or personal relationship advice." Tree Hill repeated to its owner again. It was scared of all this. It didn't have a brain, so why make things difficult for it?

"I just wanted to learn from it," Su Yu explained.

"A tree dies when transplanted, but a person thrives. I'm not human, so don't ask me!" It avoided the question at all costs.

Fine, she'll give up on this little system for now. The fruit trees are in another town, and she's hoping to get lucky. But even dead mice wouldn't want her.

She had already prepared lunch when the door was pushed open. "Ping An, Grandma stewed eggs for you and added three drops of sesame oil. It smells delicious. Come on, let's go to Grandma's for lunch," Zhao Guixiang called from outside the door, not even glancing at the other two people in the yard.

Su Yu knew that this was the old lady trying to isolate and disgust her. Ha, what a waste of time, acting like she was in a palace drama.