34.034 In Memory

On the 18th day of the twelfth lunar month, Su Yu and Ning Jin went to work on time. Ning Jin made two short trips without resting in between, and didn't stop until the 29th day of the twelfth lunar month. Su Yu's work was simple: taking inventory of production materials, preparing for the New Year, and distributing the New Year's goods to the regular workers on the 29th day of the twelfth lunar month—five cans of oranges and pears, five salted duck eggs, two catties of meat, and one catty of cottonseed oil per person. Then the factory closed for the official New Year celebration.

Ping An and Xiao Yuan were like mice that had fallen into a rice jar. There were ten cans of food at home. They kept four to give as gifts, and the remaining six could last them until the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, even if they ate one a day.

"Let's go to the supply and marketing cooperative to buy New Year's goods." Su Yu handed the money and coupons to the man. "Buy whatever you think is appropriate for your mother and Grandma Ping'an. Give them whatever you want."

Ning Jin was too lazy to deal with these trivial matters, so he pushed the money and tickets to her and said, "You can buy whatever you want. I already said you're the head of the family, so buying New Year's goods is your responsibility."

Su Yu didn't want to worry about this. If the people weren't satisfied with what she bought, they would accuse her of being stingy. "Ping An, here, take this money. Take your dad to buy things for your grandma and maternal grandma to wish them a Happy New Year. If he's too lazy to go, you can buy all the milk candy and I won't care."

"If I go and buy it, all the remaining money is mine?" Ping An asked.

"Yes, how much you can keep is up to you."

As soon as Su Yu said this, Ping An clutched the money, itching to spend it, and even Xiao Yuan was eagerly waiting for his mother to give him a share of the money.

"Dad, you rest, I'll go buy it." Ping An eagerly offered to do the work.

The man glared at Su Yu, then snatched the money from his son's hand, saying, "I wouldn't dare trouble you."

"Come on, I'll go shopping for New Year's goods with you." He reached out and put his arm around the woman, then quickly let go as soon as they reached the front door. Once outside, he became a proper man again.

"You two follow me," Su Yu called back to the two children inside the house.

When Su Yu entered the supply and marketing cooperative, she wanted to buy things separately from the man. She turned around and told him, and he nodded. But he just followed behind her. When she bought two ounces of tobacco, he bought two ounces too. When she went to weigh two jin of milk cake, he weighed two jin as well.

Su Yu turned around and glared at him, "Your dad doesn't smoke, so who are you buying tobacco for?" None of the men in the Ning family smoke; it's a very good tradition.

“…Then give it to my father-in-law.” He frowned. “I’ll follow behind you. If you think I can buy it, then nod.”

Su Yu didn't know what to say. When Xiao Yuan and Ping An came to the supply and marketing cooperative, they were like cats seeing fish. When Ning Jin bought some New Year's gifts, Xiao Yuan was like something on the counter that wanted to jump up and bite him.

Su Yu went to buy two fish and said to him, "Buy four, two for each family." As soon as she said that, she felt unhappy. They were causing her trouble, and she still had to worry about buying them New Year's gifts?

“You can buy it yourself. It’s just a few things. Whether you buy more or less, good or bad, it’s all up to you.” She stopped giving him advice.

She fell silent. On the way back, she looked at the things he was carrying. He hadn't bought the wrong things, and the quantities were correct. You see, it's not that he didn't know how to buy things; he was just too lazy to bother.

As soon as she entered the alley, someone greeted Su Yu: "Hurry back, your father has been here for a while and is waiting outside the door."

"Dad, why are you here at this hour?" Su Yu walked back and saw the old man sitting at the door again, holding his pipe.

"Dad, come on in and sit down." Ning Jin helped him up, picked up the bucket by the door and walked behind him. The fish in the bucket were still splashing in the water.

"It's almost Chinese New Year, so I'm bringing you some fish. These were caught in the village's pond when it was flooded. They're wild fish, and they taste really good." It's been three or four months since his leg was fully healed, and he can walk without any problems now. When the team distributes things for the New Year, he also sends some to his youngest daughter. His daughter and son-in-law took him in to take care of him after he broke his leg, and they did the most work.

Su Yu said that he and the old lady could eat it themselves, and there was no need to send it to the town. "I had some oil distributed during the New Year. Ning Jin and I together have two jin. When you go back, take one jin with you. He hasn't finished the oil he bought home before."

She went inside and gave him a pound of rapeseed oil. Cottonseed oil is made from cottonseed, which has no nutritional value and doesn't taste good, so she didn't plan to give it to her parents.

Seeing that he couldn't avoid his son-in-law, Su Changguo pondered for a while before finally revealing the purpose of his visit to him: "Xiaoyu, what are your plans for Xiaoyuan's father? Are you going back to burn some paper money this year?" The mourning period isn't over yet, and it would be awkward if his own son didn't go.

“Yes, I plan to send him there tomorrow,” Su Yu said.

The old man glanced at his son-in-law, noticing that he had lowered his eyes and remained silent without changing his expression. He figured the two of them had discussed it beforehand. However, he felt uncomfortable that his youngest daughter, who had already remarried, was taking her son to pay respects to their ancestors, and that she was also being ostracized.

“Don’t go, I’ll take Xiaoyuan. I know the place too.” He chose to consider his daughter’s situation; his grandson was always a step behind.

"This matter should have been handled by your brother taking Xiaoyuan, but he's unreliable. If I take Xiaoyuan, they won't dare to cause trouble if we run into the Xu family." The old woman of the Xu family is unreasonable. She wanted to drive Xiaoyu away back then, but now that Xiaoyu is really going to remarry, she wants to cause trouble again. It's better not to let Xiaoyu see her again.

Su Yu glanced at the old man's leg. "Your leg is only just healed, and the road isn't short. There was still frost on the ground this morning. Don't push yourself. If you fall again, it'll be harder to heal. I'll go by myself." She looked at Ning Jin and continued, "I'll stand further away and let Xiao Yuan kowtow a few times."

Old Su frowned, the wrinkles on his forehead showing his displeasure. "I can still farm next year. Don't think that I'll be useless if I fall or get hurt. It's settled then. Xiao Yuan will come back with me later, and I'll take him there tomorrow morning."

Su Yu was about to say something when Xiao Yuan walked in and said, "Mom, I'll go with Grandpa. I'll support him and make sure he doesn't fall." He had heard his mother and stepfather arguing that night when he went out to poop.

"Grandpa, let's go, let's go now, I'll help you get the oil," he urged his grandpa.

“Alright.” Old Man Su also got up and went out.

The matter was resolved just like that. Su Yu was worried about the old man's legs, but she was even more touched. Her father did this purely for her sake, afraid that she would be upset by both sides. She really hoped that this reasonable but stubborn old man would be healthy and live another thirty years.

At four o'clock in the morning on New Year's Eve, Ning Jin got up and went to the bedroom on the other side of the main room to call Ping An. Carrying a stack of paper money, the two of them went out quietly, and the door was locked from the outside.

When Su Yu was awakened by the sound of the lock rattling, she opened her eyes and looked out the window, but it was still pitch black outside.

"What time is it?" she asked the man, who was still covered in the cold wind.

"It's five o'clock. You can go to sleep. I'll make breakfast."

At 6:30 a.m., a sliver of light appeared in the distant sky, and Su Changguo patted his grandson to get up.

"Hmm?" Xiao Yuan was still half asleep. The room was pitch black, and he couldn't feel anything. "It's not dawn yet, I'll sleep a little longer." As soon as he said it, he realized that he wasn't at home.

"Get up, I'll take you to see your father." Old Man Su handed him the cotton-padded coat and trousers he was wearing.

An old man and a young boy quietly left the village and headed north, getting further and further away from the town. "Grandpa, are you tired? Let's rest for a while before we go on," Xiao Yuan said, stopping in their tracks.

"I'm not tired, are you?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'll rest for a bit before I go." Xiao Yuan looked at a tree stump and helped his grandpa sit down.

“Xiao Yuan, you’re a good child, thoughtful and sensible. It wasn’t easy for your mother to take you away, so you should be more understanding of her. The older you get, the more blurred your memories of your childhood become. You should still remember how your grandma, your uncle, and your younger uncle treated your mother.” Old Man Su paused, thinking it wasn’t appropriate to talk about this with a child, but he was afraid that Xiao Yuan would favor his biological father’s side when he grew up, so he continued, “After your father’s accident, the quarry compensated him with money and even gave him a job. Your uncle and younger uncle didn’t let your mother know at all. One took the money, and the other took the job. It was only a month after your father’s burial that they finally let slip the news, and they even conspired to drive your mother away.”

"I know, I remember it all." He remembered the tears his mother shed during the day, and he also remembered those nights when his mother would hold him and dare not sleep if there was any noise.

“It’s good that you remember. Your grandfather was a bad guy too. Of course, I feel sorry for my daughter. It wasn’t easy for her to have the life she has now. You are the person she cares about the most. Even if she is bullied, she will protect you. Back then, many people wanted to introduce her to men, but she refused to agree when she heard that you couldn’t come along. I was afraid that you would listen to nonsense and believe your biological father’s side in the future.” Su Changguo explained, and then, afraid that his little grandson would become distant from him, he added, “I don’t know when my health will fail. When that happens, you will be the only one who can still think about your mother.”

“Grandpa, don’t talk nonsense. You’ll still be working in the fields next year. You’re in great shape.” Xiao Yuan pulled his grandpa up and said, “Come on, let’s keep going. You can’t rest. If your feet stop, your mouth will start talking nonsense.”

"You little rascal, how dare you talk to your grandpa like that?" Su Changguo laughed, thinking the kid was alright.

When they arrived at Hongqi Brigade, Su Changguo didn't bring his grandson into the village. Instead, he took a detour to the back hill, where all the graves were new. During the campaign to destroy the Four Olds, the old graves had been almost completely destroyed by the monkeys.

"Come over quietly, burn some paper money, kowtow a few times, say a few words, and then hurry on your way. Don't panic if you run into anyone; you're just a little kid, no one will get on your bad side." It was already broad daylight, and you could still hear the villagers talking from where you were standing. After giving him his instructions, he asked, "Do you remember where your father is buried?"

Xiao Yuan nodded, her eyes already a little red.

"Alright, you go ahead, I'll wait for you here." Old Su took out a stack of joss paper from his pocket and a box of matches and handed it to Xiao Yuan. "Wait until the sparks go out before you leave, lest you burn the grass on your father's head."

Following his memory, Xiao Yuan found his father's grave. There was still a pile of ashes in front of the grave. His hands trembled as he struck a match, and it took him three matches to finally light the paper offerings. Tears fell into the firelight. He kowtowed three times and then went to pull weeds from the grave mound.

"I don't look like you at all." He wiped away his tears. "I've almost forgotten what you look like. I haven't even dreamed about you. You never come to see me, you don't miss me at all. And you've remarried and have a son again?"

"Whose child is this? The Xu family's?"

Xu Yuan hadn't noticed when someone appeared behind him. He was startled and turned around to see an unfamiliar woman. Remembering his grandfather's words, he threw away the dry grass in his hand, saw that the paper offerings had gone out, and ran away.

"You're Xu Lao Er's son, right? You've grown so much! Don't run away, I'm your aunt. Come home with me and sit down. Your grandma was talking about you this morning." Cai Xiaohua chased after him for a couple of steps with her basket, but gave up when she saw that the child was running too fast.

"It's only been a year since I last saw him, but he's like a completely different person. This kid has grown up so well." She murmured to Xu Lao Er's grave, "You must miss your son too. If only he had stayed in the village back then."