The sixth day of the month is the Awakening of Insects.

Rain fell from the sky, followed by spring thunder.

Every year around this time, I think of someone. She said she loved rainy days the most.

She was always happy when it rained or when I had a day off and didn't have to go to the government office. But I knew that what made her happiest was that I could be with her.

Often, she is too tactful and never speaks her mind clearly.

He wasn't as straightforward as when we first met.

I first took her hand in the hall during our wedding ceremony. Her hand was much smaller than mine, and when I held it, I didn't think of anything like her skin as smooth as jade or her hands as soft as tender shoots; I only felt its coolness and trembling.

Even through the thick veil and gorgeous wedding dress, I could feel her nervousness and fear.

I couldn't help but squeeze her hand a little harder, wanting to convey my thoughts to her: as long as she is virtuous and does her duty, I will definitely treat her well, and there is nothing to be afraid of.

But when I lifted the veil, I found that my bride was not bewildered at all, but had bright eyes and affection in her brows.

It felt like those eyes had seen right into my heart. I suddenly realized that spending the future with this person was something to look forward to.

After drinking the concoction, her cheeks were flushed, and although she was clearly nervous and uneasy, she kept smiling at me.

—Would you be so happy to marry me?

I couldn't help but tease her.

—May we find one heart to share, and stay together until our hair turns white.

Although she lowered her head and lowered her brows, seemingly ashamed, her answer did not satisfy me any more.

The word "wife" implies harmony and unity. I value my future wife very much. Before marriage, I imagined it many times. I always felt that no matter her appearance or temperament, she should be someone who would want to grow old with me, sharing a heart and soul.

That night, her beauty was fully revealed in my tent. The brocade quilt rippled, mandarin ducks entwined, and the red candles burned brightly all night.

Looking at her sleeping face, this woman who married me and was going to settle down by my side felt a sense of responsibility and belonging from the bottom of my heart.

After we got married, I became very busy. Familiarizing myself with government affairs and cultivating relationships with superiors and colleagues took up too much of my energy, leaving me with little time to spend with her.

But when I came to my senses, my surroundings were already silently permeated with her mark.

Her underwear, outer garments, shoes, socks, and purses were all handmade, with faint plum blossoms embroidered on the hem of her clothes. From spring to winter, the tassels hanging from her waist were different each time.

Although the main living room remained unchanged, the addition of one more person gave the entire courtyard a sense of tranquility.

In their spare time, the couple would brew tea and play the zither together. Occasionally, she would also paint. When she jokingly said that the person in the painting was more beautiful and asked me to hang it in the study, I teased her, saying that the person in the painting was not her and that she shouldn't misunderstand.

It wasn't until my mother told me that she had sewed a headband and shoes and socks as a filial offering that I realized she had made them not only for me but also for my mother.

But she did all this silently without ever saying a word to me. If my mother hadn't mentioned it occasionally, I probably would never have known about her feelings.

—It's clear he's not a clever one.

Although I teased her, I felt incredibly comforted and also felt sorry for her for being so understanding and kind-hearted.

At that time, I only felt that I had married a virtuous wife who was in accordance with my wishes in every way.

Unexpectedly, fortune and misfortune arrived in an instant.

My close friend, the Earl of Yongwen, was implicated in a witchcraft case within the imperial harem. This case had far-reaching implications, affecting not only the Empress but also the Crown Prince. The Earl of Yongwen's sister was a concubine of the Crown Prince, and the Earl of Yongwen's household was also implicated. Civil and military officials in the court who were pro-Crown Prince were all imprisoned.

I had also done a few errands for the Crown Prince through the introduction of Yongwenbo, and thus I was implicated. Although I was not imprisoned, I was suspended from my duties and interrogated. I dared not go to the government office, and I was in constant fear and anxiety, being summoned for interrogation every few days.

During that period, I couldn't sleep at all, fearing that soldiers would suddenly break into my residence and I would be raided and interrogated. Every time I closed my eyes, I had nightmares.

Not only was he depressed, but his health also deteriorated. Excessive worry triggered a cough that lingered day after day.

As my wife, she knew my health better than anyone, and she had also heard about the bad situation outside the manor. She not only had to take care of me, consult doctors and give me medicine, but also comfort my mother, manage all the affairs of the manor, and discipline the servants. She must have been very tired, but she never showed it in front of me.

She always smiles, as if nothing has happened. When I can't sleep at night, she leans against me and whispers comforting words, "Don't worry, everything will be alright. No matter what happens, I'll always be with you."

Every night was like this; he would say comforting words to me, and during the day he would watch me take my medicine several times a day. When he had time, he would even take out his zither and play for me.

The case remained unresolved for a long time, with arrests and implicating others continuing. The Empress and the Crown Prince were both deposed, the Crown Prince imprisoned the Empress until she committed suicide, and even the Yongwen Earl's Mansion was stripped of its title, with all the male members of the mansion exiled.

During that time, rumors circulated that I was also involved in the case, and that the Chen Lianghou Mansion was about to be implicated. Servants in the mansion who had signed living contracts and were able to leave were vying to go, and servants who had been born into the family or had no contracts were also escaping every day.

My two former concubines also cried and begged to leave, and even her family members came, asking her to ask for a divorce to avoid trouble.

The first time I saw her lose her temper, she sternly told her mother and brother that she would never do such a thing, and that since she had married me, she would be with me through thick and thin.

She then dismissed all the servants in the mansion who wanted to leave, and rewarded those who remained handsomely. At that time, the mansion was severely short of servants, and she even had to personally prepare medicine. Her mother was so worried that she cried every day.

I even thought of killing myself whenever I heard any rumors about the case, so as not to implicate the whole family.

When she was in my presence, she was still the same as always—gentle, quiet, and always smiling. Although she had lost a lot of weight, her expression wasn't haggard, and her eyes remained bright. She watched over me every day, urging me to eat well and comforting my mother, telling her not to worry too much. During those difficult days, it was only she who supported me through them.

It was probably from that time that she became different in my heart. She was no longer just a woman with the title of wife, but someone who became warmer and more indispensable, like breathing.

Later, when this case finally came to an end because it involved too many people and the situation became uncontrollable, it was resolved by the emperor. I had no evidence of direct involvement and was not convicted, but my original official position as the fifth-rank city magistrate was erased.

When this ordeal was over, I felt like I had been given a second chance at life, so I asked for nothing more. With my heart at ease, my body recovered quickly.

As things gradually improved, I lost interest in pursuing an official career. Once everything in the household had settled down, I devoted myself to spending every day with her.

At that time, I felt that such a life was perfect. If the couple could live like this for the rest of their lives, it would be a complete life.

However, although I wasn't in a hurry, she had a regret. They had been married for three years and she was still not pregnant.

—If I could have a son, I would give anything to have him.

I found her words amusing. Everyone is still very young, so why the rush to have children?

—Would you be willing to trade me for him?

I was just joking, but it turned out to be prophetic; she really could bear to part with me.

When she finally became pregnant, I was overjoyed and thought a lot about how to raise my son. This child was hard-won, and she was determined to be a loving mother, so I would be a strict father.

Therefore, when I heard my son crying that day and before I could even feel happy, I was told that her life was in danger. I was stunned and couldn't react at all.

By the time he came to his senses and rushed to her side, it was the last time they would ever see each other in this world.

—I haven't had a chance to see the peach blossoms yet this year.

Holding her hand, I trembled and couldn't speak, yet she remained cheerful and talkative. Even at this point, she was still so reserved.

Why don't you just say it directly: you want to live, you want to continue walking with me, you want to see all the scenery in the world and the flowers of spring, summer, autumn and winter?

Thinking this, the pain in my heart became even more intense.

Today I have nothing else to say to you, so that your children may not wear reed flowers.

Those were her last words.

In the end, she couldn't bear to part with her newborn child and her husband whom she couldn't grow old with.

The moment she left, thunder roared outside the window, and rain poured down. I shed all the tears of my life in that farewell rain.

Actually, she wasn't particularly beautiful; she had thin eyebrows and delicate eyes, but was just barely pretty.

Before her, I had seen many beauties. Whether they were understanding or gentle and considerate, they all had bright, beautiful eyes and fair skin.

But after she left, I couldn't see anyone else.

I cannot fulfill my promise to wear a wedding dress only once in my life, drink only one cup of nuptial wine for her, nor can I continue the old vow of "growing old together." The only thing I can do is to seal my heart for her and offer it as a sacrifice to the years she lived in.

I will keep my eyes open all night long to repay a lifetime of unfulfilled love. Though he is gone, my deep affection remains unchanged.

Just as she blew out the phoenix candle that symbolized her, which had not yet burned out, on the first day after her wedding night, the rain after she left extinguished the burning passion of my remaining life as well.

My heart and lungs were both cold.

All the love, separation, and longing have been buried deep in the earth with her, and her former beauty remains only in the most beautiful moment of time.

The mottled shadows on the Xuan paper, the cold engravings on the blue stone tablet, and the addition of Lin Chenshi's name to the many memorial tablets in the ancestral hall—all these have become symbols of reflecting in the water, dividing my life into the first half and the second half.

The first half of life is long, and just looking at one person's smile can make one feel like forever, wishing that we could grow old together in an instant.

The second half of life is short, leaving only the trap of self-inflicted suffering.

Outside, the rain pattered against the bluestone steps, and together with the sound of the wind, it sounded like weeping and lamenting.

Listen, every word and phrase is a song of mourning for the dead.

Life and death are intertwined.

I will not let this life down.